POV - Elias
I was pacing the room while Kyas sat on a bed. I couldn't believe it. I had Kyas in my room. Our room. In real life. It's not a ghost. My brother. My NOT DEAD BROTHER!
I touched him again, I just couldn't stop doing that. He had been hiding in Blaze. - no, wait - Chaos, this whole time!
I didn't know what to think about what we should do from here. I've lived my whole life, second to his ghost, always under his shadow, and he WASN'T EVEN DEAD!!
I'm SO angry at him and not him. It's all his fault, but it's not his fault, and HE feels the same way! He understands how I'm feeling because he feels it, too.
What do I do with that? What do WE do with that?
We've spent the last two hours in my-our- The bedroom spilling everything. I don't even know how Chaos is keeping us calm cause everything we think about brings up one strong emotion after another.
I can't even tell who had it worse between us. I had a father, but mine was obsessed with HIM, but he never had one at all - his was stolen from him when he was stolen from us, but mine was stolen that day TOO!
Then again, I wasn't a pack slave... didn't get bound inside my wolf, but... Isn't having a wolf at ten kinda cool, though? Maybe being trapped in wolf form wouldn't be fun.
Man! I don't even KNOW! We don't know.
He's sitting there, on Kyas' bed, His bed, going through the same emotions I am, I can feel them.
Oh, my Goddess. Now he's back. What if Papa tries to make up for lost time? I just got Papa back. What if Kyas takes him away for real?! Forever?! He can't have my Papa!
Kyas' head popped up, responding to this new panic of mine.
"What? What are you thinking now?" He asked.
"Papa." I could barely get the word out.
He looked away from me and furrowed his brow. "Papa." He said. Then he got anxious and his eyes went wide. "Oh! Papa!" Then he looked at me and got sad. "Oh....Papa...and me."
I stopped pacing the room and sat on my bed. "Yeah." How can I stop this? Stop him?
Then... I had an idea... but... how do I ask him to do that? For me?
"Kyas..." I started.
He can feel my dread. Crap, he knows I'm going to say something... not fun.
He swallowed. "Yeah?"
"Could we.." Goddess, how do I say this? I can't believe I'm going to say this! "Not tell them? Keep it a secret between us for a while?" I actually said that.
He looked away from me, thinking. I expected his next question to be 'why', but he didn't. He got quiet and softly said, "How long?"
Now, it was my turn to think. Forever? No, he'd never go for that. How long does it take to make up for seven years of living in a dead brother's memory? How long is it even fair to ask him to give up a father he's never known? A mother? I had Mama, but if we told her, she'd tell him. Then again, who cares about fair? He can't have my Papa.
"So... we've both been lonely, but now we have US. You also have Chaos. All the time. If Papa knows about you and pulls away from me, you're all I have. Goddess, Kyas, I don't like to say it, but I think I'll hate you if that happened. So then I won't have anyone until I get my wolf."
"Until you get your wolf?" He said, "Elias, that's five years."
I looked down. "I know."
"But," I said, thinking out loud. "It won't be all bad. I'm not asking you to stay away from them. You're trapped in Chaos anyway. Just... keep being the dog? We've been having fun that way up til now, right? All of us have, haven't we?"
His heart hurts, and I feel it. Like this afternoon for Ember. Now it's for us. I don't care.
"What about the nightmares?" Kyas asked. "On the last full moon, he thought I was a ghost, but it changed everything. It stopped his hurting, so he stopped hurting everyone else. But they're coming back. I heard him last night through the wall. He needs to see me, Elias. It's what helps him."
I sat for a moment.
"Yeah, I guess... " He said.
"What?" I asked.
"Chaos says, maybe I could just keep doing that too. Keep being the ghost he thinks I am." He said quietly.
"Could you do that?" I responded.
He sighed. "I guess I could, but.. what if we're wrong? What if he wouldn't push you aside for me? If he would accept us both, as brothers, as his two sons, we can just start fresh, all of us, couldn't we?"
