(Present Time)
Kael Lanpar's POV
It was already a strange feeling—to cry uncontrollably, unable to suppress the emotions eating away at you from the inside, replaying over and over what you did... and what hurts the most.
In my case, it was losing control.
I could feel a sea of emotions slowly corrupting my body: rage, despair, guilt... That's what I feel. Guilt for having killed that murderer without even trying to stop myself.
Damn it... I could have knocked him out, I don't know, left him incapacitated. But instead, I cut him in two. I thought that by becoming stronger, I'd at least see a spark of hope—of no longer seeing blood.
Especially not blood spilled by my own hands.
I was locked in my room, in the dark, letting my solitude judge me for what I had done and scream at me about who I truly am.
Even if I don't want to, I can't find comfort, not even in my own family. Least of all in my mother... she saw me take that man's life.
And I'm just a boy—someone who's supposed to have just begun to live.
I can still feel my hand burning. On top of that, I have all these elements surrounding my body: fire, water, earth, wind, and lightning. Each one cloaking me as if they were a shield.
So this is what Astral Awakening through corruption feels like... In the end, I lost the battle against myself.
Mai was right: the soul is corrupted by the guilt of one who has already lived a life. You can't change who you really are; the only thing that changes is the mask you wear to hide your mistakes.
Knock knock...
Whoever's outside is just wasting their time. Right now, all I want is to be...
—"Kal, open the door, son," —that voice was my mother's— "My little one, I know it wasn't your choice."
I was ashamed for her to see me like this... but she's my mother. I promised myself in this life that I would never let them suffer. That I would never let them see me cry.
I wiped the tears still flowing from my glassy eyes, clenched my fists to endure the pain in my chest, then got down from the bed and slowly walked toward the door, guided by the light each element emitted.
I hesitated for a few minutes before opening it. I didn't want her to see me as a monster.
In my past life, they already saw me that way, and now... I didn't want history to repeat itself.
"Mother, leave... just let me be," I said, on the verge of breaking again.
For a moment, I heard nothing. Just the beating of my own heart.
I felt my legs slowly give out, my strength fading, and I ended up leaning against the door, still hesitating.
—"Son," —my mother spoke again— "When I saw you, I knew it wasn't really you—it was the pain... the pain of something I still don't understand.
I've carried guilt too... but let me be here with you."
Slowly, I got to my feet with the help of the door. Then I took the handle and turned it.
What I found behind it was my mother, crying, trying to remain as calm as she could—for me.
I didn't hesitate. I went straight into her arms, feeling that motherly love I had to leave behind in my previous life.
There, I felt safe.
A place where I could let all my pain escape, where there was no judgment—only comfort.
The kind I truly needed, after all this time.
—"It's not your fault, Kal. I know you didn't do it out of malice," my mother said through sobs as she held me tightly.
—"Forgive me, Mother," I whispered, before something slipped out that I hadn't meant to say. "Please don't see me as a monster... I don't want to be one."
—"You're not a monster!" —my mother cried, her tears flowing even harder— "You're not to blame for how cruel this world is… for how it refuses to forgive the innocence of simply living."
We stayed there, locked in an embrace, crying for a long time.
Each carrying our own guilt: my mother, for not being able to do anything… and me, for knowing I could've done more than just kill.
Once the tears finally stopped and I calmed down, I remained there in her arms, feeling—for the first time—at peace.
—"Kal," —my mother said, wiping her tears— "I know you're very young to understand this, but... even though you've learned that life is not something to be taken lightly, you need to understand that sometimes, there's nothing more you can do."
In a way, she was right.
Maybe ending him was the only way...
But how can you justify staining your hands with blood without feeling even a shred of remorse?
As illogical as it may sound, when I killed that bastard of a Prophet... I did feel sorry for him.
I never really understood what he wanted—what his true goal was—and maybe that's the problem:
Sometimes we don't understand what we're doing, and we just look for excuses to cover up the guilt.
Hours after calming down, I went to check on my sister and Alfin.
Mai was recovering well, apparently with no serious injuries.
But… Alfin was in critical condition.
From the window, I could see the mages doing everything in their power to heal him, using some kind of green energy I had never seen before.
—"Will Alfin be okay?" —I asked my mother, placing one hand on the glass.
—"The doctors here are the best on the continent. They come from our kingdom, Auroria, and from the elven kingdom, Silvarya," —she replied, visibly worried.
I stood there frozen for a moment, processing every word.
Until now, I had doubted the existence of other races.
Despite the magic, I had only ever seen humans.
And now that I'm paying attention… among the doctors, one of them has rather strange ears.
Hmm... So other races do exist. Where the hell did I reincarnate?
We spent a few minutes watching Alfin's operation progress, until a royal soldier came running in, visibly shaken.
—"Your Majesty," —the soldier said, panting, before bowing and making a scroll appear out of thin air— "You are urgently needed in the war council."
She took the scroll, nodded, and thanked the soldier.
