Let me ask you something.
Have you ever run like your life depended on it?
No?
Well, imagine running full speed through ancient ruins, trees, broken-down robot corpses, and whatever the heck that slime was—WITHOUT. A. DESTINATION.
I stopped mid-jog.
"Wait a damn minute... Where the hell are we going again?"
Lumine, right behind me, crashed into my back. "We thought you knew the direction! We were just following you!"
I blinked at her. Twice.
"HUH!? I was following Dain!!"
Dainsleif, ever the graceful ice cube, stopped without so much as a grunt. "I thought you had a specific location in mind."
The silence.
Paimon hovered, looking at each of us in turn. "Wait, so we're just—running around aimlessly?!"
"...Of course, but Paimon, you're literally floating." I groaned, slumping to my knees dramatically. "We're a bunch of idiots. Idiots with powerful elemental skills, questionable decision-making, and probably a shared single brain cell."
I sighed deeply, hands on my knees like I just lost a race I didn't know I signed up for.
"Fine! I get it! Let's go find the stupid Eye first, alright?"
Paimon floated down beside me. "So you do know where it is?"
I smirked and shot finger guns at her. "Duh! Of course I do! I've had a very stable, flawless sense of direction since birth. Ask my kindergarten teacher."
"Shigeru," Lumine said flatly. "You once got lost inside a one-room library."
"NOT. THE. POINT."
And just like that, we were running again. This time? We had a goal.
Back to Stormterror's Lair.
Of course it's that place again. I swear, that lair is like a clingy ex. I keep trying to move on with my life and it just keeps showing up. Every. Single. Time.
Dainsleif jogged ahead of us, muttering something that sounded half-philosophical, half-deep-lore dump. "The Abyss Order is following a familiar path... First, they sought to corrupt Dvalin, twisting his pain and loneliness into a weapon. Then, they stirred Osial from his long slumber in the depths, seeking to unleash his ancient wrath upon Liyue. Now... it seems they may be targeting the remains of yet another ancient being. They move from one god to the next, attempting to manipulate the lingering power and memories of beings long thought lost. Their aim is not just destruction... but revelation—of something deeper, older... perhaps tied to the origins of the Abyss itself."
"They're using these old gods for destruction!" Paimon gasped. "Good thing the Traveler and Shigeru and the Liyue gang dealt with it!"
I smiled proudly for a second.
Until it hit me.
My feet skidded to a stop. My smile dropped faster than my grades in alchemy class.
"Oh no."
Lumine turned around. "What is it? Are you okay?"
My eyes widened. "We need to make a detour."
"Detour? Now? Where to?!" Paimon squeaked.
I looked at Dain, who narrowed his eyes. A second passed. Then realization hit him like a brick to the face.
"...Wolvendom."
"Bingo."
"Wait," Lumine said, frowning. "Isn't Andrius... you know... already dead?"
"Dead, yes," Dainsleif answered, his voice low. "But the Abyss does not require flesh to twist. They seek echoes, remnants... even the soul of a god long departed may hold truths they can exploit. If they can commune with what's left of Andrius, they might extract knowledge—secrets buried in time, long forgotten by mortals. To them, death is merely an inconvenience."
"Exactly." I nodded grimly. "But when has death ever stopped the Abyss Order? They might be trying to poke at his spirit. Milk it for ancient knowledge or whatever dark soul-goo they use."
"Ew..." Paimon muttered.
"Right?"
So off to Wolvendom we went. Again. At this point, I should probably just pitch a tent there.
And surprise surprise—we ran into the Abyss Order halfway there. Like moths to a flame, or me to free food.
"Heya fellas," I said as we approached, stretching like I was about to enter a gym session. "Fancy seeing you here. Planning a séance for a dead wolf?"
The Abyss Mages screeched something in Abyss-speak -which I'm 87% sure is just dramatic gibberish- and the fight was on.
Cue elemental explosions, epic acrobatics from Lumine, my glorious sword swings -which definitely did not miss,- and Paimon cheering—or maybe panicking—in the background.
Minutes later, the battlefield was silent. Well, aside from me panting dramatically like I just ran a marathon in flip-flops.
