It began with a single email:
> Subject: "Can my pug intern for Buttermilk Co.? She's very motivated and chews only ethically-sourced furniture."
Carlton blinked. "Is this... real?"
Travis read over his shoulder. "Looks like it."
Then came another.
> "My golden retriever is passionate about branding. He once stared at a logo for 14 minutes."
Then a third.
> "Chihuahua. MBA. Will work for squeaky toys."
Carlton spun in his chair. "We've become an employer."
Travis blinked. "We don't even have health insurance."
Buttermilk burped gently from her bean bag throne.
---
The Pupternship Is Born
They decided to launch a trial run of the "Pupternship Program"—a summer internship experience for highly motivated canines looking to break into the lifestyle brand industry.
"They'll help with photo shoots, creative direction, maybe sniff out market trends," Travis said, making a spreadsheet titled "Sniff-based Analytics."
They hosted tryouts in the local park. 47 dogs showed up. Also, one raccoon with a LinkedIn profile.
Carlton put up signs: "NO NON-CANINES."
The raccoon filed a formal complaint.
---
Top Candidates:
Mopsy: A Pomeranian with a flawless head tilt and over 100K TikTok followers.
Bark Twain: A basset hound who pitched three slogan ideas before sniffing the Wi-Fi router.
Mittens: A bulldog who wore suspenders and kept handing out business cards that read "Mittens. CEO of Drool."
Buttermilk remained unimpressed. She peed on two of them. Carlton took that as a yes.
---
Day One: Chaos Unleashed
The interns arrived at 9 AM. By 9:07, Bark Twain had eaten a charging cable. Mopsy had gone viral after accidentally photobombing a yoga class. Mittens was napping inside the merch shelf.
Carlton panicked. "Are we liable for them? Do we need... waivers?"
Travis shrugged. "What's the worst that could happen?"
At that moment, the raccoon showed up again with a lawyer. His name was Greg.
Greg handed over a cease-and-desist letter written on a napkin.
---
Team-Building Exercises
They tried to unite the team with a relay race involving hot dogs, but it devolved into a slobber brawl.
Next, a brainstorming session:
"What's a new merch idea?"
Mittens barked at a tennis ball. Bark Twain peed on the whiteboard. Mopsy drew a surprisingly detailed pie chart in the dirt.
Travis whispered, "We may be raising the next generation of furry entrepreneurs."
Carlton said, "Or training a pack of brand-savvy gremlins."
---
Buttermilk's Leadership Moment
Midweek, a crisis hit. Someone chewed through the inventory list. Mittens blamed squirrels. Bark Twain blamed capitalism. Mopsy gave a TED Talk in barks.
Buttermilk stepped in.
She herded them all into the beanbag pit, stood tall, and barked exactly once.
Silence.
Then, order.
They reorganized. They shipped 400 "Wag Responsibly" mugs. Bark Twain updated the SEO tags. Mittens went viral with a dance called the "Power Drool."
Carlton looked on, teary-eyed. "She's... managing."
---
Graduation Day
Each intern received a certificate (chew-resistant), a squeaky briefcase, and a monogrammed hoodie that read "Puptern 4 Lyfe."
Mittens cried. Mopsy licked the camera lens. Bark Twain started a startup called Sniffsy.
Carlton sighed. "We've created monsters."
Travis smiled. "Beautiful, profitable monsters."
Buttermilk yawned and fell asleep on the rug. The team carried her to her throne.
And outside, applications poured in from Paris, Tokyo, and one suspiciously formal chicken from Delaware.
To be continued...