Arc 3: Choosing Reality by Embracing Life
Conner {It can't be it can't be it -
As Conner shook and trembled in fear, the rain was frozen around him. The truck stopped in the middle of the street, its headlights shining against this impossible figure. There they stood, looking almost exactly alike. However, Gray was without the glasses Conner wore, and had a much brighter smile on his face.
Conner: "I'm, I'm having a nightmare! Yeah that's it, that has to be it."
He fell backward, unable to push forward, unable to accept everything that was unfolding right in front of him.
Gray: "Nope sorry, this is a nightmare though, not the kind you're thinking of."
To see your own face trying to convince you of something, now that was truly a spectacle that he couldn't help but be locked in amazement from. Conner however was locked into fear. He had to accept this was fake, that this reality really was broken. That everything depends on Conner's choice.
Conner: "What are you!? And what do you mean by Isekai stuff!? How do I know you aren't God or something trying to stop me from dying!?"
Conner was sweating and panicking while Gray simply sighed, looking toward Conner with a somber look in his eye.
Gray: "To put it simply, We are split into two parts. You only have memories of Earth while I have memories of the other world and earth."
Still Gray was trying to put on a nicer face, smiling after saying a sentence that sounded so insane. That insanity pushed Conner even further away.
Conner: "What the hell! NO! NO WAY!"
He screamed out, his voice shaking the realm they stood on. However Gray didn't budge, placing his hands in his pockets and staring forward confidently.
Gray: "Yeah it's kinda weird, it's like we are our subconscious. We chose to give up, but everything in us is screaming at us to turn around and go back. You represent the choice to stay, and I'm everything that's yelling to move forward."
Conner: "Further detail please, I don't even know what's real, at this point, I'm probably just dead!"
He held his head, groveled at his knees, shaking and crying. His screams were instantly cut off, the calm and direct, powerful but hurt voice of himself ringing out.
Gray: "Just shut up for a second! You killed yourself by walking in front of that truck. You felt horrible and made a rash, split second choice. You got teleported to another world and you lived there for a month. You spent that whole month making a fool of yourself, trying to be something you're not, not yet anyway. When you made too many bad choices, when you felt horrible for leaving this place, you gave up. Then you gave your body up to the thing that transported you, though it didn't go through since your subconscious didn't want to give up. We don't want to die, and we don't want to leave our friends to die."
The mention of those friends caused Conner's head to light up, unable to think past the many vestiges he had been seeing. The emotions, the life, the chance that he stripped away from himself. For the past few days he had lived in a constant, everlasting, hazy desperation and rejection of it all. Causing him to smile from the madness. Laughing at himself.
Conner: "Sounds like me, but how can I trust you?"
Gray: "Have you not noticed anything weird about this place, like gaps not being filled in or things being out of place?"
Conner: "Actually yeah, things have seemed weird. Teachers not teaching me anything, people giving me basic responses, and not being able to answer questions I ask them… "
His eyes light flickered, his inability to accept his life was a life finally breaking through. His despair held him closely.
Conner: "So damn it is fake. So does that mean my existence is a lie…or?"
He looked down toward his shaking hands, the frozen rain, the light of the trick shining against them. His heart was clawing at itself, his brain and his soul truly connected to the man in front of him. The manifestation of his journey and wanting to keep moving standing right there. Everything he wanted to be, the life he would never get to experience standing right there; it was like a massive spit in his face.
Gray: "We are split, so either you fully give in, losing all possible memories and will never be able to figure out this is a dream, or you walk in front of that truck and embrace this new chance you have."
Conner: "But If I gave up once already, what's stopping me from doing it again if I get overwhelmed again! When I inevitably mess up or somebody dies! What happens when I fail huh!?"
Gray: "We made friends, good friends, and somebody we really love. Though cultists were attacking us, and after getting our ego blown up in our faces, we faced reality and left. So walking back to them isn't gonna be sunshine and rainbows. That whole world isn't."
With that. Gray's face fell, his hands coming out of his pockets and his bravado falling.
Conner: "Seems like we made the better decision. "
Gray: "But they just attacked again, and as we speak your friends are fighting for their lives."
Conner: "And what can I do? I already abandoned them, coming back would make that effort seem useless. Hell, I don't even know them. I shouldn't even care dammit!"
He dashed out in a rage, lunging and slamming Gray to the ground. Staring at him with his trembling, shaking, anger filled face. A face on the verge of tears.
