dasch: it's what it is.
me: why is pissing your last resort of action?
dasch: i think nothing excites you more than my pissing.
me: at least, you didn't shit.
dasch: well you wait and see. it's coming.
me: i mean you haven't had since last night so it wouldn't be possible.
dasch: i will squeeze with all my might, as hard as I suckled my mother's milk. in fact, i wonder where she is.
me: she definitely didn't give up all that milk for you to shit that hard.
dasch: speaking of milk, how come you don't spare me any, when you chug it down like a pirate every morning.
me: i mean you never asked for it but i do remember you staring at me. I had a look that made me feel like i was some retard.
dasch: you know i was wondering how I got to suddenly speaking. it's all your neglect and miscare you've shown ever since I was fetched and landed here.
me: i'm sorry i'm not what you wished for. i thought you wanted you to be indepdent and on your own. you see? this was all planned ahead for the long term.
dasch: that's just an lame excuse for your laziness. you've never done a thing for me.
me: i know, that's the whole point. it's about survival. this world is cold and uncaring. and you know it by heart and skin by now. look how much you have grown. it's just like a mommy bird dropping fledglings so that they can learn to fly.
dasch: i am not a bird. if i had wings, i would have already flawn away though. can you at least open the freaking window for fresh air? i can't stand the stink in here. it's like radioactive laboratory cookin some nuclear bombs. i think my eyes are getting sore and losing my sight.
me: okay i think that's a fair request. be grateful that i'm a ward with human heart.
dasch: and it's already well past breakfast. you are not starving us to death right? i know you don't mean to die this suddenly, no matter how much you love drinking to near-death.
me: well let me see. hmm. i got some doritos leftover. and actually, oh freebies. here are some chinese vodka i forgot to finish. it's a good news we have both food and water.
dasch: dude can you just let me out seriously now. i can't live like this like you.
me: maybe start banging on the door someone might answer. have you tried that? use your brain kid.
dasch: i have freakin paws, not some hands with freakin opposable thumbs. i don't have any knuckles, if i did, i would have already bludgeoned you to sleep and let me out.
me: you know the saying knocking on the heaven's door.
dasch: that sounds about right, i'm trying to get out of this stinky, scummy purgatory.
me: i actually never understood it myself. doesn't that mean there is no point of knocking on heaven's door since no one's gona answer it? i mean if heaven let's anyone who knocks on it, what kind of heaven is that?
dasch: i don't know i guess they gota knock really hard. how hard it must be that there's a whole song about it. if it was easy pass. they wouldn't sing it so hard.
me: yeah, so either way, whether it works or not, you figure it out. i'm in my chess game already.
dasch: ( paw: tap tap tap tap tap tap)
me: oh by the way you have to pull it to open, remember that.
dasch: what the crap man, stop playing stupid chess before I bite your chessplaying thumbs away.
me: I would still have other fours.
dasch: okay, man. i will just bite your head off.
me: woah woah woah chill chill.
dasch: (growl.....growl....teeth showing... jumps and soars high, kicks cellphone. it fliles away rotating 360, drops on a floor. dasch lands on the dude's head and starts biting)
me: aaaaagghh you ungracious daschund, how dare you!(the dude grabs dasch by its tail and windmills three times and let go of it)
dasch: (sees brownish thing, recognizes it's the couch. dasch lands elastically on the couch, then bouces off and rockets toward the dude, lands on the back of his neck, starts biting and pulling on his hair)
me: (dude shakes his head frenetically, only to find dasch's bite grip firmer and tighter) gahhhhhhhhhhh you crazy moron gahhhhh
Ding Dong. Ding Dong. Ding Dong.
Dude manages to snatch Dasch off his head and runs out the door.
me: who is it? (checking someone on the intercom screen. Dissatisfied look, crossed armed) it's that kid. the neighbor who bounces freakin balls at night (meanwhile, Dasch recovers and resumes chasing the dude. Dasch leaps up to scratch the dude face. This time the dude bloacks the paw by pushing him away. Dasch gets put inside a bathroom. The dude closes the door.)
Ding dong. Ding Dong.
me: coming! (opens the door)
kid upstairs: umm... hi, i heard some screaming and loud noises. my mom asked me to come down and check what's going on.
me: (covering scratches and tangled hairs somehow) oh hey buddy, how you been? so sorry for that. it was pretty loud right?
kid upstairs: i mean we are okay but then we were getting worried because it sounded like something really bad was happening to you. Are you okay?
me: (Dasch barking like crazy inside, 'open the damn door, you psycho alcoholic, help! help! this man is abusing animals! Help Help') Sorry that's my dog, (looking back) he's scared of strangers. Ooops. (turns back) Yeah everything's cool, please tell your mom i am fine and thaks for looking after.
kid upstairs: (frowning in mix of doubt and curiosity) Oh okay. No problem. Is that really a dog? It doesn't sound like a dog at all.
me: Oh, this dog is kinda crazy. You have no idea. Hahaha(scratching head) I hope one day I get to show him to you. I think today is not his best day. (Dasch scratching on the door. 'Open the damn door I say! Yo, what the hell man! You coward?')
kid upstairs: haha okay. he must be very full of energy. have a good day.
me: Yeap! (closes the door) Phew.... (walks near the bathroom door) Yo Yo. Chill down will you? Otherwise I am leaving you in there and gona go play chess. Let's have truce. Here are conditions. Now you are out of my room. You get to do whatever you want. No more fighting. It ends here. I lost okay? I acknowledge my defeat. (the dude slightly opens the door and eye contacts Dasch)
dasch: (growl... growl.....) You....
me: come on now. we cool now. (gradually opens the door full)
Dasch walks past the dude, pisses in front of the dude's room and disappears to the other side of corridor.
me: (shaking his head) unbelievable.