Café Somnia was winding down. Plates were mostly empty, conversations dying off, but the air around Ren was still thick with passive-aggressive tension and borderline nuclear flirtation.
That's when Maya stood up, brushing invisible crumbs off her blazer like she was a captain taking charge of a rogue ship.
"Ren," she said, her voice stern but with a tired kind of kindness, "your mom and sister asked me to bring you home. They're worried about you. And honestly? So am I."
Ren blinked. "Wait—my mom? Mom-mom?"
"Yes. Real one. Gave birth to you. Still hasn't recovered from you vanishing mid-bento lunch during the field trip in third grade."
"Ah. Right. Trauma runs deep."
Core, Blaze, and Frost stood up in perfect unison like synchronized smug disasters.
CORE (grinning ear to ear):
"Family time? How adorable. We're coming."
FROST (with mock innocence):
"Wouldn't miss meeting the woman who survived your birth."
BLAZE (flat):
"This is going to be a war zone."
Maya narrowed her eyes at the trio, pointing a firm finger.
"Why are you three coming? Aren't you... coworkers from another department or something?"
CORE:
"We're 'morally responsible life assistants.' Think of us like cosmic interns with attitude problems."
[30 Minutes Later – Ren's Home, Kyoto Suburbs]
The moment Ren stepped inside, he felt it—the scent of danger. Not from aetherial beasts or time fractures... but from his mother's cooking and her legendary passive-aggressive silence.
"Ren?" came a warm voice. "You're late."
"Sorry, Mom," Ren said, waving awkwardly as Maya followed behind. "I brought guests! Uh... backup. Reinforcements. Friends?"
Mina, his twelve-year-old little sister, peeked from the hallway. "You brought a harem, didn't you?"
"I DID NOT BRING A HAREM."
CORE (whispering to Frost):
"He totally brought a harem."
FROST (giggling):
"Tragic. He doesn't even know how to manage one."
BLAZE:
"Mina has more observational skill than half the interdimensional councils."
Ren's mother walked in, wiping her hands on her apron, staring directly at the three newcomers.
"Ren. Introduce them."
Panic.
He had no plan. He was not prepped. His mind raced like a caffeine-addicted squirrel at an arcade.
"This is... uh... right. From left to right—this is Kaori Blaze, she's... from my... gym. Overachiever. Used to coach me in flexibility."
BLAZE (deadpan):
"He's lying. I can't even touch my toes."
"Haha! Jokes! Classic Kaori, always joking!"
"And this is Fuyuki Frost. She's... a therapist. Helps me chill."
FROST:
"You screamed when you saw a spider, Ren. I'm not even mad, just disappointed."
"And this is... uh... Coraline Core. Exchange student. From... Iceland. Or the Moon. Depends who you ask."
CORE (bowing dramatically):
"Pleasure. I specialize in emotional turbulence and chaos navigation."
Maya folded her arms, whispering, "You're just making this up as you go, huh?"
Ren leaned toward her, eyes wide.
"You're just realizing that now?"
Ren's Mom, still suspicious, nodded slowly. "Well. If you're all staying for dinner, make yourselves useful. Fuyuki, help Mina set the table. Kaori, come slice vegetables. Coraline—stir the miso. Don't break the laws of physics near the soy sauce."
CORE (mock-offended):
"But that's how I spice it!"
[Later That Night]
Dinner was... a mild catastrophe.
Blaze almost set the tempura on fire trying to "infuse" it with heat vision.Frost kept refreezing the tea for fun.Core made the rice levitate just to mess with Mina, who loved it and tried to command it like a Pokémon.Ren's mom said nothing... just judged silently with the intensity of a thousand suns.
After dinner, everyone gathered in the living room.
"Ren," his mom said calmly, holding a photo album of his baby pictures. "I like your friends. But if they drag you into any world-ending disasters, I will call their parents."
CORE:
"Joke's on you. My parents are metaphysical concepts. Call entropy."
BLAZE:
"And I am the parent. Of disappointment."
FROST:
"She's not wrong. Ren once tripped on a flat floor."
Ren sank into the couch, covering his face.
"Can someone open a portal to the Void? I'd like to scream into it."
CORE:
"Only if I get to join you. Bring snacks."
Ren should've known.
Should've really known when his cosmic-powered eyeballs started bickering in front of his mom over which futon had the best chi flow.
This was not going to be a quiet night.
[Post-Dinner Mayhem – Ren's Living Room]
It began innocently enough.
Everyone just casually assumed they were staying.
Frost plopped herself onto the couch and immediately froze half the throw blanket.
FROST:
"This is mine now. I claim this couch in the name of frostbite."
Blaze just nodded and walked toward Ren's room like it was her name on the lease.
BLAZE:
"I require a firm bed and at least two pillows. Don't test me."
Core, of course, had decided she wanted the roof.
CORE (to Ren's mom):
"Can I pitch a quantum tent on your roof? It exists in three states at once: occupied, chaotic, and suspicious."
Maya blinked. "Aren't you all going home?"
CORE:
"Home is where the time paradox is."
Ren stood there, eyes darting like a scared meerkat.
"Okay, okay, listen! We have one guest room, a futon in storage, a couch, and I sleep in a closet of shame with a fan that squeaks like it's dying in Morse code. We can't all stay!"
FROST:
"Dibs on the couch."
BLAZE:
**"I'm already claiming the bed."
CORE:
"I'll phase between floors every hour. Keeps people guessing."
Maya facepalmed so hard it echoed.
"You know what? Fine. I'll sleep in the kitchen with a pan for self-defense."
[Hours Later – Nightfall Madness]
Let's break it down:
Blaze's Room-Takeover:
She claimed Ren's room and promptly rearranged everything using heat-based telekinesis, declaring that feng shui was a war crime.
