NICOLETTE
The walk from the barn had been full with heavy silence. Glenn's revelation had shocked everyone. Some more than others, that was for sure. Nicolette kept repeating what had happened before her eyes over and over—mostly Shane's outburst.
She wasn't scared. Nor that surprised.
Nicolette had been watching Shane for quite some time, noticing something shift in the man.
She still remembered his first outburst against Ed Peletier, Carol's dead husband. At that time, Nicolette hadn't thought much about that since Ed was an asshole, and he deserved everything that had happened to him. But then she had been thinking about that morning inside the CDC before they figured out that Jenner wanted to blow them all up with him and those strange marks on Shane's neck. He did it to himself in his sleep, he said. Not very convincing for Nicki. Anyway, after everything that happened, she hadn't honestly been thinking about it anymore. Then, he became very jumpy and nervous. He was avoiding Lori most of all. It was hard not to notice since they had been almost inseparable before Rick's arriva.. And then Carl had been shot, and he went on that run with Otis.
Yes, that was what got Nicolette curious the most. He came back with that sad story and with a gun that didn't belong to them. For some time, Nicolette thought of having become crazy since no one else seemed to notice it. But then she had spoken to the only person honest enough to understand that she wasn't alone.
"So ya noticed?" Daryl had said one of those past mornings, sitting on his chair while she practiced as he told her to do.
"Noticed what?" Nicolette asked, wanting to hear it from Daryl. "I only asked about a gun."
"Don't act dumb and stay still," he said, making her adjust her posture before releasing the arrow that hit the moving can.
"That's not Shane's, right?" she asked, turning to the man.
"Nah," he answered, taking a breath.
"So?"
"So what?" Daryl asked with a frown.
"What does it mean?" Nicolette asked, feeling a bit nervous. She needed to know what it meant, and she hoped to be wrong. Shane had kept them safe for a long time, so it worried her that someone who could be trustworthy could change so quickly.
"Ya don' have ta worry," Daryl said. Nicolette observed him. He didn't trust Shane either.
"I've seen how he glares at Rick," Nicki said, kicking the dirt beneath her foot. "Honestly, everything he is doing does not reassure me. I don't trust him anymore."
Nicolette felt that way now more than ever as she sat down next to Carl on a bench, waiting for Lori to bring back some books to make them do some homework. Nicki usually ran away from that, but she didn't feel like wanting to be alone in that moment. She had too many thoughts on her mind.
"Do you think she is dead?" asked Carl pensively. Nicki had to turn towards him to realize that he was talking with her.
"That's what Shane seems to think," Nicolette said. Another outburst that she hadn't seen coming hitting her hard. She wanted for Sophia to be safe, she had to be. And she naively thought that all of them were thinking the same thing. But clearly, she was wrong.
"I didn't ask you that," Carl argued back, staring at her. "I asked what you think." She observed him; he didn't seem scared or nervous. He just wanted to know what she was thinking, not for reassurance. Just to know.
"I think she has been out there for a long time," Nicki said. "But that doesn't mean anything. She is out there. We are strong kids." She had seen Carl being shot in the stomach and surviving, why Sophia should be any different?
Nicki knew that if she had the chance to see her mother again, she would have fought with all her strength to get back to her.
Sophia had everything to fight for. She had to be safe. She had to. Nicki wouldn't accept any other thought.
"So, this wasn't a stupid question," Carl said, making her turn to him with a frown. "You answered for once." At his answer, she snorted, shaking her head.
"We were having an interesting conversation for once," she said. "Why do you always have to ruin everything?" Carl chuckled a bit before looking down.
"I want to find her," he said after a moment of silence. He wasn't unsure; he wasn't scared. He just stated it.
Nicki nodded her head. "We will."
Carl turned to her, observing her face once again, before nodding his head too.
Not long after, Lori arrived with some exercise books. Those surely were Carl's.
"Pretty easy these ones," she teased before he nudged her with his shoulder.
"You're in middle school," he argued. "Of course, they're easy for you," Nicki chuckled before going through some problems. She remembered sitting with Sarah in Nicki's room, doing homework. Sometimes, their father would knock to see how it was going. That usually happened on Sunday, when Sarah hadn't left for college yet. Nicki hated doing homework. It was silly how she was missing even that routine. She didn't bring anything with her from school. She wasn't supposed to study for three days in Atlanta, and that was something that was getting Sarah crazy. She wanted her sister to study, but with everything that was happening, it was not the right time to search for books, so sometimes, Nicki would read the only book she had found that day on the highway just to make Sarah happy.
