His fingers trembled as he took a spoonful of the rice porridge that Erisa had concocted. Dark-brown eyes glared at it with hesitation and regret growing deeper in his soul. Swallowing some saliva, Kane takes a deep breath.
Some of the excess rice porridge dripped off his spoon with a weird consistency. It was sticky and viscous — not like how your usual rice porridge would be like, now would it? No, this was an entirely new dish made by yours truly. This… this is Erisa-san's Rice Glop™!
Kane opened his mouth wide, before chomping on the spoon with all his might. The sensation of the glop swirled around the roof of his mouth. He pulls out the spoon from his closed lips, which causes 'Erisa-san's Rice Glop™' to slosh around in his mouth.
Closing his eyes reflexively, he expects the worst to happen to him — it was either his stomach bursting or his tongue melting due to the sheer acidity of Erisa's cooking. Weirdly enough, the sensation it gave off was warm.
The rice porridge, despite its thick nature, perfectly encapsulated each flavor within it. The right amount of salt, and Erisa's custom of adding a pinch of sugar thanks to her sweet tooth. Despite its weird combination, it felt just about right for Kane.
His eyes widened at the surprising taste of her porridge — it was spectacular! Kane couldn't get enough with just a first bite, so he went for more! Or so he wanted her to think. In actuality, his taste buds completely melted off his senses.
Spoonful after spoonful, he shovelled it deep into his mouth, enriching his non-existent taste buds with the 'heavenly' cooking of Erisa. "Umai[1]!" Kane cheered while having food in his mouth — underneath all that, he still couldn't taste a single thing.
Erisa was surprised at how Kane reacted to her cooking, despite burning and botching it when he went to take a bath. Purple eyes glinted with a sense of suspicion, which was undoubtedly enough to get her to look down at her bowl of porridge.
It oozed with the same deathly aura that was within Kane's bowl. "Nope, no way, absolutely not," Erisa declared in her mind as her nose flared up. It was absolutely horrendous… even though she was the one that cooked it.
Looking back up at Kane, she was shocked to notice how much he had been enjoying her meal — maybe she was being too harsh on herself and her cooking. She took a deep breath before grabbing her spoon.
In one fell swoop, Erisa masterfully takes one spoonful of rice porridge before chomping it. Her body froze instantly as the taste spread inside her mouth. It was downright horrendous, as she expected.
She drops her spoon and covers her mouth. She leans forward due to the atrocious flavor that made its way onto her taste buds. It burned like acid. It tasted like death. It was the true embodiment of pain! Erisa begins to question if she really was housewife material.
Maybe she was just imagining things since she did see Kane scarfing down her rice porridge. She looks back to clear up some things after her near-death experience with her cooking, but as she looks closely, it becomes clear to Erisa.
Kane moved robotically. His posture was straight and his face was showing no emotion as he ate the rice porridge efficiently. He then repeated the, "Umai!" line he said earlier in between each bite with the same emotion.
Erisa clenches her fist as a vein begins to bulge on her head. "THIS BASTARD!!! He intentionally burned his taste buds off with the first bite so he could eat it without suffering through it!" She shouted in her mind while grinding her teeth.
In her mind, she curls up into a ball as she whimpers like a child. Her internal monologue was then presented with a defeated voice, "You could have just told me you didn't want to eat my food…"
As she continues whimpering in defeat in her mind, Erisa's eyes widen as she restructures her thought process. "W-wait a minute… M-maybe Kane-kun is eating my food because… he didn't want me to feel bad…"
A blush begins to grow on both her real face and mind face. She then slams the table with her fist, which was a complete accident since she intended to do it in her mindscape. "THAT JUST MAKES IT WORSE!!! AHH MOU~! WHY ARE YOU EATING MY COOKING OUT OF PITY!?!?"
Kane shudders at the sudden emotional outburst of Erisa. A half-smile that twitched formed on his mouth as he stared at her breathing aggressively with her head pointed downward. He tightened his grip on the spoon he held out of fear.
"E–Erisa-san? Are you alright?" Kane spoke with a worried tone in his voice — it was both worry as a friend, and worry in a way that expressed 'Oh God, I don't want to be punted with a handful of rice glop'.
The heat around Erisa grew exponentially. If she were to stay in this state any longer, she might burn down this entire apartment complex! Kane watched as her eyes glowed with a red anger as she peered over at him.
"Oh crap, I am definitely getting punted with a spoonful of rice gl- AGGH!"
A swiftly-crafted, and newly concocted Erisa-san's Rice Glop Ball™ collided directly with Kane's forehead as the force caused him to put all his weight into the back of his chair, which lifted the chair off its two front legs slightly.
As the chair landed back to where it was originally, Kane shakily looked back down from the ceiling and toward Erisa. The ball of rice porridge slid down his forehead slowly, leaving a trail of glop. His eyebrows twitched out of spite.
"Kono yaro[2]…" Kane spoke with a hoarse voice. He reached for his bowl and dipped his hands into the slop, before continuing, "...Kisama dareda to omotteya garu[3]!?!"
He then throws the slop directly at Erisa. His throw however was surprisingly ten times weaker compared to Erisa's throw, since it only hit her directly on her chest. The splatter was weirdly erotic, you could almost imagine her being on the cover of a… nevermind.
