"Can you believe it!?" Karin loudly exclaimed with an obvious fiery outrage in her expression as she slammed her glass onto the table, and Ren had to stifle a sigh.
No. No, he could not believe it. How did he get into this bothersome situation?
He had just returned from messing with Akatsuki, all exhausted and wishing only to drop onto his bed. Only, Karin most likely heard him close the door or something. As he was about to change into his pajamas, because yes, real men can make even pajama look good, and Ino bought him a blue, very comfy one with red hearts pattern, Karin began to knock on his door with the same urgency as if another Kyubi had appeared in the middle of the village.
Sigh. The troublesome redhea-
"Are you even listening to me!?" Karin indignantly asked, looking very miffed, only for Ren to give her a flat look.
"... Yes, Karin. I am." Unfortunately.
When did he become the relationship advisor to the Uzumaki couple? Sure, he was Karin's neighbor, but that did not mean he wanted to listen to all her woes.
It was bad enough that the girl, whom he knew was very proficient in the sealing arts, still did not bother to properly set up soundproofing seals in her apartment.
Ren had heard more than he ever wished about her and Naruto's relationship from the sounds coming from there whenever Naruto stayed the night.
Thank the Sage for having multiple houses and the ability to teleport. Only that saved Karin from a proper tongue lashing, courtesy of yours truly.
"He goes on one mission. One!" Karin gritted her teeth and slammed her hand onto the table. "And he shows up with that, that, that, THAT HUSSY!" She yelled out with a snarl.
'Way to go, Naruto. Wooo!' Ren thought with a fake enthusiasm, almost wishing to give the boy a thumbs-up.
Ren did not expect this outcome, but apparently, Naruto's first C-rank mission was basically the whole debacle with guarding the famous actress who was secretly the supposed next Daimyo, but her uncle was the usurper and wanted her dead...
Well, it was what happened in the first Naruto Movie.
Honestly, in canon, Naruto was a kid. Here, however, he is an adult according to the local laws. So, Koyuki probably decided to stake her claim more aggressively.
And voila, here they were.
She came back with the Konoha ninjas in her capacity as a Daimyo. Officially, she came to witness the Chunin Exams. Unofficially?
"And then she has the balls to tell me to my face that it is only natural for capable and good men to have multiple women!" Karin balled her hands into fists.
Well, unofficially, Koyuki Kazehana wanted to ride Naruto's dick.
Ren would have been honestly impressed if he had not been so fed up with having to listen to Karin's complaining. So, he could only think, 'Fuck Naruto for this. I am going to find a way to get back at him. Somehow. Someday.'
"Worse yet, when he appeared, he wore his usual, stupid, clueless smile while she clung to his arm as if it was the most natural thing in the world!"
"Come on, Karin." Ren sighed, feeling he had to intervene as he was inwardly fearing for his creaking table she was manhandling. "Naruto did not cheat on you, did he?"
"No." Karin reluctantly admitted with a pout, and Ren almost rolled his eyes at her.
Of course, Naruto did not cheat on her. He was a genuinely good guy. Ren doubted the blond idiot even realized Koyuki's intentions.
"But you know how he is! If she just worded it as a request for help? Just imagine it!" Karin spoke in dread and started to imitate what she thought was Kyouki's manner of speaking.
"Hey, Naruto, darling. I need your help with something. You see this hole between my legs? Yes, that one! Stick your penis in it! I need your babies!" Karin finished her imitation of Koyuki, and Ren chuckled, earning himself an angry look from the miffed redhead.
"Do you think he would refuse to help her?" She indignantly asked, and this time, Ren did roll his eyes at her.
"Naruto is clueless, but he is not that clueless." He deadpanned.
"You may be right." Karin nodded and started nervously chewing at the tip of her thumb's fingernail. "But you may be wrong, too. He is an Uzumaki."
'Hello, kettle? I am pot. You are black.' Ren wordlessly raised his eyebrow at Karin, mirth shining in his eyes. 'Duh.'
