Even with things that are absolute nonsense,
I want to try leaving them up to someone else,
As long as that someone is you
—Nonsense Philosophy
▝■▙▚▛■▜▞▟■▘
December 2014
The utopian possibility of a space for these two girls' love, even when there is no space other than in the depths of their own hearts…
They'd been assigned to read Nobuko Yoshiya's Yellow Rose over the break. It hit Dazai almost as hard as Confessions of a Mask had, and certainly left a lasting impact. It was a sobering reminder of the societal expectations placed on women, and the ways in which those expectations affected queer women in particular. Even as a man, Dazai could relate to some of the struggles the protagonist faced (though he was immensely grateful that no one in his life expected him to marry someone of the opposite sex, or even marry at all).
The story was short, so Dazai finished a few days into their break. They hadn't been assigned any other work, which meant Dazai had too much time on his hands, and unfortunately, Chuuya's volleyball practices were ramping up as his team prepared for Nationals (apparently they'd qualified at some point, Dazai honestly couldn't keep track) which meant that he was busy most days. Yosano had invited him to the holiday party that Oda and Ango were throwing on Christmas Eve, though, so at least Dazai would have the chance to bother him then.
On the 23rd, Dazai went to the mall. He had a lot of holiday shopping to do, which was bothersome, but at least his friends were (mostly) easy to shop for. Oda, for example, liked pretty much anything Dazai gave him, so Dazai bought him a kitschy mug that read #1 Dad. Ango had specifically asked for wool socks, because he was an old man, and for Ranpo Dazai simply put together another bag of snacks, since that was always a safe bet.
Yosano was the tricky one. It felt as if he'd shopped for her birthday only yesterday, and once again, Dazai was uninspired. He ended up getting her another box of chocolates that were slightly more expensive than the last ones he'd bought and an apron emblazoned with the words ' Kiss the Chef' . Dazai planned to cross out the word 'chef' and write 'doctor' in its place, since she'd probably think that was funny.
Dazai considered skipping Chuuya's gift, since he honestly had no clue what Chuuya would want, but he'd rather not receive a lecture from Yosano. Maybe I should get him some dog biscuits, he mused as he pushed his shopping cart down the pet supply aisle. Or—
Dazai paused, eyes fixed on a chew toy resembling a chihuahua (why they would make a dog for dogs to chew on, he had no idea). "It's perfect," he murmured to himself. If not for the fact that the toy contained a squeaker inside, it would have been impossible to distinguish from a regular stuffed animal.
Dazai tossed the toy into his cart and went to check out, smiling as he imagined Chuuya's reaction to receiving the gift. "He's gonna be sooo pissed," he mumbled as he got in line, drawing a confused stare from the old lady in front of him. He ignored her and grabbed a roll of real wrapping paper from the checkout aisle (he was getting tired of taping together printer paper, after all).
Chuuya was still at practice when Dazai returned to the dorm, so he took the chance to edit Yosano's apron and wrap the presents. Yosano's, Oda's and Ango's went into boxes Dazai had bought last week, while Ranpo's snacks he packed into a paper bag before covering them with purple tissue paper.
He saved Chuuya's present for last. Rather than put it in a box, he wrapped the toy directly so that the shape was very clearly visible. It looked hilarious, but he did end up having to hide the gifts in his closet once he was done, since Chuuya's would be a dead giveaway if he were to see it before the party.
The following afternoon, Dazai packed the gifts into a tote bag and headed to Oda and Ango's. Chuuya had practice until 4, so he'd come after that. When Dazai arrived, Oda and Ango were just finishing up the decorations. They'd pinned silver and gold tinsel around the room, and a scraggly-but-real Christmas tree stood proudly in the corner, strung with colored lights and an odd assortment of homemade ornaments.
"Looks great," Dazai commented as he pushed his gifts under the tree. There was a small pile beneath it already, and Dazai spotted at least one with his own name on it. "It really is too bad you don't have a fireplace, though. There's no way Santa's visiting you this year."
"You don't have one, either," Ango pointed out. "Though I suppose it doesn't matter much, seeing as he'd only give you coal."
Dazai stared at Ango. "Did you…did you just make a joke?"
"I have been known to do so from time to time," Ango replied.
" Really?" Dazai teased, poking Ango's cheek. "Could've fooled me."
Ango frowned and opened his mouth to reply, but was abruptly cut off by Ranpo's incessant knocking at the door.
Yosano arrived soon after Ranpo, and the space beneath the tree slowly but surely began to fill with gifts of all shapes and sizes. The apartment was pleasantly warm, smelling of cinnamon and nutmeg from the cookies Oda had baked.
Chuuya was the last to arrive. He contributed a bottle of wine, as expected, and a bag of gifts to add to the growing pile. No one wanted to cook, so they ended up ordering sushi from their usual place and eating in a circle on the living room floor. Dazai found himself sandwiched between Yosano and Chuuya, which was super convenient for stealing Chuuya's food.
"You don't even like spicy tuna," Chuuya complained as Dazai stole another roll.
Dazai popped the roll in his mouth and made a face. "True," he agreed, "but stolen food has a really nice flavor to it—ouchie! No violence on Christmas Eve, Chuuya!" He complained as Chuuya flicked him in the forehead.
"I'm pretty sure it's allowed, as long as it's you," Chuuya replied.
"He makes a fair point," Yosano seconded.
After dinner, Oda began passing out gifts. They took turns—opening Ango's gifts first, Ranpo's second, and so on. From Ango, Dazai received a pair of noise-canceling headphones, which was quite considerate given that Dazai's current pair had been falling apart for months now. Oda got him a cashmere sweater so soft that it posed no risk of irritating his skin, and Ranpo got him a month's supply of canned crab.
To Dazai's surprise, Chuuya had gotten him a gift as well. It was a keychain with a cartoon mummy charm attached to it, along with—
"Is that a dog whistle?" Dazai asked, snickering.
Chuuya flushed. "It's for self defense," he snapped. "So you'd better not use it unless it's a realemergency."
Dazai snorted. "I can't believe you're finally accepting your role as my dog," he taunted.
"I'm not your goddamn dog—"
"Could've fooled me~"
Ranpo brought a fist down on both of their heads. "No arguing on Christmas, kids."
"It's Christmas Eve," Dazai pointed out.
"That hurt!" Chuuya complained.
Dazai passed out his presents next. Yosano loved hers, and both Oda and Ango looked pleased as well. Ranpo was delighted by the wide selection of candy Dazai had bought him, and tore into it immediately.
"Don't you dare give yourself another stomachache," Yosano threatened. "I'm not about to play doctor on my only night off."
Chuuya had yet to open his present. He was examining the wrapping job, looking simultaneously exasperated and amused. "Did you run out of boxes or something?" He asked dryly.
Dazai rolled his eyes. "Just open it already, slug."
Chuuya tore the paper off, revealing the toy. He stared at the dog for a full minute before asking, incredulously, "Did you get me a chew toy?"
Ranpo cackled as Dazai tried to appear innocent. "Of course not!" Chuuya gave him a flat look and squeezed the toy. A loud squeak! rang out, and Dazai backtracked. "Okay, well, it was in the pet section, but that doesn't necessarily make it a chew toy!"
"I can't believe you," Chuuya grumbled. He didn't look as upset as Dazai had hoped he would. "You're lucky it's a cute dog."
Dazai's jaw dropped. "You like it?"
"It's a dog," Chuuya pointed out. "I like dogs."
"It's a chew toy," Dazai stated.
Chuuya looked smug. "So you admit it?"
There was no way to win this one, Dazai knew already. He sighed and said, "Fine. Yes, it's a chew toy. Also, you are not reacting appropriately!"
Chuuya raised his eyebrows. "Are you trying to get me to punch you? You can just ask for that, you know."
Ranpo groaned loudly. " Please go flirt on your own time," he complained. "Some of us are trying to eat."
