[ Monica and Rachel's, the gang is waiting for Rachel to return from the airport with Ross.]
Chandler: No way!
Monica: I'm telling you, she went to the airport, and she's gonna go for it with Ross!
Phoebe: Oh my god. This is huge. This is bigger than huge. This is like, all right, what's bigger than huge?
Joey: Um, this?
Phoebe: Yes.
Monica: (noticing) Guys, you got your hair cut.
Chandler: Yes, yes, we did, thanks to Vidal Buffay.
Phoebe: 'Cause, you know, (in that voice) if you don't look good, we don't look good. I love that voice.
Roy: (grinning) Honestly, I just said "trim the edges," and Phoebe pulled out incense and chanted over my scalp. I don't know what happened, but I think my hair is spiritually enlightened now.
Joey: (looking at Roy's hair) Huh. It does look like it knows something.
(Rachel enters, out of breath)
Rachel: Airport, airport. Ross, not alone, Julie, arm around her. Cramp, cramp.
Chandler: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the verbs.
(She hits Chandler.)
Rachel: (to Chandler) You, you, you said he liked me!(Ross and Julie enter.)Rachel: You—you slowpoke!
Roy: (to Rachel, quietly) Do you want me to trip him on the way to the kitchen? Just say the word.
Rachel: No. But I'll let you know.
Ross: That's all right, Rache, we got the bags. Hi, hello. Julie, this is my sister Monica.This is Chandler. Phoebe. Joey, what up? and This is Roy
Joey: What up?!
Ross: Everyone, this is Julie.
Rachel: (out of breath) Julie.
All: Ohh. (Happily) Hi!
Julie: Hi, but I'm not here, you haven't met me. I'll make a much better first impression tomorrow when I don't have 20 hours of cab and plane on me.
Ross: And bus.
Julie: Oh my god.
Ross: The screaming guy?
Julie: And the spitting?
Ross: You gotta hear this story.
Julie: We're on this bus, that's easily 200 years old...
Ross: At least.
Julie: ...and this guy—
Rachel: And the chicken poops in her lap. Oh, I'm so sorry. I just gave away the ending, didn't I? Oh! It's just, I just heard this story in the cab, and it is all I can think about.
Monica: This is amazing. I mean, how, how did this happen?
Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well, I land in China, guess who's in charge of the dig.
Rachel: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
Monica: It's an expression.
Roy: ( to Rachel, with a smirk) Technically still accurate though.
Ross: Well, we just wanted to say a quick hi, and then we're gonna go see the baby.
Julie: And then we've gotta get some sleep.
Ross: Yeah, it's really 6:00 tomorrow night our time.
Chandler: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.
(Ross and Julie exit.)
Rachel: Bye. (She closes the door and everyone tries to sympathize with her.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler enter.]
Ross: Hey, Rach, can I get some coffee?
Rachel: Yeah, sure.
Ross: Thank you.
Chandler: Hey, Rach, can I get...
Rachel: Did you talk to him?
Chandler: Not yet.
Rachel: Then, no.
Roy: I haven't either. So... I'm guessing that's a no for me too?
Rachel: You guessed right.
Roy: But I am the owner.
Rachel: So?
Roy: Never mind.
(Roy shrugs, sits across from Ross.)
(Chandler sits down next to Ross.)
Chandler: So what the hell happened to you in China? I mean, when last we left you, you were totally in love with, you know.
Ross: I know, I know I was. But... there was always this little voice inside that kept saying, "It's never gonna happen. Move on." You know whose voice that was?
Chandler: God?
Ross: It was you, guys.
Roy: I think I said something like, "You two have chemistry, sure. But it's the kind that explodes in your face."
Chandler: Yeah, or burns slowly while you try to pretend everything's fine.
Ross: Look, you were both right. She looks at me and sees a friend, that's all. But then I met Julie, and I don't know, we're havin' a great time. And I have to say, I never would've gone for it with her if it hadn't been for you guys.
Chandler: Well, you owe us one, big guy.
Roy (whispering to Chandler): We're dead.
[ Rachel returns to the table with a glass.]
Rachel: (to Ross) Here's your lemonade.
Ross: I didn't order lemonade.
Rachel: Oh. Well then, you better go take that back because they're gonna charge you for that.
Ross: But…
Rachel: Go-go-go-go, come on!
(Ross reluctantly heads toward the counter.)
Rachel: (to Chandler and Roy, quietly) So uh, what did you find out?
Chandler: He said... he said that they're having a great time. I'm sorry.
Roy: But hey—silver lining. He made the decision all by himself. No nudging. No "maybe you should move on, Ross" pep talks.
Chandler: Yeah. Without any outside help whatsoever.
Rachel: How is that a silver lining?
Chandler: You have to really wanna see it.
Roy: Like, squint until your brain hurts kind of seeing it.
