The apartment was quiet. Too quiet.
Travis peeked through the blinds. No robed figures. No chanting. No one trying to bury a bone in their flower bed for "spiritual nourishment."
Carlton exhaled. "I think it's finally over."
Travis nodded, cautiously optimistic. "We survived the cult era."
Buttermilk snored upside down on the couch, a chewed-up tennis ball resting on her stomach like a zen talisman.
"Now we can go back to normal influencer stuff," Travis said. "Like dog treats. Or reviewing strollers for rich puppies."
Carlton pulled out a large poster board. "Actually, I've been thinking. Maybe it's time for Season Two."
Travis blinked. "Of… what?"
Carlton grinned and flipped the poster.
BUTTERMILK: TIME TRAVELER.
Travis stared at the hand-drawn schematic of a dog-shaped time machine.
"It runs on positive affirmations and peanut butter," Carlton explained.
---
The Pilot Episode
They shot the first video with Travis narrating dramatically:
"In a world where fetch knows no bounds… one dog will travel through time… to sniff history itself."
Cue Buttermilk wearing a pair of steampunk goggles and standing next to a cardboard box covered in Christmas lights.
Carlton, dressed as Albert Einstein, handed her a glowing bone.
"This is the ChronoChew. Guard it well."
Buttermilk immediately chewed it to pieces.
"CUT!"
---
Viral Again
Despite (or because of) the chaos, the video went viral.
Within 24 hours:
#ButtermilkChronoPup trended on X
A fan wrote a 40,000-word fanfic titled The Barkening Hour
Netflix emailed them with an emoji-only subject line:
> "Dog. Time. Deal?"
Even Guru Steve resurfaced on TikTok:
> "She travels through time now. The prophecy continues."
Carlton threw his phone across the room.
---
The Fanbase Evolves
The former Barka members returned, rebranded as the Tick-Hounds—followers of Buttermilk's alleged time-traveling lineage.
They created detailed theories:
Buttermilk was Cleopatra's dog
Buttermilk once barked at Napoleon
Buttermilk invented fire by sneezing on dry leaves
Crystal, now with a podcast titled "The Sacred Snoot," interviewed scholars about canine reincarnation.
"I believe she was once Anubis," said one guest. "But cuter."
---
Time-Travel Product Line
Carlton, ever the opportunist, launched a new line:
Collars that beeped every hour and said, "Temporal anomaly detected."
Dog food labeled "Chrono Kibble: For Dogs Across Dimensions"
Limited edition Buttermilk clocks that always spun backwards
Travis looked concerned. "Are we… making the world dumber?"
Carlton shrugged. "Rich, but dumber."
---
Buttermilk's Resistance
Buttermilk refused to wear the goggles after Day 3. She chewed up the fourth time machine prototype.
"She's rebelling," Travis said. "I think she knows we're pushing it."
Carlton frowned. "But the sponsorship deals…"
"She's a dog, not Doctor Who!"
Buttermilk sneezed dramatically and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her with a paw.
"Okay that's… mildly unsettling," Travis admitted.
---
The Final Bark
It all culminated during a live charity stream titled "Bark to the Future: 24 Hours of Woof."
They raised $90,000 in the first hour. Then someone donated $10,000 to see Buttermilk "travel to Atlantis."
Carlton scrambled to set up a blue kiddie pool with plastic mermaids.
Buttermilk walked over, stared at the camera… and peed directly into the pool.
The chat exploded:
> "THE OCEANS HAVE BEEN BLESSED!"
> "THE STREAM HAS SPOKEN."
> "LORD HYDRATION COMMANDS US."
Carlton fell to his knees. "We've created monsters."
Travis nodded slowly. "Yeah. But they pay well."
---
Epilogue
Later that night, Buttermilk snuggled into her bed, paw twitching in her sleep.
Carlton whispered, "Do you think she actually dreams about time travel?"
Travis shook his head. "Nah. Probably just bacon."
Outside, a lone follower left a squeaky toy shaped like a DeLorean at their doorstep.
It squeaked once. Then went silent.
Buttermilk sighed in her sleep, rolled over, and let out a majestic fart.
Somewhere, another legend was born.