"Before you make yourself sick on candy," Yosano said, giving Ranpo a pointed glance, "I have an announcement. Rather than buy physical gifts this year…" Yosano smiled and pulled a thick, yellow envelope from her purse. "I got us a trip to Hakone for New Year's!" The group erupted excitedly as she continued, "The place we're staying has five bedrooms, two bathrooms. I figured Oda and Ango can share a bed. Dazai and Chuuya too, if Chuuya wants to come."
"Awfully presumptuous," Dazai mumbled.
Chuuya reached over and pinched Dazai's leg. "You say that as if we don't live together already."
"I got singles for me and Ranpo, since Mushitarou and Poe are both out of town anyway," Yosano continued.
"Who's the last room for?" Ango inquired.
Yosano glanced at Ranpo. "How would you feel about inviting Kenji and Kyouka?"
"Who're they?" Chuuya whispered to Dazai.
"Kyouka's Ranpo's adopted sister," Dazai mumbled back. "I have no clue who Kenji is, though."
"Kenji is Kyouka's boyfriend," Ranpo informed Dazai and Chuuya, because of course he'd heard them. "It's a recent development, but they've known each other a long time. I'll ask them if they're free," he added, addressing Yosano.
"Sounds good," Yosano replied. "We leave the 30th at 3 PM, and return the 2nd around noon. That work for everyone?"
"Works for us," Oda answered.
"Me too," Chuuya chimed in. "Thanks for the invite."
Yosano looked pleased. "Sure thing."
Despite the rooming situation, Dazai was excited to get out of town. It had been ages since he'd traveled further than Tokyo, and even longer since he'd escaped the city.
This will be good for me, he decided. This is what I need.
▝■▙▚▛■▜▞▟■▘
Dazai's final therapy session of the year was on the 30th at 1 PM. He'd packed beforehand, even though he'd technically have a whole hour after the appointment, since they were just meeting at Oda and Ango's (though Oda's car wasn't big enough to fit them all, so they planned to rent an 8-passenger van for the trip).
Dazai had told himself he wouldn't, but he still managed to take up half of his therapy appointment talking about their plans. Fukuzawa listened patiently, and when Dazai paused to breathe, he asked, "How do you feel about rooming with Chuuya?"
Dazai shrugged. "Nothing new, right?"
"Do you usually share a bed?" Fukuzawa asked.
"No, but—wait a minute. How'd you know we're sharing a bed?" Dazai asked, suspicious. Yosano had informed him last night that there'd only be one—she'd sounded downright gleeful on the phone, which was never a good sign—but he was certain he hadn't mentioned that part to Fukuzawa.
"Lucky guess," Fukuzawa replied.
"Fair enough," Dazai sighed. "It'll be fine, probably. Chuuya's a pretty calm sleeper, and he doesn't snore that loudly."
"Still, I'm surprised you're not more opposed to the idea," Fukuzawa remarked.
"I was at first," Dazai admitted. "I mean, we're not in a relationship or whatever. Still, I'd rather Yosano not have to pay for an extra room, or one with two beds."
"That's very considerate," Fukuzawa replied.
"Yes, well, I have been known to do nice things for my friends every now and then," Dazai said dryly.
Fukuzawa smiled slightly at that. "I've never claimed otherwise."
They didn't really talk about anything important during the session, but Dazai came away from it feeling good, and he was sure the next few days could only get better.
Dazai and Chuuya made it to Oda and Ango's a few minutes early and loaded their duffel bags into the back of the van, while Ranpo, Kenji and Kyouka showed up right at three. Dazai smiled at Kyouka and gave her a small wave—she might not even remember him, as far as he knew—before introducing himself to Kenji. "I'm Dazai," he said, holding out a hand.
Kenji's grip was crushing, but judging by his friendly smile, Dazai guessed that it was entirely unintentional. "It's nice to meet you!" He chirped. "I've heard a bit about you from Ranpo."
"Only good things, I hope," Dazai said, shooting a pointed look at Ranpo.
Kenji laughed. "Nothing too awful," he assured Dazai.
They got on the road at 3:05. The trip was just under an hour, but it felt longer thanks to how cramped the backseat was. Dazai was jammed between Chuuya and Ranpo—how he'd ended up with the middle seat was beyond him—and Chuuya's elbow dug into Dazai's side for practically the entire drive. Although the snow from last week had all but melted, patches of white lined the roads as they grew closer to Hakone. By the time they arrived, the snow on the ground was at least 20 centimeters deep, and the clouds threatened to deposit even more.
The house they were staying at—though really it was more of a large cabin—was quaint, and located at the base of Mount Hakone. The view of the mountain was beautiful, despite being partially blocked by tall trees. The air smelled like pine needles and snow; Dazai took deep breaths to replace the stale car air that lingered in his lungs.
The interior of the cabin was cozy, with a fireplace in the corner of the living room, and over-stuffed, comfortable-looking couches piled with cushions all over the place. The rugs were soft, the walls made of dark wood and the ceilings lofty and high. Once they'd explored the downstairs, Dazai and Chuuya claimed one of the upstairs bedrooms—there were three in total, while the other two were on the first floor, down the hall from the living room.
After dropping off their things and freshening up, the group congregated downstairs in the kitchen and put together a tentative grocery list. Once they were sure they'd included all of the necessities, they headed out to grab lunch, since none of them particularly felt like shopping on an empty stomach.
As they drove into town, Ango tapped at his phone and announced, "I found an izakaya not too far from here. Everyone okay with that?" Everyone responded enthusiastically, so Ango got to work directing Oda. They arrived at the izakaya close to ten minutes later and found a large booth at the back. As they perused the menus, Yosano, Ango and Kenji began making plans for New Year's Eve. Chuuya and Ranpo chimed in occasionally, but Dazai was content to watch, as were Oda and Kyouka.
The two of them are sort of similar, Dazai realized. They sat side by side, sandwiched between Kenji and Ango, and wore identical stoic expressions as they studied their menus. When a waitress brought their waters over, Oda passed Kyouka's to her without a word, and she accepted it with a silent nod of thanks.
"So," Yosano said once their orders had been taken. "Dazai, Oda, Kyouka, since we haven't heard from you three, how do you feel about going to a bar around eight and returning around ten? I want to be here for the midnight countdown."
"I am fine with that," Oda confirmed.
"As am I," Kyouka agreed quietly.
"Sounds dandy to me," Dazai replied.
"Sweet," said Yosano. "We'll stock up on liquor at the grocery store so that we have plenty for the afterparty. Wine, too," she added with a glance at Chuuya, who offered a smile in return. It really was unnerving how well they got along.
They ended up buying enough alcohol to supply a group much larger than their own. Dazai wasn't entirely sure they'd finish it all, but then again, Yosano and Oda both had higher tolerances, and Dazai could drink a fair amount himself. He'd have to remember to keep an eye on Chuuya, though; he didn't particularly want to end the night watching over Chuuya as he puked his guts out in the bathroom they shared with Ranpo, especially since Ranpo would assume that him looking out for Chuuya meant something.
(It didn't, of course. Dazai had to make sure he stayed alive, now that Yosano had grown fond of him. That was it, really.)
▝■▙▚▛■▜▞▟■▘
Oda cooked them eggs for dinner, and afterwards they played card games until after midnight. Sometime around 12:30, everyone retired to their rooms. Dazai had mostly managed to distract himself all day so that he wouldn't have to think about the sleeping situation, but now he had no choice but to come to terms with it.
"If you kick me in your sleep, you're dead," Chuuya stated before stealing the bathroom first to shower.
Dazai rolled his eyes and went to get changed for bed. He'd shower at some point tomorrow, he decided. After climbing into bed, Dazai wondered briefly if Chuuya would buy him being asleep when he got back. Dazai was pretty good at faking it, but Chuuya was obnoxiously perceptive, so Dazai doubted he could fool him.
