Those words hit Finn like a truck. Again.
"So… he's like, really important then?"
"Yes, he is!" Arsenio shouted, exasperated.
Finn just shrugged. "Okay."
Arsenio's jaw dropped, the sheer disrespect punching him in the wizard ego.
"This doesn't mean it's over! You've assaulted the heir to the—"
"Shh." Finn gently pressed a finger to Arsenio's lips. "I don't care."
He glanced back. The downed wizard was surrounded by other robed men trying to shove healing potions up his nose. "He's not getting up anytime soon."
Finn started walking past him, dragging his feet like a man on his last social battery. "Let's just go up the stairs and finish this before someone challenges me to—"
"NOT SO FAST!"
Finn froze.
Deadpan.
'You have to be kidding me.'
He slowly turned around to see the same wizard—nose crooked, pride shattered, soul cracked—barely standing. He glared at Finn with all the fury of a man who just got tripped in front of his entire PhD class.
"This is not over! I challenge you to a duel!"
Finn turned to Arsenio, pointing at the floating drama queen. "Aren't you the Grand Wizard?! Don't you run this whole place?! Help. Me."
Arsenio looked helpless. "This… isn't something I can stop."
"Oh come on!" Finn groaned.
Majestria crossed her arms. "Well do something, Finn. These guys already made me want to burn this tower down."
The wizard raised his staff dramatically. "BY THE SACRED OATH OF THE—"
SMACK.
Face. Floor.
Again.
The sound echoed like justice.
A pitiful groan escaped him as he hit the stone, and the surrounding wizards gasped, rushing to his aid like a bunch of magical EMTs. The rest just stared at Finn in wide-eyed terror.
He didn't blink.
He didn't explain.
He just turned and kept walking. "Let's go."
At this point, Finn wasn't angry. He wasn't even proud. He was just done.
This mission had already eaten more of his life than gacha games and diarrhea combined.
He brushed past Arsenio, who just stood there, blinking like he'd seen a anomaly.
Majestria followed with a satisfied, smug little smile, arms folded like she'd ordered the attack. (She hadn't. But she'd claim it.)
The elf stayed close to Finn, now looking at him like he'd invented magic itself—and maybe a few adult things too.
Finn didn't slow his pace. "Are you gonna guide us or are we just wandering up this tower until someone else tries to duel me?"
Arsenio snapped out of it. "R-Right. This way."
And so the mismatched crew climbed the spiraling stairs of the tower, leaving behind a room full of broken pride, healing spells, and one very unlucky heir guardian wondering how he got floored by a guy with no mana.
Arsenio walked ahead, leading them up the spiraling staircase. Finn followed behind, trudging along with Majestria on his shoulders like some sort of smug divine backpack, while the elf trailed just a little too closely, lost in a haze of horny daydreams.
The group moved in awkward silence for a few minutes.
Naturally, Finn broke it.
"So… what's so special about this box anyway?" he muttered, glancing down at it mid-step.
"Ah, yes," Arsenio nodded without turning. "The box you're carrying contains the head of one of the greatest Grand Wizards in recorded history. We must bring him to the top of the tower to keep the beacon alive."
Finn blinked. "Wait—that insulting head is actually important? And had, like, a legendary rank or something?" He squinted. "Hold on. Why are they sending me, a low-rank, on a mission this important—"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING STUPID!?"
The box rattled violently before popping open.
The elf blinked, eyes wide with wonder.
"Do you think the head can still use his tongue?"
Everyone froze.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Majestria peeked down from Finn's shoulders like a cat ready to swat a mouse. Finn just sighed, already bracing for the insult. The elf, meanwhile, stared at the box with blank wonder, possibly imagining what that head could do in the bedroom.
Arsenio spun around at the sudden outburst, eyes wide. "My spells… you're still alive?!"
"I am a disembodied magical head, not a cantaloupe," the head grumbled. "Turn me around, boy. Let me see him."
Finn turned the box so the head could get a better look at Arsenio.
"Ah, still alive and working, are we?" the head muttered. "You've made it to hundred-thirty-four and still haven't retired. You could've been living in a nice shack in the woods. Instead, you're here babysitting idiots."
Arsenio chuckled. "You never change—even after being reduced to a severed skull with eyebrows."
Finn frowned. "Wait. So you two know each other?"
"Obviously, you idiot," the head snapped. "Can't you tell? You're lucky you even passed the trial. Crying like a toddler and face-planting into that woman's breasts like it was your first time touching skin. You have no shame."
"Who the hell are you—" Majestria's face twisted in confusion.
"Oh, I'm so sorry you probably never got to experience that," Finn shot back sarcastically. "Too busy with your hooked nose buried in books, you ancient lunatic."
"Enough, both of you," Arsenio cut in, tone sharp.
"Yes, yes," the head huffed. "He technically passed the trial. Unlike the other two who failed spectacularly. But he only let you all past. Out of pity."
Arsenio flicked the head's nose.
"OW—!"
"But seriously," Arsenio said, regaining control of the group, "he is important. Even as just a head, he holds massive reserves of mana. That's what maintains the tower's beacon and stabilizes the barrier around this region."
"Yes, because the new generation are mana-wasting imbeciles," the head groaned. "Especially with the Demon Lord stirring again."
Finn's brow twitched. "The Demon Lord?" He slowly looked up at Majestria, glaring.
She just smiled down at him with the world's most smug, playful expression—like she knew he would lose it and was loving every second.
Finn recalled hearing Arsenio mention the Demon Lord earlier but had hoped he'd misheard. Now he was pissed that Majestria never brought it up.
"And my people have also helped fight back against the demon forces," the elf said proudly, finally tuning in.
Both Finn and Majestria turned to stare at her, stunned.
Even the head laughed. "Ha! The perverted elf girl's more useful than the both of you."
Finn muttered something profane under his breath.
"That's enough chit-chat," Arsenio said firmly, regaining control. "Let's keep moving. I'm sure you want this over with, Beard Man, just as much as Finn."
Finn blinked. "Wait… his name is Beard Man?"
"Yes it is! Are you taken aback by how glorious it is, worm?" declared Beard Man.
"Sure…" Finn said submitting not even wanting to bother arguing.
And so, the group ascended once more—one exhausted human, one smug goddess, one horny elf, and one magical head held together by sarcasm, spite, and a shared desire to end this horrific quest already.