Waking up, my heart hammered with a jolt of anxiety, a bad feeling I couldn't recall having before falling asleep. The sunlight filtering through my bedroom curtains had an accusatory tone, as if illuminating the distance that had settled between Louie and me. The first thing I did was reach for my phone, the screen still dark. I swiped to unlock it and went straight to his contact.
My first call went straight to voicemail. Is he still sleeping? I thought, trying to cling to a logical explanation. I left a short message, a "Good morning, love. Is everything okay?" hoping he'd hear it soon.
Hours passed, and there was no reply. The morning crawled by, each minute laden with growing uncertainty. I called him again and again. Five, six, maybe even ten times. Each time, the same robotic voice announced that his voicemail was full or that the phone was off. This isn't normal, the worry began to transform into a cold stab of fear.
I sent messages. First, a simple "Are you okay?". Then, a "Did something happen?". After that, a cascade of anxious words, asking if he had read my messages, if he was angry, if he needed anything. None were marked as delivered. The small bubble of hope I had maintained overnight began to deflate, leaving behind a growing frustration that twisted in my stomach. Why isn't he answering? What happened after the call?
I needed to know. I tried calling Josep. He was always the mediator, the one who kept calm. The phone rang several times before his own voicemail picked up. Him too? the confusion added to my growing anguish. I left a brief message, asking if he knew anything about Louie, if everything was alright.
Finally, I dialed Brianna's number. On the second ring, her agitated voice answered on the other end. "Jo? Finally! Is everything okay over there?" Her tone sounded rushed, as if she were doing several things at once. At least someone's answering, I thought with a slight relief, although her agitation didn't calm my own anxiety. "Do you know anything about Louie?" I asked directly, the urgency in my voice betraying my growing worry.
A slight silence stretched across the line from Brianna's usually torrential voice, and that brief void made the anxiety already gripping me tighten even harder in my chest. What's wrong? What isn't she telling me? I thought, my heart beginning to hammer against my ribs.
Finally, Brianna sighed, and her tone, though still energetic, had a different nuance, softer and worried. "Jo, honey... Louie's angry."
Her words were like a bucket of cold water, confirming the knot of fear that had been forming inside me since morning. "Angry? Why?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper laden with apprehension. Did I say something wrong last night? Did he feel hurt by something?
Brianna continued, her voice now faster, as if she wanted to blurt out the information. "Last night... after we hung up... he called me to talk. He was... really frustrated, Jo. Really."
Each of her pauses increased my anguish. Frustrated about what? About the call? About the party? About me? A torrent of insecurities began to flood my mind.
"He's... he's really upset about the whole thing with not being able to be with you publicly... freely," Brianna added, her voice now tinged with understanding for Louie. "With the constant fear of being discovered... of not being able to come to your house, visit you... all because of the damn difference in social status and your parents' firm stance."
Hearing her put it into words, the raw reality of our situation, hit me with renewed force. It was an invisible but insurmountable barrier that constantly stood between Louie and me, tarnishing every moment we shared with a shadow of secrecy and fear. It's so unfair, I thought, feeling the helplessness burn inside me.
"He got... he got really worked up last night, Jo," Brianna continued, her tone now reflecting the intensity of Louie's frustration. "Especially about all the stupid rumors about you and Josep being a couple... the closeness you had last night... jealousy is consuming him."
Brianna's words were like a punch to the stomach. Louie's jealousy... I understood it, to a certain extent. The pressure of seeing us together at a party where he wasn't welcome, fueling gossip and rumors, must have been unbearable. But the idea that he was so consumed by jealousy... it hurt me deeply. Trust me, Louie. Please trust me, I thought, feeling the distance between us grow with each of Brianna's words.
"I know, Brianna," I repeated, my voice barely a whisper laden with anguish. The image of Louie last night, with the sadness and frustration resonating in his voice during our brief call from the party, played over and over in my mind. I felt his tension, but I couldn't see his face... I couldn't gauge the depth of his anger, I thought, regretting the barrier of distance and the impossibility of reading his expressions. "I knew he was tense last night... you could hear it in his voice... but I never thought he'd get like this." A lump formed in my throat as I admitted my desperate attempts to contact him. "I've been calling him since I woke up... over and over... and he just doesn't answer... not the calls, not the messages." The repetition of his silence was a cold echo of my own anguish. Each failed attempt was like a blow, reaffirming the distance that now seemed insurmountable between us. Has he blocked me? Is he so angry that he doesn't want anything to do with me? The thought chilled my blood.
Brianna sighed heavily on the other end of the line. "I know, Jo... I know. He was really furious. He said things... really harsh things about your parents, about the party, about... about Josep." Her voice cracked slightly when she mentioned our friend's name. Oh no... I thought, feeling a shiver run down my spine. Louie's jealousy, fueled by frustration and helplessness, must have pushed him to the limit.
