You'd think after saving a wolf god's furry behind from being corrupted, the universe would throw me a bone and let me nap for ten minutes, maybe even feed me a decent meal. But no. Nope. Nada. Of course not.
Because the moment we returned, Dainsleif just popped out of a rock or whatever emo crevice he calls home. Standing all majestic and shady like a mysterious final boss you accidentally bump into before you're at the right level.
"Dain! There you are!" Paimon cheered, floating over. "Did you see Master Jean?"
Dainsleif—ever the king of drama and anti-social behavior—answered without missing a beat. "I saw her, but I purposely avoided her. As both the Lionfang Knight and the Acting Grand Master, she naturally would have some reservations towards me. If I'm not careful, I may one day find myself the object of one of her investigations."
Okay, pause.
My guy.
You literally dress like a wanted man from every Wanted poster in Mondstadt. Black cloak, brooding aura, depressing voice that makes people question their life choices—what do you expect?
"Bro," I said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "if I didn't know you any better, I'd have beat the hell out of you just for dressing like a depressed goth teenager."
He blinked at me. Slowly. Like the concept of humor had to download into his brain.
"But if you're worried about Jean," I continued, "nah, don't be. Worry about her husband more. His method of investigation is more like... psychological warfare. And actual warfare. Mostly fire."
Dainsleif looked at me like I had just announced Jean was married to a ruin guard.
"Jean isn't married," he said, frowning slightly.
Lumine sighed beside me. "Don't mind him. He's still not over the fact that Master Jean and Master Diluc are not married yet."
"Yet," I corrected, holding up a finger. "That's a win in my book. I believe in them. I'm invested in this ship."
Paimon flew in between us before Dain could pull out his invisible sword and ask for a refund on our alliance.
"A-anyway! How are you, Dain? Got any leads?"
"I defeated several Abyss Order members," Dain said calmly, like it was a Sunday morning jog. "But they provided no useful information."
And so, naturally, the burden of story progress once again fell upon yours truly.
"WELL," I clapped dramatically. "While you were being a mysterious cryptid in the woods, we were out here wrestling abyss weirdos, saving furries, and collecting ancient trauma. Long story short, we found something, nearly died, probably traumatized Andrius again, and now we're—"
"Shigeru," Lumine cut in, gently. "Please use your words like a normal person."
"But I am! This is normal—for me."
Anyway, Dain nodded through most of my monologue -which I'm 95% sure he only half-understood,- and then asked, very calmly:
"Shall we proceed to our next location? You know where the eye of the first Field Tiller is, right?"
Oh, I knew alright.
I sighed like an anime protagonist with too much backstory. "Yeah. Unfortunately, it's in the land of doom... Stormterror's Lair."
***
The journey to Stormterror's Lair was uneventful if you ignore the part where we got jumped by Abyss Mages, Hilichurls, and I may or may not have kicked an innocent anemo slime across the map. Out of spite.
Look, it bounced. That's funny.
"Back to the Trauma Tower," I muttered as we arrived.
Paimon hovered closer to the ruined guard tower. "I remember! Back when we were dealing with Dvalin, there was a Ruin Guard here! That must be it!"
"Ten points to the floating marshmallow," I said, squinting at the ruin guard. "But wait. Let me guess. We're gonna need Elemental Sight, right?"
"That's usually how this works," Lumine said.
"Nah, trust me. This isn't your average ruin guard. It's not even powered by an elemental source," I explained, arms crossed dramatically. "Ain't that right, Dain?"
"Indeed," Dain said, already flexing his abyssal powers like a goth magician.
He touched the ruin guard and a hidden mechanism clicked. Something shiny and ominous popped out. Kinda looked like a mechanical eyeball.
"This... this is the..." Paimon whispered.
"Yes," Dain confirmed. "The very thing the Abyss Herald has been seeking all along—the Eye of the First Field Tiller."
Dain cleared his throat and launched into what I can only describe as Exposition: The Broadway Edition.
"The Eye you see here is the core prototype—the nucleus of the First Field Tiller," he began. "It was an experimental weapon, created to rival the gods, originally intended to strike down Celestia."
"Whoa, whoa, wait," I interrupted. "You're telling me ruin guards are just... knockoff versions of this thing?"
"Yes," he said gravely. "Cheap imitations. This one was different. The real deal. A relic of an age when mortals sought to challenge the divine."
Lumine leaned in, brows furrowed. "So what does the Abyss Order want with it?"
Dain didn't even flinch. "They plan to reactivate it. Combine it with Osial's severed limbs to construct a war machine the size of a mountain. A mechanized god that can pierce Celestia's defenses."
