Celemothy loomed over the rooftop, his massive, absurdly overgrown chicken body casting a dramatic shadow over the misfit squad—and also Arsenio, who barely qualified as a background character.
The entire scene looked like a rejected Soulsborne mod.
Finn squinted up at the feathered monstrosity, clothes worn out, hair wild, body covered in sweat. "Oh this fat chicken is so going down," he muttered. "And when it does? I'm having a fried feast."
So naturally, Finn did what any tactical genius would do in the heat of battle:
He tried to trip the chicken.
He stretched his arm out with that smug finesse…
And pulled it back like a king commanding divine slapstick.
Ezgar's eyes shot open in horror. "NO—!"
And then…
Nothing.
A dull silence.
Then a voice echoed in Finn's head, like a depressed Siri.
[Trip failed.]
"…What?"
[User must trip at least ten humanoids before targeting larger enemies.]
Finn blinked. "Oh right… the stupid rules."
He mentally scrolled the trip count.
[Three more needed to unlock Large Trip Tier.]
"Oh!" Finn perked up. "That's like… barely a side quest!"
Without missing a beat, Finn turned to his side, extended his hand—
FWUMP.
Arsenio slammed face-first into the rooftop like a sack of potatoes.
No scream. No dignity. Just a wet crunch and silence.
FWUMP.
Lickthorn collapsed too, landing hard—but unlike Arsenio, she let out a soft moan and shivered.
"Ohh~! Do it again, Daddy Gravity~!"
Finn disturbed a little, then turned toward Ezgar.
Ezgar, now visibly panicking, pointed his sword. "SOMEONE STOP HIM! NOW!!"
Too late.
Finn cocked his hand back for the third trip—
But before he could swing, Celemothy charged.
The rooftop shook violently.
"CLUAAAAAAAAAWK!!!"
The monstrous bird shrieked like a feathered banshee from hell, sprinting at Finn with demon-speed.
Finn's eyes widened in sheer panic. "HOLY SHI—"
BOOOOM.
Celemothy's massive beak slammed into the stone like a wrecking ball, obliterating the ground where Finn stood.
But just in time, Lickthorn dove forward, tackling Finn to the ground.
They rolled to safety, Finn gasping, Lickthorn panting and fully flushed on top of him.
She locked eyes with him, cheeks burning, lips twitching with delight. "Mmm… you're so warm when you're almost dead…"
Finn blinked. "I—what—no—PLEASE don't—"
But there was no time.
Celemothy wasn't done.
The demonic chicken let out another screech of carnage and began attacking the squad.
The battlefield erupted into chaos once again—only this time, with the kind of energy you'd expect from a Godzirllaaa movie with zero budget and way too much poultry.
Celemothy began pecking at anything that moved—or breathed—or existed.
Chestelle instantly reverted into a chest again out of pure terror, shaking violently like a sentient suitcase during turbulence.
Arsenio stood up, surveyed the chaos, and promptly passed out again like a disappointed grandfather learning his daughter's boyfriend is a SoundCloud rapper.
Celemothy then zeroed in on Majestria.
Bad move.
She was already pissed after being sexually assaulted by demons—and now a demonic poultry tank was coming for her.
Her fist ignited with glowing divine fury.
As the giant chicken lunged and pecked down, Majestria dodged with divine grace and slugged Celemothy across the face, feathers flying as the beast staggered to the side.
But one of its clawed legs snagged the edge of her dress.
RRRIP.
Majestria gasped, eyes wide. Her dress now had a revealing tear.
Finn, still on the ground, stared with awe. "Damn… she actually did something useful for once."
But his admiration was cut short.
He looked down.
Lickthorn was still on top of him, cheeks flushed, panting like she was mid-fanfic, grinding on him like a stray Cat in mating season.
Finn let out a scream of pure, traumatized horror.
"GET OFF ME YOU PSYCHOTIC CRAZY BITCH!"
Before she could respond with something wildly inappropriate, a loud whistle pierced the air.
Ezgar stood near the ledge, fingers in his mouth, calling out. "Let's go!"
In one hand, he held the upside-down Beard Man, dangling helplessly by his beard.
"We have the head!"
Celemothy immediately snapped to attention and thundered toward Ezgar.
Finn shoved Lickthorn off with an audible schlup, causing her to moan softly like a rejected anime waifu.
"You can't let them get away!" Arsenio croaked from the floor, sounding like a dying librarian. "If they escape… we're all doomed…"
Majestria stomped forward, eyes glowing with divine wrath. "NO ONE RUINS MY DRESS AND LIVES!"
The remaining demons scrambled onto Celemothy's back like frat bros fleeing a fire alarm. The wounded ones were dragged up by others. It looked like the end of a rejected Lord of the Fingers scene—except with more feathers and questionable hygiene.
"Damn it!" Finn muttered, pushing himself up. He flung his arm out and—
TRIP.
One demon faceplanted on the rooftop.
"WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME!" the demon shrieked.
Ezgar didn't even look back. "GO, GO! THEY'RE COMING!"
He wasn't wrong.
Majestria was sprinting full speed at the downed demon like a Pit-bull running full speed at a unsupervised toddler.
Celemothy began flapping its monstrous wings, lifting into the air with the kind of grace you'd expect from a flying dump truck.
Finn tried to trip Ezgar—nothing.
He'd already tripped nearly everyone on the rooftop. Only Chestelle and Ezgar remained… and Chestelle was, well, a chest again.
There was no time to rethink.
The chicken was airborne, wings flapping with demonic fury.
Arsenio moaned from behind. "If they escape… it's over… they'll doom us all…"
Finn bit his lip, heart pounding.
"Damn it!"
And then he ran.
He sprinted straight for the edge—and leapt.
And he made it.
Finn slammed onto the chicken's massive piss-yellow foot, his body dangling beneath like a limp sock flapping in the wind. His hair whipped around like a dying flag as Celemothy soared further from the tower.
"Shit, shit, SHIT!" Finn screamed, eyes locked on the horrifying clouds below unsure of where it would lead below.
Celemothy flapped with thunderous force, wings beating like an earthquake having a seizure. The chicken dropped slightly in altitude, the tower behind them growing smaller as the escape continued.
Finn dared a glance back.
On the rooftop: Majestria was still busy savagely pounding the already-crying demon like she was trying to redeem a coupon for divine vengeance.
Lickthorn stood by the ledge, covering her mouth in shock like she just saw her hentai fantasies become reality.
Arsenio looked vaguely concerned, like a man whose tea just got a little too cold.
Finn looked forward again, clutching the chicken leg with both arms and legs like the world's worst action hero.
He grinned through the wind, his hair slapping his face. That's right, baby. I'm on a giant demon chicken mid-flight. This is my life now.
"Let's do this…"