Conner: "HAH! Getting to go to some other world!? That's insane! I'm not special dammit! No matter how much I wanna be, I'll never be! No matter how much I wanna love this world or the next I can't! Because life is horrible! We're working toward something we hate, for people we feel like we fail, living in a body we despise, watching everybody else get everything we've ever wanted!"
Gray threw out his fist, punching Conner so hard it flung his glasses to the ground.
Gray: "DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT YOU IDIOT!? OH YEAH I KNOW YOU'RE AN IDIOT! BECAUSE I'M AN IDIOT!"
This time Gray lunged onto Conner, holding him by his hood and pulling him close.
Gray: "WE GOT THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME! THE JACKPOT OF JACKPOTS! WE HAVE A LIFE! WE HAVE FRIENDS! WE HAVE THE ONLY PERSON WE'LL EVER LOVE! WE HAVE REAL POWER! NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE HATE OURSELVES WE CAN'T THROW THAT AWAY! WE CAN'T LET THE ONLY GOOD THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO US DIE! WE CAN'T DAMMIT!"
Conner: "BUT MOM AND DAD! WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE THEM!"
Gray: "WE ALREADY DID!"
Gray fell off of himself and held his hands on his face, breaking alongside himself.
Gray: "If you wanna think that way then yeah, the way I see it is that our life here sucked. I missed it, but now that I see it again…a second chance in another world was divine intervention. So let them die and stay in an endless dream, quit and give up on every aspect of our life. Or try your best to save them and leave this dream behind, choose now. But if you really want to be a Hero, and we both know you do, then you will do anything to save people who need it. We have the chance to be something greater and I threw it away! But we can choose! We get to make the choice, and say goodbye to this world."
Conner: "Why would I throw my life away for people, for a world I've never met?"
Gray: "Because that's what a Hero does."
The words cut deep into Conner's core, attacking the one thing that he held close to himself. His sense of self entirely. However it didn't just hurt, it pushed past it all, it broke through the haze for just a moment. The fog came rushing back just as fast right after.
Conner: "I! I don't…I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE THEM! Leave my parents, my friends…"
Gray: "This is a dream, it's not even really them. We already left them behind. We have to say goodbye."
Conner: "But I broke down, what if I go back and I just run away again? WE KNOW IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN!"
Gray: "Then that's just what happens. But you won't know and I won't either. It's a leap of faith."
In a fit of rage Conner rushed at Gray, grabbing him by the front of his jacket once again. Though this time instead of tossing him to the ground or punching him, he just cried.
Conner: "YOU CAN'T SAY THAT! THE HOLE REASON WE'RE HERE IS BECAUSE YOU'D RATHER DIE THAN TRY! IT ONLY TOOK A MONTH TO BREAK THAT!? NO! NO! NO! THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS!
Gray: "Yeah I know, because. I hate myself just as much as you do. But you love those people more than anything. So be Gray Kyojin!"
Conner: "And yet after all our history with that title you still chose to be called Gray Kyojin?"
Gray: "Gray Kyojin is confident, happy, a hero, and somebody who never gives up. It's the best version of ourselves. But we're not there yet, that's why it's a leap of faith. To see if we can get there, no matter how bumpy the road is."
Conner: "I'm...I'm just so scared.
Gray: "We've been scared our entire life. So we're just gonna have to realize that we'll just have to do it while we're screamin like hell! Then go back to where we are that person, and save our friends, get the girl, really do something. Really save people! Use your life for them. Because if you wanna die it doesn't matter if you do it here or out there. Let your friends, your real friends help you…help us through this roadblock."
Conner: "This is our starting line then…"
Conner backed off, looking around at the world. The dark sky, the looming moon, the thick clouds. His parents were so far, but they have been much further for a long time now. It was all gone, and he was getting his last look at it. The last time he stood here he didn't get that chance, he just acted and threw his life away to escape the pain. But now, he must choose to walk forward and embrace it, to be the person he wants to be.
Gray: "So what do you say?"
Conner looks at Gray, then he slowly walks in front of the truck. Pushing through the frozen rain while his heart pounded, his stomach curled with a sick fear, his brain trembled. But he still stepped forward, this time with a sense of purpose. With the willing desire to just try, one last time.
Conner: "SO THIS IS IT! Conner Kyojin, he dies right here."
Gray: "And Gray Kyojin steps forward."
he couldn't help but cry, but he was smiling along with it. Thinking of his parents, and those damn vestiges. However he saw the green light become a small elf, the purple light become a small cat girl, a silver light become a tall muscular black haired man, and the brightest light of them all, the golden sun, became the love of his life.