She took a few moments to read it, then burned it with a flame that flickered from her hand.
She sighed, releasing a tension she had been holding in.
Besides being my mother, she was also the queen… and bearing both roles is an almost unbearable burden.
—"Mother," —I said, worried— "Is everything okay? Have you heard anything about Father or what happened at the palace?"
She looked at me with an expression that shattered my soul.
It was a look trying to mask deep worry, just to avoid dragging the people she loves into the hell she's enduring.
—"Everything's fine, Kal. Just reports on collateral damage… nothing serious," —she replied, but her trembling smile betrayed her.
Something was beginning to unsettle me about the attacker who tried to kill me:
He used a sub-element. Only certain clans can do that—and in this case, it was the element of darkness.
Only the Midorians are capable of controlling it…
And beyond that, something else disturbed me even more:
I don't remember anything after the blow to my head.
That wouldn't be strange—if it weren't for the fact that I've also forgotten moments throughout this life that I feel were important...
—"Mom... what if we go visit Mai, see how she's doing?" —I said, setting aside—for now—that void in my mind.
She simply nodded and began walking, motioning for me to follow.
Before leaving, I looked at Alfin one last time, wishing with all my heart that he would recover... that nothing bad would happen to him.
We walked for quite a while toward the underground medical center of the castle, where numerous royal doctors worked—each one completely trustworthy.
Despite being underground, the place was majestic.
The descending staircase was made of a kind of hard quartz that perfectly reflected its surroundings.
The white walls were adorned with golden candelabras, casting a light that felt almost sacred.
When we reached the door to the medical room, we were greeted by two hooded figures.
They were members of Alkaster. I couldn't see their faces because of their masks, but I managed to hear their code names: Phoenix and Wolf.
—"There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Kal," —my mother spoke, breaking the silence— "I want you to take it with maturity."
I simply nodded, looking her in the eyes, hoping it wasn't something terrible… and praying I wouldn't have to face news of someone's death.
—"Soon, you and your sister will have to leave… the kingdom…" —she paused for a moment, taking a breath— "It's not safe here for you anymore, especially after what just happened."
She knelt down to my level, placing her index finger on my chest—right over my heart.
—"You, my son… weren't lucky enough to live a peaceful life, and that pains me," —she said, holding back her tears— "But don't let a bad moment steal your smile."
—"I know you didn't ask for your emotions to overwhelm you," —she continued— "And even if you lost the battle… you're still standing to finish the war. Kal, your Astral Awakening… it's not a curse."
I stood frozen, unable to say anything. I didn't want to leave them. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened and I hadn't tried to prevent it. I already lost one family… I won't lose another.
—"But… why?" —I shouted— "Why do we have to leave? I don't want to lose you! You're my family!"
I saw her jaw clench, her teeth grinding as she held back the rage of having to let her only children go.
Meanwhile, I was already losing myself to despair, saying things that didn't even make sense anymore.
—"Why don't you come with us? You can't leave us! You're our parents!" —I cried out, letting everything spill out.
—"Kael!" —my mother shouted, on the verge of tears— "We are the King and Queen, even if you don't understand… and I see you don't. Our duty is also to the kingdom."
I had to swallow hard. I didn't want to lose control again. I didn't want to seem weak… though I already had.
—"I know," —I said, clenching my fists— "I understand you're the rulers… but more than that, you're our parents."
She stood up and looked toward the ceiling, wiping away her tears. I had made her cry twice already, and still, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was losing them.
—"Let's go see your sister," —she said, finishing drying her face. Then she held out her hand— "We'll talk about this more calmly later, okay?"
I didn't respond. I just took her hand. I didn't even know what to say anymore. I wasn't in my best moment… and I knew that well.
When we entered the room, I saw my sister bandaged up, complaining because she didn't want to eat her food.
—"How ironic," —I murmured to myself, smiling for the first time that day— "After everything that happened… I ended up laughing."
—"Big brother! Mother!" —Mai shouted excitedly when she saw us— "How are you? And Alfin? Is he better now?"
We spent the rest of the day laughing, talking about anything that could help us forget reality, even if only for a moment.
It was a false comfort, of course… because sometimes ignorance is a refuge. But when you already know the truth, hiding the pain becomes almost impossible.
When night came, I looked at the clock in the room and let a few silent tears fall, while I asked myself once more:
Why was I reincarnated… if I only keep suffering more each time?
This time, however, an answer came.
More than an answer… it was a blurry memory.
My father's voice… from my previous life.
"Live, son."
I don't remember clearly if those words were really his, but… I want to live.
Even if I have to keep suffering for things I never asked for, this time I won't fail.
I won't lose my family.
I won't let Matías Castleboard return.
For a moment, I felt my veins burn with uncontrollable fire.
On each side of my body, the five elements appeared, forming a spiral.
This… is the power of Astral Magic.
The power of the human spirit.
A power not even the gods can control…
Because we…
have something called will.