Finn panicked.
His brain couldn't keep up with what had just happened. He'd been told to grope a chest. So he did. And now it was a hot, half-naked monster woman with scales and a tongue kink.
His thoughts spiraled. How would his mom feel? What about everyone back on Earth? Is this a hentai? Is this my life now?
This felt less like an isekai and more like a fever dream written by a lonely, sleep-deprived pervert.
"Well, I'm not entirely sure…" Arsenio said calmly, shrugging like he hadn't just caused an existential crisis. "I didn't expect it to turn into a woman. I only know so much."
Finn wanted to sprint across the room and slap him with every ounce of built-up emotional damage. 'Grand Wizard, my ass… you're supposed to know this world, and you don't even understand half of it.' He looked down, jaw clenched, trying to suppress the growing rage.
Then the girl—the monster girl—spoke again.
"C-Can you please touch me again…? It felt really nice… on my scales…" Her voice was soft, almost shy, her golden eyes cast down at the floor like she was embarrassed to be breathing.
Finn's soul left his body for the third time today.
He blinked down at her, unsure if this was some elaborate prank or just karma finishing the job. "Haha… are you sure you want that?"
She nodded, biting her lip.
He hesitated, hand slowly reaching toward her again, mentally questioning every life choice that led him to second-base with sentient furniture.
Her breathing grew softer… but also heavier. Her eyes locked onto him with unsettling affection.
Then—
"You man whore!"
Finn froze mid-reach, hand inches from monster-boob.
Majestria stomped forward, furious. She stormed up to him and, without a word of warning, grabbed him by the neck.
"First you dragged me into this dump! Then you let this elf freak follow us! And now you're out here groping some discount dragon girl like you're in heat?!"
She shook him violently like a human maraca.
"You degenerate trash pile! How many more women are you planning to add to this disaster party?! Because we are not keeping whatever that is!" She turned his head forcibly to face the mimic-girl. "Just look at her! She doesn't even look human—and worse, she's not even hot!"
Her grip tightened like a bloodthirsty python.
"Don't hurt him!" the mimic girl cried out, reaching toward them. Her nails were long, black, and so sharp they could slice a watermelon in half with zero effort.
"Back off, freak!" Majestria snapped, dragging Finn away like a mom yanking her son from a questionable candy van.
"C-Choke me… harder…" Finn rasped, a deranged smile twitching at his lips.
Majestria paused.
She looked at him—really looked at him—and saw his face: flushed, smug, and aroused.
Her eyes widened in horror.
"Ugh, you're disgusting."
She immediately let go, and Finn collapsed to the floor in a wheezing heap, gasping like someone who just got out of a very weird yoga class.
Meanwhile, Lickthorn was trembling with excitement, panting like a dog in a sauna.
"Gods, I've never been more jealous of a container or a woman in my life…" she moaned, her legs twitching like an earthquake hit her thighs.
Around them, the rest of the mimic chests suddenly stopped moving and slithered back to their original positions—docile again, as if satisfied.
Lickthorn didn't notice. Majestria stood proudly like she'd just saved the day. Finn was still on the floor questioning everything. And the mimic girl? She was inching toward him like a horny snail, eyes full of devotion.
Arsenio clapped his hands cheerfully, completely ignoring the emotional damage he'd just unleashed.
"Well, looks like you did it, Finn! You cleared the room!" he beamed, stepping into the center. "Now we can finally proceed to the main chamber and deliver our good friend here!"
He lifted Beardman's box proudly. Beardman peeked out, eyes bloodshot and trembling like he'd aged ten years in ten minutes. Arsenio, meanwhile, smiled with the unearned confidence of a man who microwaves fish in the office break room.
Finn coughed violently, clutching his throat as he tried to reassemble his shredded dignity. After a few wheezes and one very dramatic gasp, he finally stood upright and looked over at Arsenio.
"Yeah… I guess we did it."
He turned his head and saw the mimic girl still crouched on the floor, anxious and wide-eyed, like a puppy left at a bus stop. Her eyes locked onto his, pleading—terrified of being abandoned.
Finn sighed. Of course.
He extended a hand. "Come on."
Her eyes lit up. She reached out and grabbed his hand—tight. Too tight. Her sharp claws lightly scratched against his skin as she clung to him like he was the last man in the apocalypse.
Finn bit his lip hard to stop from screaming. Don't scare the monster girl. Don't scare the monster girl. That's how horror movies start.
Once she was on her feet, Finn glanced down. Her legs were covered in sleek, midnight-blue scales, and her bare feet were just as smooth and glossy. Her toenails, like her fingers, were sharp, black, and definitely capable of murder.
And then a thought hit him. Wait a second… what the hell even is she?
He turned to Arsenio, eyebrows twitching. "Hey! Arsenio!"
The wizard turned, curious. "Yes?"
Finn jerked a thumb toward the mimic girl. "Was this girl supposed to be in here? Do all the chests turn into monster girls or… is this just, like, a me thing?"
"Oh no," Arsenio replied cheerfully, shaking his head. "This is extremely rare. Has only happened once, actually. That one time being… just now. With you."
Finn's eye twitched.
"WHY DOES ALL THE CRAZY SHIT KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!" he screamed at the ceiling, arms flailing in disbelief.
"I don't know," Majestria muttered, arms crossed as she turned away. "Maybe if you stopped groping every female-shaped object you see."
Finn let out another long sigh and turned back to the mimic girl, who still looked nervous, now standing closer than was probably legal.
He scratched the back of his head. "So… what's your name?"