Whilst browsing Bluedit (Reddit had been taken over in a merger), Bob's eyes widened as he saw the man from the photo.
It was him!
The image, in Black and White, showing off a guy whose muscles looked like they were sculpted from the Pyramids of Giza.
Below the image, was written a single line.
Gigachad. The Man, Myth the Legend
Bob clicked into the article.
Little is known about Gigachad, aside from the fact that he is considered the peak of masculinity… One day, one of our Top Operatives, Kevlin, a top agent from the Secret Service of the Professionals at Procrastination went deep behind Internet Lines, and managed to download this file to his desktop and upload it to Bluedit before vanishing without a trace into the depths of Lubetube.
Our agent Kevlin, had this to say:
"It was literally nuts I'm telling you. In all my years as a professional athlete, specializing in web surfing and d***-pic clicking, uh for research purposes you understand, no judgement ok, I just wanted compare to see how I measured up you know… Anyway, I'd never seen anything like it. I took one glimpse and was paralysed by his girthy manliness. I felt like I had wasted my life. *at this point, He hugged his dakimura closer to his thin frame for warmth before continuing*. "My normally smooth steady and experienced right hand was shaking in fear, and I could barely summon up the strength to click "save as…" and the "ok" dialogue box, though in the end, I did it. *Kevlin wipes the profuse sweat off his brow before continuing * Realizing what I was up against, I abandoned all hope for procreation and withdrew into my impregnable fortress of Animu waifus, JAV, and the best of 5-Chan. I-I think I'm safe now."
The forum was in furore, amassing an insane amount of upvotes, shares, reposts and comments in the hundreds of thousands.
Some sympathized with Agent Kevlin, saying that they should compare notes regarding the safety and strength of their 'fortresses' of favourite characters, actresses and series.
Others claimed it was all a hoax, the product of digital manipulation, refusing to believe.
Still others were converted and began to bow down worshipping the mangod who had literally raised the bar beyond the reach of mere mortals.
Bob scrolled past the noise, until he noticed using his immaculate perception a single, rather discomfiting comment:
"Bob. If you're reading this, Bob, you need to find me. And then I will explain everything.
Sincerely, GC."
Oh no.
Who the hell was this strange man?!
And what did he want Bob to do?
He quickly logged off. That was enough Bluedit for the day.
That night however, as he went to sleep in his University dorm, Bob saw the muscular man again in the Dreamworld, a convenient plot location used by innumerable shameless authors throughout history.
"Who are you and how are you invading my dreams?"
Bob said matter-of-factly. At this point, with his increased levels in Adaptability and Resilience, he wasn't the shocked boy he once was.
Gigachad looked majestic clad in nothing but briefs to best show off his vintage image. "You asked the Universe to become successful right? Well ask and ye shall receive. Seeing your pure determination and resilience, the Heavens granted me the power to communicate with you, to give you a warning, and to help you in your quest."
Bob eyed him dubiously.
"So you're… Gigachad? The myth is real?"
Gigachad sighed a lofty sigh.
"First off, call me GC."
"$50 each time." Bob stated his price. He didn't owe this dream-invading dude any favors.
"What? Ok whatever." Gigachad looked blankly at Bob before continuing with his moving monologue.
"Anyway, What you're seeing is a hologram, when I was at my peak, 30 years ago."
He waved his hand, and his appearance changed.
"This is what I actually look like now."
It was truly shocking.
Gigachad, considered the most Supreme of man-Pizzas, was now balding, reclining on a dilapidated, stained, mattress, a mirror above him literally reflecting his wretched state, and his once perfect, muscular frame now had the visage of a plump soggy dumpling.
"Listen Bob," Gigachad spoke with a sense of urgency. "I achieved the peak of musculature… but it was a lie. It was all a lie."
Bob was speechless.
"The women… on the surface, initially they seemed to adore me, but after a few weeks, it was always the same. They would grow bored and frustrated, sick of my not making time for them since I had to maintain my muscle-maintaining routine."
"I shrugged it off since I mean there would always be more women, right?"
"But guess what.
After a while, despite my dedicated routine… I began to… age.
My adrenaline started to lag,
My motivation flagged…
And worst of all…"
Gigachad choked out a stifled sob as he whispered:
"My muscles began to sag."
Bob grimaced. This was likely indeed the product of steroid abuse.
"GC, brother, don't worry about it."
"We've all been through some hard times, but you can return to your former glory, surely."
Gigachad shook his head. "It's too late for me now, Bob."
His eyes gloomed as he glanced down at the faded elastic of his briefs. "They're the size of small brown cashews now."
A moment of very uncomfortable silence passed owing to the unnecessary detail, before Gigachad continued morosely:
"But I just wanted to let you know, and name you as my successor. Go and show them…"
He lay back weakly.
"Show them the true meaning… of Gigachad…"
The dream faded to black and Bob awoke, somewhat disturbed.
He was going to have to find Gigachad to get to the bottom of this.
After all, he owed him 50 bucks.