When Chuuya came out of the bathroom with a towel around his neck, wearing only a pair of sleep shorts, Dazai pretended to be engrossed in something on his phone until Chuuya had gotten into bed. Then, there was no avoiding it.
"You're not going to wear a shirt?" Dazai asked flatly.
"Why would I? It's nothing you haven't seen," Chuuya pointed out.
Dazai did not need that reminder. "It's distracting."
Chuuya snorted. "Deal with it." He pulled the covers over himself and rolled onto his back while Dazai sat up to shut off the lamp on the nightstand. Once the room was dark, Chuuya said, "See? Now you can't be distracted."
Dazai sighed, beleaguered. "I can feel your body heat."
"I'm not even touching you."
"Maybe you should be."
"..."
"You know, so I don't get cold. You wouldn't want me to get sick, would you Chuuu-yaaa?" Dazai drew out the syllables of his name obnoxiously.
Chuuya's foot met his shin beneath the covers. "Wouldn't that just distract you more?"
"I'm already distracted," Dazai pointed out. "Might as well make it worth my time." He reached out a hand and touched Chuuya's collarbone. It felt angular and warm beneath his fingers. Dazai slid his hand up Chuuya's neck to take his pulse, and found it jumping erratically. When Dazai stroked his thumb across Chuuya's jugular, it only worsened. This is fun, Dazai thought, amused. I wonder if I could give Chuuya a heart attack?
Then again, Dazai would be so jealous if Chuuya were to die before him.
"Are you being suicidal right now?" Chuuya asked suspiciously, voice only slightly strained. "I can feel your thoughts getting weird."
Dazai smirked. "Oh? What kind of weird are my thoughts, shorty?"
"You know what I mean!" Chuuya hissed, obviously irked. "Stop thinking about death and fucking sleep already!"
"Isn't sleep just death practice?" Dazai remarked. He closed his hand around Chuuya's far shoulder and tugged so that Chuuya was forced to face him.
"What kind of deranged idea is that?" Chuuya snapped. "Sleep is necessary for life!"
"Life is necessary for death," Dazai countered.
"I hate you."
"Hehe."
"...I really hate you."
They both fell silent, and for a moment Dazai wondered if Chuuya had gone to sleep, just like that. Then, a minute later, Dazai felt the bed shift, and Chuuya's body pressed against his. An arm wrapped around Dazai's waist, and Dazai felt hair tickling the juncture of his neck and shoulder.
"Don't say anything," Chuuya warned.
And oh, Dazai wanted to. He wanted to say, ' I never knew you could be such a little octopus, Chuuya! Perhaps I misjudged what type of animal you are!' or 'I knew you didn't want me to freeze to death! You must really care about me, huh?' He should say something, turn Chuuya's closeness into some kind of joke.
Dazai turned slightly so that he faced Chuuya. Even in the near-pitch dark of the room, he could make out Chuuya's closed eyes and parted lips. He was almost asleep, probably.
Dazai impulsively pressed a kiss to Chuuya's forehead. When he pulled away, Chuuya's mouth twitched.
"Don't say anything," Dazai threatened.
"Wasn't gonna," Chuuya mumbled back.
▝■▙▚▛■▜▞▟■▘
The next morning was spent eating blueberry pancakes made by Ango and constructing an igloo in the yard. The igloo was Kenji's idea, and both he and Kyouka were impressively fast workers, so Dazai could hardly keep up. Oda helped as well, while Ranpo sat inside of the igloo, watching with a bored expression and munching on snacks as the walls of snow built up around him.
Chuuya had opted to stay inside with Yosano and Ango. Dazai couldn't begin to imagine what the three of them were discussing; Yosano and Chuuya certainly clicked, as did Ango and Yosano, but Dazai had hardly seen Ango interact with Chuuya enough to know how that interaction would go. Dazai almost wished he could be a fly on the wall, just to observe that conversation.
"Dazai, bring me some juice," Ranpo commanded just as Dazai decided to take a break from packing snow into brick-shapes using a plastic container he'd borrowed from the kitchen.
Dazai sighed, shaking out his exhausted arms, and said, "Fine. What kind of juice?"
Ranpo contemplated that for a moment. "Hmm. Raspberry lemonade," he answered finally.
Dazai was pretty sure they didn't have raspberry lemonade. Actually, he wasn't sure if they had regular lemonade, or any juice at all. Still, saying no to Ranpo was impossible. "I'll see what I can do," he replied.
"Thanks, Dazai!" Ranpo said cheerfully. "Ooh, grab me some chocolate biscuits while you're at it!"
Dazai waved a hand over his shoulder to signal that he'd heard the request before heading inside.
Chuuya, Yosano and Ango were in the living room. When Dazai appeared, Yosano glanced up and said, flatly, "Tell Ranpo that if he wants strawberry lemonade he can go to the store and get it himself. He should've put it on the shopping list if he wanted it."
"Raspberry lemonade," Dazai corrected. "That's what he said, anyway. Also, do we have any chocolate biscuits?"
"I did get those," Ango replied. "They should be in the far left cupboard, over the dishwasher."
"You know, for someone who refers to me as a dog, you're an awful lot like one when Ranpo calls for anything," Chuuya cut in, smiling mockingly.
"It's Ranpo's world, we're all just living in it," Dazai said with a shrug. "If you're trying to rile me up, it isn't working. Anyway," he added pointedly, "if I'm a dog, then I'm a nice, well-bred one, not a mangy little mutt like yourself."
Chuuya bristled. "Oi—"
Yosano stopped him with an arm. "Don't let him get to you," she warned. "He's just trying to provoke you."
"I know that!" Chuuya snapped.
Dazai batted his eyelashes. "Do you, now? Why is it that it works every time, then?"
"It works because you're a menace," Ango said, exasperated. "Don't you think Chuuya's earned himself a break from your personality, if only for an hour?"
" Earned?" Dazai repeated. "How about what Ideserve?"
Yosano gave him a flat look. "What do you think you deserve?"
"To bother Chuuya," Dazai said with a grin. Yosano swatted at him before Chuuya could, and Dazai retreated, laughing. "Fine, I'll give you an hour," he said to Chuuya. "Use your time wisely."
Chuuya growled. "You're not the boss of me, you—"
Dazai left before he finished talking, heading straight to the kitchen to fetch the biscuits for Ranpo. He poured a glass of orange juice as well—it was the only juice they had, and Dazai figured it was better than nothing.
When Dazai returned to Ranpo, Ranpo said, "Bet you took so long 'cause you were flirting with Chuuya again."
"I don't flirt with Chuuya," Dazai replied. Ranpo gave him a skeptical look, and he amended, "Not intentionally, anyway." He passed Ranpo the juice and biscuits before taking a seat beside him in the snow. Kenji and Kyouka were still stacking snow bricks up around them—the walls were nearly taller than Kyouka already—while Oda worked on putting together the bricks a few feet away.
Ranpo took a sip of the juice and made a face. "This isn't raspberry lemonade."
Dazai shrugged. "Yosano said you should've added it to the list."
Ranpo looked cross. "Well, I didn't think of it then!" He complained.
Dazai couldn't help but laugh. "I thought you were supposed to be the genius."
"You know as well as I do that genius doesn't mean shit," Ranpo replied matter of factly.
Dazai did know. "It is tiring, though, being so smart all of the time," he said thoughtfully.
Ranpo snorted. "You're only smart when it comes to school, and knowing things. People, on the other hand…"
"Hey!" Dazai said, only mildly offended. "I'm a people person, I'll have you know."
"You're a people pleaser," Ranpo pointed out. "That's not the same thing."
Dazai huffed indignantly. "I'm not a—"
"You are," Ranpo cut in rudely. "It's funny that you don't see it, though. The rest of us can."