Conner: "See ya."
With these last words spoken, time unfreezes causing Conner to be hit by the truck. Gray Kyojin vanished like a passing train. Then suddenly everything hits him at once. The fight in the ally, his first meeting with Rosemary, his fight with Jeremiah, his time at the mansion, the knight exams. All playing in his mind like a TV show on fast forward, a compilation of life. Then came his loss against Edward, his screams at Arthur, when he ran away, when he chose to die, and he faced it all the same. With that, he felt it, the coldness, the fear that was the present. And walked forward with a smile on his face. Here Materialized back in his house, right in front of his bedroom door.
Gray {I'm ready. For once in my damn life I'm really ready.}
Gray opens the door to see Azalea sitting on his bed, her face red with anger.
Gray: "Hey mind witch lady."
Azalea: "WE MADE A DEAL!"
Azalea was pouting, raging, but strangely not attacking. Just sitting there annoyed.
Gray: "Conner Kyojin made a deal so I'm all good."
Azalea: "You idiot, you're the same person."
Gray: "Yeah but before I was just trying to act like a cool guy, now I am one!"
When he smiled, he still had the sense of pain behind his face. But these words weren't to put on a show, but to make the reality in front of him a bit easier to digest. To walk forward, not lying to himself, but helping himself, one small step at a time. That was what it was going to take to really be better, to start moving forward for the first time in his life.
Azalea: "Yeah cool guy, you're taking everything less seriously than before. Better than being an egotistical douchebag, now you're just a joke."
Gray: "I'll take that as a compliment."
Azalea: "How do you go from being understanding with your new life in another world to being overwhelmed and ranting to some girl you just met, and now you wanna go back?"
Gray couldn't help but look around his room, toward his door to the rest of the house, but had to look back toward Azalea with conviction. With the will power to move forward.
Gray: "I was pretending to a certain level the entire time, just trying to bury my internal thoughts. Then I got my ego blown in my face and all those emotions that drove me to…well to kill myself, but I wanted to leave, I didn't expect Rosemary to like me. My relationship with her is…strange and yet I just met her and yet I feel like I would do anything to help her…sounds like I'm white-knighting but it's just what I believe."
Azalea: "So do you want anything before you leave?"
But before that, he needed to say goodbye. Even if it was a dream, he had to do it, so he could stop hurting himself so much over it.
Gray: "Can, can I say bye to my parents?"
Azalea: "Of course, but you know they aren't your real parents right? They are just the versions of them you have in your head."
Gray: "Yeah I know, it's just the spirit of it ya know."
Gray leaves his room and walks to the living room, seeing his parents sitting together watching TV on the couch. Looking back at him with confusion on their faces.
Dad: "Are you leaving?"
Gray: "Yeah actually…"
Mom: "Were too?"
Gray: "It's hard to explain, guess you could say I'm running off with a girl."
This was a realm that Azalea had control over more or less, with Grays consciousness deciding the flow of things. Causing his parents to respond quite normally despite his jarring words.
Dad: "Like you're going to see your girl or whatever?"
Gray: "Kinda, but I'm gonna be gone for a while. I don't…"
Gray starts to choke up on his worlds. When his mom hugged him, it filled him with such overwhelming peace. It was something that can only be described as motherly love.
Mom: "It's okay home, you have to do things on your own! I'm just glad that you found something you wanna do! And I'll never stop you from following your dreams, from really defining your life!"
His dad had an even brighter smile on his face, slamming his hefty hand onto Gray's shoulder.
Dad: "Hell if you're happy then I'm happy, just don't get yourself killed okay?"
Mom: "Remember to brush your teeth! Oh and wash yourself every day! And eat all the good food you can!"
Dad: "And treat this girl with as much care as you can okay? Also don't wimp out on working out anymore, get a job, and get ripped! No more sobbing about bullshit, gotta be a man ok? But the kinda man that cares about the people around him, the kinda man that shows emotion when it's right."
Gray: "Yeah I got it! And I do work out, you know?"
Dad: "Yeah sure."
Mom: "Just know we will always love you…"
They both gave him another hug, but this time he wasn't filled with peace, but sadness. Knowing that this will probably be the last time he'll ever see them again.
Gray: "I…I don't think I'll be able to talk to you guys again…It's pretty far away…and I won't be able to text or write…but I will always be thinking of you guys!"
Dad: "Promise?"
Gray: "I promise."
He continued to stand there, letting them hold him for what felt like forever.
