(Location: Noble Academy - Greenhouse of Educational Regret)
Let me make one thing excruciatingly clear: I didn't mean to explode the soup cart.
It was an accident. A complete accident involving minor alchemical mislabeling, Belladonna's "Oopsie Potion #9," and someone trying to warm a magical stew using a sentient fire rune.
Inner Me: Why does school feel more like a medieval lawsuit waiting to happen?
So naturally, I ended up sentenced to Magical Detention.
By the Headmaster himself.
Who, by the way, is a literal talking owl. Not metaphorical. Not poetic. No. An actual, judgmental owl.
His name? Headmaster Owlinus Feathergrasp.
His tone? Disappointment marinated in sarcasm.
"Mr. Reinhardt," he hooted, polishing his monocle with one wing, "you are hereby assigned to horticultural duty in the Greenhouse of Magical Botany and Mild Peril. Try not to kill anything. Especially yourself."
Inner Me: Noted. Mild peril. I love that it's specified. Great branding.
---
### Welcome to Plant Purgatory
The greenhouse was three stories tall, entirely made of curved enchanted glass, and smelled like a cross between mint, fungus, and existential crisis.
The entrance door creaked like it disapproved of my life choices. A sign above it read:
> "WARNING: DO NOT ANGER THE SHRUBBERY."
I was greeted by Professor Glimmerthyne, the academy's resident Herbomancer.
A pale woman with rose-vine hair, robes that occasionally grew their own sleeves, and the unsettling habit of talking to plants like they were royalty.
"Ah, Kael Reinhardt," she said, with a voice like wind chimes and a hangover. "Today you shall tend to the Choir of Verdant Sorrow."
Me: "Is that a band or a garden?"
"Yes."
Inner Me: Why do I feel like something's going to sing at me aggressively?
She led me to a section of the greenhouse lined with dozens of screaming shrubs.
Yes, literal shrubs.
Yes, literal screaming.
Each time I stepped near them, they wailed in different harmonies:
* One shrub howled like a banshee with a toothache.
* Another belted opera.
* One just screamed, "SHAME!" over and over.
"They react to emotional energy," Glimmerthyne explained, handing me a pair of enchanted earmuffs and a watering can labeled "Blessed Tears."
Inner Me: This is either a therapy session or a prank from the gods.
---
### Meet the Plants (Who Hate Me)
Day One:
* I tried to water them.
* One shrub bit the can.
* Another accused me of war crimes in Sylvan.
Day Two:
* Belladonna visited. Brought a potion that temporarily silenced them.
* They retaliated by emitting spores that made her speak only in limericks.
Day Three:
* Seraphina dropped by with her sword out.
* Said she was just "inspecting." Clearly didn't trust the plants.
* One shrub tried to flirt with her.
Inner Me: Even the plants are braver than I am.
Glimmerthyne watched all of this with pride.
"They're blooming beautifully in your rage-fueled presence."
"...That's not comforting."
---
### The Vine Incident
On the fourth day, I noticed a corner vine twitching suspiciously.
I leaned in. Bad idea.
It wrapped around my leg.
Inner Me: Ah. Sentient rope. My favorite genre of panic.
Suddenly, I was being dragged toward a whispering orchid, muttering secrets in abyssal.
Whispering Orchid: "You will forget your passwords."
Me: "NOOOOO!"
Glimmerthyne strolled by, sipping rose tea.
"Don't resist. They love a dramatic exit."
I finally freed myself by distracting the vine with my System's magical light projection.
SYSTEM:
> \[MINI-GAME ACTIVATED: DANCE OF DISTRACTION]
> Score: 8.5/10 - The Vine is amused.
Me: I hate that this worked.
---
### Detention With Company (And Chaos)
To my misfortune (or fortune, depending on your genre preferences), detention wasn't a solo affair for long.
Belladonna got assigned with me after she turned the faculty garden gnome into a salsa dancer.
Aureline appeared, explaining calmly that she "volunteered for botanical peacekeeping."
Virellia showed up silently one day and simply stared at the plants until they grew away from her.
So now we were four.
Me, the sarcastic weed-whisperer.
Belladonna, the chaotic chemist.
Aureline, the serene shadow mage.
Virellia, the silent plant intimidator.
Inner Me: Why do I feel like this is either a spin-off or a failed boy band?
---
### Of Shrubs and Secrets
Somewhere in the middle of the week, we discovered a locked gate at the back of the greenhouse.
Aureline traced its edges. Belladonna poked it with something fizzing.
Me: "Should we open it?"
Seraphina (just arriving): "No."
Belladonna: "Too late."
The gate creaked open to reveal...
A forbidden research wing.
Old journals. Bioluminescent herbs.
A mutated cactus with an eye patch.
And one glowing tree in the center.
Tree: whispers in multiple languages
System:
> \[You have discovered: The Botanical Heart]
> \[WARNING: Do not hug. May cause enlightenment.]
Naturally, I touched it.
System:
> \[New Skill Acquired: Emotional Photosynthesis]
> You now gain temporary calm when in sunlight.
Inner Me: I am becoming a houseplant.
---
### Final Evaluation (And Screaming Redemption)
End of the week. Headmaster Owlinus appeared in a swirl of magical feathers.
"Well? Have you learned anything, Mr. Reinhardt?"
"Yes."
* Never trust a vine.
* Don't inhale Belladonna's tea.
* Always carry a sarcasm shield.
The plants sang a farewell harmony. One shrub even whispered, "You're slightly less awful now."
High praise.
System:
> \[New Title Unlocked: Shrub Whisperer]
> \[New Passive: Minor Resistance to Botanical Guilt]
Owlinus blinked. "Very well. You are released."
Me: "Can I get that in writing?"
Shrub (offscreen): "NOOOOOOO!"
---
### Next Time on: "Yes, I Was Reborn..."
Kael attends the Noble Academy's first ever Cross-Species Cultural Exchange Festival.
Spoiler: He offends a centaur by accident.
Spoiler #2: There is interpretive dance.
Kael's Message to Readers:
Did you laugh? Cringe? Discover your inner cactus?
Then COMMENT. Because somewhere out there, a screaming shrub believes in you.
Inner Me: Also, can someone tell Belladonna to stop feeding me glowing leaves?