She wondered where her sister could be at that moment and how she was feeling. She had seen Glenn going to her; maybe they were spending some time together.
"Does Shane think Sophia's dead?" Carl asked suddenly, making Nicki look at him from the corner of her eyes. Lori seemed to try to find the right words to say yes, probably.
"Shane's just scared," Lori answered, and Nicki took a breath.
"Of the walkers in the barn?" Carl asked again, and Lori nodded her head. Nicolette observed him, thinking about what his mother had just told him. He always observed and listened to the point of being annoying.
"Mom," he said again, "I'm not leaving until we find Sophia. And I don't want to go even after that." Nicki nodded her head before looking at Lori.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but he's right," Nicolette said as Carl turned towards her. "We're safe, for once." Lori's eyes moved from her to her son, observing their determination.
"Well, we are not leaving," she stated before turning to the books. "You finish those problems." Carl nodded his head as Nicki looked down starting reading again.
"I just think she's gonna like it here," she said, stopping reading when she heard Carl again. "This place, it could be a home."
Home.
Nicolette hadn't thought that a safe place could even exist anymore. A place where she could sleep without worry and have a silent safe walk. Having people to hang out with, and not being afraid for their lives. But Hershel's farm had come close to that.
Home.
They had found it.
But Sophia didn't even get a chance to live like that; her world was still full of dangers and fears. That wasn't right.
I should have run in those woods too, she thought as she was walking towards her practice camp. She should have and maybe Sophia would have known that place too.
Nicolette turned to see Shane talking with Andrea in the distance. Sophia was just a dead girl to him. He had looked for her, but not as much as Daryl did. And he had made clear that Dixon had just lost his time in the task. Just a dead girl.
Not for her.
Nicolette took her bow and put the quiver behind her back before starting to walk towards the fences. She hadn't been there since she had brought Glenn and T-Dog to the farm. Nicki felt nervous and afraid, knowing that once she had crossed that log, she would have been in the woods. Alone. Another lost girl?
No.
She looked around to be sure that no one had seen her and climbed up the fence to hop to the other side. Nicolette took a breath before adjusting the quiver over her shoulder and starting to walk.
She walked through the woods slowly, looking around, trying to be prepared for any movement.
"Sophia," she called. She wasn't sure of what she was doing, but she hadn't seen anyone wanting to go out that day to search for her, so she would have tried. This time, she would have tried.
A rustling noise made her turn.
"Sophia?" Nicki called again, but breath got caught in her throat when she saw a walker approach. It was one, and he was moving. Nicolette took a breath. With her right hand, she took one of her arrows and nocked it in the bow. The walker was moving, growling towards her, but he was slow. Was it slower than the others? Could it be?
She pulled the arrow, brushing her lips with the end of it. Taking the aim. It was moving, but she didn't have to think about it. Like Daryl had been telling her, she had focused on the speed. She had to try to figure out what its next move would be. What if she missed, though?
I could run, I'm faster than them. Daryl had said that to her.
Nicki took a breath and, moving her aim slightly to the left side of the walker's head, released the arrow. It took a second, but it flew straight onto the monster's skull, which went limp on the ground.
"I did it..." she muttered, not believing it. "I did it!" She found herself smiling before walking towards the dead corps and taking back her arrow.
"I did it," she said proudly before starting to walk again in the woods.
Nicolette walked around for two hours. But there had not been a sign of Sophia. Nothing. Maybe she would have tried again before it got too dark. She got past the fences once again and hopped on the side of the farm. She took a breath before starting to walk towards her and Sarah's tent. She walked inside and put her bow and arrows on the ground.
"You think I didn't notice?" her sister's voice came from behind her, making Nicki take a breath.
"I hoped you didn't," she answered with honesty.
"Where have you been?" Sarah asked, walking closer with worried eyes.
"I've been looking for Sophia." At her words, Sarah laughed nervously.
"You've been out?" she asked. "Alone," Nicolette nodded her head, ready for the next outburst.
"Are you out of your mind?" Sarah said, pacing back and forth with her head in her hands. "Everything that had happened this morning was not enough?!"
"At least those walkers are locked up."
"This is not funny, Nicolette," Sarah said, making Nicki turn.
"Nobody went out today," she stated simply, "Nobody."