Mom: "Don't fall over yourself, if you feel stuck like you can't talk to anybody, remember you can. Your friends and your family exist for that reason."
Dad: "The same goes for you as well. Don't let them suffer in silence or anything."
Mom: "Just do what makes you happy, do as much as you can to keep the things that make you happy around as well! Your well-being is the most important thing in the world to us…remember that."
Gray: "So do whatever makes me the best me that I can be. Well, I gotta go get packed! I love you and I won't ever stop loving you."
Dad: "You better not!"
Mom: "Have fun!"
When Gray blinked he returned to his room, seeing Azalea laying on his bed and staring straight up at the ceiling.
Gray: "So this is where we part then, will I ever see you again?"
Azalea: "Definitely, but you're starting to interest me. Before you leave I want to make sure I understand, you just want to apologize for your sins and make your life worth it. I can understand that, but why do you want to go back? It still confuses me…"
Gray took a deep breath, all of his break downs and screamed words flooding back to him so he could dismiss it all. So he could make his declaration of life.
Gray: "I did waste my life…I'm not asking for sympathy or exaggerating it. I did nothing with my life, didn't try to get a girlfriend, didn't try to make a lot of friends, and didn't even try to find a job or hobby. And I got so in my head about it…I just felt like I was drowning. Then I see this ten thousand pound opportunity beside me, and I take it. So I get this second chance at life, I try to be me. I wanted to be me so bad, and I was doing fine for a while. I wasn't lying to myself…I was just actually doing it, I had friends I like, and I have an almost girlfriend that I love with all my heart. I was…I still am building this family and life that I just love."
Azalea could relate to needing a family and a purpose, of feeling like she failed all of those people. But strangely, after seeing Gray's life unfold so far, she's slowly begun to look back on those memories less and less fondly.
Gray: "But I let it get to my head, let that nice guy that I was trying to be overflow with ego and I got this terrible attitude. I know using these different names or referring to myself as different people probably does make me sound crazy…but these names are people, it helps me escape from my issues but that just doesn't work. I am Conner Gray Kyojin, I'm a blunt, goofy, loud, smart ass, and that's not a bad thing. I just can't let it get out of hand as I did before. Even if Arthur was being a dick to me and my friends I shouldn't have lost my composer as I did, and Rosemary didn't even get mad at me for it. I'm such a dick for dropping all those issues on her like that and I feel so bad about it, and I want to apologize to her…to all of them for leaving like that. And they are fighting for their lives right now, my perfect chance to make that dashing entrance to help them."
She stood up and smiled while Gray took a deep breath, exhaling and looking on with vigor.
Gray: "I want to be a good person, and this is my starting line, this is where I start walking down the biggest road in my life… which I can do with this second chance…no this is the third chance… I'll continue on this path, I'll be a hero, with three chances in another world."
Azalea: "A mouthful and nothing more. That sounds quite pretentious too."
Gray: "Eh kinda, it's like when the MC says the title of the show inside of the show, so it's dumb but intended to be funny. But that's besides the point. So thank you, thank you for giving me these chances to live my life."
The bedroom door flings open, showing an infinite space, with a shining white light at the bottom, a beautiful sight. All white, like a hole or tear in space, so warm and bright that it could have been peace itself.
Azalea: "You're welcome."
Gray smiles, giving Azalea a thumbs up, winks at her, and looks down at the shining light. He takes one last deep breath, putting one foot over the doorway, about to fall into space.
Gray: "This better be worth it."
With that Gray falls backward into the void, falling with tears of joy flowing from his eyes.
Gray {I will save my new family…I will give everything I have to make sure they don't get hurt…If I play my cards right I'll get two younger sisters, a beautiful girlfriend, and a loser older brother. Here is my vow… No matter what happens to me, no matter how much pain I feel, how deep the pit of despair gets, I will do everything in my power to make sure I make sure they're safe. And if they die I'll do nothing but try to avenge them. I will be the man I have always wanted to be my entire life. I will be a good person, I swear.}
Gray falls and falls, the void encompassing him. Then he felt the cold damp air of the small dark cell he was thrown into. He feels himself back on the ground, opening his eyes he sees the mana-damping crystal hanging around his neck had turned to dust, his body freed from the chains that he was once bound by.
Gray: "Thanks Mom, and Dad. And especially Azalea, for everything. But now, it's time to get started!"
Gray Kyojin needed to fall to the bottom, to take a good look at himself and finally just calm down and think. All it took was a lot of self motivation and a good couple punches to the face, but Gray Kyojin had knocked himself back on track. Ready to take on the World.