"And what else did he say?" I asked in a thin voice, dreading the answer.
"That... that Anna might have been right about you and Josep..." Brianna's voice wavered, leaving her words hanging in the air, charged with palpable discomfort. "...and that it makes him jealous to see the connection and trust you two have, plus your... affectionate interactions." A silence stretched across the line, a silence that screamed Louie's insecurities and the complexity of our situation.
"That's not true, Brianna," I replied firmly. "Between Josep and me, there's only friendship. Louie knows that... or at least, he should know that." The insecurity in my own words didn't escape my notice.
Brianna sighed on the other end of the line. "Well, he says he's noticed for a while how you and Josep look at each other... and how he always seeks your contact and wants to talk to you... and that he always wants to please you." Her voice was a mere echo of Louie's angry words, conveying his pain and his growing paranoia. "The thing about the glances and the knowing smiles is driving him crazy with jealousy, Jo."
A shiver ran down my spine. Was there something in the way we interacted that could be interpreted differently? I mentally reviewed the moments I'd shared with Josep, the shared laughter, the comfort of his presence. Had I crossed some line without realizing it?
Brianna's voice continued, now with a graver, almost accusatory tone. "But seeing how he looked at you all night at the party... his gaze when you appeared... and the way you were dancing and spending the whole night together frustrated him even more because he was the one who should have been there with you." Her emphasis on the last phrase resonated with the injustice of our situation. Louie was right. He was the one who should have been celebrating my birthday by my side.
Brianna's next confession hit me like a bucket of cold water. "And honestly, Jo... I noticed what Louie noticed too. Josep looks at you differently since he came back."
"Oh God... it can't be," I whispered, feeling an icy shiver run down my back. The idea that my closeness with Josep could be interpreted that way, that I could be hurting Louie without realizing it, filled me with deep anguish. "I love him, yes... but as my friend, you know that, Bri," I added urgently, trying to reaffirm a truth that now seemed to waver under the shadow of Brianna's words. "I've known him since we were kids... we've been through so much together... it's logical that we have that understanding based on years of friendship." There can't be anything else, there isn't, I repeated mentally, clinging to the solidity of our shared history. "I love Louie... you know that." The statement was almost a plea, a silent supplication for my friend to understand the truth of my feelings.
Brianna sighed softly on the other end of the line, her tone now more understanding. "I know, Josie. You can see it when you look at Louie... there's a special sparkle in your eyes, a different warmth. It's just that... Josep looks at you... the way you look at Louie." Her analogy left me frozen. Really? That's how Josep sees me? The idea was disconcerting, almost disturbing. I had never considered it that way. The possibility that there were hidden feelings, a dynamic I had overlooked for years, filled me with sudden confusion.
"What do I do...?" the question floated in the air, an echo of my confusion and my growing anguish. The realization that my interactions with Josep might be fueling Louie's jealousy, and Brianna's disturbing insinuation about Josep's gaze, had left me paralyzed, not knowing which path to take. I don't want to hurt either of them, I thought, the weight of the situation pressing down on my chest.
An uncomfortable silence stretched across the line. I could feel Brianna's concern on the other end, her mind surely working at full speed to find a solution or at least offer some comfort.
Finally, Brianna sighed. "Look, Jo... the first thing is to talk to Louie. You need to explain how you feel, reaffirm your feelings for him. Maybe if you tell him how you feel now, how confused you are by all this..." Her voice paused for an instant, searching for the right words. "And with Josep... maybe you need to observe a little more, be more aware of how you interact. I'm not saying there's anything more, but... if Louie perceives it, maybe there's something subtle that you're missing."
Her words mirrored my own confused thoughts. Talking to Louie was crucial, but how to find the right words to calm his jealousy without minimizing his feelings? And the idea of observing Josep with a new perspective... it was strange, almost uncomfortable.
"But above all, Jo," Brianna continued with a firmer tone, "you need to be honest with yourself. What do you really feel for Louie? Is your friendship with Josep purely that, friendship? Sometimes, the lines blur without us even realizing it."
Her question resonated deep within me. Was it possible that my feelings, my affections, were more entangled than I believed? The idea was disturbing, but I couldn't completely ignore it. Josep's gaze at my party... the comfort of his presence... was there something more there than just friendship?
"You need time to think, Jo," Brianna concluded softly. "But don't let this fester. Talk to Louie soon. And observe... observe carefully what's happening around you and within you."
"I'm sure of what I feel for Louie, Bri," I affirmed with a conviction I hoped also came across the line. The idea of doubting my feelings for Louie was unthinkable, a firm anchor amidst the confusion that was beginning to swirl around me. "And for Josep... I don't have to clarify anything. I love him like a brother, it's always been that way." There can't be another interpretation, I told myself firmly. "The problem, Bri... the problem is that neither of them is answering me. And that's precisely why I called you." Frustration and worry flooded me again, eclipsing my attempt at self-affirmation. Their silence was an impenetrable wall that prevented me from clearing up any misunderstandings and healing the wounds. I needed Brianna's help, her perspective and her energy to break this silence.
