(Location: Somewhere between Reinhardt Estate's diplomatic reception hall and whatever parallel dimension the wardrobe leads to.)
Let's begin with a deeply important question:
Have you ever been dragged into a political summit by falling out of a wardrobe, wearing absolutely no pants, while holding a loaf of bread you mistook for a sword?
No?
Then congratulations — you're already living a more respectable life than I am.
---
INNER ME:"This wasn't supposed to happen. This day was meant for breakfast… not potential war treaties."
It all started innocently. I was hiding. You know — as one does when their schedule says *'engagement brunch with all four fiancées.'* That sounds like the kind of emotionally loaded encounter you need at least a shield and three apology letters for.
So naturally, I picked the most noble option:
Hiding in a wardrobe.
It was mahogany. Ornate. Smelled like guilt and expired lavender.
Except the wardrobe… wasn't just a wardrobe.
---
Scene: Inside the Magical Disaster Closet
I took one step back to adjust my stance — and slipped through a panel that should *not* have been there. The next second, gravity decided it hated me, and I tumbled into a room full of diplomats from four kingdoms.
Silence.
Long, terrible silence.
Then came the real problem.
I had dropped my robe in the fall.
And was, as previously stated, very much without pants.
---
INNER ME: "Okay Kael, play it cool. Pretend this is part of a cultural display."
OUTER ME: "…Greetings. I bring you the gift of… bread."
I held up the stale loaf like it was Excalibur.
Belladonna burst through the same wardrobe seconds later.
"Don't drink the perfume bottle! It's not actually—" She stopped. Saw me. Saw the crowd. Saw the pantsless bread sword.
Then she started laughing so hard, a guard drew their blade in concern.
---
Who Was Watching?
Let me paint the picture properly now:
* The Ambassador of the East looked like she aged ten years in ten seconds.
* The Northern General raised an eyebrow and muttered, "Interesting tactic."
* The Western Trade Envoy was taking notes. *Notes.*
* The Southern Duchess simply turned to her assistant and said, "This must be Reinhardt's youngest. I was told he was unconventional."
Meanwhile, I stood in the middle of all this, bread held high, with the confidence of a man who had already lost his dignity and decided to double down.
---
### And Then Seraphina Arrived
Graceful. Elegant. Holding my trousers like she was rescuing a drowning child.
"He apologizes for the abrupt entrance," she said smoothly, draping the pants over my shoulder like a cape. "He was… testing emergency portal security."
INNER ME: "Goddess among women. Marry me twice."
Seraphina gave me the look as if she heard that.
She probably did.
---
### The Discussion Begins (Somehow)
As it turned out, this summit was to renegotiate trade lines and magical research exchanges. You know, important adult things.
Which I was now involved in. While sitting on a chair made of gilded discomfort, trying not to scratch.
---
ME: "We of House Reinhardt deeply value regional stability."
Ambassador: "Indeed. Does that extend to weaponized bread?"
INNER ME:" I will never live this down."
Belladonna offered them all scones she had apparently smuggled in her sleeves.
"Peace pastries," she said, smiling sweetly.
"Do they explode?" I whispered.
"Only if you offend my baking."
---
### Chaos (But Make It Diplomatic)
Somehow, and I'm still unclear on the specifics, the summit went **well**. Turns out, my dramatic fall was interpreted as a sign of humility. Something about nobles not being afraid to be 'vulnerable'.
INNER ME: "I was not vulnerable. I was unarmed. Untrousered. And deeply confused."
But that didn't stop them. By the end:
* A new treaty was drafted.
* I was labeled a 'refreshing noble perspective.'
* And one envoy requested I visit their academy to teach… *"non-traditional diplomacy."*
I said yes, out of shock.
Belladonna said, "He'll bring more bread."
---
### Later That Evening…
Seraphina cornered me in the hall.
"You survived," she said.
"Define 'survived.'"
"You didn't cause war."
"Yet."
She smiled faintly. "You're growing. Slowly. Like a weed."
**INNER ME:** "Am I the dandelion of diplomacy?"
Belladonna passed us, still eating a peace scone.
"I think this day calls for celebration. Explosions?"
"No," we both said in unison.
---
### Final System Notification (Because Why Not?)
\[SYSTEM UPDATE: UNLOCKED NEW TITLE: "AMBASSADOR OF ACCIDENTS"]
\[Effect: Diplomatic relations +3%, Public embarrassment resistance +0.01%, Bread-handling +50%]
INNER ME: "You mock me. Constantly."
SYSTEM:\[YOU MAKE IT EASY.]