"How is it possible for me to be a people pleaser andan asshole? Since I'm both, according to you," Dazai said pointedly.
Ranpo shrugged. "Beats me."
Kenji slid the final snow brick into place over their heads and blocked out the light. Dazai heard a muffled cheer, and a moment later Kenji, Oda and Kyouka crawled into the igloo.
"Good work, everyone!" Kenji chirped. "I think it turned out great!"
"It's quite good," Oda agreed. "Kyouka-chan is a clever builder, and Kenji-kun as well."
Kyouka turned a bit pink at the compliment. "I didn't do that much," she said.
"Nah, you were great," Ranpo drawled, reaching over to ruffle Kyouka's hair. "Trust me, I don't give credit where it isn't due."
"Do I get a head pat, Ranpo?" Dazai simpered.
"Nah," Ranpo answered. "You mostly just sat around, anyway."
Dazai pretended to be offended by that. "I brought you snacks!"
"It's the wrong juice," Ranpo reminded him.
"That's not on me," Dazai replied primly. "It's on Yosano." In reality, it was obviously Ranpo's fault for not adding it to the list, but Dazai knew better than to go head-to-head with him.
Ranpo shot a text to Yosano, and she crawled into the igloo a few minutes later, followed by Ango and Chuuya. It was a bit of a tight fit, so Dazai ended up practically in Chuuya's lap. Chuuya was too bony to be comfortable, but at least he was warm.
"We should start a campfire in the middle!" Kenji suggested enthusiastically.
Ango looked appalled. "There's no space for that! And anyway, you didn't make a chimney."
Kenji snapped his fingers. "I knew I was forgetting something!"
"I can make a hole in the ceiling right now, if someone gets me a knife," Kyouka suggested.
"No one's lighting any fires in here," Ango declared firmly. "That would be a major safety hazard."
"Boo," called Ranpo, hands cupped around his mouth.
"Buzzkill," Dazai contributed.
"Better a buzzkill than dead," Ango shot back.
"I'll go get a lighter," Kenji announced before scrambling out of the igloo.
Yosano just sipped her wine calmly. Dazai wasn't sure how she'd managed to bring it in without spilling a drop. "This should be interesting," she drawled.
"You're not going to stop him?" Ango asked her, aghast.
"Why should I?" Yosano replied. "This could be fun."
Ango looked at Oda desperately, and Oda sighed. "Unfortunately, Ango is right," he conceded. "We should not set a fire."
"I'll go get Kenji," Kyouka offered. She left the igloo, returning a minute later dragging Kenji by the wrist.
"Sorry, Kenji," Oda apologized.
"Yeah, sorry that Ango's such a wet blanket," Dazai chirped.
Ango glared at Dazai. "I'm sorry I don't have a death wish like you do!"
"We'll set off fireworks later tonight," Yosano promised Kenji consolingly.
Kenji perked up at once. "Can we get sparklers?" He asked hopefully.
"Sure," Yosano replied, voice fond. She seemed to have a soft spot for Kenji, same as she did for Kyouka (and Ranpo, and Oda, and Ango, and Chuuya too. Actually, Dazai seemed to be the only one she didn't have a soft spot for. He wasn't offended by that, though; he knew Yosano cared about him in her own way).
They ended up heading to town to buy fireworks after lunch, and returned with a trunk full of sparklers, among other things. Dazai lazed about for a few hours after that and watched along with Ranpo and Ango as the others participated in a game of Uno (Ango didn't care for the game, while Ranpo and Dazai had both been permanently banned from playing for various reasons).
The group ate a quick dinner around 7 before splitting up. Dazai followed Chuuya back to their room and pushed past him, grabbing the shower before Chuuya could. He ignored Chuuya banging on the door and unwrapped his bandages before stepping into the hot water with a sigh. Chuuya's hammering stopped eventually, and Dazai could imagine him storming off in a huff to complain to the others about Dazai taking the first shower. The thought made him smile.
Chuuya showered immediately after him, and Dazai took the opportunity to re-wrap his bandages and start figuring out what the hell he was going to wear out tonight. He hadn't brought many clothes; apart from his underwear, he'd packed exactly four shirts—two of them long-sleeved button downs and the other two long-sleeved t-shirts—along with a hoodie, three pairs of pants and two pairs of sneakers.
When Chuuya came out of the shower, releasing a thick cloud of steam into the room, he found Dazai examining a couple of options that he'd laid out on the bed.
"Wear the dark blue button down," Chuuya ordered. "Black pants, and your converse."
Immaturely, Dazai stuck his tongue out at Chuuya. "Don't tell me what to wear. I'm your master, or have you forgotten?"
Chuuya took a deep breath and refused to let himself be provoked. "I'm only suggesting it," he replied, voice obnoxiously even. "Take it or leave it." He paused before adding, "'Course, if you wanna look ugly, that's up to you."
"Silly slug," Dazai retaliated. "I couldn't be ugly if I tried."
Chuuya considered that before replying, "You look good in that shade of blue. The black looks good with the blue, too, and the shoes don't distract from the color. That's why I suggested it." He lifted his eyebrows pointedly, as if to say, ' just try and argue with that logic'.
Dazai wanted to argue—he did— but when he opened his mouth, all that came out was, "Chuuya thinks I look good?" He sounded a little too surprised, so he added a smirk to piss Chuuya off.
"In that shade of blue," Chuuya repeated. "Not in general."
Dazai tilted his head. "You sound like you're lying."
"I'm not," Chuuya insisted. Then he frowned. "Lying about which part?"
"Not thinking I look good in general," Dazai replied easily. "You stare at me too much for that to be the case."
"Would you stop bringing that up?" Chuuya grumbled, clearly embarrassed. "And need I remind you that you stare even more than I do?"
You have a staring problem, so it's pretty obvious when you find someone attractive, Ranpo had said. Damn him . "And what of it?"
Chuuya gave him a long look. "Fucking nevermind," he said, rolling his eyes. "Wear what you want."
Dazai wore the blue shirt, because Chuuya was unfortunately right—he did look good in that shade of blue. Even worse, his black pants were the only ones that went with the shirt, and his converse were the nicest pair of shoes he'd brought.
Dazai heaved a sigh once he'd finished tying his shoes. "Happy now?" He asked Chuuya. When there was no response, he glanced behind him and found Chuuya intently comparing two shirts in front of the mirror. One was wine red and semi-sheer, while the other was a simple black button down.
Dazai came up behind Chuuya and poked his bare shoulder. Chuuya jumped slightly. "Huh?"
"Wear the red," Dazai demanded.
Chuuya frowned. "Doesn't it clash with my hair?"
Dazai grimaced. "It'll look good, trust me," he admitted grudgingly. "And anyway it goes better with your jeans. But whatever. Take it or leave it." God,saying that was embarrassing.
Chuuya nodded slowly and finally turned away from the mirror to take in Dazai's outfit. He smirked and said, "Who's the dog now?"
Dazai shook his head, irritated. "Still you. It just so happened that you were right for once in your life."
"I have taste," Chuuya insisted.
Dazai laughed soundly at that. "You wear fedoras."
"You know they're pork pies, you —!"
"Chuuya."
"What," Chuuya hissed.
"Wear the red shirt," Dazai replied.
Chuuya sighed. "You really prefer that one?"
"I prefer you with no shirt, but I suppose that one will do nicely, if you must wear one," Dazai said slyly.
Chuuya used the black shirt to whip Dazai in the arm. "Shut the hell up. I'm only wearing it 'cause you're wearing the outfit I picked out and I don't wanna owe you shit."
"Whatever you say," Dazai said smugly.
Chuuya tossed the black shirt onto the bed before pulling the red shirt over his head. It caught on his hair a bit, so Dazai instinctively reached over and yanked the shirt roughly over his head.
"Asshole," grumbled Chuuya as he smoothed the shirt into place. "How's it look?"
Hot, Dazai didn't say. "Not entirely horrible."