I blinked. "Okay. Hold up. Did you just say they're gonna slap Osial's limbs onto a statue and Frankenstein it into a divine Gundam?"
"More or less," he answered.
"That is—" I paused. "Okay, that's actually insane. I kind of want to see it just to know how horrifyingly bad it goes. But also, no. Big no. Very nope."
Paimon floated back, horrified. "We have to stop them!"
"That's an extremely dangerous plan," Lumine said.
"I mean, yeah," I nodded. "But I doubt they can reach Celestia that easily. Even the original dragons of Teyvat couldn't do that. And they were like, interdimensional Uber rides with wings."
Dain... actually agreed. Which was terrifying.
"What should we do about the Eye?" Paimon asked.
Dain was about to say he'd guard it, but I stepped forward like the brave idiot I am.
"No. I'll guard it. I have an artifact that can store it safely—it won't come out unless I take it out myself. Even if I die, they won't find it."
"Are you sure?" Dain asked, brow furrowed.
"Yup," I said, nodding as I pulled out my phone. Well, to them, it probably looked like some kind of small, glowing cube from a sci-fi movie—all smooth lines and soft pulses of light. "I call it a storage artifact. Not from this world. You could say... it's a tool from my homeland. Looks like magic, but it's not." I gave it a little shake, and it let out a gentle hum. "Nothing gets out unless I tell it to. Even if I die, it stays sealed. It's stored everything from important relics to... well, snacks. Regret that last one—everything ended up tasting like cosmic energy for a week."
Dain's eyes narrowed. "You've had that this whole time?"
"Yup. Kept my snacks in it once too. Worst decision of my life—everything tasted like cosmic energy for a week."
He ignored that. Rude.
"But seriously," I continued, turning solemn, "I know what they're planning to do. I've seen it. I've read about it. I've dreamed it. The Abyss Order wants to reignite the old war. They're trying to pierce through to Celestia, overthrow the Archons, and reset the world in their image. And this Eye? It's their key. It's part of a bigger weapon."
"It all ties into something called the Loom of Fate. Think of it as their ultimate endgame—an ancient plan to reweave the world's destiny itself. The Abyss doesn't just want to conquer Teyvat, they want to remake its very foundation, erase the divine laws, and write their own. This Eye is just one thread in that tapestry."
Dain's expression darkened. "So... the Loom of Fate is real, then. And they're this far into enacting it?"
"Yeah," I said, voice low. "And we're the scissors about to cut that thread.""
"Wait," Dain interrupted, his tone deadly serious. "How do you know all this? How deep does your knowledge go?"
I looked at him—no sarcasm, no jokes, just the truth.
"I'm an Outlander. But not just that. You can think of me as... an Observer of Teyvat. Not omnipotent. Just someone who saw how things might play out. I won't let anything hurt my new home. Or my new family."
I reached out and held Lumine and Paimon's hands. Then looked at Dain.
"Even you, emo-pants. You're family now. Trust me. Trust your idiot younger brother."
"That was... heart-touching and all," Paimon whispered, "but did you really have to call him emo?"
"Don't sweat the small stuff."
Dain, somehow, actually smiled. Just a little.
"Alright. I'll trust you."
He handed me the Eye. It glowed faintly in my hand.
I opened my phone—the so-called 'artifact' I kept calling it to avoid suspicion—and tapped into the Genshin Inventory App like I was logging a new five-star pull. The Eye vanished into the storage slot with a soft blip, like it was just a really cursed marble. Honestly, I half-expected the app to freeze or ask me for Primogems.
"Alright!" I clapped. "Onward to the next stage of our totally doomed and possibly insane quest!"
And so, the adventure continued.
With an ancient god eye in my pocket, trauma in my soul, and two companions -plus a third who's maybe starting to tolerate me,- we moved forward.
To save the world.
And maybe—just maybe—ship Jean and Diluc along the way.
Priorities.
______________________________
End of Chapter 37
Quests Completed:
*Successfully located the Eye of the First Field Tiller (aka: the celestial murder marble).
*Tell everyone about the Loom of Fate, Osial limb fusion plans, and the divine Gundam apocalypse.
*Shockingly, succeeded. No stabbing occurred. He even smiled. Might've glitched reality a little.
*Held hands. Gave a speech. Called Dain "emo-pants." No one died. Success.
Rewards:
*Eye of the First Field Tiller
*+1 Trust with Dainsleif
*Found Family Buff Activated
+15% Emotional Resilience
+20% Sarcastic Banter
+100% Will to Punch the Abyss in the Face
*Lore Dump Absorption