The morning sun rose with the gentle pomp of a brass band playing softly in the distance warm, golden, optimistic, and entirely ignorant of the absurdity that was about to unfold in the peaceful hills north of Magnolia.
Kaia stood at the edge of the guild's front steps, squinting blearily at the object of her destiny: a rickety, squeaky, and suspiciously overstuffed wooden cart filled with beets. Yes. Beets. Purple, rooty, slightly aggressive-looking beets, stacked to precarious heights and bulging against the worn ropes that held them in place.
"D-rank, huh?" Kaia muttered, adjusting her coat. "This cart looks like it's one bad joke away from exploding."
"You're not wrong," came Levy's cheerful voice behind her. "Last week, this thing ran over a flock of enchanted ducks. Took three hours to calm them down."
Kaia turned to see Levy McGarden, ever-smiling and brilliant, standing with a rolled-up scroll in one hand and a pouch of magical ink in the other. At her side was Lisanna Strauss, her silver hair tied back in a soft braid, blue eyes gleaming with morning energy and the unshakable positivity of someone who hadn't yet read the fine print on today's mission.
"Alright!" Lisanna clapped her hands. "Beet delivery to Harlon Market. What could possibly go wrong?"
Kaia narrowed her eyes. "Why would you say that out loud?"
Lisanna blinked. "Say what?"
"You invoked it. You invoked the chaos gods. It's over now. We're cursed."
Levy giggled. "Relax. We'll be fine. Makarov said this mission was perfect for a beginner."
Kaia turned back toward the cart, hands on hips. "And yet the mission instructions included don't weaponize the beets."
Lisanna hopped onto the front bench of the cart, grabbing the reins of the small magical ox pulling it. "Come on, you two! Let's get moving before it gets too hot!"
With a deep sigh and a silent prayer to every magical force she could name, Kaia climbed up beside her, while Levy tucked herself into the back, perched neatly among the produce like a scholar riding into war.
Their journey began smoothly enough. The road to Harlon wound gently through rolling hills and sleepy fields, dotted here and there with grazing sheep and the occasional farmer waving lazily from a fencepost. Birds chirped. A breeze danced through the grass.
It was peaceful. Suspiciously peaceful.
"So," Kaia asked, voice low. "What do people usually steal from beet carts? Beets? Or the cart?"
Lisanna laughed. "Oh, no one's going to steal anything. This route's quiet."
"That's what people say right before a chaos mage on a unicycle shows up with an army of cursed raccoons," Kaia muttered.
[Statistically unlikely. Emotionally inevitable.]
Levy unrolled her map, tapping a small mark. "There's a bridge up ahead. We'll cross the river, stop at the checkpoint for inspection, then head down to the market. Should take about two hours."
"Unless the beets revolt," Kaia added.
Lisanna tossed a beet in the air, caught it effortlessly, and grinned. "If they do, I'll transform into a beet-eating eagle."
"You have that form?"
"Not yet. But I've been considering it."
Kaia gave her a long, silent look. "I fear you."
They reached the bridge without incident, their little ox plodding dutifully along while the cart creaked under the weight of its vegetal cargo. Kaia had just begun to think the mission might might actually stay calm, when a loud, nasal voice rang out.
"Halt, travelers! Your beets are subject to inspection!"
Kaia's head snapped up.
Standing on the bridge was a lanky man in a wide-brimmed hat too big for his head, wearing a faded coat with a badge that might once have meant something. He held a clipboard, a pen, and a deeply suspicious mustache.
"Is that…?" Kaia asked.
"Bureau of Magical Produce Transit," Levy confirmed, already rummaging for papers. "They pop up sometimes."
Kaia leaned over to Lisanna and whispered, "He looks like someone gave a scarecrow administrative power."
The inspector stepped forward, flipping through a stack of wrinkled forms.
"Name?"
"Lisanna," she replied.
"Guild?"
"Fairy Tail."
He blinked, looked up slowly, then took three dramatic steps back. "Ah. I see. Any… incidents I should be aware of before I approach the cart?"
Kaia opened her mouth only to be elbowed gently by Levy, who smiled sweetly. "None today, sir."
"Very well," the inspector said warily. "Please remain seated while I conduct the beet integrity test."
Kaia leaned to whisper again. "What is a beet integrity test?"
"Shh."
The man reached into the cart, extracted a beet with exaggerated caution, sniffed it, tapped it, and then… bit it.
"Is… is that sanitary?" Kaia asked, horrified.
"Mmm," the man mused, chewing loudly. "Yes. Yes. This beet meets code."
Kaia turned to Levy. "I'm going to start carrying salt. Just in case."
They made it through the checkpoint. Barely.
The man had left with half a beet and a long speech about tuber freshness that Kaia was pretty sure counted as a war crime.
The road narrowed now, flanked by trees, shadows playing over their path. Birds quieted. The ox gave a strange grunt.
Kaia frowned. "Okay, this is where something stupid usually happens."
[Probability of Ambush: 78%. Mood: Cheerfully doomed.]
"Did you hear that?" Lisanna asked suddenly, ears perked.
Kaia reached for her magic. "Yes. And I hate it."
From the trees came a rustle, then a whoop, and then—because of course—five small figures leapt into the road, each wearing a patchy black bandana and wielding… spoons?
"Surrender your cart!" the tallest one shouted, brandishing his spoon like a sword. "We are the Snack Bandits!"
Kaia blinked. "Are they serious?"
"They robbed a bakery last month," Levy muttered, standing. "They mostly want bread."
The shortest bandit stepped forward. "We heard rumors your cart carries enchanted yams!"
Lisanna raised an eyebrow. "They're… beets."
The bandits looked at each other.
"Oh."
Kaia stepped down from the cart, cracking her knuckles. "Sorry, gentlemen. No yams. Just disappointment."
The leader growled. "Then we'll take the disappointment by force!"
Kaia was already gathering her Chrono-Flux, silver mist curling around her fingers.
"Last chance to run," she warned.
Instead, they charged.
It was… a very short battle.
Kaia blinked across the field, leaving afterimages as she blink-stepped behind one, tapped his spoon with a flicker of time magic, and watched it age into rust in his hand.
Levy conjured the glowing word "BIND", which wrapped around another like ropes of light.
Lisanna transformed mid-leap into a lion cub with a squeaky growl, tackled two bandits into a bush, and then sat on them proudly.
The last one tripped over a beet and knocked himself out.
Silence returned to the road.
Kaia stared down at the battlefield.
"Well," she said brightly, "at least it wasn't raccoons."
By the time they reached Harlon Market, the cart was intact, the beets were gleaming, and Kaia's spirits were sky-high.
"Mission complete!" Lisanna cheered, slapping Kaia on the back.
"D-rank chaos: 6 out of 10," Levy added. "Nice start."
Kaia grinned. "I fought spoon-wielding yam enthusiasts. I've peaked."
As the merchant signed the delivery slip and handed over their payment, Kaia's system pinged again.
Mission Complete!Reward:
250 EXP
500 Jewels
Bonus Item: Shiny Beet (it sparkles ominously)Kaia held up the shiny beet.
"…Should I be worried?"
[Only if it starts talking.]