Okay. So here's the thing. Martial arts tournament? Sounds badass on paper. But guess what? I didn't join.
Was it because I was scared? No.
Was it because I didn't want to get my pretty face punched? Definitely a factor.
But mostly? It's because I didn't want to fight Lumine.
Let me explain. Imagine being on a battlefield and your best friend slash unofficial boss slash interdimensional goddess gives you a look like, "Oops! Sorry I broke your ribs teehee," after kicking you twenty feet across the stage.
No. Thank. You.
Also, tournaments are a drag.
So instead, I appointed myself as head cheerleader, moral support specialist, and part-time snacker.
We traveled to the Guyun Stone Forest, which—in case you've never been—is basically a collection of floating rocks that scream, "Parkour or perish."
And the arena? Built right on top of one. Who the hell builds a fighting pit above a bottomless ocean? Genshin engineers are either insane or just hate gravity.
Anyway, the moment we arrived, there were already a bunch of competitors flexing their muscles and egos. You know the type.
One guy said, "Even if she's the hero of Liyue, we'll still wipe the floor with her."
Sure, buddy. Get in line.
Another one flexed so hard I think I saw his veins threatening to secede from his body.
Meanwhile, Lumine just stood there with the deadliest neutral face I've ever seen. She looked like a cat about to casually ruin your entire life.
And then… the tournament began.
Let me tell you something.
Lumine didn't fight.
She executed.
Each round was a speedrun. Fists flew, people flew, and somewhere in the distance, I swear I heard someone scream, "MOM COME PICK ME UP!"
Paimon and I sat in the stands, munching on snacks and watching this glorious destruction unfold.
"Is that guy crying?" I asked.
"Paimon think so," Paimon said, floating with one hand over her mouth. "And that one's pretending to be unconscious."
"Smart."
After Lumine absolutely demolished the final opponent with the same effort I use to open a soda can, the crowd erupted.
Even Beidou clapped, looking extremely proud.
Kazuha, poetic as always, said, "A display of calm strength. Truly, she is the moon in a sea of stars."
And I? I was screaming.
"YAAAAAAS QUEEN. CHAD ENERGY. GIVE THAT WOMAN A CROWN!"
Beidou walked over and patted Lumine's back. "You're the clear favorite. Even the other competitors are pretending they have sprained ankles just to avoid a rematch."
Lumine smiled humbly, which, by the way, only made her look more terrifying.
Then Kazuha, being the sweet cryptic breeze-boy he is, invited us to a more peaceful place to chat.
Obviously, I went. I mean, come on. Kazuha could ask me to walk into a tornado with him and I'd say, "Do we bring snacks or just vibes?"
We found a quiet cliffside spot, where the wind was just right and the vibe was ethereal.
Kazuha sat, cross-legged and calm, and said, "You both can control multiple elements."
"Yup," I said, casually flexing my fingers and summoning a tiny electro spark. It fizzled out like my will to exercise.
He nodded. "Unusual. Rare. You do not possess Visions. Yet, your affinity flows like the tide."
"Yeah, we're kind of broken like that," I grinned.
Lumine said nothing. She just summoned a swirl of wind and Geo around her, like the quiet badass she is.
Kazuha blinked. "Would you allow me to assess your elemental prowess?"
And thus began a casual elemental display that probably set off five alarm bells across Teyvat.
We destroyed—I mean, gently disrupted—some Hilichurl camps. Wind and geo at one point.
Kazuha stood in the middle of the wreckage like a calm anime protagonist.
"Yes," he murmured. "You two wield strength akin to the shifting seasons."
"We also make a mean tofu," I added.
Kazuha chuckled lightly. I felt blessed.
Then he told us about Inazuma. And not in a "come visit my lovely homeland" kind of way, no. This was more of a "so here's why everything's on fire and emotionally unstable" info dump. Apparently, the Raiden Shogun decided that the best way to achieve 'Eternity' was to pluck people's Visions like weeds in a divine garden of broken dreams. Real charming. Kazuha spoke about it with this kind of poetic sadness, like someone trying to explain why their favorite poem now bites people. Honestly, it was hard to focus because every sentence just made me think, Wow, Inazuma sounds like a therapy session waiting to happen.
