(Location: Noble Academy Cafeteria of Culinary Catastrophes)
Let me begin with a warning: If your breakfast fights back, it's probably cursed.
The sun was high, the smell of roasted mana-toast filled the cafeteria, and for a brief, shining moment, I thought I might actually eat in peace. My mistake was hope. My greater mistake? Pudding.
Inner Me: Why do I keep trusting dairy products in this school?
I had just sat down with a plate of mostly edible breakfast when a golden spoon of doom slammed beside me. Standing over it was Lady Mildreth du Curdenton—the reigning noble queen of culinary duels and petty vendettas.
"Kael Reinhardt," she said, voice frosty, fingers manicured to weaponized elegance. "You disrespected my pudding lineage."
Me: "I... what now?"
"You refused my family's triple-layered mana pudding at the banquet last week."
Inner Me: That pudding *moved*. It blinked. I stand by my decision.
### The Challenge: Pudding Duel, Politely Declined (Denied)
"I challenge you," Mildreth said, pulling out an official duel scroll... shaped like a spoon.
Me: "Can I pretend I'm allergic to nonsense?"
"Denied. The duel is already registered."
Narrator (also me): Noble Academy has many traditions. One of them is never saying no to absurdity.
Seraphina appeared like a disappointed storm cloud. "Are you seriously accepting a dessert-based duel?"
Belladonna leaned in, whispering, "I vote you lose on purpose. That pudding might evolve."
I sighed, stood, and accepted my fate with the grace of a man preparing to wrestle a sentient souffle.
### Arena Setup: Sweet Tooth Theater of Doom
The cafeteria staff converted the dining hall into a battlefield.
* Pudding catapults were wheeled in.
* Cream barriers were erected.
* Judges included a chef, a bard, and a local pigeon.
Inner Me: Why is that pigeon wearing a monocle?
I stood across from Mildreth, equipped with my "weapon": a spoon forged from enchanted silver.
Belladonna waved. "Break a tooth! I mean... good luck!"
Mildreth raised her bowl. "Let the sacred pudding trial begin."
### Round One: Presentation
Mildreth summoned a dessert that shimmered. It sang. It wept golden tears. The crowd gasped.
I looked at mine—a slightly trembling blob that Belladonna had helped stabilize with alchemical glue.
Inner Me: This is fine. This is definitely how champions are made.
I held it up dramatically.
Me: "Behold, the humble survival pudding. Forged in the fires of desperation. Seasoned with anxiety."
The judges nodded. The pigeon cooed solemnly.
### Round Two: Flavor Combat
We took turns serving our puddings.
Mildreth's made the judge-bard cry. He wrote a poem about it.
Mine caused mild hallucinations and cured the chef's headache.
SYSTEM ALERT: PUDDING RECOGNIZED AS MINOR HEALING ITEM
Inner Me: That's either a win or a lawsuit waiting to happen.
### Round Three: Duel by Dessert
Final round. We were to duel physically... using pudding.
Mildreth flung a spoonful with expert form. It slapped me in the face.
Me: "Ah yes. The taste of shame."
I retaliated. My pudding blob soared through the air... and landed on her elaborate hairstyle.
Audience: Collective gasp + laughter
Seraphina (deadpan): "That was... effective."
Belladonna (gleeful): "I added mild adhesive!"
### Victory? Maybe. Dignity? Absolutely Not.
The judges conferred. The pigeon delivered the result by tapping on my foot.
TRANSLATION: WINNER - KAEL REINHARDT
Mildreth shrieked and stormed off. Her hair squelched.
System Message: \[NEW TITLE UNLOCKED: The Spoon Duelist]
Inner Me: Great. I'm one duel away from becoming a breakfast-themed hero.
### Aftermath: Just Another Day at Noble Academy
As I sat back down, covered in pudding, a first-year passed by whispering, "That's the guy who beat Elric and the pudding duchess."
Belladonna gave me a towel that smelled faintly of potions.
Seraphina handed me tea.
Me: "Thank you. I'm going to need this... and therapy."
Narrator: And so, Kael survived another day. Barely. Gloriously. And with pudding in his shoes.
---
### Next Time on: "Yes, I Was Reborn..."
Kael attempts to study for a magical exam.
Belladonna invents a study potion. It backfires. Kael learns ancient magic and ancient trauma.
Also, there's a book that bites.
Kael's Message to Readers: Laughed? Gagged? Googled how pudding duels work? COMMENT. Or I'll be challenged by someone wielding a breakfast quiche next.
Inner Me: Still better than Elric.
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### Kael special
"Lose Your Marbles (Reborn Remix)"
By Kael "Why Me?" Reinhardt
Look... if you had… one shot… or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted—in one moment…
Would you capture it…
Or just let it slip?
His fate is shaky, knees weak, robes are heavy
There's noble drama on his tunic already—mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To duel nobles, but he keeps on forgetting
He's five.
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's choking now, folks be joking loud
Grandma made deals—yeah, FOUR girls vowed
The whole noble crowd just opens their mouths and shouts:
"Marry this one! She's a saint!"
"No, this one paints!"
"That one explodes potions without restraints!"
Snap back to reality—
Oh! There goes gravity!
He's reborn now, and nobility's a tragedy.
But he won't give up that easy—no, he won't have it, he
Knows when he goes back to this noble form's status, he
Better go capture this moment and hope his sass don't vanish, and…
You better lose your tea, in the duel for me!
Get crumped in one shot—this life's no guarantee!
You only get one pot, do not let it steep slow!
This opportunity comes once in a noble moon, yo!
His soul's escaping, through this saint-like hole it's gaping
He's reborn as Kael, but inside he's still raging
Backstabbed by fate, he's barely awake
And his system bailed faster than nobles on tax breaks.
No cheat skills, no golden sword thrills
He's got sass, class, and family meals that kill
Still, he's chill—even when a tea duel spills
He survives by instinct, and petty nobles he grills.
"System rejected for sarcasm," it said
Now he's dueling with honor rods, dodging bread
Grandmas cheerin', Elric's bleedin',
Belladonna's mixing tea that may cause breathin' issues.
But Kael ain't sweatin'
He's regrettin', yet flexin'
Inner child voice snappin' like he's Deadpool confessin'—
> "Hey reader! Wanna comment? Leave a power stone blessing!"
"You scrollin' in silence like I owe you my next lesson?!"
You better lose your shame, this world's insane!
Get reborn, and still blamed—by grandmas with champagne!
You only get one laugh, do not waste your scroll!
This fantasy's a joke and I'm on damage control!
No more games, he'sa change what you call "noble lane"
Tore his robes off, turned harem into Hunger Games
He won't be framed by saintly lies again
This ain't a shoujo manga, it's comedy with brain pain.
He knows he's funny, and tragic, and chaotic and scared
But every chapter's a banger 'cause YOU, reader, are there.
Now you better click 'next' before Kael hexes your chair
Because his trauma's hilarious and slightly unfair.
You better lose your chill, 'cause the potions spill!
Every fiancée's got goals, and a license to kill!
You only get one scroll, so don't you ignore this!
Kael's climbing them charts on noble dysfunction chorus!
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well ok i am out of idea if anyone want to add more comment