(Location: Noble Academy, Field of Honorably Dumb Decisions)
If there's one thing Noble Academy does better than noble education, magical excellence, or meal-based identity crises, it's scheduling duels that absolutely no one asked for.
And guess who the headmaster's latest victim was?
Inner Me: Spoiler alert: It's me. It's always me. I am the unpaid protagonist of this narrative.
Let's rewind.
### The Setup (A.K.A. How Kael Got Doomed by a Pastry)
It started with a tart. A literal strawberry tart. Harmless, you'd think. But this is Noble Academy.
Lord Elric, who I swear is powered entirely by ego and hair gel, took one look at the dessert on his plate and accused me of sabotage.
"This tart tastes... sarcastic," he hissed.
Me: "Wow, Elric. That's just your personality rebounding off the sugar."
Apparently, this was a duel-worthy offense.
The next thing I knew, a shiny scroll with overly dramatic calligraphy slammed into my desk:
> "By the Laws of Tradition and Mildly Inconvenient Insults, Kael Reinhardt is hereby challenged to a formal duel."
Inner Me: Can I duel his sense of self-importance instead?
### The Field of Honorably Dumb Decisions
Cue dramatic music. Cue an audience full of students who came only for snacks and scandal.
The Field of Honor (aka: the only lawn in school not currently cursed) had been decorated with floating banners, enchanted roses, and at least one magical squirrel referee.
Seraphina was standing at the edge, arms crossed, giving me the Look™.
Seraphina: "If you lose, I'll pretend I don't know you."
Me: "And if I win?"
Seraphina: "I'll still pretend I don't know you."
Belladonna arrived in a lab coat.
Belladonna: "I made a cheering potion! It might work! Or turn everyone into frogs! Either way, exciting."
### The Opponent: Elric von HairGel
Elric stood at the center of the field in his fancy uniform, flanked by a personal cheering squad wearing shirts that said *"Elric the Elegant."*
He flicked his hair. The wind obeyed.
"Kael Reinhardt," he boomed. "Prepare yourself!"
Inner Me: For what? An overacted soap opera?
I stepped into the arena. My weapon? A foam-padded training sword.
Me: "Really? Foam again?"
Referee Squirrel: chirp
Translator Spell: "Yes. We've had too many fatalities."
Makes sense.
### The Duel Begins (and Immediately Derails)
Elric came charging with the speed of someone trying to impress a father who never hugged him.
He swung. I ducked. He spun. I tripped over a daisy bush.
Inner Me: My reputation was already dead. This is the funeral.
"Stand still and fight like a noble!" Elric yelled.
"I'd rather survive like a commoner!" I replied, dodging another glittery strike.
Belladonna's cheering potion exploded.
Half the crowd began croaking rhythmically. Seraphina just facepalmed.
Right as I was cornered, my System pinged. Because of course it chose now to reappear.
\[SYSTEM ALERT: NEW FEATURE UNLOCKED: BATTLE BANTER]
\[Effect: Your insults now deal minor psychic damage.]
Me: Oh. Now you show up?
"Your sword style looks like interpretive dance for chickens!" I shouted at Elric.
He hesitated.
\[SYSTEM: Elric -0.5 Confidence]
"Did your tailor lose a bet with your hairdresser?!"
\[SYSTEM: Elric -1.2 Confidence | Status Effect: Emotional Cringe]
I dodged, spun, and bonked him on the head. Foam sword meets fragile ego.
Elric staggered. His fans gasped. The referee squirrel nodded solemnly.
### Victory, and the Emotional Aftermath
The duel ended not with a knockout, but with Elric dramatically collapsing into a flowerbed like a fainting noble aunt.
Referee Squirrel: chirp-chirp!
Translator Spell: "Winner: The sarcastic one."
Seraphina approached, slow clap engaged.
Seraphina: "You didn't die. That's impressive."
Me: "Can I put that on my resume?"
Belladonna handed me a cookie. It glittered.
"It's probably safe," she said. "Probably."
Inner Me: If I'm poisoned again, I'm haunting the entire alchemy department.
### Aftermath & Academy Gossip
By evening, the academy was buzzing.
* "Kael defeated Elric!"
* "With sarcasm!"
* "And squirrel approval!"
Even the headmaster sent a note:
> "Good show. Please don't encourage more magical banter-based combat."
My System buzzed again.
\[SYSTEM: NEW TITLE UNLOCKED: "Snark Knight"]
\[SYSTEM: New Quest Unlocked: Avoid Elric for One Week]
Me: Fair.
---
Kael tries to enjoy a quiet breakfast.
Fails. Again.
Someone challenges him to a pudding duel.
Spoiler: The pudding fights back.
[Inner me: Also, why are all my wins so humiliatinglyridiculous?]
---
### Next Time on: "Yes, I Was Reborn..."
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
well i don't know go comment the idea