The Vision Hunt Decree. A not-so-charming little policy where they literally go around snatching people's Visions—yes, their magical life goals—like they're collecting Pokémon cards. Only, y'know, with more trauma. Beidou told us it's got the whole region spooked, like, 'Oops! Better not dream too big or the Shogun might dropkick your ambition off a cliff.'
The Raiden Shogun's obsession with "Eternity"—like, imagine someone getting so hung up on one word they decide to commit world-altering policy changes. I mean, I get it, she's got the whole 'immortal goddess with a tragic backstory' thing going on, but there's a difference between being poetic and hoarding Visions like they're limited edition merch drops. Seriously, someone get her a hobby. Or a therapist. Or both.
How the Tenshukaku sits on top of it all like a very judgmental cake topper, glaring down at the world like it's about to write a passive-aggressive Yelp review on everyone's ambitions. It just looms there—pretty, powerful, and probably silently judging your haircut choices.
I crossed my arms. "Yep. That Eternity-obsessed Archon of yours with the lightning thighs and frozen heart. I'm gonna have a talk with her soon."
Kazuha tilted his head. "You are not afraid?"
"Of Ei?" I scoffed. "Nah. I'm afraid of Lumine when she hasn't eaten. That woman once ate an entire chicken leg mid-fight. Bone and all."
He looked at her. She shrugged.
"I was hungry."
We talked more about visions, ambitions, and the weirdness of Teyvat.
Then, Kazuha stood and brushed off his sleeves. "We should return."
"Back to the arena?" I asked.
He nodded.
I stretched. "Time to bask in Lumine's glory again. Maybe sell some shirts. TEAM CHADLUMINE."
Paimon floated down beside us. "Can Paimon be the mascot?"
"You already are."
And so, back to the arena we went. Ready to face whatever came next.
As long as it didn't involve me getting yeeted across a stage by my own teammate.
Again.
So here we are. Back in the arena. Ready to finish this so-called martial arts tournament, which, by the way, might as well have been renamed the "Lumine Speedrun Showcase ft. Shigeru's Color Commentary."
All that was left? The finals.
Final fight. Last stretch. One more body for Lumine to absolutely disassemble like a LEGO set dropped down the stairs.
I was already picturing it.
Paimon and I had snacks. (Okay fine, I had snacks. Paimon stole some. As always.) Lumine was doing her trademark calm-before-the-storm stare. And everyone else? Just silently praying to the Archons they wouldn't get called in for a surprise rematch.
And then…
I yawned.
Loudly.
"Alright, folks," I said, stretching dramatically, arms flailing like wet noodles. "Looks like the finals are canceled."
That got their attention.
"Wait, what!?" Paimon asked, mouth still full of stolen popcorn.
"Yep. Turns out Lumine's final opponent decided to yeet himself out of the tournament. Probably still recovering from witnessing her last match where someone's soul left their body mid-punch."
Beidou raised a brow. "You're kidding."
"Wish I was," I shrugged. "But also? Not really. It's hilarious."
I looked around.
"The prize—y'know, the shiny, mysterious, definitely-not-dangerous Masterless Vision? Gone."
That got Beidou moving real fast.
She marched over to the little prize pedestal we'd all admired earlier and—yep. Empty. Cleaner than my browser history during exam week.
Kazuha frowned. "That Vision... it was entrusted to me."
"Welp." I dusted my hands. "Time to chase a thief. Again."
I turned to Lumine and Paimon and gave them the classic spy-movie nod. "Let's roll."
Kazuha joined us with a sigh, poetic and guilty-looking as usual. "It is my burden to bear, after all."
"Don't worry," I said, patting his back. "We'll retrieve your poetic mistake. Probably with violence."
Cue the chase scene.
We darted through Guyun Stone Forest like a bunch of parkour enthusiasts with no health insurance.
"THERE!" Paimon shouted.
A hooded figure was sprinting across the rocks with the speed of someone who'd just stolen something very important and also kind of shiny.
"HEY THIEF!" I yelled. "IF YOU STOP NOW, WE'LL ONLY MAIM YOU A LITTLE!"
No response. Rude.
We finally cornered him near the edge of a broken cliff where one more step would equal an impromptu skydiving lesson.