Erisa looked down at her chest, it was completely covered in the white concoction. She looks back up at Kane with an utterly red face. Her lips begin to quiver as she shouts, "P-P-P-P-PERVERT!" After which, she threw another handful of glop at Kane.
Kane is once again hit in the forehead. He leans back into his chair which is taken off its two front legs. As it lands back to where it was, he wipes the glop off his forehead and grabs another handful of rice porridge while muttering, "I-I didn't mean to hit you there!"
Before he could throw his ball, he's hit yet again in the same spot for the third time in a row. He goes through the same set of actions — it is as if some being outside our dimension got bored with how to specialize every time he got hit.
Now gritting his teeth, Kane retaliated with another attack of his own, hitting Erisa on the neck with the rice glop ball, wherein it began sliding down and going down into her clothes. She squealed in panic as she felt the sticky substance go down her entire body.
She countered this sudden violation of her sanctity with another handful of Erisa-san's Rice Glop Ball™. They continued endlessly, wherein Kane would get hit in the forehead repeatedly with precision, while Erisa always got sexually violated with every ball of glop he threw at her.
⋆｡°✩
"Hah… hah… hah…" Kane was breathing heavily, sweat mixed with rice glop dripped down his forehead. Each exhale he made was visible. The situation was tense and hot… too hot.
"Mou~... hah… yame-yamette[4]…!" Erisa moaned as she bit her finger. Each word she spoke was breathy. She was tired as all hell; the sticky white substance covered her body as she laid on her back, now stripped of the apron she once wore.
"I-I'm not done with… with you, yet…" Kane spoke as he wiped his face with the end of his shirt. The sweat gleaming off his chest, it was a spectacular sight that Erisa chose to ignore completely.
Erisa sat up from the floor as she begged, "P-please, enough… already… I've already had enough, Ka… Kane-kun…" As she spoke that, she cast a sideward gaze with a bright red blush on her cheeks.
With brown eyes locked on her, he let out a sigh, before letting the rice glop in his hand fall out. It made a disgusting splat sound as it hit the hardwood floor. He walked towards Erisa slowly as he reached out his hand to her.
"Since you conceded defeat, I'll let you go easily — come on," he looked down at her, watching her extremely messy figure, before continuing, "Y-you should also maybe go take a bath while you're still here."
Erisa looked at his hand, and with a sigh, he took it and pulled herself up. They both shared a tired look as they scan the aftermath of their food fight — it was messy, reeked of a foul odor, and could count as a biohazard.
Turning over to Erisa, Kane says in a flat tone, "You can borrow my clothes, by the way. I doubt you want to walk out there while…" He pauses while grabbing his chin and nodding with closed eyes, and continuing shortly after, "...looking like that."
As soon as she heard that remark come from Kane, Erisa tries her best to cover her glop-soaked chest with a blush. She pouts and mutters, "I-I swear, if you ingrained that image in your mind, I will kill you."
Kane stares at her with a serious look, fully solidifying his status as a man. He held his forehead before answering confidently, "Don't worry, I subconsciously erased that image from my mind already," Kane had lied — he still indeed had that image ingrained in his mind.
Staring at him like a pile of trash, she saw through his bad attempt at lying — as expected, since they were childhood friends, after all. She then made her way to the bathroom with Kane following, who stopped at the hallway.
Erisa stopped in front of the bathroom door. She stands there frozen for a moment, which catches the attention of Kane. Before he was able to ask though, she looked over her shoulder with a suspicious gaze, before speaking with a straightforward tone, "Nee~, Kane-kun. if you could be so kind…"
Kane chuckles at the sight of this obvious rom-com event — it was completely obvious what she was about to say thanks to all the anime, manga, and light novels he read. She would tell him to not peek at her while she was bathing or do anything erotic with her clothes. "You don't need to complete what you're about to say. Just hurry up so I can —"
"... Could you go next door and get me a new pair of… underwear? L-look, I'll even give you the key," She bluntly spoke with a straight face — well, a somewhat straight face, since a reddish hue grew on her cheeks.
"Eh?"
"J-just don't do anything weird with it… O-okay? There's nobody else I can rely on other than you, since you look less dirty compared to me…" She then pauses as she enters the bathroom and closes the door behind her.
She then slightly opens the door, peeking through the small gap of the door. With a shy look, she mutters with a pout, "I-It's in my room, you'll find it in my closet… T-the drawer at the bottom."
Kane stood there with a rather exaggerated expression of shock. He feels his eyebrow twitch due to this spectacular new rom-com event discovery. As she closes the bathroom door, his emotions are let loose in his head.
"U-underwear!?! I HAVE TO GET ERISA-SAN'S UNDERWEAR!?!?"
[1] [1]: The term “Umai” (うまい) is an expression used to say how tasty something is. It roughly translates to “It’s tasty”.
[2] “Kono yaro” (この野郎) can be used insultingly, which translates to “You bastard”.
[3] The term, which I will not be writing the romanji of (貴様誰だと思ってやがる) roughly translates to “Who the hell do you think are”.
[4] We all know what “Yamette” (やめて) translates to, fellow men of culture; if not, it translates to “Stop”.