Lumine wiped her blade clean. "Let's go now. We'll be too late if we stay any longer."
But then, Dain stopped.
"I'll stay here."
"Huh?" Paimon flew closer. "But why—"
"Don't worry about it," I cut in, placing a hand on her head. "I'll explain it to you and Blondie."
Dain looked at me. A slow nod. That subtle thank-you without the words. We had a moment. One of those bro moments.
I turned to my two companions, cracked my knuckles, and grinned. "Alright, back to work. Let's go screw up the Abyss Order's plans before they do something really stupid."
And with that, we ran again.
Destination: whatever disaster they're cooking up next.
Probably involving creepy eyeballs and dead gods again.
Of course.
***
So there we were, running through Mondstadt's beautiful, monster-infested wilderness like three caffeine-fueled lunatics, heading for Wolvendom—again. I swear, if this place had a loyalty card system, I'd have earned a free coffee by now.
And just as I was about to start ranting about how my legs were made for dramatic posing and not cardio, Paimon floated a little closer.
"Hey, uh... Shigeru? Why didn't Dain come with us again? Doesn't he want to stop the Abyss Order?"
Good question, floating emergency snack. I looked at her, then at Lumine, and then toward the direction we left our favorite brooding lore machine behind.
"Well," I said, stretching the word like a rubber band, "He doesn't like Andrius. Like, at all. You'd think an ancient immortal would be chill with another ancient immortal, but nooooope. Apparently, the big blue wolf committed the ultimate sin in Dain's broody blue eyes."
"What do you mean?" Lumine asked, keeping pace beside me.
"He thinks Andrius was a sellout. Old god turned servant of Barbatos, one of the Seven. And Dain? Well, let's just say he doesn't exactly fangirl over the Archons."
Paimon blinked. "So... he hates the gods?"
Lumine tilted her head. "It really seems like he does."
I scratched my head. "Not hate, exactly. It's more like... he doesn't buy into their hype. You know, imagine Dain saying this in his gravelly, mysterious voice—'Always be on your guard around the gods. Don't place too much trust in them. And at the same time, don't go antagonizing them like an idiot.'"
"Sounds about right," Lumine muttered.
"Exactly!" I nodded. "I mean, this is so not me talking, right? We're practically besties with Venti and Zhongli, and those guys are, like, top-tier god material. But Dain? He's like, 'ugh, another god with cryptic vibes and a superiority complex.'"
Paimon tilted her head. "So... what do you think?"
I grinned. "I think gods are like onions. They've got layers. And sometimes they make you cry. But also, they can be grilled into something delicious. Metaphorically. Don't grill Zhongli."
"We're wasting time," Lumine said, shooting me a look. "Let's go before that poor old wolf gets turned into Abyss jerky."
"Aye aye, Captain Grimface!"
We picked up speed again, and just when I was about to launch into another philosophical rant about how every important location in Teyvat is either infested or explosive, we spotted a familiar blonde figure ahead—cape fluttering in the wind, radiating that responsible adult energy.
"Honorary Knight!" she called out. "And... his two companions. You're here."
It was Jean.
The Mom of Mondstadt herself.
"Oh no," I whispered dramatically. "I'm being approached by authority. Hide the sarcasm."
"Master Jean!" Paimon waved excitedly. "We're so glad to see you!"
I gave my most charming grin. "Sup, Momstadt? Where's your hubby? Still busy interrogating random Abyss Mages with the subtlety of a claymore?"
Jean's cheeks flushed immediately. "M-Master Diluc and I are not—w-we don't—I mean—"
Oh, this was gold.
"Heeeeh?" I leaned in, eyebrow raised like I was auditioning for a telenovela. "And here I thought you two were—"
WHACK.
A Lumine-shaped hammer of divine justice smacked the back of my head.
"We're here to help the Knights of Favonius," she said with the perfect blend of dignity and exasperation, like she hadn't just karate-chopped me in the brain for implying wedding bells. "We're here to stop the Abyss Order, not gossip about Jean's love life."