"I suppose that's enough for me," Chuuya relented as he pulled on his black combat boots. They looked good with the shirt, and his dark grey jeans too, Dazai had to admit.
Dazai and Chuuya headed to the living room to meet the others. They were all dressed nicely, especially Yosano, who flaunted the earrings Ango and Oda had gotten for her birthday. As they approached the group, Yosano whistled and Ranpo called, "Who dressed who?"
"I picked out his outfit," Chuuya bragged.
"Well, I picked out your shirt," Dazai retorted.
"So you dressed each other," Yosano stated, unimpressed. "Chuuya did a better job."
Chuuya shot a glare at Dazai. "You told me the shirt didn't clash with my hair!"
"I never said that," Dazai pointed out. "I just said it'd look good on you."
"I think it looks nice!" Kenji complimented. "Red looks great on you, Chuuya-san!"
Chuuya looked pleased to hear that. "Thanks, Kenji-kun," he replied.
"Are you all ready?" Ango cut in. "It's almost nine, so I'd like to get going."
"Yes, yes, Mr. Punctual," Yosano said dismissively, pushing herself off the couch and heading to the door, followed by the others
"We said we'd leave around eight—"
Dazai stopped in his tracks and gasped. "Does this make us…fashionably late?" He widened his eyes dramatically. "How horrendous!"
Chuuya whacked the back of his head. "Stop tormenting Ango and move, you fish-faced bastard."
"Heh."
The drive to the bar was about ten minutes. It was already crammed with people, most of whom would likely be there for the midnight countdown. Dazai was glad they were leaving before then; he wanted to start the new year with his friends, and his friends alone.
Dazai shoved through the crowd, losing sight of most of their group in the process. Kyouka was too short to be seen, though Dazai was sure she was wherever Kenji was. Oda and Ango were close by, but not close enough to be heard over the din, while Yosano and Ranpo were nowhere in sight.
Dazai felt Chuuya's hand take his own and hold on tight. Dazai dragged him over to the bar and ordered himself a whisky and a wine for Chuuya.
"You got cheap wine," Chuuya yelled at Dazai. Dazai could still barely hear him; it was lucky he could read lips.
"I'm not made of money, Chuuya," he yelled back.
Chuuya rolled his eyes and drank the wine anyway, though he made a theatrically disgusted face as he did so. Snob, thought Dazai as he tried not to snicker.
They managed to find Ranpo, Kenji and Kyouka eventually in the middle of the dance floor, and Yosano, Oda and Ango located them a few minutes later. Dazai felt safe, surrounded by his group like this, and he pretended not to notice that he still held Chuuya's hand.
It was too loud for conversation, so they focused most of their energy on dancing. Dazai made sure to dance close enough to Chuuya that he could get away with whacking him a few times, just to provoke him. "Silly me!" he yelled at Chuuya after the fifth time it happened. "I'm such a klutz!"
"I know you're doing this on purpose, asshole," Chuuya yelled back, grabbing the front of Dazai's shirt and yanking him closer. "So knock it off!"
Dazai grinned as Chuuya shook him. "It's not my fault I'm so uncoordinated," he said. His face was close enough to Chuuya's that he didn't even have to shout. "Maybe Chuuya should teach me how to dance."
"You know how to dance," Chuuya accused. "You're just faking being clumsy to annoy me."
"Is it working?"
Chuuya groaned, letting his head fall forward to meet Dazai's chest. Dazai's skin jumped at the sudden contact. "Why don't you ever just ask me to kiss you?" He asked, voice slightly muffled by Dazai's shirt. "I can tell you're bored."
Bored. Dazai felt his lips curve up against his will. "Do you want to kiss me, slug?"
Chuuya lifted his head, meeting Dazai's eyes unapologetically. "You know the answer to that."
Dazai leaned down to kiss him. Someone, probably Ranpo, yelled "it's not even ten, stop being gross", but Dazai was a bit too preoccupied to care. Anyway, it wasn't like they were the only ones being gross. Almost everyone was paired up by now, and Dazai was pretty sure the people directly behind him were groping each other passionately; they kept bumping into his back, which was a whole other level of disgusting.
Dazai was at least glad he had Chuuya to distract him from that.
Their group only stayed at the bar for another hour before heading back to their cabin. By then Dazai was overheated and overstimulated, his hearing slightly muffled after being in such a loud space. Everyone except for Oda had at least a few drinks in them by now, and Dazai was sure the night was far from over.
Yosano and Ango started making various cocktails the minute they got back, while the rest of them went to the living room. Dazai flopped onto one couch between Ranpo and Chuuya, immediately sagging into Chuuya's side. Yosano brought him a cup of sake, which he accepted gratefully, and once she and Ango had seated themselves, Oda introduced a game he'd found at the store while they were liquor shopping.
The game was called 'Set'. It was essentially a pattern-recognition exercise, which was something Dazai happened to be great at. Unfortunately, so was Ranpo. The group played several games, and Ranpo won each and every time. Yosano banned him eventually, and then it was Dazai's turn to win three straight games in a row. After he was also inevitably banned, Oda and Kyouka took turns dominating the game. Kenji was pretty good, but not quite as quick, while Yosano and Ango weren't particularly invested to begin with.
Midnight crept up on them, and they only realized it was close around 11:50.
"The fireworks!" Kenji exclaimed, scattering the remnants of the forgotten game accidentally. "Should we set them up?"
Oda nodded. "I can handle the large ones."
"I'll grab the sparklers," Ango offered.
The group migrated outside. It was bitterly cold, so they bundled up thoroughly for it. There wasn't an ideal place to set off the fireworks, so they ended up in the driveway, which was the least covered by trees. The snow made everything damp enough anyway; if Ango hadn't deemed it a fire hazard already, then they were probably fine.
Oda and Kenji set up the fireworks together before re-joining the group while Yosano passed out sparklers and lit them one by one. Kyouka seemed entranced as Ranpo showed her how to draw shapes in the air with the light.
Dazai accepted a sparkler as well before turning to face Chuuya. Chuuya's sparkler lit his face up and made his eyes glow gold. "We should sword fight with them," Dazai suggested, waving his sparkler around aimlessly.
"No way am I doing that," Chuuya rejected immediately.
Dazai sighed. "So lame," he lamented.
Ango appeared out of nowhere. "Is Dazai being unsafe again?" He asked Chuuya suspiciously.
"Nooo," Dazai denied.
"Yes," Chuuya confirmed. "It's cool, though. I think I can handle him."
Ango looked relieved. "Thanks for giving me a night off."
"You act like I'm a child!" Dazai complained.
"You act like a child," Chuuya replied as Ango slipped away.
At 11:59, Oda and Kenji lit the fuses, and Ranpo began counting down. "59, 58, 57," he chanted.
"I can't believe it's a new year already," Chuuya muttered. Their sparklers had burned out already, so he was huddled close to Dazai for warmth.
"43, 42, 41—"
" I can't believe I'm starting the new year with you,"Dazai said disdainfully. "How did it come to this?"
"Are you trying to start the year with a black eye? Because that can be arranged."
"22, 21, 20, 19—"
"Do it," Dazai replied. "I dare you."
"I'd threaten to kill you, but I'm not sure that would be any more effective, since it's what you want," Chuuya continued, rolling his eyes.
"12, 11—"
"I'd like it if you were the one to kill me," Dazai remarked. His head felt light; perhaps he'd had a bit more to drink than he'd thought. "If I can't find a beautiful woman to commit double suicide with, that is."
"Please," Chuuya scoffed. "We both know you have no interest in women."
"5, 4—"
"I have no interest in most people," Dazai mumbled, leaning down to press his forehead against Chuuya's.
Chuuya frowned. "You—"
"2, 1, 0! Happy new year!"
Dazai kissed Chuuya before he could pry any further.