"So, you think it's smart for you to go outside?" Sarah argued back.
"It was the right thing to do!" Nicki replied, maybe harsher than she intended to. Nicolette took a breath.
"I didn't want to make you worry," she said. "But I did what I thought was right."
"Anything could have happened out there," Sarah insisted, but Nicki didn't back down.
"I've never tried to look for her," Nicolette explained. "Like I didn't run after her when I could have." At that, Sarah took a breath.
"We've talked about it," she said, calmer, walking towards her. "What happened to Sophia is not your fault." But Nicolette shook her head.
"Yeah, but..." She took a breath, "I can't convince myself. No matter what." She could feel her eyes get blurry, so she tried to look anywhere but at her sister, who took a breath before hugging her. Nicolette let out a sob that she had been holding inside for so long and then hugged her sister back.
"We are going to find her," Sarah said softly. Nicki bit her lip before nodding her head.
"Yeah," she said, moving away. "Yeah."
"Do you want to take a walk?" Sarah asked, searching her gaze with her eyes. "Just for a bit?" Nicki licked her lips, putting her hands on her hips, still trying not to let her emotions out.
"Alright," she finally said.
The two of them walked for some time, talking about nothing in particular. But it wasn't awkward. When Nicki got anxious, the two of them liked to stay a bit alone, even in silence. It was all it took to make Nicki feel better.
"I thought you were with Glenn," Nicki said, making Sarah snort.
"We had..." she took a breath, "Some kind of a fight," which made Nicolette turn with wide eyes. Sarah and Glenn fought?
"Really?"
"Actually, I screamed a lot," Sarah said, a bit embarrassed. "I just... It makes me sad that he had a secret with me and that when he needed to talk, he went to Dale." Nicki had noticed the two of them not spending much time together in the last few days, but Nicki didn't find it unforgivable.
"Maybe he thought he was protecting you," Nicolette tried, making Sarah turn to her with a little frown. Nicki shrugged her shoulders.
"I think it is something Glenn would do," she said. Sarah observed her before her lips moved up in a little smile.
"Yeah, he would," she said before taking a breath. "That means that I have to apologize," but Nicki just scoffed.
"Yeah, like you two need it," she said, shaking her head. "Next time you'll talk, it's going to be like nothing happened," Sarah chuckled.
As they kept walking, Nicki spotted Carol and Daryl heading their way. The two of them were starting to get along. Nicolette remembered that the night Daryl got hurt, she had been the one to bring him dinner.
"Hey," she said, catching their attention. Carol turned with a small smile, like always, while Daryl observed her first and then Sarah, who had suddenly gotten stiff. That made Nicki frown, but she decided to ignore it.
"What are you two up to?" asked Carol.
"Just a walk," Nicki answered, shrugging her shoulders. That made the woman nod her head.
"It's almost sunset," she said. "We should start making dinner. Would you like to help me?" Carol asked.
"It's either that or read," Nicolette asked, making the woman smile before turning to Sarah.
"Sarah?" her sister seemed almost startled before focusing on Carol and nodding her head.
"Alright," Carol said. "Let's go."
They started to walk. Nicki was next to Carol, and a few feet behind, Sarah and Daryl were silently following. Nicolette had witnessed them arguing with each other before, but it had been a while now. And she was sure that they were talking a lot more. Now, it seemed to be back just before the CDC.
"Hey," she heard Daryl speak quietly. But it was so low that she wasn't even sure that he had said anything at all.
"Mm..." muttered her sister, who was walking with crossed arms.
"Y'alright?" Nicki frowned at his tone. Sarah didn't answer immediately, and Nicki looked back to see her observing the man with her big brown eyes before nodding her head.
"I am," she said softly. Daryl chewed his bottom lip as he kept walking, but he turned to Sarah with a surprised expression when she asked.
"You?" at that point, Nicki's frown deepened when she saw him hide a little smile.
"M'fine," he answered.
What strange people those two were. She took a breath and turned to her sister. When she heard her talk again, she seemed much more at ease.
"I wonder if Rick has spoken with Hershel," Sarah said.
"Well, I don see 'em packin'," Daryl said, pointing at the others sitting just outside Hershel's house.
"I don't see Rick," said Carol, and that made Daryl frown.
"I see Andrea," he hissed.
"She and Rick shouldn't be outside to look for Sophia?" asked Carol as Sarah and Daryl shared a glance. After that, they all made their way toward the house. Nicki followed their tracks, wanting to know what was happening. Why wasn't Andrea out there, looking for Sophia?