Jean, still flustered but ever the professional, nodded. "Your help is greatly appreciated. The Abyss Order has suddenly launched an aggressive movement. They've surrounded Wolvendom. I was preparing to send out knights when you arrived."
"That's great news!" Paimon said. "I mean—not the Abyss part—but that we're not too late!"
Jean grew more serious, eyes narrowing slightly. "Rosaria told me something strange... she believes the Abyss Order is targeting Boreas. But I can't understand it. What connection does the Abyss have with Andrius?"
"Ohoho," I clapped my hands. "It's time for today's episode of Shigeru Lore Dump Hour! Let me explain it to you like a genius does to his underpaid interns."
Lumine sighed. "Here we go again."
"So. The Abyss Order? Big fans of messing with dead things. Not because they're goth—although that's a strong possibility—but because they're looking for ancient knowledge. Power. Forgotten truths. Andrius, even if he's technically dead, still has spiritual residue. A godly echo, if you will."
Jean nodded slowly. "So they intend to manipulate what remains of him..."
"Exactly. They don't need flesh—they need the soul. The essence. The past itself. To them, death is like a really inconvenient slow WiFi connection. Still annoying, but not a hard stop."
"That's troubling," Jean murmured. "We should move quickly."
"Agreed," Lumine said, already stepping forward.
"Please be careful," Jean added. "And if you find anything unusual, let me know."
I winked. "Of course! We'll take extra care! After all, we can't miss out on your wedding."
Another WHACK.
"OW—woman! I am an endangered species!"
"Shut up and move."
And so we did. Again.
***
There's something about charging into an ancient elemental wolf boss fight that really wakes you up in the morning. Like, bam! Forget coffee—how about adrenaline, trauma flashbacks, and the vague scent of wet fur?
We dashed through the treeline of Wolvendom like a pack of confused pigeons chasing after a breadcrumb trail of evil. The trees were whispering, the wind was howling, and I was 90% sure I stepped on a squirrel. Sorry, little guy. Nature's hardcore.
"Look!" Paimon shouted, pointing ahead.
The massive battlefield opened up before us, and I wish I could say it looked cool. But no. It looked like a wolf exorcism gone wrong.
There he was. ANDRIUS. Our giant, ghostly blue wolf god, pinned down to the ground by glowing Abyss chains, looking absolutely offended that some discount Disney villain dared touch him.
And standing above him—like the smug toothpaste-colored menace he always was—
"Aww HELL nah," I growled. "It's him again. HIM. Abyss Herald Discount-Skittles Edition!"
The Abyss Herald was chanting something dramatic and glowing with that edgy purple aesthetic. You know, the usual cultist monologue: Follow us. Let us restore you to your glory. Be reborn, oh ancient one.
Andrius was having NONE of it.
"Lies... lies... lies," the wolf growled, voice rumbling like a subwoofer plugged into the divine.
"Oh no!" Paimon yelped. "Isn't this the same thing they did to corrupt Dvalin's mind?!"
"No shit, floating emergency food!" I snapped. "Less talking, more fighting!"
I summoned my Geo spears like an angry hedgehog and launched them straight at the Herald's smug glowing face.
He jolted. Like, full-on "oh crap it's HIM" flinch. Beautiful. I think he remembered. Maybe he still has nightmares of me chasing him around the ruins with my Geo-constructs of Justice and Mild Psychological Warfare™.
From the side, a familiar wild voice howled:
"Wolves! NEVER SURRENDER!!"
"Nice one, puppy friend!" I grinned. "Let's kick his shiny abyssal butt!"
Me, Lumine, and Razor charged in like a glorious triangle of chaos. The Abyss Herald tried to block us with purple fire and screaming nonsense, but we were already on him.
And let me tell you: I haven't had this much fun since I threw a random Fatui agent into a lake and blamed it on gravity.
I went full Geo-mode. Spears, pillars, flying rocks—I was basically a one-man geological disaster. Lumine was flipping through elements like she was trying to speedrun an Avatar episode. Razor? Razor was straight-up biting him?
The Abyss Herald screeched. "The ceremony—was interrupted... how... fortunate of you..." And like the slippery little cockroach he was, he warped backward.