With an irresolute attitude
The endless mire of love and hate one cannot fathom
All of creation is sullied, yet the still-thriving life
—Avant
▝■▙▚▛■▜▞▟■▘
January 2015
School started back up on the 5th. The first week wasn't so bad, but by week two Dazai was already close to burning out.
In therapy the following Tuesday, Dazai mentioned his exhaustion to Fukuzawa. "It's like," he tried to explain, "it's like I'm completely drained of energy, and my body is just a reanimated corpse." Then he frowned. "Did I die over the break and somehow forget about it? You can see me, right?"
Fukuzawa sighed. "Yes, I can see you, Dazai-kun. Regarding your fatigue, I'm sure it's hard to give yourself a break this time of year."
"Yeah," Dazai responded, tapping his foot restlessly. "Maybe I should drop out."
Fukuzawa eyed him. "Are you considering it seriously?"
"No," Dazai admitted. "I'm too close and too stubborn to drop out now. Plus," he added, "If I drop out, I automatically lose to Chuuya."
Understanding dawned on Fukuzawa's face. "You'd have to give up your room," he said knowingly. "Would you miss living with him?"
Dazai wrinkled his nose. "'Course not. I can't let him have the room to himself, that's all."
"Speaking of Chuuya," Fukuzawa segued, "how is he these days?"
Dazai shrugged. "Fine. He's got Nationals coming up."
"That's exciting," Fukuzawa replied. "Will you be going to watch him?"
Dazai picked at his cuticles. "Probably not."
"Does he want you to?"
Dazai shrugged again. "Hasn't mentioned it."
Fukuzawa gave him a long look. "Do you want him to ask you?"
"Why would I want that?" Dazai asked, tilting his head and returning Fukuzawa's steady gaze.
"I don't know why," Fukuzawa replied, "but maybe you do. Just think about it."
Dazai thought about it for the rest of his appointment, and he thought about it on the way back to the dorm. He thought about it every time he saw Chuuya and he thought about it before he fell asleep.
Do I want Chuuya to invite me to watch him? Dazai wondered. Why would Fukuzawa think I want that?
He knew next to nothing about volleyball, except for whatever terminology he'd picked up from Oda and Chuuya. He didn't understand how the positions worked, except he knew that liberos specialized in defense and defense alone, and Oda had been a wing spiker, which meant he was an offensive player. He knew that the ball had to hit the floor across the net and within the lines in order to score a point. That was the extent of his knowledge.
Why would Chuuya want me there? He wasn't going to bring it up, Dazai knew. Dazai wouldn't, either.
Chuuya left for Tokyo on Thursday, and then the room was dreadfully quiet once again. Dazai had told Chuuya to break a leg before he left, to which Chuuya looked horrified and snapped, "That's for actors, dumbass! You don't say that to a volleyball player!"
Dazai didn't ask, but later that day he received a text from Chuuya that said, ' made it through the first round'.
'Congrats, u don't entirely suck," Dazai texted back. 'Now try making it to the finals.'
'That's the goal'. Then, ' When I make it to the finals, you have to watch me play'.
Dazai breathed in sharply and typed, ' I suppose it's a decent excuse to cut class'.
' You're bored anyway', Chuuya replied.
' How'd u figure that?'
'You're texting me.'
Fair enough, thought Dazai. He wrote, ' you got me there' and waited almost thirty seconds before pressing send.
Chuuya didn't reply, so Dazai put his phone down and forced himself not to check it until the morning.
▝■▙▚▛■▜▞▟■▘
Chuuya didn't respond until Friday afternoon. He said, ' ur predictable' and 'made it thru second round, btw.'
' What an accomplishment', Dazai wrote.
'I know you're being sarcastic', Chuuya wrote back. 'But thanks.'
▝■▙▚▛■▜▞▟■▘
Chuuya made it through the third round and the quarterfinal, both of which were on Saturday. On Sunday Dazai checked his phone throughout the day, but it wasn't until close to 6 PM that Chuuya texted, 'made it to the finals'.
Dazai felt his stomach jump. ' Guess I'll see you tomorrow, then'.
' See if you can catch a ride with Jouno,' Chuuya typed back. ' He's taking the bus.'
'I'll look into it', Dazai replied.
He texted Jouno afterwards. Jouno took an hour to reply, and when he did all he said was, ' I guess you can come with' and 'meet me at the campus cafe at eight or I'm leaving you behind'.
'Sounds good', Dazai wrote back.
With that sorted, Dazai collapsed into bed. He was actually a bit excited to get out of Yokohama, if only for the day. Jouno wasn't the worst company, he supposed. Dazai just hoped the bus wasn't too crowded.
▝■▙▚▛■▜▞▟■▘
Despite having his headphones, Dazai got bored halfway through their ride and decided to engage Jouno in a conversation about music. Jouno, as it turned out, listened to an unholy combination of classical music and early 2000's American emo hits. Dazai wasn't completely turned off by either of those genres, but the selection was…interesting, to say the least.
"Really, though, I'll listen to most things, as long as it's not Mongolian throat singing," Jouno was saying.
"Is that what Tecchou listens to?" Dazai had to ask.
Jouno sighed. "I'm convinced it's a phase, but I might be deluding myself."
"Wow, that actually makes Chuuya's music taste look good," Dazai remarked as the bus pulled to a stop a few blocks away from the gymnasium.
"He listens to J-rock, doesn't he?" Jouno guessed.
"So predictable," Dazai agreed. "It's not the worst thing, I suppose."
"Could be a lot worse," Jouno confirmed.
They climbed off the bus and headed to the gymnasium. It only took a few minutes to walk there, and it was far more crowded than even Dazai would have guessed. Why the fuck is volleyball so popular? Dazai wondered. Even the lobby of the gym was packed with college students in tracksuits and their friends and families. Dazai looked for orange but saw no sign of Chuuya. He's probably too short to find here, he realized.
"They might be on the court already," Jouno mentioned. "We should find somewhere to sit."
Jouno led him through the crowd and up to the stands. They managed to grab a couple of seats in the front on their school's side; all around them was a sea of orange and white. " Let's go, Foxes, let's go!" Chanted the crowd. Dazai forgot sometimes that they were Foxes, and he'd certainly forgotten to wear the right colors. He wore black and green today, which were, coincidentally, the colors of the team Chuuya was up against.
Speaking of Chuuya.
Dazai squinted around the gym until he spotted Chuuya's distinctive hair. He was across the court, speaking with the other team for some reason. They looked friendly enough; Dazai briefly wondered why, until he registered that the other team were the Tokyo University Dragonflies. Tokyo U was the school Chuuya had transferred from.
So that's his old team, Dazai realized. The Dragonflies seemed like a rowdy bunch, from what he could tell, while the Foxes appeared to be more composed. Dazai thought that was probably a good sign, but what did he know?
Chuuya eventually returned to his own side of the court and began warming up with his team. Jouno tugged on Dazai's sleeve and said, "I can hear them running laps, are they finally warming up?"
Dazai was surprised he could make that out over the cheering masses. Then again, Jouno's hearing was sharp. "They are," he confirmed. "Do you want me to narrate the game for you?"
"I doubt you'd do it well," Jouno sighed. "But go ahead and try."
Dazai took that as a challenge. "They're hitting balls over the net now."
"Ah," said Jouno knowingly. "Serves?"
"I guess," replied Dazai. "Now they're passing it and hitting it really hard."
"Spikes," Jouno supplied. "Tecchou always says he prefers line shots—he respects their simplicity, apparently. Also, according to Tecchou, Tachihara's the king of cut shots."
Dazai hummed, not following even a little bit. He was too focused on Chuuya, watching as he received serve after serve and sent the ball up beautifully. Dazai had to admit he could see how Chuuya had made it this far.