(Rachel slumps in to the couch, clearly frustrated.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and the gang are watching Sumo wrestling on TV.]
Ross: Ironically, these are the guys who were picked last in gym.
Roy: (grinning) Yeah, and now they're crushing people for a living. Revenge is a dish best served... 300 pounds.
Monica: Pheebes, you know what I'm thinking?
Phoebe: Oh, ok. How it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?
Monica: No, although now that's what I'm thinking.
Phoebe: All right, so what were you thinking?
Monica: Well, I was thinking, that you gave the guys such great haircuts, I thought, maybe you'd like to do mine?
Phoebe: Ohh! No.
Monica: Why not?
Phoebe: Because I'm just, I'm incredibly anal and an unbelievable control freak.
Monica: No you're not.
Phoebe: I know I'm not, but you are, and I was trying to spare your feelings.
(The phone rings.)
Joey: (answering the phone) Hello? Oh, hi. Yeah, hold on a second. Ross, it's Julie, for you. (Throws him the phone.)
Ross: (on phone) Hello? Hi.
(Chandler enters.)
Chandler: Hi. Anybody know a good tailor?
Joey: Need some clothes altered?
Chandler: No, no, I'm just looking for a man to draw on me with chalk.
Roy: I think I saw one in the park. He also does palm readings and balloon animals.
Joey: Why don't you go see Frankie? My family's been goin' to him forever. He did my first suit when I was 15. No wait, 16. No, 'scuse me, 15. (still confused) All right, when was 1990?
Chandler: No, we just need to stop the Q-tip when there's resistance!
Ross: (on phone) Ok, ok, sweetheart, I'll see you later. Ok, bye. What? (Sits down next to Rachel and Roy) Oh, that is so sweet. No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two, three. (Doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel and Roy to be quiet) Well you didn't hang up either.
Rachel: She didn't hang up either!
Roy: This is like watching a rom-com on slow motion. Should we get popcorn?
Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y...
Rachel: (grabbing the phone and hanging it up) Sorry, I thought you were talking to me.
Ross: Rachel! I'll just call her back.
Rachel: Okay!
Ross: (calls Julie back) Hi? Sorry, we got disconnected... (Walks away.
Rachel: (to Monica) Ok, ok, ok. How did this happen to me? How did this happen to me? A week ago, two weeks ago, I was fine. Ross was just Ross, just this guy. Now he's Rrrooossss, oh, this really great guy that I can't have.
Monica: Sweetie, I wanted you to have him too.
Rachel: I know you did. I'm just gonna deal with it, I'm just gonna deal with it.
(Ross comes in from the hallway, smooching with Julie on the phone.)
Ross: (on phone) No, you hang up. No, you hang up. (laughs softly, then notices the room and lowers his voice, still smiling) Okay... fine, I'll call you later.
(Rachel watches for a second, face falling. Then without a word, she turns and heads for the door.)
Rachel: I gotta get out of here. (Exits quickly.)
(Roy watches her go, then sighs and looks at the others.)
Chandler: Ok, I don't care what you guys say, something's bothering her.
Roy: (softly, watching the door) Yeah. And it's not something a joke or a haircut can fix.
[Scene: Central Perk. Mid-afternoon. The café is calm, with a low hum of conversation in the background. Roy is sitting at the couch with a half-drunk coffee in front of him. Lisa walks in, slightly out of breath, and spots him. She waves and makes her way over.]
Roy: (Hugs lisa) Hey. You made it.
Lisa: Yeah, sorry I'm a little late. (sits down across from him)
Roy: No worries. You want something? Coffee? Tea?
Lisa: I'm okay. I just had one on the way
(There's a pause. Lisa brushes her hair behind her ear. She looks like she's trying to find the right words. Roy picks up on it.)
Roy: (gently) Something wrong?
Lisa: (exhales) I... yeah. Sort of. That's why I asked to meet.
Roy: (sits up, concerned) Okay. What's going on?
Lisa: I got accepted into a painting program.
Roy: (eyes widening) Wait, what? That's amazing! Lisa, congratulations! That's huge!
Lisa: (smiles briefly, touched) Thanks. It's at the Royal Academy of Arts, in London.
Roy: Whoa. That's the real deal. I mean... that's huge.
Lisa: Yeah. It's a one year program, super intensive. They only pick a few people a year. It starts next month.
Roy: (nods slowly, but a shadow creeps across his expression) Okay... so what's the problem?
Lisa: (swallows, softly) I want to go. But I want to go without... distractions.
Roy: (quiet) Distractions?
Lisa: (avoiding his gaze) I want to really focus on painting. I need to. I've been dreaming of this since I was a kid, and if I don't give it everything... I'll regret it.
Roy: (already guessing where this is going) Are you saying... you want us to break up
(Lisa is silent for a moment. She nods.)