---
\[BONUS CHALLENGE FOR READERS]
Have YOU ever saved a political negotiation with carbs?
Ever lost your pants in front of a foreign diplomat?
Do you own a wardrobe that leads to plot twists?
Tell me in the comments. Or just pretend this never happened. Like the rest of noble society surely will.
(But not the birds. The birds remember.)
---
{Bonus Chapter: A Totally Serious, Definitely Accurate History of the Noble Academy™}
(Also known as: The Institute of Magical Injury and Noble Delusions)
Narrator (Kael, who totally passed history):
Let me educate you, dear reader, because you clearly didn't suffer through Noble History 101 like I did. Or maybe you value your sanity. Either way, here's the truth (™) about the most prestigious, most mysterious, and most likely to explode by Tuesday academy in the empire.
---
How It All Began
Once upon a time (because all lies start that way), a bunch of noble scholars — read: people too bored, rich, and magically unstable to sit still — got together and said:
"What if we created a school to train future leaders, heroes, and politically arranged romantic disappointments?"
And so, Noble Academy™ was born. Built on the sacred principles of:
Tradition (they forgot what it means),
Excellence (as long as you're rich),
And Unrealistic Expectations (the school motto, probably).
It was founded exactly 537 years ago... or maybe 638? Honestly, no one knows because the Archives Department caught fire in Year 206. That was the same year a student summoned a "Study Spirit" that ate their homework and the headmaster.
---
Campus Layout: For Those Who Like Getting Lost
The academy is massive. Like, "Why-does-a-library-need-a-watchtower" massive.
Key areas include:
The Tower of Applied Elemental Catastrophes (aka: Boom Tower)
The Courtyard of Passive-Aggressive Statues (each one judges you differently)
The Dormitories of Thin Walls and Thinner Privacy
The Secret Garden That Everyone Knows About but Pretends Is Secret
And the Dining Hall, where meals range from five-star delicacies to "Who cursed the soup again?"
Inner Me: The meat once barked back at me. I'm still in therapy.
---
Famous Alumni (Who Somehow Survived)
Sir Davos the Dazzling — expelled for bedazzling his dragon.
Lady Emmeline the Eternal — allegedly still haunting the chemistry lab because she failed Alchemy 3 times.
Prince Cedric the Confused — graduated as both valedictorian and janitor due to a clerical error.
That One Guy — no one remembers what he did, but he left behind three unexplained curses and a sock.
---
Infamous Incidents That Are Totally Not in the Brochure
Year 148 – The Flaming Ferret Rebellion
A student-led protest against the "No Pets in Potions Class" rule. Ended with 43 ferrets on fire and the temporary banning of combustible mammals.
Year 219 – Midterm Duel That Leveled a Village
Professor: "Practice restraint."
Students: "What's that?"
Result: One less village. Two new swimming lakes.
Year 301 – Library Incident
Someone checked out a forbidden grimoire without signing the slip.
Punishment: Summoned a sarcasm elemental that haunts the grammar section.
(It now corrects anyone who misuses "your" vs. "you're.")
---
Modern-Day Noble Academy™ FAQs
> Q: Is this school safe?
A: Define safe. We have healing wards and a surprisingly efficient trauma counselor.
> Q: Are the classes hard?
A: Yes. Especially if you're not born with a magic bloodline and an ancestor who was a flaming sword.
> Q: Will I find love here?
A: Statistically, yes. But it'll probably try to kill you at least once.
> Q: What if I'm poor?
A: Congratulations, you're comic relief now!
---
Student Testimonials
> "Noble Academy taught me how to duel, lead, and fear furniture."
— A traumatized third-year student
> "10/10 drama. 3/10 food. Would enroll again."
— Belladonna Lysandre (probably)
> "I tried to drop out but the campus is enchanted. I can't leave."
— Anonymous Sword Princess
---
Final Thoughts (aka Reader Manipulation Segment)
So there you have it, folks. The real story behind the finest noble institution in the land — where the stakes are high, the tuition is higher, and the explosions are included in the admission fee.
Kael's Final Question to You, Reader:
Would you survive Noble Academy™?
Or would you trip over a magical squirrel and end up married to a fire elemental?
Or worse — be roommates with ME?
Inner Me: Please comment below with your Noble Academy Class Rank — I'm aiming for "Most Likely to Accidentally Inherit a Kingdom."
---
Next Bonus Coming Soon:
"A Brief Guide to Surviving Magical PE Class Without Spontaneous Combustion"
Spoiler: You won't.
Let me know if you want me to prepare that one too!