Ren stood with his back to the gate entry booth, speaking with bored Kotetsu and Izumo while waiting for the Sabaku siblings and their Jonin Instructor to arrive. The ANBU had already sent a message that they had seen them a few kilometers outside of Konoha, so they should be here any moment now.
"Don't even start. The Chunin Exams period is always very hectic." Izumo complained while resting his chin on his hand.
"Yeah, yeah. Too many foreign ninjas strolling into our village, and get this! Most of them are stupid kids with balls of steel born out of ignorance, who think they can do whatever they wish." Kotetsu sighed.
"Really? Have any interesting stories?" Ren idly asked, looking into the distance outside the gate.
"Heh. There was that one idiot yesterday," Izumo and Kotetsu exchanged a look and grinned. "He was a tad too arrogant." Izumo continued with a look full of schadenfreude, just as Kotetsu lazily pointed at him with his thumb.
"This genius confused and persuaded the kid into slashing his own hitai-ate. Something about it being the new fashion trend in Konoha." He said while snickering.
"You two are shitting me." Ren tried to scoff in disbelief between his own snickering.
Oddly enough, he did believe it a little bit. He knew how stupid people could be.
"No. No. I kid you not. I just dared him to do it after giving him some half-assed story, and the dumb kid actually did it. His Jonin Instructor had just passed the gate, too." Izumo mirthfully said with a smirk. "The kid wanted to be here first or something, so he left behind for the last five hundred meters." He rolled his eyes.
"You seem to be having fun here, boys." Ren remarked with a small smile. These two were smart ones. While many Konoha ninjas risked their lives on a mission for the village, these dudes sat on their asses, sometimes even able to sleep through their shift.
After all, they were not here to stop any significant threat from entering Konoha. If Itachi showed up, Izumo and Kotetsu would not even be a speed bump.
No. For that, there were the five hidden ANBU in the vicinity.
Izumo and Kotetsu mostly dealt with paperwork and checks of people who entered Konoha. Giving a warning to foreign ninjas. Dealing with merchants. Giving directions to travelers who wanted to request a mission. Things like that.
And from what Ren knew, they were paid very well. Maybe they did not exactly have the income of a Chunin who constantly risked his life on B-ranked missions, but for the work they were doing? Their pay was quite enviable.
Other ninjas made fun of them, calling them glorified gate guards. But the joke was on them. Three-quarters of Izumo and Kotetsu's graduating class were already six feet under while these two were chilling.
Ren could totally respect it.
Suddenly, Ren narrowed his eyes as he could see four blurry silhouettes enter his sight in the distance.
"Well, it looks like my time to slack off is coming to a close." Ren told the two guards, who perked up and looked toward the incoming team of Suna ninjas.
"Hm. I guess we should prepare the paperwork, then. Wouldn't want to inconvenience the Kazekage's kids." Kotetsu murmured and, with a very obvious distaste for the action, he shifted from his position and started to half-heartedly rummage through the messy pile of paper on a side table next to him.
Ren gruffly chuckled under his nose at seeing it, briefly wondering how the hell these two were not sacked for so long with that kind of attitude, but then he inwardly shook his head.
It was not his business.
Instead, he looked back at the approaching Suna team and started thinking about them and his assignment. A small, mischievous smirk appeared on his lips.
They did not know it yet, but their testing will start the second they step through Konoha's gates.
Ren relocated to the side, leaning on a nearby tree while waiting for the Suna team to step into Konoha and get processed at the gate. Only when they were done with that, he approached them.
"Hello, there." He gave them a wave and a cheery smile that instantly made the four ninjas tense. Ren gave them a quick once-over with an amused expression. "I am Ren, and I was assigned as your minder during your stay in Konoha, kiddies."
He looked specifically at the genin, because Baki was not his problem. He was the problem of Konoha's ANBU.
After all, what could a poor chunin like Ren do against such a mighty and scary Jonin? Right?
Gaara just gave Ren a dull look while Kankuro scowled, and even Temari's lips twitched a bit. Ren's eyes stopped at the blonde kunoichi, and he grinned.
"Don't worry, kids," He subtly emphasized that word, noticing it bothered them. It was quite fun because Temari was actually a bit older than him if he was not wrong.
"I can show you where all the playgrounds in the village are. We even have some sand play areas for Panda-chan!" Ren exclaimed, pulling his gaze toward Gaara.