Lisa: Yes
(There's a long silence. Roy just sits there, his hands clasped, eyes looking down at the table)
Roy: (softly) If that's your decision... then it's okay.
Lisa: (immediately) I'm sorry, Roy. I really am. It's not you—God, I hate that it sounds like that—but I've worked so hard for this. And I can't have half my heart here and half there.
Roy: (nods slowly) I get it. I do. Your art's always been your first love.
Lisa: (soft laugh, bittersweet) That's not fair. You know that's not true.
Roy: Maybe. But it's the one you're choosing
(Lisa looks like she wants to say something else—maybe to soften it—but the words don't come. Roy stands up slowly.)
Roy: Good luck, Lisa. I hope London gives you everything you're looking for.
Lisa: Roy... thank you. For not making this harder.
Roy: (half-smile) It's already hard enough.
(He walks out of Central Perk without another word. Lisa sits there for a few seconds longer, hands curled around her coffee cup, staring at the door long after he's gone.)
[Central Perk. Evening. The gang—Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe—are gathered around the usual couch. Roy is notably absent. Guntur is behind the counter, cleaning a mug.]
Rachel: Has anyone seen Roy today?
Monica: He didn't show up this morning either.
Chandler: Maybe he's finally living out his dream of being a brooding poet on a cliff somewhere.
Joey: Or maybe he's just late?
Rachel: (to Guntur) Hey, Guntur, have you seen Roy?
Guntur: (pauses) He... had a breakup. With Lisa.
All: What?
Joey: Whoa.
Monica: Poor guy.
Guntur: He left right after. Said he needed space. Hasn't come back since.
Phoebe: (immediately concerned) Oh no... oh no-no-no. I know him. He doesn't just "need space." When he disappears like that...
Chandler: ...it's never good?
Phoebe: I know where he is.
Rachel: Wait, how?
Phoebe: (heading toward the door) Because... there's only one place in this city he goes when he feels like this.
[ Abandoned Factory Rooftop – Night. The rooftop is quiet, surrounded by old brick walls and scattered rusted pipes. Roy is sitting near the edge, knees up, arms around them, quietly staring at the stars. There's a stillness in the air.]
(Footsteps approach slowly. Phoebe climbs up and pauses, then walks softly toward him.)
Phoebe: (gently) I knew you'd be here.
Roy: (without looking) Took you longer than usual.
Phoebe: (sits beside him, softly smiling) Traffic. And a minor haircut emergency.
(Roy smiles faintly, still looking up at the sky.)
Roy: You remember this place?
Phoebe: Of course. When we lived on the streets... if we didn't get food that day, we'd climb up here and watch the stars. Hoping the stars make us forget our hunger
Roy: Yeah. Made us feel like we still had something. Like the universe hadn't forgotten us completely.
Phoebe: (nods) You used to follow me around like a baby duckling.
Roy: (chuckles softly) More like... a sidekick.
Phoebe: Ooh, I like that. Boss Phoebe and her tiny sidekick.
Roy: (quietly) I liked her. Lisa. I really did.
Phoebe: (soft) I know. I could tell.
(A beat. Silence. Phoebe leans back, staring up at the stars.)
Phoebe: So anyway, today I gave Monica a haircut. She wanted it like Demi Moore... but I sort of gave her more of a Dudley Moore.
Roy: (laughs) Oh no.
Phoebe: She cried. But also, she looked oddly British, so... balance?
Roy: That's terrifying and kind of amazing.
Phoebe: Oh! And Chandler went to Joey's tailor—you know, the one Joey's family has sworn by since puberty?
Roy: Yeah?
Phoebe: He got seriously taken advantage of. .
Roy: (raising a brow) What?
Phoebe: But Joey didn't even know it was weird! Turns out he's been getting "measured" wrong since he was 15. So... that was a traumatic discovery for him.
Roy: (bursting into laughter) That explains so much.
Phoebe: Right? He was like, "Why didn't anyone tell me?!"
(They both laugh, the sound light against the backdrop of the quiet night. The stars twinkle above them.)
[Central Perk. Daytime.]
Julie: I was thinking of doing it a little shorter, you know, like Andie McDowell's new haircut?
Phoebe: Oh yeah! Oh, I can do that.
Julie: Really?
Phoebe: You wanna do it right now?
Julie: Great! (smiles and walks out with Phoebe to get the haircut)
Phoebe: (turns to Rachel before leaving) Ok, I just wanna be really sure this time. Andie McDowell's the girl from Four Weddings and a Funeral, right?
Rachel: No. No no no no no. That's Rodney McDowell. Andie McDowell is the guy from Planet of the Apes.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Ok, thank you.
Rachel: You're welcome.
(Phoebe walks out with Julie. A beat passes. Roy, having watched the whole thing, leans toward Rachel.)
Roy: That's dirty.
Rachel: (without missing a beat, smirking) Say that to her hair after Phoebe's done with it.