Brianna sighed on the other end of the line. "I know, Jo. And I'm here to help you. Let's think calmly. Louie is angry and hurt, he needs space to process everything he felt last night. Josep... I don't know what to think. Him not answering is also strange, unless... unless Louie also talked to him."
The idea hit me like a lightning bolt. Louie called Josep? What did he say? The tension in my chest intensified. The possibility of a confrontation between them, fueled by jealousy and frustration, terrified me.
"Do you think...?" I began to ask, my voice trembling slightly.
Brianna interrupted me with her usual determination. "I don't know, Jo. But we can't just sit here doing nothing. We have to do something. How about I go look for Louie? I know where he usually goes when he's like this. And you... try contacting Josep again. Maybe he'll answer now."
Her plan, though risky, sounded like the only viable option. I needed to know what was happening, to break this agonizing silence. "Okay, Bri," I said, feeling a mixture of relief and nervousness. "Be careful, please."
"I always am, Jo. You too. Call me as soon as you hear anything from Josep. And I'll keep you updated on Louie." With those words, we hung up, leaving an expectant silence filling my room. I picked up my phone with trembling hands and dialed Josep's number again, praying that this time, at last, he would answer.
The phone rang two, three, four times... and just as despair began to settle in again, I heard a clearing of the throat on the other end of the line. "Josephine...?" His voice sounded hoarse, almost as if he had just woken up or had been crying.
"Josep! Thank God you answered! Are you okay? Do you know anything about Louie?" I blurted out, the urgency of my questions barely contained.
There was a brief silence, charged with palpable tension. "Yes, I'm... I'm okay. And yes, I know something about Louie." His tone was evasive, which only increased my anxiety. "Did he talk to you?"
"No, I haven't talked to him since last night at the party," I replied in a thin voice, worry pounding in my chest. "What did he say to you?"
A tired sigh resonated through the phone. "Josephine... it was a... difficult conversation. I think... I think I need to come to the mansion. We need to talk... in person." His voice conveyed an urgency I couldn't ignore. "There are things you need to know... things Louie told me and... things I need to tell you too."
"Come to the mansion? Now?" I asked, surprise tinging my voice. Although Josep was welcome, the urgency in his tone unsettled me. "What... what happened, Josep?"
"It's complicated, Josephine. I'd rather explain everything when I'm there. I don't want you to misunderstand anything over the phone," he replied, his voice firm but with a hint of worry. "I'm on my way. Wait for me."
Before I could press for more details, the line went silent. Josep had hung up. A mixture of fear, confusion, and a pang of a dark premonition took hold of me. What had Louie told him? What was so serious that he needed to come all the way here to tell me? The morning, which had begun with uncertainty and anguish over Louie's silence, now felt charged with a tense expectation at Josep's imminent arrival. I could only wait, my heart pounding, and prepare to hear what he had to say.
The minutes that followed Josep's call dragged by with exasperating slowness. I paced aimlessly around my room, feeling impatience grow with each tick of the clock. The image of Louie, with the sadness and anger resonating in his voice last night, mixed with worry about what Josep might reveal. Had he said something terrible? Had he broken up with him? With me? The uncertainty was a tight knot in my stomach.
I peered out the window several times, scrutinizing the mansion's entrance. Each approaching car made me hold my breath, only to feel a pang of disappointment when it wasn't Josep's. The wait was torturous, fueling my worst fears.
Finally, I spotted his familiar car coming up the driveway. My heart lurched. I ran down the stairs, feeling a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. When I reached the lobby, I saw Josep waiting by the front door, his face serious and his eyes filled with a sadness I had never seen in him before. This is serious, I thought, the dark premonition confirmed by his expression.
Josep turned as he saw me, and his gaze, though affectionate as always, was veiled by deep concern. He didn't say anything at first, just observed me with an intensity that made me even more nervous.
"Thanks for coming so quickly, Josep," I managed to say, my voice barely a whisper.
He nodded slowly, his eyes still fixed on mine. "We needed to talk, Josephine. This... this couldn't wait." His tone was grave, almost solemn.
I led him to the library, a more private corner of the mansion where we could talk without being interrupted. Once we were seated in the leather armchairs, silence stretched between us, charged with a palpable tension.
Finally, Josep sighed deeply and began to speak. "Louie... he was very hurt and angry last night. He called me shortly after you two hung up." He paused, as if searching for the right words. "He was... jealous, Josephine. Very jealous."
I nodded, feeling a pang of guilt. "I imagined. But... what else did he say?"
