Chapter 17
Astrid's POV
Kaeleen's words echoed in my mind long after he had left. The meeting with the Alphas. His confession. His invitation. It was all too much to process. I was being tossed and turned by forces beyond my control.
I wandered back towards the tree where I had been drawing earlier, the familiar comfort of the tree would calm me a bit..I hope. But instead of climbing, I simply leaned against the tree.
"Sheena," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "Is he really…our mate?"
A hesitant voice echoed in my mind, the voice of my wolf, my other half. "He…he might be Astrid."
I chuckled, a bitter sound that held no humour. "Don't lie to me, Sheena," I said, "Tell me the truth. You know more than you're letting on."
Sheena was quiet for some time. I wondered if she was ignoring me but then she spoke up dismissing my thoughts. Her calm voice floating through my head.
"You already know the truth, Astrid," she said softly. "You're just fighting it."
"What truth?" I asked her feigning ignorance.
She released a sign. "You are scared. You don't want to acknowledge what you feel because you are scared."
I closed my eyes and let her words wash through me. The reality and truth of the situation hit me like a physical blow. I was scared. Terrified, to be honest. My life has been a series of disappointments, a constant cycle of hope and heartbreak. I've never owned something that lasted for long. Sometimes when it does, I start getting antsy because I know within my heart, it would disappear. It would slip through my fingers just like that.
I was quiet for a long moment, letting the silence wash over me, allowing myself to feel the full weight of my emotions. Finally, I spoke again, my voice filled with a quiet despair.
"Why is my life always like this, Sheena?" I asked her. "Why can't I ever have anything easy? Anything…normal? Was I built differently? Did I offend someone?"
Sheena remained silent. To be sincere I was torn between wanting her to speak and her keeping quiet, letting me vent. On one hand, it would help me sort through my emotions on the other, it would…fuck, it would help me forget. Push it forward. But Sheena knew that sometimes, the best thing she could do was simply listen, to offer a safe space for me to unravel my thoughts and emotions.
I thought back to Leon, to the years I had spent by his side, believing that I had finally found my place in the world. After I left my father's pack, running away from everything, I wandered aimlessly for what felt like an eternity. I had been starving, both physically and emotionally, struggling to make ends meet by selling my art, working odd jobs in cafes and fast-food restaurants. And when you are a young malnourished child looking for a way to survive, people will take advantage, which was my case. I was not paid well. I was used.
All my life, I had never known what true love was, what it felt like to be truly seen and accepted. Until I met Leon. Or so I thought. He had swept me off my feet, showering me with attention and affection, making me feel like I was the most important person in the world.
I should have known that Leon's love wouldn't last. That it was too good to be true. That I was destined to be alone. Thinking back, his attention on me didn't even last. It fizzled out after the first few months. But I didn't care. I didn't care that he wasn't paying that much attention to me or that the pack members didn't like me. I did not care because I thought I had found my place. A place as his Luna.
"Why is Kaeleen so special this time, Sheena?" I asked, my voice trembling. "Why does he feel so different from what I felt towards Leon? Why is my pull towards him so much stronger, so much more…intense?"
Sheena was quiet, hesitant to answer, as if afraid of stirring up emotions that were best left buried.
"Is it even possible for someone to have two mates?" I pressed, needing to know, needing to understand the strange and confusing feelings that were swirling inside me.
"It happens sometimes," Sheena finally said, her voice soft. "The bond between werewolves is complex. It's rare, but it's not unheard of for someone to have two mates in their lifetime. But ultimately, it's up to the individual. It's up to you to decide what you want, what you need."
Her words offered little comfort. The choice was mine, yes, but how could I possibly make such a brain wrecking decision when I was so lost?
"Is going with Kaeleen the right decision, Sheena?" I asked, "Is it? Or am I just setting myself up for more pain? Will he abandon me too, like Leon did? Will he eventually realize that I'm not worth it, that I'm not good enough?"
Sheena was silent for a long moment, and I could feel her weighing her words, trying to find the right thing to say, the right way to ease my fears.
"I honestly don't know, Astrid," she finally admitted, her voice filled with a rare vulnerability. "I can feel his pull towards you, his desire to protect you, to cherish you. But I can't see the future. I can't guarantee that he won't hurt you. All I can tell you is that he feels…different. He feels genuine. But ultimately, it's your decision. You have to trust your instincts, your heart."
I pondered her words, letting them sink deep into my soul. I knew that I wasn't worth anything to Leon now. He had found his real mate, his true Luna, and I was sure that they had completed the mating ritual, solidifying their bond for eternity.
The realization hit me like a punch to the gut, a sharp, agonizing pain that left me gasping for air. Something told me he had, or rather the feeling that my bond with Leon was thinning was what told me he was mated with someone else already.
I wanted to hold onto him, to cling to the only life I knew, to the only person who had ever made me feel loved. But I knew, deep down, that I had to let go. That I had to leave him.
Maybe going with Kaeleen wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe it was a chance for a new beginning, a chance to finally find happiness. Maybe, just maybe, I deserved to be happy.
"Maybe Kaeleen isn't a bad choice." I said.
"Let's find a place where you will be loved for who you are and not who they want you to be." Sheena said to me.
Her words brought tears to my eyes. For years I've taken on the role of Leon's Luna. Someone who hardly got angry. Quiet, reserved, submissive. I had no idea what my true self even was anymore. But maybe I can find out.
But I should have known, things wouldn't be that easy.