Someone blew a whistle, and the teams lined up across the court from one another. Some guy from the other team—one of the ones that had been talking to Chuuya before—shook hands with a guy from their team that Dazai didn't know. They must be the captains. A coin was tossed, and the ball was passed to Tokyo U, so Dazai supposed they must be the first to serve. He wasn't concerned for the Foxes, though; they had nothing to worry about, with Chuuya on their side.
The captain of the Dragonflies served first. It was at least as powerful as Oda's serve, if not more, but Chuuya received it easily and sent it straight to another player that Dazai figured must be the setter. The setter sent it to Tecchou, who was already in the air, and just like that, the Foxes claimed the first point.
The Foxes served next, but the Dragonflies retaliated with a shot that went across the court and got them a point.
The next serve was powerful enough that Chuuya's receive was a bit shaky, but at least it went up. For a while, the score see-sawed back and forth, but the Foxes managed to take the first set by a small margin, from what Dazai could tell.
"There are three sets, right?" Dazai checked.
"The finals are five," Jouno responded.
" Five?" Dazai repeated incredulously. "Isn't that exhausting?"
Jouno shrugged. "They have a lot of endurance, I guess."
Dazai supposed that was true. Still… "How long will this be?"
"At least another hour, probably," Jouno replied.
Dazai sighed and sank back into his chair. "I guess that's not the worst. Dragonflies might take this set, by the way."
"Not surprising," Jouno commented. "Tecchou always says the second set is the hardest, because you start to get tired, but you're still not fully into the game. Apparently, the adrenaline kicks in sometime after that."
"Huh," said Dazai. "Well, hopefully they improve in the next set." Part of him wanted Chuuya to lose, if only so that Dazai could keep mocking him for being the #2 collegiate libero in the nation, but it really wouldn't be worth Chuuya's sullen silence that would no doubt accompany the loss.
The Foxes took the third set. Dazai relayed the result to Jouno, and Jouno said, "If they win the next one, it's game over for the Dragonflies."
"I thought you said there were five sets," Dazai said, confused.
"The fifth isn't necessary if one team has already taken three," Jouno pointed out.
In retrospect, that was obvious. Lucky for the Foxes, the Dragonflies' defense was quickly falling apart. Their libero appeared to be skilled, but no one else assisted his receives, and it looked as if he could barely keep up with Tachihara and Tecchou's attacks.
Tecchou was the one to score the final point. The second the ball touched down, the crowd went wild, and the Foxes immediately tackled Tecchou and piled on top of him. Dazai could barely make out Chuuya under all those bodies, and couldn't help but grimace when he imagined how sweaty they must be.
"I think the team just crushed Tecchou," Dazai informed Jouno.
Jouno sighed. "This keeps happening," he complained. "I told him to stop scoring the final point, but of course he never listens."
Someone announced that the awards ceremony would be in an hour. "That's our cue to head down," Jouno mumbled to Dazai.
They left their seats quickly to get ahead of the crowd and headed to the entrance of the court. The Foxes were cooling down, but they headed their direction a few minutes later.
Tecchou spotted them first and waved, looking pleased. "Jouno!" He called.
Jouno made a face. "He's going to be so smug for at least the next month," he grouched. As Tecchou approached, Jouno said, "Don't you dare hug me, you miserable human-shaped puddle of sweat."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Tecchou replied.
Tachihara and Chuuya came over as well. Chuuya looked incredibly proud, so of course Dazai had to take him down a notch. "Congratulations," he drawled. "You've advanced from being the number two ball catcher in the nation to the number one ball catcher. Quite the achievement."
Tachihara snorted. "Good luck provoking him right now," he told Dazai. "Chuuya's on cloud nine."
He did, indeed, look happier than usual. Even with his face red from exertion and hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, he looked radiant. Dazai sighed. "Fine, I suppose I can save the other insults for later."
"How considerate of you," Chuuya replied. "Are you guys gonna come out to celebrate with us?"
"Do we have a choice?" Jouno asked disdainfully.
"No," Tecchou replied.
"Give me a minute," Tachihara said, checking his phone. "Gin is looking for us."
Dazai perked up. "Oooh, did she come to watch you?"
"Her and Higuchi," Tachihara corrected with a glare.
"Are you jealous you don't get her all to yourself?" Dazai taunted.
"No way," Tachihara denied. "Why would I be?"
"Because—" Dazai started, but Chuuya cut him off.
"We'll meet you outside," he told the others before grabbing Dazai's wrist and dragging him out of the gymnasium. Once they were out of earshot, Chuuya told Dazai, "They both refuse to admit there's anything there, so don't bother bringing it up."
Dazai frowned. "Why? They're obviously into each other."
"I don't get it either," Chuuya replied. "I mean, if you like someone, why not tell them?"
"Are they afraid of rejection?" Dazai wondered. "Is it not clear that neither of them would reject the other?"
Chuuya shrugged. "I've only told Tachiahra to ask them out, like, a dozen times. I honestly think he's still at least a little bit in denial about liking her. He'll get over it eventually, though."
"How do you know?" Asked Dazai.
"That's just the kind of person he is," Chuuya replied. "Now c'mon, I didn't drag you out here for no reason." Dazai raised his eyebrows, and Chuuya asked, "Wanna meet my old teammates?"
Dazai sighed dramatically. "I guess I have time."
"We'll join the others for lunch afterwards," Chuuya said dismissively. He grabbed Dazai's hand and said, "C'mon."
He tugged Dazai between groups of people, and towards the side of the building, where a group of guys in black-and-green uniforms stood. The Dragonflies. Their captain spotted Chuuya first and waved enthusiastically.
"Is that Chuuya?" Another guy bellowed. He was wearing sunglasses, even though Dazai didn't think it was all that bright out.
The two of them came right up to Dazai and Chuuya, and the sunglasses dude threw an arm over Chuuya's shoulders. "I can't believe you beat us," he exclaimed. "We devised so many anti-Chuuya serves!"
Chuuya snorted. "Guess they didn't work."
"Really, though," said the captain, "we're proud to call you our ex-teammate. And friend," he added as an afterthought.
"Thanks," Chuuya said with a grin. Then he glanced at Dazai. "That's Pianoman," he explained, pointing at the captain, "and this is Albatross." He gestured at the man with the sunglasses, who gave a manic smile in response. "Chuuya! You didn't tell us you got a boyfriend!"
Chuuya scowled. "He's not my—"
"What's your name, Chuuya's Boyfriend?" Albatross interrupted.
"Dazai," said Dazai. "Also, we're not dating."
"You sure about that?" Pianoman asked, gesturing at their hands. Dazai followed his gaze, and even then it took him a moment to process that he still held Chuuya's hand (it wasn't his fault he'd grown so used to the feeling!). It did look a bit incriminating, even if it didn't mean anything to Dazai or Chuuya.
"Hey, guys!" Albatross hollered at the team. "Chuuya's got a boyfriend!"
There was a cheer, and a few more players came over to greet Chuuya and Dazai. One was on the shorter side, and had reddish-brown hair accompanied by a stoic expression. The second guy was tall and movie-star-handsome, while the third was thin and sickly in appearance, with straight, black hair and blunt bangs falling over his forehead.
Chuuya pointed at the first guy. "Iceman." Then the second. "Lippmann." And the third, "Doc. As the name suggests, he's the team doctor."
Lippmann eyed Dazai curiously. "I suppose he's attractive enough for our Chuuya," he mused.
"Once again," huffed Chuuya, "he's not my—"
"How'd you meet?" Doc interrupted, staring daggers at Dazai. It was unnerving, to say the least.
"We're roommates," Dazai answered. "Unfortunately."
"Also," Chuuya added, "we're not actually—"
"How long have you been together?" Pianoman asked. Dazai could sense that he was enjoying Chuuya's discomfort, and most likely at least suspected that their situation was not what the others assumed it was.
Chuuya groaned. "We're not," he emphasized. "That's what I've been trying to tell you."