Josep looked directly into my eyes, and the sincerity in his gaze prepared me for what was coming. "He said things... things he shouldn't have said. He doubted you, me... our friendship." His voice cracked slightly as he spoke those last words. "And... he ended up saying that he needed space. That he needed to get away from all this for a while... to think."
My words caught in my throat. "Get away? What do you mean, get away?" Fear began to grip my heart tightly.
Josep lowered his gaze, his face reflecting his own anguish. "He said he needed time to think... to clear his feelings. He was very hurt about not being able to be here yesterday, about the rumors... about everything."
A dense and painful silence filled the library. The news hit me hard, although a slight relief lingered knowing he hadn't left completely. "And do you know where he is now?" I asked in a thin voice.
Josep shook his head. "No. He just said he needed to be alone for a while. But... Josephine, I think the most important thing is what he said about us." His gaze lifted to meet mine, and the seriousness in his eyes prepared me for an uncomfortable truth. "He said that... that seeing our closeness, our understanding, fueled his jealousy a lot. That he felt there was something more between us."
An icy shiver ran down my spine at Josep's words. Did he really see it that way? Did Louie believe there was something more between Josep and me? The idea seemed almost absurd to me, but the intensity of Louie's jealousy, as Brianna and now Josep described it, painted a bleak picture.
"But there's nothing more, Josep," I affirmed with a conviction I hoped was palpable. "You're my friend, my best friend since we were kids. You know that."
Josep nodded slowly, but his gaze still held a hint of concern. "I know, Josephine. I know. But Louie... he sees it differently. He said he noticed how I looked at you... and how we seemed... to find comfort in each other's presence." His voice trailed off slightly as he spoke those last words.
"He also said something else," Josep continued, his voice now lower, almost a whisper. "He said that... that he realized that maybe... maybe his feelings for you are deeper than he himself had admitted."
This revelation took me by surprise. Deeper? What did he mean by that? I had always felt Louie's love, an intense and protective affection. Could there be an even deeper layer, an intensity that he himself was only just beginning to understand?
"And... and that scared him," Josep added, his gaze fixed on my intertwined hands. "It scared him to think that... that maybe he was losing you... not just because of the distance imposed by your parents, but because of... because of me."
Silence fell over the library again, a heavy and loaded silence. Josep's words had opened a crack in my perception of the situation, forcing me to confront not only Louie's jealousy but also the complexity of my own relationships and feelings.
"What should I do?" I asked softly, the question more for myself than for Josep. The tangle of emotions inside me was a tight knot of confusion, guilt, and a sharp fear of losing Louie.
Josep sighed, running a hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration. "I don't know, Josephine. I wish I had an easy answer. But I think the first thing is to give Louie space, just like he asked. He needs to sort out his thoughts and feelings."
"But how much space?" I retorted, anxiety gnawing at me. "What if that space turns into permanent distance? What if his doubts about us consume him completely?"
"We have to trust him, Josephine," Josep replied, although his tone didn't sound entirely convinced. "And you... you need to be honest with yourself. Reflect on your feelings for him. Not to justify yourself to anyone else, but to understand yourself better."
His words resonated with an uncomfortable truth. I had been so focused on the injustice of the situation with my parents and the frustration of the physical distance with Louie that perhaps I hadn't thoroughly examined the dynamic of my relationship with Josep. His presence had always been a comfort, a source of stability in my life... but was there something more there, even if subtle, that could have fueled Louie's insecurities?
"And then," Josep continued, his gaze now firmer, "when Louie is ready to talk, you'll have to be completely honest with him. Explain how you feel, reaffirm your love... and also be clear about your friendship with me."
A dense and painful silence filled the library. The news hit me hard, although a slight hope persisted that this separation would be temporary. "And... how are you with all this, Josep?" I finally asked, concern for my friend adding to my own anguish.
Josep looked at me with a deep sadness in his eyes. "I'm... I'm confused, Josephine. And... I also have to sort out my feelings." His confession took me by surprise, adding a new layer of complexity to an already delicate situation.
"What do you mean, Josep?" I asked in a thin voice, my mind struggling to process the implication of his words.
Josep sighed, running a hand nervously through his hair. "Last night... after talking to Louie... I stayed awake for a long time. I started watching the videos from the party that are already everywhere on social media and in the news... nationally and internationally." His gaze locked with mine, with an intensity that made me uncomfortable. "I saw how I looked at you, Josephine. I saw the comments, I read the polls about us... if we were a couple or not. The thing about the connection... about our glances... about my glances, especially."
He paused, as if the images themselves had deeply impacted him. "Then I remembered the conversation with Louie... and I started thinking. Everyone noticed something that I myself hadn't noticed until now. Even Louie noticed it... that's why his jealousy was so intense." His voice trailed off, charged with a sudden and disturbing realization. "I think... I think he saw something that I didn't want to see."