"You haven't seen Rick?" They heard Glenn say as he got up from where he was sitting next to Maggie.
"He went off with Hershel," Andrea said. "We were supposed to leave a couple of hours ago."
"Yeah, you were." Daryl said, "What the hell?"
"Daryl," Sarah tried to keep him calmer, but he was already glaring at everyone.
"Damn it!" He exclaimed, "Isn't anybody taking this seriously? We got us a damn trail." As he was talking, something caught Nicolette's eyes: Shane walking towards them with the bag full of weapons.
What the hell? She thought as he came closer.
"What's all this?" asked Daryl, pointing at the riffle in Shane's hand.
"You with me, man?" he answered, handing the weapon that Daryl accepted, following him as he kept walking at a fast pace towards the house.
"Time to grow up, " he said before turning to Andrea. "You already got yours?"
"Yeah," Andrea answered, confused. "Where's Dale?"
"He's on his way," Shane answered before turning to Sarah. "Here," he said, pushing a gun into her hands.
"Are you kidding?" Sarah asked just before T-Dog spoke.
"Thought we couldn't carry."
"We can, and we have to," Shane said, giving him a gun. "You got your bow, alright," he said, looking at Nicki, who was observing him with wide eyes.
"What are you doing?" asked Nicki as Shane passed next to her, ignoring her. "Look," Shane said with a strong voice, "It was one thing sitting around here picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe. But now we know it ain't."
What the hell was happening? What did he want to do?
"How about you, man?" He continued handing a rifle at Glenn. "Are you gonna protect yours?" The young man seemed unsure, and he looked at Maggie before taking the weapon. Shane then turned to the girl. "Can you shoot?"
"Can you stop?" Maggie said in a loud voice, "You do this; you hand out these guns. My dad will make you leave tonight."
That thought made Nicki shiver. She didn't want to leave. They couldn't leave.
"We have to stay, Shane." Carl, who was on the porch, started to walk towards the man.
"What is this?" Nicki felt relieved when she saw Lori walking out of the house, confused at what was happening.
"We ain't going anywhere, okay?" Shane kept saying, ignoring even the woman. "Now look, Hershel, he's just gonna understand. Okay? Well, he's gonna have to." He then walked towards Carl, kneeling in front of him. "Now, we need to find Sophia. Am I right?"
Liar, Nicolette thought. He didn't believe she was alive. He had said it that morning.
Her eyes widened when she saw him handing Carl a gun. "Now I want you to take this," Shane kept saying, but Carl didn't move. "You take it, Carl, and you keep your mother safe. You do whatever it takes. You know how. Go on, take the gun and do it." Lori ran to her son, pushing him behind her back. "Rick said no guns. This is not your call." She said angrily, "This is not your decision to make."
"Can we all just calm down?" said Sarah just before hearing T-Dog gasp.
"Oh shit!"
Nicki turned towards whatever T-Dog had seen, and she noticed Rick, Hershel, and Jimmy leading two walkers by some kind of leash. What were they doing?
"What is that?" Shane roared before starting to run towards the barn. Nicki turned to her sister, who looked at her for a moment before starting to follow the others.
"Shane!" Lori yelled, but he was already far. Soon, only Nicki, Lori, and Carl stood behind.
"He is crazy," Nicki muttered before making her way to the others. Carl and Lori were slower since the boy was still holding his side because of the bullet wound.
"What the hell are you doing?" Shane yelled.
"Shane, just back off." Rick answered, trying to keep the walker as steady as he could.
"Why do your people have guns?" Hershel said as Nicki arrived, stopping next to Beth.
"Are you kidding me? You see?" Shane said, turning to them, "You see what they're holding onto?"
"I see who I'm holding onto," Hershel argued back as he was leading another walker.
Shane shook his head with fury. "No, man, you don't."
What was he trying to accomplish like that? Did he want for them to be kicked out? "Shane, just let us do this and then we can talk." Rick tried to reason with him but it was beyond that at that point. Shane wouldn't have listened.
"What you want to talk about, Rick?" Shane yelled back, putting himself between Rick and Hershel and the barn. "These things ain't sick. They're not people. They're dead. Ain't gonna feel nothing for them 'cause all they do, they kill!" That was true. Those things were dangerous, but Hershel didn't see them as such, and that was not the right way to prove him wrong. "These things right here, they're the things that killed Amy." Nicki's eyes shot up to the man hearing Andrea's sister's name.