"Oh no you don't!" I yelled, sprinting after him. "COME BACK HERE, ABYSS IDIOT! I NEED TO ASK YOU THINGS! POLITELY! WITH VIOLENCE!"
"NEVER AGAIN!" he hissed, before poof!—gone. Just like that.
"Rude," I huffed.
Then I noticed both Lumine and Paimon staring at me.
"That Abyss Herald seemed... traumatized," Lumine muttered.
"Yeah..." Paimon added, "Shigeru... what did you do to him back in the ruins?"
I scratched my head. "Uhhh... let's just say I politely encouraged him to answer some questions. With... enhanced interrogation methods."
Their eyes narrowed.
"...Like what?"
"I may have... beat the shit out of him. Like, real bad. And when that didn't work, I blackmailed him."
"Is that so?" Lumine asked full of doubt, but I just nodded my head.
Not that they needed to know what I used, of course. In my mind I was like—man, they must never find out I threatened the guy by planning to marry Lumine off to Xiao. Yeah... that part's staying buried forever.
Razor, thankfully, broke the awkward silence.
"Thank you. You came. Just in time."
I turned and grinned at the scruffy lightning pup. "Aw shucks, it's no biggie. We always show up fashionably chaotic."
Then came the deeper voice of Andrius. Even weakened, he sounded like Morgan Freeman had fused with a snowstorm.
"Human Lupicals... I am ashamed that you must see me in my present state. But still... the Abyss Herald underestimated my strength..."
"Hell yeah he did," I nodded. "Now, big wolfie, what happened? Did you get stubborn again and let that gloomy wannabe-god do your trial?"
Razor stepped forward, face serious.
"Lupus Boreas... never refuses trial. But... scary outsider... not respect trial rules. I too... didn't see... the trap."
"Oh come on, little pup," I said, ruffling his hair like he was an overgrown Pomeranian. "It's not your fault. Right, big wolfie?"
Andrius didn't argue. That's a win.
Lumine took the lead for once, which was refreshing. "The Abyss Order was trying to use your essence. Corrupt your spirit like they did with Dvalin. We couldn't let that happen."
Paimon floated closer and nodded, more gently this time. "We're just glad you're okay! That was way too close."
Andrius bowed his head, majestic and also slightly grumpy. "Your aid is noted, brave ones. But darkness still stirs... in this land."
Right on cue, Razor's nose twitched. "I smell... more danger. Bigger danger. You three... also be careful."
I gave Razor's hair another affectionate ruffle. "Be careful too, puppy friend. You and big wolfie—try not to let random cultists crash your elemental trials, yeah?"
Razor nodded, serious as ever. "Next time... I bite sooner."
"Good plan," I said, turning to leave.
We started walking away, the cold wind brushing past us like nature's reminder that everything in Teyvat wants to kill us eventually.
But hey—victory first. Existential dread later.
"Back to Dain?" Lumine asked.
"Yep," I said, stretching my arms. "Time to track down our walking exposition machine and see what other flavor of apocalypse is on the menu today."
Paimon groaned. "I hope this one doesn't involve more underground temples. My wings still hurt from last time."
"Don't worry," I grinned. "We'll probably just fall into a portal, fight a few cursed gods, argue about morals, and save the world again by dinner."
"Shigeru," Lumine said, "Stop jinxing us."
"Too late! The script's already written!"
And with that, we marched onward.
Toward danger.
Toward Dainsleif.
Toward more chaos.
But hey—
At least the wolf was okay.
And I only emotionally scarred one Herald today.
Progress.
____________________________
End of Chapter 36
Quests Completed:
*Yeet the Abyss Herald into another realm and save Andrius from emotional corruption and actual chains.
Rewards:
*+1 Lupical Street Cred
*+500 Adventurer EXP
*+1 Unspoken Xiao Marriage Threat
*+1 Fluffy Respect from Razor
*+1 Slightly Terrified Abyss Herald
Achievements:
"Alpha by Accident"
-Earn the respect of a godly wolf and his electro puppy son by sheer dumb luck and violence.
"They Must Never Know"-Successfully bury the fact that you threatened to marry your friend off to Xiao for interrogation purposes.