He turned around, panting. "You don't get it! This thing... it doesn't work! It's useless!"
Lumine stepped forward, slowly.
"Then why steal it?" she asked.
He laughed bitterly. "Because it's supposed to mean something. Power. A chance. But for me? Nothing. It won't respond. Just a lifeless trinket."
Kazuha walked forward. "It only responds to the will of its original bearer. Or one whose ambition burns just as brightly."
The thief scoffed. "Then I guess I'm just a joke."
He lunged. Not away—toward us.
Wrong move.
Lumine flipped him like a pancake. I might have thrown in a dramatic pose. Kazuha unsheathed his sword but didn't strike. Just stood there, wind swirling at his feet.
We beat the guy down. Not lethally. Just enough to teach a lesson and look good while doing it.
After he was tied up with ropes made of Kazuha's wind and Lumine's dead-eyed judgment, we retrieved the Vision.
Kazuha held it in his palm.
"No change," he said quietly. "Still dormant."
Paimon floated closer. "What's the story behind that Vision anyway?"
Kazuha closed his eyes for a moment.
Then, he began to speak.
"It belonged to a friend. A samurai. A soul full of fire. He challenged the Raiden Shogun in defiance of the Vision Hunt Decree. He believed his beliefs would shine through the blade."
Silence.
"He was wrong."
Even I couldn't joke.
Okay. No. Wait. I could. But I shouldn't.
...But I did.
In my head.
"Note to self: do not challenge the Electro Archon with poetic metaphors and a slightly-above-average sword skill. Results may vary. Mostly in the 'turning to dust' department."
Kazuha's voice was soft. "Her Musou no Hitotachi struck him down. One instant, and all that was left was a whisper in the wind."
The Vision shimmered faintly, like it remembered.
I squinted at it. "Still less dramatic than Zhongli's wife turning into cosmic glitter."
Kazuha continued, unaware of my internal monologue: "I ran. Carried his Vision with me. Hoping... maybe someday... it would respond again. Maybe to someone like him. Someone whose resolve could awaken it."
We stood there. Quiet.
Then Kazuha looked up and gave us one of his melancholic little smiles.
"Perhaps one day, I may come to find that all I've done is meaningless. But as a wandering samurai, I find meaning in traveling, in witnessing the beauty of the world, and in preserving the warrior's path."
"Damn," I whispered. "You practiced that in the mirror, didn't you?"
Kazuha blinked. "I did not."
"Liar. That was too poetic to be improvised."
Even Lumine chuckled.
We headed back to the arena, our stolen Vision safely in hand, thief turned in to the local guards (who were shockingly competent for once), and everything wrapped up in a little poetic-kickass bow.
The tournament was over.
No final match. No crown. But a win, nonetheless.
The crowd dispersed. Beidou gave Lumine an extra round of applause. I tried to sell imaginary merch. Paimon demanded snacks.
"Another quest down," I declared. "One that involved martial arts, poetry, theft, and emotional trauma. Classic."
Lumine nodded. "Next stop?"
I cracked my knuckles. "To the land where even the grass wants to murder you. That's right."
"Inazuma?" Paimon asked.
I grinned.
"Oh yeah. Let's go say hi to the lightning goddess with a god complex and thighs sharp enough to slice the economy in half."
And so we set forth.
Adventure, drama, questionable life choices.
Business as usual.
____________________________
End of Chapter 43
Quests Completed:
*Became a Martial Arts Tournament Champion (I'm Just a Cheerleader)
*Investigate the Missing Vision
*Chase the Thief and Regain the Masterless Vision (10/10 parkour, would sprint again)
*Unlock Kazuha's Tragic Backstory
*Survive Long-Winded Monologues Without Sleeping
Rewards:
*Masterless Vision (Recovered)
*Free snacks from Beidou (bribed Paimon into silence)
*Lore Dump from Sad Samurai, Kazuha
*+10 Wisdom
*+100 Friendship Level with Kazuha
Achievements:
"Emotionally Affected but Still Hot"
-Listened to a tragic backstory without cracking a single joke (okay maybe just one). Your eyes may glisten with unshed tears, but your jawline remains sharp.