Everything was beginning to fall through, fragments of pieces of my life before now was starting to fight with the new me. The days after my awakening it felt like a blur, and caught in the thin line of insanity as everything felt to real and clear. The world was becoming to much for a half human like myself, and I started to hate everything.
I thought I could do it but everything comes to a burden of being too much. I didn't want to tell anyone what I was going through but I can see that they were clearly catching on how I was falling apart.
"Alright Allora, we'll take five," Marco stood beside me as he rubbed my back, "You are getting better!"
"Marco, we both know, I'm not getting better," I groan frustratingly, "I think I might shifted into the worst semi-vampire in the history of vampires."
Marco chuckles, "Oh come on, give yourself credit, you were not exactly like some of us, you were turned a bit different than any of us. I mean you still have the human side of you. I think that's what holding you back."
"Is it?" I asked, "Can I just turn off my human-side until we can get over with the councils or whatever?"
Marco smiles, "Of course you can! But then you'll have to let go of that side of yours, maybe by then you'll do better."
"I can't even keep both sides?" I asked quietly, "Why can't my human and vampire side cooperate together? It's living in two separate souls into one body. I'm so different than you all, you all looked like you master life."
Jullian who had been watching could only laugh at my ridiculous accusation, "That's because we've been living a lot longer than you and we don't have any side to fight. You on the other had been living a human life, so it would not be a surprise if your still struggling with everything."
"Well I don't have time, Ju! The council is coming and I'm not ready." I struggle my words and I came in a halt.
Marco's smile fades a little, his eyes softening. He moves closer and crouches down in front of me, resting his forearms casually on his knees. "Hey," he says gently, "listen to me. You're not supposed to be ready right now. You're supposed to survive. We'll keep you save, I promise you that, just hold on and keep trying—the rest will come."
"But if I mess up—" I started, feeling the tremor in my voice. "I don't know what to do, if I mess up, it's going to be my fault and I can't let that happened Marco, not for you, not for the others and—"
"You won't," Marco cuts in firmly. "We'll be right there with you. Jullian, me, even grumpy old Juan if it comes down to it. Everybody is counting on you, yes, I know that's a big burden. But Allora, no matter how much you think of it, you'll only loose when you say you are. So don't ever think it's your fault, if you fall, we'll fall together."
Jullian smirks from his seat, throwing a grape into his mouth. "Speak for yourself, Marco. I'm just here for the entertainment."
Marco rolls his eyes but chuckles anyway. "Point is, you're not alone, okay? You're different—yeah, no one's denying that. But maybe that's exactly what we need. Someone who still remembers what it's like to be human. Someone who doesn't just follow the old ways without question."
I stare at him, feeling the weight in my chest shift slightly—not disappearing, but loosening just enough to breathe again.
"Now," Marco helped me out, "I know this is something not usually said, but I have my theories that could help improve your vampire skills."
"That is?"
"Have you feed?" Marco asked, "Like feed as in—"
"I know." I cut him, "Do I really have too? I'm not hungry for it, I can live off from human food, right?"
Aaron, who had been silently watch suddenly appeared from the shadows, marking the attention of Marco and Julian's attention, "Of course, but your body need something else, it craves something that your human body could digest, your not getting better because of the lack of experience and blood, you need it because it gives your vampire side power and right now your starving yourself."
But barely after Aaron had said anything, I barely had time when he had lunged from behind, his speed a blur. Instinct did took over as I twisted, dodging him and with my newfound strength kicking in as I countered his attacked. The sound of metal clashing rang through the underground training hall.
"I'm fine," I gritted out, pushing Aaron back. Loud shouts was ringing as I tremble in place and drop down in exhaustion.
"You fucker! You could have gotten her hurt!" Jullian spits venomous curses at Aaron who was looking at me smugly, "We promise to take it slow!"
But Aaron didn't care over Jullian's sudden outburst, he walked and crouch in front of me, a burning sensation started to spread and Marco hands had reached out when Aaron was about to come close, but Aaron paid no attention, he came close as he stare in my eyes and I swear something flashed.
