Eliàn;
I pace about the room with a hand against my forehead and the other on my waist as my mind runs several kilometres per second.
"I can't do this…" I finally breathe in panic and Alana who has been holding a towel for the past fifteen minutes sighs.
"But Master Elián, Alpha Zephan ordered you to take a bath…"
"I don't care what he said!" I cut her off and she jerks a bit.
"I'm not going to prep myself to get molested!" I add, and she blinks at me.
"But he's your Alpha…" She replies, and I scoff in amusement.
"Yeah!?" I demand and she nods.
"Well, it's my ass! And no one is checking anything. I'm not some defective product or inanimate object, and I won't be treated like either of those things!" I snap, and her jaw drops.
She looks away, and I pause to take a breath. Okay… maybe that was a bit too vulgar…
I run my fingers through my hair and turn my back to her as I resume my pacing.
"Sorry…" I apologise, and there's silence.
She then speaks and I freeze.
"What are you so scared of, Master Elian? You know you were brought here to… give the Alphas heirs. How come you're so scared of a mere test?"
I turn to her slowly and she blinks at me innocently with her big brown eyes and slightly droopy rabbit ears.
"First off… this is not a mere test. It's degrading." I reply, and she tilts her head slightly.
"All my life, I've kept my body… well. I never sent nudes, never had sex, I've never even kissed anyone before. Why? Because I respect my body. All those things are supposed to be done with someone you love. I'm… I'm not some toy that should be used for pleasure and discarded. If I've lived by that all my life, how then am I supposed to do this??" I rant, and Alana blinks in stunned silence while I feel my throat tighten.
My head rolls back and I groan in exasperation. Honestly, leaning into the annoyance and anger I'm feeling is the only thing keeping me from breaking down in tears.
"But if you give the Alphas what they want, they'll love you to no end. Once you give even one of them an heir, you'll become the apple of their eyes." Alana says, and I freeze.
I turn to her in disbelief, wondering how wrapped her mind is, and how backwards the mentality here is.
"Alana… love isn't transactional…" I whisper, and she raises a brow.
"It's a reward for duty. Not a transaction…" She whispers with her ears falling softly, and I stare at her, stunned, and suddenly sad… for her…
Is this… what she's been taught personally, or is this the worldview of everyone here?
I make to speak but stop. I want to tell her what love is? How can I when I also don't know what it is… I mean… I know what it's not…
It's not the way my parents looked at me…
Not in the way they spoke to and about me…
Not in the way I feel when I look in the mirror…
And definitely not in anything this place has to offer.
I know what love is not… but I don't know what love is…
"Master Elian, if you're worried about getting hurt, Alpha Zephan would never hurt an innocent person. You've done nothing wrong. He's just following orders. It'll be done before you even know it." Alana then says, pulling me out of my thoughts, and I look up at her.
"Yeah?" I whisper, and she nods.
"How's he going to check then? What is he even going to check? What should I prepare myself for?" I add, and her face falls a bit, and she averts her gaze from me.
"I… I don't know how Alpha Zephan intends to check…" She breathes, and I roll my eyes.
And I can't run away from here!? Wonderful. Just… fucking wonderful!!
The door suddenly opens, and my heart flops to my feet as I turn to it.
Zephan walks in, and air vanishes from my lungs as he closes the door behind him.
He didn't even knock!!
His eyes are pinned on me, and I feel my throat close up.
"I…I'll be right outside if you need me, Master." Alana sputters before rushing out of the room, and I swear I almost chase after her.
How can she leave me here!?
"I see you didn't take a shower," Zephan says, and my eyes dart back to the built figure walking up to me.
"I… I… Well, I lost track of time…" I lie as I start backing away from him.
He stops moving and folds his arms behind him.
I eye him suspiciously as I try to steady my racing heart. There might be enough space between us, but since he came in here, the air in the room shifted. It's harder to breathe, and the hairs on my skin are standing upright in fear.
"Strip."
It takes a second before my brain processes the word, and my eyes become wide as saucers as I stare at him.
My jaw drops, but there's this casual, nonchalant expression on his face that scares me. Is he… He's not being serious… right?!
"You seem to have a problem following orders," He says, and I blink at him. He takes a step towards me, and I hurriedly take three steps back.
"That's going to be a problem for me," He adds, and I blink at him.
"I… I don't mean to cause any problem, but I thought I heard you say I should…" I begin, and he cuts me off.
"Strip. I ordered you to strip, Eliàn." He says rather calmly, and my eyes widen.
I feel my chest tighten as my legs hit the bedside drawer behind me.
"You… You can't be serious…" I breathe in panic, and he tilts his head.
"Father asked for a report. You don't want to lie to the king, do you?" He replies, and then comes the quiet threat in his smile.
He steps closer. Slowly… And I begin to feel lightheaded from how long I've held my breath.
"I could use my fingers… or I could take your word for it. Which do you think I'm more inclined to do?"