Lippmann looked amused. "I don't believe that, even a little bit," he remarked.
"Yeah, you never held hands with us," Albatross said pointedly.
"Your hands are perpetually sweaty," Chuuya retorted.
"Mine aren't," Lippmann offered. "The key is moisturizing them daily."
"How does moisturizer keep your hands dry?" Albatross asked, confused. "Isn't that, like, the opposite?"
Chuuya sighed. "I only held hands with Dazai to get through the crowd."
Pianoman cocked his head slyly. "Oh? Then why are you still holding his hand?"
Dazai waited for Chuuya to release his hand, but it never happened. Instead Chuuya flushed. "I—forgot I was holding it?"
Dazai stared at Chuuya. "That's what you're going with? Really? If you're going to lie, at least make it convincing."
"I agree with your boyfriend, Chuuya," Albatross said, nodding sagely.
"He's not my—!"
"I don't know why you're making a big deal out of it," Lippman interjected. "We're happy for you, you know."
"We're also glad you're not all alone at your new school," Pianoman added, ruffling Chuuya's hair.
"You act like I'm a middle schooler," Chuuya said sullenly.
"Chuuya," Iceman spoke finally. His voice was mild and calm. "You made some excellent receives today. I wanted to congratulate you on that."
Chuuya looked surprised, and then immensely pleased. "Thanks, Iceman," he replied. He turned to Dazai and added, "Iceman taught me everything I know. He's the number one collegiate libero in the nation."
"Not anymore," Iceman reminded Chuuya. His face was impassive, but there was a certain softness in his tone. "You've far surpassed me, Chuuya."
Chuuya looked embarrassed. "I'm not that good—"
"Aw, take the compliment, Chuuya!" Albatross urged, slapping Chuuya on the back hard enough to make him choke. "Anyway, we should get goin', right Cap?"
"Yes, we need to get lunch before the awards ceremony," Pianoman agreed. "It was good to see you, Chuuya." He glanced at Dazai and added, "Nice meeting you, Not-Chuuya's-Boyfriend."
Dazai's answering smile was genuine. "Likewise."
Dazai watched Chuuya watch the Dragonflies return to the rest of their team. He looked wistful, but happy. Without thinking, Dazai reached out and poked at Chuuya's cheek. "Can we eat now?" He complained. "I'm hungry."
Chuuya's gaze shifted to Dazai, and he sighed. "You skipped breakfast this morning, didn't you?"
Dazai, had, in fact, eaten at least half of a croissant. Before he could say that to Chuuya, though, his stomach growled loudly.
Chuuya snorted. "I guess that's my answer." He shot one last look at the Dragonflies before turning to go, pulling Dazai in his wake.
Tachihara had texted Chuuya the name of a restaurant a few blocks away from the stadium. When they arrived, Dazai and Chuuya found the Foxes had taken over most of the space, and their friends had claimed a booth in the back. Dazai took a seat between Chuuya and Tecchou, across from Gin and Tachihara. Jouno was in the booth as well, seated across from Tecchou on the wall side. It was a bit of a squeeze, and Dazai ended up partially in Chuuya's lap as a result.
"Get off of me, mackerel," Chuuya snapped as Dazai made himself comfortable and rested his arm on Chuuya's shoulder. "I'm fucking sore." He shoved at Dazai, sending him careening into Tecchou.
Tecchou caught Dazai's shoulder, looking mildly concerned. "Are you all right?" He asked Dazai.
Dazai grinned. "All good, no thanks to Chuuya! His lack of manners truly is appalling."
"As if you can talk," Chuuya said as Dazai leaned back into his side. "You're the rudest person I've ever met."
"Now I know that's not true," Dazai answered. "You have met Ranpo, yes?"
Chuuya rolled his eyes. "Fine. You're the second rudest person I've ever met, and that's not going to change."
"Probably not," Dazai agreed, tapping his fingers against the table. "Why haven't you guys ordered yet, anyway?"
"We're still waiting on Higuchi," Gin explained, voice soft as usual. "She said she had a quick errand to run, but she should be here soon."
Sure enough, Higuchi showed up a few minutes later carrying a large shopping bag and pulled a stool up to sit at the table's end. "Akutagawa-senpai likes the fig tea sold at a shop a few streets down," she explained. "He mentioned it once."
Tachihara eyed the bag. "How much did you get him, exactly?"
Dazai wrinkled his nose at the mention of Akutagawa, but he decided against criticizing the guy in front of his sister. Dazai might be rude, but he wasn't an asshole (not to people who didn't deserve it, anyway).
After the waitress took their orders, Dazai stole Chuuya's napkin and started methodically tearing it into strips. Dazai wondered how long it would take for Chuuya to catch on. At the moment, he was ranting to Tachihara about one of the teams they'd played earlier, so Dazai thought it would probably take a while.
Once the napkin was entirely torn up, Dazai began meticulously weaving the pieces back together. He could tell that both Higuchi and Gin were watching him curiously, but Chuuya was still oblivious. By the time their food arrived, Dazai had returned the napkin to its place beside Chuuya's elbow. He even set Chuuya's chopsticks on it, to make it look more convincing.
Finally, as the waitress passed out their food, Chuuya reached for his chopsticks. Dazai watched as Chuuya froze, processing the state of his napkin. "Dazai," he said, voice low, "if you don't get me a new napkin, I am going to impale you with my chopsticks."
"No impaling at the dinner table," Tachihara cut in. "We agreed."
Chuuya turned his glare on Tachihara. "Look!" He insisted. "Look at my napkin! It's—"
"Art?" Dazai drawled. "Yes, indeed, it is. A contemporary conceptual masterpiece, if you will."
Chuuya growled. "Shut the fuck up before I shove this 'masterpiece' down your throat."
"Kinky," Tachihara remarked, likely in an effort to diffuse the tension.
"I ate a napkin once," Tecchou offered. "It wasn't too bad."
"Freak," muttered Jouno. "Imbecile—" Jouno cut off with a yelp, while Tecchou stared at him evenly.
Tachihara sighed. "Tecchou, the no-impaling-thing applies to you, too."
"I only kicked him," Tecchou replied, not sounding sorry in the least.
Gin kindly offered to fetch Chuuya a new napkin, and the table was (mostly) peaceful as they ate. They asked for the check halfway through the meal, and left soon after, since it was almost time for the awards ceremony.
Luckily, they made it with a few minutes to spare. Chuuya punched Dazai on the arm as they parted ways, Dazai returning to the stands with Jouno, Higuchi and Gin while Tecchou, Tachihara and Chuuya joined their team to receive their medals. The ceremony was overall quite dull, but for some reason Dazai couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from Chuuya.
Once the announcements were over, Dazai stood up automatically with the others to cheer. Chuuya wore the widest smile of all, and as Dazai watched, he glanced up at the stands, meeting Dazai's eyes. Dazai expected his gaze to become a glare, expected his mouth to twist into a scowl, but his smile only grew as he looked back at Dazai. Dazai almost checked to make sure it really was him Chuuya was staring at, but he couldn't look away long enough to accomplish even that.
Chuuya was so warm, but not blindingly so. Chuuya wasn't a sun, but rather a bonfire. He might rage and burn, but his heart was like a bed of coals—glowing, quietly mesmerizing, yet still painful to touch. No matter how close he appeared, he was forever out of Dazai's reach.
That shouldn't have been a problem, and it wouldn't have been, except apparently, Dazai wanted this proximity to Chuuya. He wanted to be both the cause of Chuuya's smile, and on the receiving end of it. He wanted to look at Chuuya and no one else. He wanted Chuuya to look at him and him alone.
No matter how he looked at it, Dazai couldn't deny the signs any longer. He had… feelings for Chuuya. Most likely romantic ones. And they weren't going away anytime soon.
Well, Dazai mused, still failing to tear his eyes away from Chuuya. That was unexpected.