His reaction was barely noticeable, but it was there. He twitched. Just a little bit. And if Ren wasn't seeing things, Gaara's dull look now contained an undertone of hostility.
And the other two Suna genin tried to hide it but they started to look scared shitless as they shuffled a bit away from him.
For a moment, Ren wondered if he should push further. Getting Gaara to rampage now had its pros and cons...
"I would appreciate it if you stopped provoking Gaara." Baki stepped in, putting his steady hand on Gaara's shoulder, making him tense for a second before he reluctantly relaxed.
Ren blinked in feigned confusion and tilted his head, "Oh? Is Gaara Panda-chan's name?"
And Gaara's tension was back.
'Oh my, oh my, what a scary glare.' Ren inwardly chortled, casually withstanding the killing intent that washed over him and sent all the ANBU guards in the vicinity on alert.
Now, even Baki was visibly tense, his grip on Gaara's shoulder becoming rigid as he and Ren stared at each other while Kankuro and Temari held their breath, ready to pull their weapons on a moment's notice in case the worst happened.
They were slightly shaking because... well, they were aware that they were surrounded by Konoha ANBU and their brother was now pissed. These two wished to be anywhere but here right about now.
After a few tense moments of silence, Ren finally shrugged with a casual ease, "Mah, mah. You are acting as if we were enemies." He said, trying to imitate Kakashi to cause his victims the biggest level of irritation.
He chose these words deliberately, too. From the small narrowing of Baki's eyes and the barely audible hitch in Temari's breath, it worked at sending their minds on a doubt-filled adventure of wondering if he knew.
Ren lazily smiled at Baki and waved him off. "Chill, bro."
Baki, giving Ren a deadpan look, did not react. He looked just as aloof and stone-faced as Gaara. So, Ren decided to change his target and turned toward Kankuro.
"Yup. You probably don't have much of that in the desert, kids," He glanced at Temari, too. "but chilling is-"
"We know what it means." Temari gruffly snapped, her irritation showing on her face, which only made Ren give her a victorious smirk that instantly shut her up.
Baki's eye twitched.
Kankuro looked like he wanted to strangle Ren.
Gaara was cool as a cucumber... if one discounted the still-present killing intent.
And then somebody finally caught up.
Temari pursed her lips, giving Ren a questioning look as she cautiously asked, "This is a test... isn't it?"
"Yup. Good job realizing it." Ren gave the girl genuine praise that made her show a bashful smile, but only for a second before she realized it and schooled her expression.
"A ninja needs to keep his cool even when facing a client or an allied ninja who acts like a complete asshole." Ren told her. His side mission was to test their conduct, so he decided to play the part of an asshole.
Honestly, it would have been a stupid decision for any other chunin escort. Gaara's killing intent would have sent most chunin running for the hills.
Baki probably realized that, and it's why the tension in his posture never quite left.
"You two passed." Ren nodded at Temari and Kankuro before grinning at Gaara and Baki. "Your Jonin and Panda-chan?" He shrugged. "Not so much. Man~, how did you get promoted again?" He casually asked Baki, who dryly responded, not rising up to the obvious taunt.
"I thought the test was for them."
"Me acting like an asshole to them was their test. Me acting like an asshole to you is just for my fun." Ren chuckled, enjoying immensely how Baki snorted.
The man was a Jonin. A few words were not going to rile him up. But his students? Kankuro was getting defensive and was on the verge of snapping, while Temari looked conflicted, trying to stop her brother from stupidly reacting by clutching his forearm.
And Gaara was still blasting Ren with his killing intent. Jeez.
Ren glanced at the redheaded kid and very obviously rolled his eyes at him. "Save that for the Exams, chuckles." He waved his finger in front of the jinchuuriki kid.
Honestly, his acting was because he was still undecided if he wanted to take Gaara out of the equation right now or wait until the third part of the Exams.
So, he decided to leave it up to Gaara. If he got enraged and started attacking, tough luck for him. If not, then that was that.
But clearly, the boy had much more control than Ren gave him credit for because even after a few more minutes of ribbing, he still just impassively stared at him. The three additional years he had on his canon counterpart might not have been good to Gaara, but he clearly at least somewhat mellowed out.
Ren doubted the canon Gaara would stay calm after all that. He decided to give up for now.
"Eh, never mind. Your conduct is good enough." Ren proclaimed before gesturing for them to follow him. "You must be starving. Let's go eat. My treat. I am going to take you to the best restaurant in Konoha!"
---
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