I was about to speak up when the others had came by to check in.
Hendery was the first one who spoke, "Woah, did we miss anything?" The other four looks at Marco who shook his head, he picked me up leaving a chuckling Aaron who stood up also.
"You're not going to get better." Aaron wiped a smudge of blood from his lip where I had struck him. His eyes gleamed in approval, but there was something else beneath it. "You're weak, as you've been holding back, your vampire side is straining energy left, enough to throw a punch or too, but not enough to last long."
He was right. I hate how he was right. Maybe what I didn't know is that a lingering itch at the back of your mind and a stinging pain from my throat day and night restless trying to suppress that hunger inside.
"You're still human enough to deny it," Hendery mused from where he leaned against the wall, watching the fight with lazy interest. "But not for much longer."
"I don't want to hurt anyone," I admitted. "The blood, Marco told me you had to slit your hands, I'm not hurting anyone."
"Then don't." A new voice—Juan, stepping forward with a smirk. "There are other ways to feed, you know."
"Not happening." My stomach twisted into knots, knowing that annoyingly smirk was right, there are other ways, conventional ways, but I was not going to go through that.
Cerius laughed. "She says that now."
"She's so righteous, thinking that a tiny slice would hurt us," Hendery smiles, "We'll heal, pretty."
"Yes, and I would have to do that every now and then if I get out of control."
"I'm even surprise your not clawing any of us right now, when Jenkins was turned, he would claw his way out from any chains we put him until he's satisfy his thirst." My head turned towards a silent Jenkins but I could see he was trying to avoid the topic.
"We promise to not talked about it, and I've had my fair share of restriction." Jenkins argue as he nods apologizing silently and I smiled at him acknowledging the apology.
"You mean when she doesn't sound delicious anymore?" Hendery smiles as he turn to me, "No offence there Lora, you looked deliciously for Jenkins when you arrive, so excuse him if he had not been around enough."
"Non taken, I guess? Thank you for not killing me on spot?" I question and some chuckled.
"Well, if you won't take any blood, we'll need to find a way for you to not kill yourself by hunger," Cerius shrugged, "Any idea?"
"How about bounding her to one of us?" Jullian speaks up, "I heard it's possible and—"
"No." A cold voice slices through the room like a blade.
We all turn to find Aaron standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, his piercing gaze fixed squarely on me.
"No binding," he repeats, stepping into the light. "It's too dangerous. Especially for her."
Jullian throws up his hands. "Oh come on, Ron, it's not that bad. Since when do you care if it's dangerous! It's just a blood bond—temporary if needed! It could stabilize her cravings, help her manage the hunger without losing her mind!"
Aaron ignores him, walking slowly toward me. "A bond isn't just about blood. It's about loyalty. Control. You bind her now, you risk breaking what's left of her human will."
I swallow hard, feeling the weight of Aaron's words anchor deep inside me. It was scary, but an option. But on the other hand I wasn't to keen on loosing what's left of me.
"But if she doesn't feed soon, she will lose control," Cerius says, more quietly now. "And when she does, it won't be pretty."
Marco steps forward, voice calm. "There's another way. We could make a pact. Not a full bond — something lighter. Voluntary. She chooses who she trusts to feed from, if she needs it. No forced loyalty. No chains."
Aaron eyes Marco suspiciously. "A pact still carries risks."
Marco shrugs. "So does doing nothing. I'm not about to stand around and watch her starve to death."
The room falls into a thick silence and all eyes land on me. I had a say in this, right? I could choose?
"If I do this," I finally say, my voice hoarse, "it'll be on my terms. No full bond. No leash. Just a helping hand, right?"
Marco nods immediately. "Of course, it's like lending in strength, since you won't feed the more natural way, we'll make a pact for you to taste a bit from who you trust. We'll have a double intake of what we usually drink, but at least it'll help your strength.""
Jullian claps his hands once. "Well, that's settled then. Now, who's lucky enough to get bitten by the half-human miracle?"