NO, we can't! He wants to take my Papa, again! He can't have my Papa, he can't have anything!
Kyas' breath hitched as a thought struck him. His heartbeat sped up, and I felt fear from him again.
"What?" I wanted to know.
Kyas looked at me with wide eyes. "If Papa couldn't see you without me, could he see me beyond Chaos? What if he can't accept a son bound in wolf form? What if Mama can't?"
Kyas' eyes went distant, a sign that he was listening to Chaos. When his eyes refocused, he looked at me.
"Elias, we need to ask him." He said.
"Kyas, we'd have to tell him to ask him." I said.
"No, we're ten. We have wild imaginations. We could play a game of 'what would happen if...". He might think the questions strange, but then we'll know." He explained.
I looked at him with doubt. He raised his hands in innocence.
"Don't blame me, it's Chaos' idea." He said.
We were quiet for a bit, but then we heard footsteps on the stairs. The pack was back! We heard Mama and Papa's footsteps stop at our door.
We panicked. "Hurry, get under the covers!" I hissed. I made sure he was completely covered.
A knock came. "Elias, are you still awake?" Mama's voice said.
"Uh... yeah, Papa said we could stay up until the pack got back." I yelled back.
The door opened, and Papa came through with Mama behind.
"Well, it's time for bed, no- What is that?" Papa said, his face getting angry.
I got scared. "What is...what, Papa?"
He pointed to Kyas. "What is that in Kyas' bed?" He said, his voice deceptively calm.
"Oh, that's just Chaos, we're playing hide and seek." I said with a shaky laugh.
"Chaos?" Mama said.
"Well, I mean Blaze, but we played a name game today, and he likes Chaos better." I made up.
Kyas barked from under the blanket.
Papa growled. "He. Should. Not. Be. In. Kyas'. BED!"
Even though I was scared of him, and I knew Kyas' things were sacred to Papa, suddenly white hot anger welled up in me. I saw Kyas shudder under the blanket. Kyas is going to ruin everything!
I picked up an action figure from the table with the lamp on it and threw it at him, and it hit him in the arm.
"Why NOT?!" I screamed. "This is MY room! Why do I need a shrine, an altar to HIM in here? Kyas isn't HERE, but I AM!"
Papa seemed shocked that I had hit him with something. He looked at me. Then came toward me. I backed up, but he sat down on my bed. He reached over, placed his hand on my waist, moved his feet apart he pulled me between them. He put his other hand on my waist, all the while I stood there breathing heavily, SO mad at him. And at Kyas.
He rested his head on my chest. Then, he looked up at me, into my eyes, facing my fury head on.
"I know, son," He said. "I know you're here, and I'm trying. I'm sorry I got upset. Sometimes, old habits die hard. Tonight, I just find it a bit harder. It is your room. Blaze-"
"Chaos." I corrected him.
"Chaos," he said with a nod, "can stay in the bed tonight, but I need it made back up in the morning, ok?"
"Ok." I said.
"Forgive me, Elias?" He asked.
Just like that, I broke, the tension and anger releasing its hold, and he pulled me into his arms. I hugged him back. I heard a sigh of relief from Mama and one from Kyas, too. I heard a sniffle from Mama. After a few minutes, we got up.
"Lights out, in ten minutes." He said. He was leaving but turned back to the beds. He walked over to Kyas' and my heart stopped. Papa put his hand on the blanket where a dog's head would be and patted it.
"Good night, Bla- uh, Chaos." He said. Kyas barked again.
And then they left the room.
Kyas threw off the blanket and sat up. We looked at each other wide-eyed, aware of how close we came to being caught.
Then, I felt a wave of sadness come from him, and I saw it in his eyes. "We don't need to ask him. Until you get your wolf."
I nodded. "Until I get my wolf." Let him have his full moon. He's not getting MY Papa.