The elf skipped along, humming to herself as she followed after Finn, with Majestria catching up beside them in a huff.
"What is your problem back there?" Majestria snapped. "First you dropkicked Larry like he owed you money, and then you insulted the troll! Do you just… hate goblins or something?!"
"Yes. I absolutely do," Finn replied flatly, eyes dead ahead, giving her zero attention.
The elf watched the exchange with a dazed smile, her choker pulsing softly. For reasons even she couldn't explain, watching Finn ignore Majestria was… hot?
Fog began to settle again over the path ahead—this time thinner, more like misty breath than thick clouds.
Finn stopped in his tracks, fists clenched, seething.
"What is it with this world and fog?! I'm TIRED of it!" he shouted, stomping hard enough to shake a few leaves loose. "Did I die and get taken to Canada?!"
He looked down at the box in his hand, tempted to chuck it into a tree—or possibly at Majestria's forehead—but paused when he glanced at the map.
"Oh. We're still in the Whispering Forest," he muttered, suddenly calm. "That makes sense."
He resumed walking like he hadn't just screamed at a tree ghost. Majestria gave him a confused glance but followed. The elf trailed behind, cheeks flushed.
As they moved deeper into the woods, the trees began to whisper again.
But this time… they could actually understand them.
"Fiiiiinnn… you have a thing for feeeeet…"
Finn raised an eyebrow but didn't respond.
"That's a lie," he muttered. "Mostly."
"Fiiiinnn… you admire womennnn…"
"Oh wow, what a shocking reveal," he deadpanned. "A guy likes girls. Next you'll tell me water's wet and Majestria's a narcissist."
Majestria huffed from behind. "Excuse me—"
"Majestriaaaa… you are flat-chestedd…"
She froze. "I am NOT flat!" she snapped, looking down at her very real, very present boobs like she was about to sue the forest. "Take that back, you arboreal pervert!"
"Lickthornnn… you are just… friend material…"
The elf gasped. "Not true!" She ran forward and clung to Finn's arm like a possessive anime side character. "He wants me!"
Finn looked at her, baffled. "I what?!"
Majestria stomped up and wedged herself between them with zero hesitation, elbowing Lickthorn aside. "Do not leave me behind with these whispering morons!"
The two girls kept subtly shoving each other while Finn trudged forward, trying to ignore the horny whispers, the competitive party members, and the existential dread oozing from the trees like they were sponsored by therapy.
Soon, the woods parted—and rising from the mist ahead was the twisted silhouette of a spiraling, leaning tower.
The Wizard's Tower.
It tilted sideways like it had no respect for gravity, wrapped in glowing purple runes. Stained-glass windows lined the walls, each one depicting absurdly over-the-top wizard poses—one had a wizard dramatically summoning toast, another just flexing for no reason.
The tower's color palette was pure eyesore: dark purples, sickly greens, and flickering blues, like a rave thrown in a haunted library. Entire sections of the tower floated mid-air—rooms, staircases, and balconies disconnected from the rest, suspended by glowing glyphs that pulsed like a magical hangover.
Finn squinted at the chaotic mess.
"What the hell…" he muttered. He couldn't tell if this was the coolest thing he'd ever seen, or a cosmic death trap wrapped in fantasy wallpaper. Probably both.
He glanced at Majestria. "You should know what this place is, right?"
Majestria raised an eyebrow. "Why would I? Just because I'm a goddess doesn't mean I know everything. Do you ask your mom where the toilet is in every building you walk into?"
Finn sighed. 'That's the… ugh.' He turned away before he gave himself an aneurysm.
With the girls trailing behind, he stepped forward toward the base of the tower, lifting the box in his hand. He knocked on it twice like it owed him rent. "Hey, wizard monk. We're here."
The lid popped slightly. "I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME, YOU DIMWIT!" the head screeched.
Finn flinched. "OKAY, WELL WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GO!" he yelled back, holding the box up toward the tower like it was GPS.
The head stared at the looming structure. "Take me to the top. Thank the tower I don't have to deal with you much longer."
Finn looked up. Way up. "Cool. Love that. How the hell are we supposed to get up there?!"
"I don't know. Climb it. Jump it. Bribe a sentient stairwell. Figure it out. I'm sure someone out there has a soft spot for idiots."
Click. The lid shut like a judgmental slap.
Finn exhaled hard. "Dung-rank mission my ass…"
He glanced back—the elf was skipping in circles, and Majestria was admiring her reflection in a shattered mirror embedded in a tree.
"Come on," he grumbled, trudging toward the insane structure ahead.
As they approached the tower, the front entrance loomed before them—shaped like an open mouth. Not metaphorically. Literally. A massive stone mouth, teeth and all, carved into the front wall. It twitched every so often, like it was thinking about biting them.
Finn squinted. "Okay, is it alive… or just I don't know. I'm going insane."
The tower shimmered faintly, the illusions warping the air like a heatwave on drugs. The whole place screamed Whoever built this was either a genius or had a wizard-sized ego. Maybe both.
Just as Finn debated punting the box into the mouth and calling it a day, a figure emerged from the entrance. A wizard.
Like, the wizardiest wizard to ever wizard.
Blue robes. Matching hat. Wooden staff. Long-ish white beard. Twinkling blue eyes like he'd just read your browser history and forgave you anyway. Honestly, it was suspicious how textbook he looked.
The wizard stepped forward, staff clicking against the ground.
"H-Hello…?" Finn said, uncertain if this was going to turn into a boss fight or a musical.
The wizard gave a serene nod. "Greetings, travelers. I am Arsenio, one of the great mage lords of this land." He glanced over the group. "What brings you to the Wizard's Tower?"
Finn held up the box. "We're delivering this talking head thing. Supposed to go to the top of the tower. Long trip. Real annoying. Any chance you can just… y'know… take it for us? Skip the whole climbing up the tower thing?"
Arsenio smiled gently. "Ah… I cannot do that. You must be the one to deliver it, as is written."
Finn stared blankly. "Of course I must." He muttered, dead inside.
The wizard continued, "Also, the tower has trials you must overcome to ascend. Magical challenges, tests of will, possibly an enchanted mime."
Finn's eye twitched. He turned as if to walk back to Moistvile right then and there. Screw the box. Screw the head. Screw everything.
But he didn't. Mostly because he knew if he bailed now, Majestria would never let him hear the end of it.
Arsenio gestured to the swirling entrance. "Worry not. I will be your guide, offering wisdom and aid as you ascend."
Finn blinked slowly. "Oh good. I love unsolicited wisdom while getting electrocuted by puzzle walls."
Majestria finally spoke, eyeing the warped tower. "Finn."
He turned to her, dreading what she was about to say.
She gave him a perfectly deadpan look. "I'm not walking up that tower."