She burned a hole in his Pokémon bedsheets.
BLAZE (dead serious):
"Charizard would've wanted this."
Frost vs. Ren's Bathroom Heater:
She froze the mirror because it looked "smug," started arguing with the faucet for being too drippy, and kept locking the door for "private snow rituals."
FROST (from inside):
"Why does this shampoo smell like oranges and broken dreams?"
Ren (knocking): "Because it's my budget citrus sadness, Frost, now let me pee—!"
Core? Oh, Core.
She phased in and out of walls. She projected holographic ducks on the ceiling and claimed they were "guardian spirits of awkwardness." She convinced Mina that Ren used to sleep in a cauldron as a baby.
CORE:
"He still makes bubbling noises in his sleep. It's adorable. And vaguely cursed."
Maya Slept With One Eye Open.
She slept on a yoga mat in the hallway, hugging a frying pan like it owed her rent.
"If one of you space people tries to brainwash me in my sleep, I will pancake slap you into orbit."
[Midnight – The Incident]
It started with a bang.
No, not an explosion—Blaze kicked Ren's door open in a panic, thinking she saw a spider.
BLAZE (yelling):
"WE'RE UNDER ATTACK—NOPE WAIT FALSE ALARM JUST A HAIRY INSECT."
Ren jumped from the closet.
Maya flailed in the hallway, smacking Core mid-phase with the frying pan.
Frost accidentally triggered a cold front that froze Ren's cereal from earlier in the fridge.
His mom didn't even get up.
She just shouted from her room:
"Tell the alien girls to keep it down or I'm taking away your internet!"
CORE (laughing quietly):
"She's the real final boss."
[2:12 AM – Peace Returns… Sort Of]
Eventually, everyone crashed.
Frost curled up on the couch with a frozen juice box.Blaze slept diagonally on the bed like a cat with territorial issues.Maya, still holding the frying pan, whispered "never again" in her sleep.Core just floated above them all, watching, whispering plot twists to herself like a cosmic narrator.
Ren?
Ren stared at the ceiling from his cramped closet, whispering to his own eyes.
"This is fine. Totally fine. I live in a romcom from hell."
BLAZE'S EYE (muttering):
"You wish. This is a disaster anime with filler arcs."
FROST'S EYE:
"You still snore like a broken fax machine."
CORE (teasing in Ren's head):
"Sleep tight, glitch boy. Tomorrow, we go full chaos."
Morning in Ren's house was supposed to be peaceful.
Key word: supposed.
What actually happened was a full-blown tactical disaster with pancakes, heated arguments, one very offended rice cooker, and a space-time rift threatening to open under the coffee table.
Let's rewind the chaos.
[6:03 AM – The Rise of the Eye-Lords]
Ren groaned awake in his closet-bed as the theme song of war began.
FROST (banging on bathroom door):
"I NEED TO BRUSH MY FANGS! WHOEVER'S IN THERE, YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS OR I'M TURNING THE SHOWER INTO A GLACIER."
BLAZE (from inside, humming):
"This shampoo bottle and I are having a moment. Try again in five years."
Ren's eyes flicked open.
"Nope. Fuck this. I'm staying in the closet."
CORE (phasing through the wall):
"You've been in the closet your whole life, Ren. It's time."
[6:42 AM – Operation: Breakfast]
Maya had tried—tried—to start breakfast. She had pancake mix, eggs, and peace in her heart.
Then Core found the waffle iron.
CORE:
"What if I infused these pancakes with pure gravitational intent?"
Five minutes later the pan was vibrating.
The eggs were hovering.
The toaster screamed.
REN:
"MAYA STEP BACK, SHE'S TURNING BREAKFAST INTO A BLACK HOLE—"
MAYA (holding her pan like a holy weapon):
"I SWEAR ON GORDON RAMSAY IF SOMEONE RIPS A HOLE IN MY KITCHEN I'M HITTING RESTART ON THIS TIMELINE."
FROST (eating frozen bacon):
"Too late. Toast's already sentient."
[7:13 AM – Parental Check-In]
Ren's mom entered the scene like a tired general inspecting her troops.
She looked around.
Blaze was microwaving her toast with her hands.Frost was licking icicles off the window.Core was trying to program the rice cooker to speak Latin.Maya was whispering "I used to be normal" into her tea.
Ren smiled weakly.
"Good morning."
MOM:
"Son, blink twice if you've joined a cult."
"...I'm blinking four times just in case."
[7:35 AM – The Table War Begins]
They tried to sit and eat like a normal family.
Didn't last five seconds.
FROST (teasing Blaze):
"You know, for someone who's literally fire, your eggs are undercooked."
BLAZE:
"That's rich coming from an ice cube with commitment issues."
CORE:
"Children, please. You're both adopted chaos. Let's not spill the tea—"
Spills tea. It hisses. The table splits in half.
MAYA:
"I'm eating on the roof next time."
MOM (to Ren):
"You better marry that girl with the pan. She's the only normal one here."
[8:02 AM – Goodbye Hugs? More Like Goodbye Threats]
Everyone scrambled to prepare for departure.
Frost froze the bathroom again.Blaze set her own socks on fire by accident.Core accidentally opened a pocket dimension in the microwave.Mina, Ren's little sister, was filming the entire thing like it was a reality show.
MINA:
"Welcome to 'My Brother Has Alien Girlfriends,' episode 2. Today: appliance trauma."
[Final Shot Before Work]
They all gathered at the front door.
CORE (grinning):
"Remember, Ren. If someone at work asks how your morning went…"
"...I lie. I lie like the government."
BLAZE:
"Tell them breakfast tried to fight back."
FROST:
"And that you survived. Barely."