When Karin finally noticed a few seconds later, she flushed red, realizing that she too was an Uzumaki and what she had just insinuated.
Ren gently smiled in a practiced ease, "Oh, I am sorry, Karin. But I must decline your advances. You see, I have two very eager girls and our bed is not big enough for another person to join u-"
A pillow from the nearby couch impacted Ren's face.
"Shut up." Karin mumbled in embarrassment as she averted her eyes, muttering. "Ass. Making fun of me when I am troubled."
"You are blowing the situation out of proportion. Just go and have a talk with Naruto." Ren took the pillow, put it on the table in front of him, and rested his chin on it.
'Yes, go bother Naruto instead. Shoo. Shoo.' He mentally added.
"But... She is a Daimyo! I can't compete with that." Karin helplessly said, and before Ren could reply, she continued, "If I refuse her to join our relationship, I will be the villain here! It sucks. Even some trade between her country and Konoha could be affected and..." Karin sullenly trailed off.
And frankly, she had a point there. The Hokage would probably just pat her on the back and tell her to simply accept it in the name of the Will of Fire.
For the Greater Good of Konoha.
But Ren was not the Hokage. "And you are an Uzumaki. I think the winner is obvious for Naruto."
That and he had his doubts about Naruto's ability to have a harem. So what if he could make a hundred clones? In Boruto, even a hundred Narutos could not do the job of one drunk Tsunade while also leading a proper family life.
Imagine neglecting your family despite being able to make hundreds of clones.
That was when he had just one woman to care about, too.
Yeah, Ren wasn't aiming for it, but he did not feel even slightly guilty for charming Hinata away from him.
Then again, Boruto was just a fanfiction, so who knows how that would turn out in reality? Not like Ren would see it, so there was no reason to think further about it.
"Do you really think so?" Karin timidly asked, and Ren smiled.
"Yes."
That finally made her calm down and brought out a small smile of her own onto her face.
"Besides," Ren continued, "Naruto l-"
He was interrupted midway by a knock on his door. Furrowing his eyebrows because he did not expect any other guest, Ren slowly stood up and gave Karin an apologetic look before he went to answer the door.
Ino and Hinata were with their clans, having some last-minute training for the Chunin Exams, so it couldn't be them either.
Opening the door, Ren noticed an ANBU standing there, and leisurely asked, "Yes?"
But inwardly, he was prepared to pop a kunai from his wrist storage seal at a moment's notice because in reality, these fuckers were indistinguishable from Danzo's ROOT.
And didn't that say a lot about the sorry state of Konoha when he, as a Konoha ninja, could not be sure if the dude in front of him was an actual ANBU serving the Hokage and had to be cautious in case it was one of Danzo's subordinates?
"Mandatory orders from the higher-ups." The ANBU said in a monotone voice that every ANBU used during their work hours, and handed Ren a scroll before disappearing.
Ren owlishly blinked and looked at the scroll, "Huh. That happened, I guess." He hummed as he closed the door and slowly walked back to the living room while unrolling the scroll.
"Is everything alright?" Karin worriedly asked.
"Apparently, I was given the duty to be the guide for Kazekage's children and their Jonin Instructor when they arrive in Konoha tomorrow. " He said with a surprised expression.
He didn't expect that.
Naturally, foreign teams could not be without supervision. And it made sense that chunin-ranked ninjas would be selected for it. Ren just never expected to be one of them.
He would not be there for Baki, though. No. The ANBU would watch him. He was just supposed to escort the genins while watching them.
It already sounded like a monumental drag.
"Oh... Okay." Karin nonchalantly shrugged when she realized it was nothing bad. "Anyway, can we contin-"
"Shoo already." Ren gave her a flat look as he sighed. "I'll be busy tomorrow. I need to sleep." He had just realized he was practically made into Gaara's babysitter within Konoha.
Joy.
"Go bother your boyfriend, please." Ren said, realizing he was a tad rude, but he simply could not muster the will to care right now.
He decided he would apologize tomorrow as Karin pouted at the dismissal.