Elián;
I watch him walk to the door, and when he gets there, he stops.
"Be prepared. We'll send you back tomorrow." My heart dies in my chest as I hear those words, and panic grabs every nerve in my body.
Koda opens the door, and I spring forward before he can step out.
"Wait!"
He turns around to look at me. His expression suddenly colder than I've ever seen, and eyes growing distant.
He must have already grown tired of me. Shit, I've pushed my luck too far. He knows I lied.
I sigh as I try to steady my racing heart and mind.
"I lied…" The words come out slow and soft as I look away from him and start fumbling with my fingers.
"I… I didn't slip. I… threw myself over." I add before stealing a peek at him, and now he has his arms crossed over his bare chest.
He's silent.
Waiting for me to go on. Waiting for me to say something that will save me, and heaven knows if I say anything wrong now, I'm going to seal my fate.
But what do I say? What could possibly justify me jumping off that bridge?
"Is that all?" He questions impatiently, and I take a deep breath before shaking my head in negation.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself," I say honestly, and the silence stretches. "I… I acted on impulse. I… Alana said the flying fishes represent freedom, and I just… Well, I wanted to feel free." I begin. Not understanding what exactly I'm saying, but saying whatever comes to mind because silence certainly won't save me here.
"I just wanted to feel light," I speak as I look up at him, and his eyes are pinned on me. Once again, studying me.
"Everything has been overwhelming since I got here. I… I don't remember the life I had before the accident. I don't even remember how I got there. Now, I have to be whatever others tell me that I am. I feel lost. It's scary. And I… I…
I'm scared. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I'm not mad. I just…" I begin but stop as I feel a heaviness starting to grow in my chest.
These aren't lies. They're the truth. I'm stuck here with no way out, and no idea how deep the shit I've just gotten into is. This isn't an act. It's how I really feel. Hopeless.
"Staring at those fish and hearing about freedom, I just wanted to feel free too. And… without thinking... I…
I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to… I just wanted to feel a little better." I add before shutting my eyes, and the silence returns.
"Please… don't send me back. I… I'll do better." I whisper the desperate plea, but I'm too scared to open my eyes.
What if all I've said changes nothing?
If I'm sent out of here, I don't know what will become of me.
"So every time you feel troubled, you'll do any senseless thing that might offer you relief?" Koda finally questions with a voice thick with judgment, and I look up at him with unsure eyes.
Am I making any progress with him?
"N…no?" I stutter, and he stares at me in silence.
"I don't think you're fit for life here. I was probably wrong about you. You're too fragile. Physically, and mentally." He replies, and my jaw drops.
"I don't want such a mindset passed down to my young." He says as he turns back to the open door, and my heart stops.
He's leaving!?
"I won't pass that mindset to your child!" I yell in panic, and only after the words leave my mouth do I realise what I just said.
What the fuck!??
Pass… to his… Child!?? what the fuck was that?!
I won't be passing anything to any child except I get someone pregnant! Not the other way round!
"How can I be sure of that?" Koda speaks as he turns back to look at me, and Imy mind return to the room.
This very important moment that is about to determine my fate.
I need to get him to let me stay. And whatever comes out of my mouth now…
"Give me three days." I blurt, and he raises a brow.
"Three days to prove I'm not mad. Three days for me not to cause any trouble." I add, and he eyes me suspiciously.
"I promise. In the next three days, if I give you any reason to worry about this again, I won't wait for you to kick me out, I'll walk out the gates myself." I add, and he stares at me for a while. As if contemplating my offer.
I bite the inside of my upper lip as he ponders, and finally, he moves. Towards me this time.
He stops at the foot of the bed, just a few inches away from me, and I hold my breath as I stare at the towering man.
"Fine." He replies, and I exhale in relief and shock that he's actually giving me another chance.
My excitement soon vanishes, though, because he suddenly swoops close to me and takes my chin. Tilting my face so our faces are just inches apart.
"I'm giving you yet another chance. You better not make me regret it." He breathes, and I gulp.
He's right. If I flop this… If I fail him again, I'll lose the only thing close to safety I've had since I got to this world. I need to find solid ground here… and fast. I nod stiffly, but he doesn't let go of me.
He stares at me for a few more seconds before slowly pulling away from me. He turns around and shoves his hands into his pockets.
"You should get some rest. I'll send Alana to you." He says, and on hearing Alana's name, guilt grabs my heart.
"Honestly, you're going to make that girl age before her time." He adds under his breath, and I swallow.
I watch him walk out and shut the door behind him.
He's not wrong is he? I've been causing trouble after trouble for Alana ever since I got here, and she's been nothing but nice and tolerant to me.
If I were in her shoes and I had to care for someone like myself, heaven knows I'd have strangled that person to death in the dead of night for all the troubel they've caused me.
Wait. What if Alana does that to me?! To be fair, I deserve it…
The door slowly creaks open, and I pause when Alana silently slips into the room…