We all have different versions of love. Some of us had it handed to them on a silver platter like it was their right. And I came to find out too late that it was a right. All our families have their own ways of raising us. Mine has to be earned. From the way I kept myself to the way I talked, walked, ate, spoke and made my decisions. Nothing was ever good enough for my parents.
The factor I discovered after twenty three years of living is that I chased a fantasy that brought nothing but pain and anguish to people. I mentioned I don't watch romance shows, because that fleeting feeling would start to linger, give me hope, make me fantasize about something I had to work to get. Love.
Even a few years back, I thought I had found it. With a woman who managed to tear open the mask of the life my father had left me. Daniella. That name haunts me from down below. I gave everything! Everything to that ungrateful- I couldn't even speak ill of her. She ruined me, just like I had predicted she would but the pain struck deeper than I had anticipated and calculated.
"If I kept her at arm's length, humour myself with her for a while, it would be alright. I would still have control." That's what I kept saying every moment I saw her. Her Rich American accent, her beautiful pale skin, her big brown eyes and brown-golden hair. I thought I had it all with you. I spared you hell on earth. A hell my father created and you went on to have me lose it all.
6 YEARS AGO
NANTES, FRANCE
"Young master, I don't mean to speak up and question your judgement but there is a client who requested for this American woman specifically," Terrance was someone he hired off from England who had needed a job. We were agemates, him seventeen as well when he came.
"She is a woman what harm can a damaged woman do?" The young master asked and the butler, Terrance, insisted on it being relooked into. The woman was very stubborn even during transportation and even had attacked some of the middlemen.
"Don't you find that amount of strength intriguing Terrance? Bien sûr, there are cautions to pay attention to but what more can woman do against several men in the manor?" The young Quincy asked and Terrance refused to argue with him more. It was a dangerous place to keep a woman as a pet but he would do as he was told.
She was kept in the most recent furnished room but I'm chains. Her meals were toptier and always served to her three times a day. Some of designer bought for her to wear and enjoy. Instead, she spat in the food and attempted to cut off the clothes handed to her.
"Set me free, I might as well walk naked. I want nothing from you! Nothing!" She had screamed at Terrance once then broke down. Quincy couldn't understand what made such a woman so hostile. He had given her everything. What more of a luxury did she need?
"Terrance, leave us." Quincy said softly and the woman flinched.
"Wait no, don't leave me with him! Please...please don't!" But Terrance simply closed the door and walked away. She curled herself up on the floor and he put one of the bowls of meat stew near her and he stood pocketing his hands.
"Eat." He simply said and she glared up at him. Quincy wasn't moved by her sudden resistance. He could say he had tried it once in his life and gave up to submission. "My goal is to keep you alive. If I have to torture food into you I will...Daniella."
"You're sick, you know that? You need help!" She said harshly and spat at his shoe. He looked down at his shoe and proceeded to get into his bag. He pulled out a long black like whip and stretched it in his hands and out on some leather gloves. They were in perfect condition and belonged to his father.
"I may be the monster you make me out to be. Not because I choose to be, but I cannot tolerate disobedience of this level from anyone. So tell me again, will you eat or not."
PRESENT DAY
The single file and trails of paper led us to the more open part of the forest. And that's when I heard Venice let out the most gut runching scream I had ever heard.
And for the first time in my life....I felt something I had never experienced before. Guilt and regret.