"They killed Otis. They're gonna kill all of us."
"Shane, shut up!" Rick cried.
"Hey, Hershel, man, let me ask you something." Shane said harshly taking out his gun, "Could a living breathing person, could they walk away from this?"
The gunshots echoed inside Nicki's chest, making her shiver as everyone instinctively tried to shield themselves from the bullet that went straight into the walker's chest.
"Oh my god," she heard Beth mutter with a shaky voice.
"That's three rounds in the chest. Could someone who's alive, could they just take that? Why is it still coming?" Shane yelled again, firing the other three shots. "That's its heart, its lungs. Why is it still coming?" And he fired again. Nicki's eyes fell on Hershel, who was staring at the growling walker with wide eyes. He truly believed that those things were sick, and by the way, he was frozen, Hershel was in shock.
"Shane, enough!" Rick desperately yelled.
"Yeah, you're right, man," Shane said, walking towards the monster. "That is enough."
A final gunshot was fired. Right at the center of the forehead of the walker, who went limp on the ground just before Hershel, who kneeled on the ground.
A deadly silence fell between them, and Nicki looked over Sarah, who was covering her mouth with her hand from next to Daryl.
"Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone!" Shane yelled, making Carol gasp. "Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us. Enough!" Then he glared at Rick. "Rick, it ain't like it was before!"
That was what he wanted then. All of this just to get to Rick.
"Now, if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now." Shane yelled before running towards the barn. Nicki observed as Rick pleaded Hershel to take the other walker, all to stop Shane. Then she looked at the others. No one was going to move. No one was going to do anything. Just staring or yelling.
As Shane started to hit the barn door with a pick-axe, Nicki looked to Lori, who was hugging Carl and begging Rick to stop Shane. The others were frozen, not moving, all with wide eyes.
"Don't do it!" Glenn yelled.
"Shane, please!" Sarah cried, shaking her head.
"Rick!" Lori yelled, too.
Nicki's right hand moved before she could think and took one of the arrows behind her back. She started to walk towards the man, and she heard Sarah yell her name. However, as she pulled back the arrow, Shane managed to break the lock on the door.
Soon, the first walker came out.
Only at that moment, Nicki noticed that she was aiming at Shane's back. She observed her left hand, the one holding the bow, shaking slightly. What was she about to do?
She turned to her left when she saw her sister running next to her with Daryl, both pointing their guns toward the growling walkers. On the other side, Andrea and T-Dog were soon joined by Glenn.
The walkers were moving, getting out. They were moving slowly again. They were slow.
Nicki forgot about Shane, focusing all her mind on the walkers. And she fired the first arrow that went straight on one walker's head. As she took another arrow, she heard gunshots all around her. They were so loud, but one by one, every walker that came out went down to the ground. Nicki looked at her sister, firing her gun with her lip between her teeth. Nicki wondered if she was scared.
Nicolette had no idea how many arrows she had shot and how many bullets had been fired, but at some point, no walker walked out of the barn. She let out a shaky breath as she turned to see Maggie crying, hugging her frozen father, while Beth was sobbing against Jimmy. Lori and Carl were on the ground a few feet from Rick, and she wondered when they got closer. And Nicki couldn't help but feel sad when she saw Dale walking towards them with a shocked expression.
They had just scared those people that saved Carl's life. They had terrorized them. All of them.
Suddenly, another growl could be heard. Nicolette turned slowly, feeling her heart beat fast in her chest. It wasn't loud, but it was there. She was sure. There were others.
But what she saw was something that truly felt like someone had just hit her.
"Sophia!" Carol yelled, crying.
Nicolette couldn't help but look at the small walker walking out of the barn. She was there. Her short blond hair and a blue shirt with a rainbow on it. The same she wore when she got lost. On her neck, there was a bite mark.
She had always been there as a walker.
A tear rolled down Nicki's cheek.
No one was moving. No one knew what to do. That was too much for all of them. But they couldn't leave her like that. They had to put her down, but who?
Only at that moment Nicolette realized that she had let her bow fall on the ground. She couldn't put her down. She wouldn't.
Who could?
Suddenly, she heard steps getting past her, just to see Rick stopping a few feet from Sophia, pointing his gun toward her. She was so small and so close.
She was just 10.
She just got lost.
A single gunshot was fired, and Sophia fell on the floor.