Chapter 4: Don't Look for Death, or You'll Get Spanked
"Aww, is Hikigaya-kun getting shy?" Yukinoshita Haruno was still smiling sweetly, as if she hadn't noticed the sarcastic look in Hikigaya's eyes.
It was obvious her vision wasn't that bad.
"Well then, beautiful onee-san, weren't you here to see your cute little sister participate in the school event? You won't see that here."
Hikigaya pointed to the other side, where Yukinoshita Yukino was running laps.
Surprisingly, the girl had decent stamina—not the delicate and frail type he had originally thought.
If not for a bunch of young troublemakers causing chaos, she probably would've enjoyed this sports festival a lot.
Unfortunately, Hikigaya had already spotted the overly excited Stanley—this girl was so hyped, she was literally standing on the high jump bar.
Even if there weren't any Yomi organizations or Ryōzanpaku rivalries going on, this sports meet was doomed to get wrecked by that guy.
"Because I'm more interested in you, Hikigaya-kun."
Haruno sat down beside Hikigaya.
"To have such a beautiful woman say she's interested in me—first time in my life, honestly. But isn't that a problem?"
Hikigaya tilted his head slightly—some people were already noticing the scene.
Compared to the still-enrolled little sister, Haruno, who had seemingly graduated from the school, was far better at attracting male attention.
Hikigaya could already hear stuff like:
"No way, seriously?!"
"That gorgeous lady likes a yakuza boss type?!"
"Why him? He's the introverted loser!"
...and so on.
"Hard to believe you've got a nickname like 'introverted loser,'" Haruno covered her mouth and giggled, her eyes squinting into crescents.
Even if it was just an act, he had to admit—it looked damn good. Beauty definitely has an unfair advantage. Try having someone ugly do that—it wouldn't work at all.
"Actually, this onee-san has a special ability—I can tell who the truly strong men are at a glance."
"Really now? That must make finding a marriage partner super easy."
Hikigaya scoffed.
You can spot powerful people with a glance?
Yeah, right. But hey, talking big isn't illegal. If Yukinoshita Haruno wanted to brag, he was fine listening.
"Geez, Hikigaya-kun, that's no way to treat a lady," Haruno feigned a pout.
"Girls are fragile, you know. Easily hurt emotionally."
Oh please. Say that while touching your conscience!
Hikigaya couldn't help glancing at her chest.
Okay, fair enough—he forgave her. That area was so well-padded, she probably couldn't even feel her conscience.
He tried… Honestly, he really tried to hold back, but he kinda couldn't anymore. He had the urge to flip this woman over and spank her.
Now that he thought about it, he often had that urge, but had never actually followed through on it.
Was this it? The turning point in his fate? Did the heavens send him such a boastful and dark-hearted woman just so he could break free of his "all talk no action" cowardly image?
Then start a one-of-a-kind harem kingdom?
It was sounding more and more appealing.
Hikigaya grinned widely, which confused Yukinoshita Haruno.
But she quickly understood.
Because Hikigaya had now evolved into a man of action—a god-slayer.
So right there, in full view of everyone, the former goddess of Sobu High was bent over Hikigaya's knee getting her butt spanked.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
With every crisp sound, eyes around the sports field nearly popped out of their sockets.
If heartbreak made a sound, the entire place would've shattered like glass.
There were also shouts of:
"Yomi X has invaded the school!"
"This is so spicy!"
"Such shamelessness!"
"Even the shut-in loser is on the normie route now?! I'm done with life!"
Anyway, Hikigaya was having the time of his life spanking her. As for Haruno, she seemed too stunned to react.
"Hikigaya-kun!"
A shriek rang in his ear.
Looking up—ah, it was Yukino.
"Oh, hello, Yukinoshita-san."
Then Haruno screamed too—finally catching up with the situation.
Hikigaya simply gave a friendly nod to the red-faced, stammering little sister muttering things like "You two… have that kind of relationship?", and continued spanking as he muttered,
"Act smug, huh? Keep acting! Still wanna act? Why so quiet now? Huh?!"
It felt amazing—he was completely, emotionally fulfilled.
His thoughts cleared—he was ready to conquer the world, ascend to immortality, achieve divine yang energy!
Just like that, Hikigaya kept spanking away without a care, while Yukino stood beside him, completely dumbfounded.
When he finally let go of Haruno, the eldest daughter of the Yukinoshita family was collapsed over his knee, shoulders trembling, head drooped down and motionless...
This genuinely surprised Hikigaya.
Why wasn't she moving? Sure, she was soft and springy, but she was heavy too!
So he forcibly turned her face around.
Her cheeks were flushed, her peach blossom eyes teary—but filled with murderous intent.
But that was nothing. That tiny bit of killing aura wouldn't even be enough to flavor dumplings.
Yet she still dared to glare at him—ballsy.
He would feel bad hitting anyone else, but hitting this manipulative woman? He had no qualms at all.
So he gave her another firm smack and said, "If you don't get up, I swear I'll carry you home and continue."
That got Haruno moving. Though maybe from lying there too long—or from the spanking—her legs were shaky and limping.
Thankfully, Yukino hadn't walked away. Though she wasn't sure what kind of expression to make, she still helped steady her sister.
By now, she'd figured out something crucial—her sister and Hikigaya clearly weren't in the kind of relationship she had imagined.
So she shot him a glare too.
"Don't look at me like that. I'm doing it for her own good."
Hikigaya stood up and dusted off his pants.
His shoulder was sore—spanking was a workout, too...
"I don't understand what you're talking about!" Yukino looked furious. "This is a criminal offense!"
"It's fine if you don't get it. As long as your sister does." Hikigaya glanced at Haruno, who now looked much calmer and was trying to force a smile.
Haruno thought: today's fall from grace was massive. She had never encountered someone like Hikigaya before—someone who'd straight up spank her without a word. She always acted like she knew how to handle men, but heaven help her, she had never even held a man's hand!
The only reason she was still standing here instead of running off screaming like a normal woman was because of her years of training.
She couldn't even figure out how things escalated like this, but her instincts told her—she had clearly misjudged something crucial.
"Looks like you don't get it either." Seeing her dazed expression, Hikigaya sighed. "Some things are better left untouched. This isn't like doing business."
As for the Yukinoshita family, Hikigaya had already gotten some intel from the Yomi underworld. They were just an ordinary family, even with ties to the History Compilation Committee organization. When it came to the world of magic and martial artists, they were basically amateurs—people who only knew about the supernatural, without truly understanding it.
Which, honestly, was even worse than not knowing anything.
The Yukinoshitas had no idea how brutal the underworld truly was. But Hikigaya knew—and for the sake of Yukino, his fellow bookworm—he sincerely hoped her family wouldn't go poking around where they shouldn't.
Because the type of scum who enjoys hunting lowbies exists outside of games too.