Felix was a fool, or at least that's what his friends would say, and at times, it was one of the bluntest ways to say he was smitten. Felix, a doe that he was, had always been contested as a smart man, which in most cases "smart man" always meant poor luck when it came to romance. Such was Felix's luck in the province.
It wasn't because to them, it was the other way around. There was something utterly wrong with Felix's idea of love. It was just odd and odd was an understatement. He wanted someone fun, someone he won't get bored with, someone who made him laugh, who would take great care of his feelings, mostly his character and his heart. He wanted "love" to be perfect—like one of those telenovelas his mother always watched on her phone.
Her mother always slept late, and Felix would stay up with her—especially after his father was done complaining, yelling, and occasionally tossing things. It was a sorry sight to see. His mother's eyes were blank, love and hope adrift from her soul, and it broke Felix.
He exercised effort becoming someone above his father, but he flew too far from the hemisphere. One thing led to another, he got attached to any guy that showed him a tiny ounce of kindness. He knew it wasn't a crime, he knew he wasn't getting away with it either—and when his father knew—he was never the same person.
Until he met Gray.
Despite being a year older than Felix, Gray was fun, dreamy, but he was a manchild. He wasn't overly obnoxious, as most people would say. Maybe some students would actually start calling him nice things if he actually started to behave like someone they'd actually love. He was free-spirited—never listened to anyone as of he were a mongrel dog running around the halls of the palengke a few blocks from their school.
Felix had hopes, and those hopes somehow escalated to interest. He didn't know when it began, but he fell—tremendously hard. Aside from his family, Felix led a life not much different from any average academic achiever. So when Gray became his friend, things just felt different—in a good way! As they grew closer, Gray took his hand, swooping him off his feet to look at the brighter, more festive side of things.
For Felix, it seemed like every moment between them was a pause in time, as if the rift of reality itself watched their every move, smiling.
Every time Felix was with Gray, he almost forgets all the pain he felt from his family, and he clung to Gray like a moth to an ember. He never got bored of walking the same streets, eating at the same karinderyas, or playing the same video games. As long as he was with Gray, he felt utterly content.
Gray was his sanctuary, a darling small space in the world where he felt utopia. No one understood Felix in a way that made him feel special. Other than his small group of friends, it was hard to find someone who would listen with such care as Gray did, and it felt—Oh t just felt enchanting.
There was just something so magical about him—especially when he flashes his earnest smile, when he looks at him with such sincerity, and when he listens to his problems. Felix adored him. It was simply hard not to. The moment he was caught in those hazel eyes, it became hopeless. But he could never tell Gray about that, not in a way that wouldn't break them apart.
Felix had loved and had been in pain, but was wise enough to keep everything a secret. He couldn't afford an ounce of courage to tell Gray what he felt. Even if he somehow earned that luxury, it wouldn't change anything.
He wouldn't confess to him, even if it would stop the apocalypse—no, he wouldn't. He was too afraid to lose everything they had. Gray was a friend, and this—mystical flutter in his heart could mean the end of that. Gray was not like him; he was close, but not exactly the same. It wasn't a crime to love a boy, but it was in Gray's world. Still, it didn't stop Felix from daydreaming. It was simply a sweet impossibility broken down into a dose of drug.
A drug that sometimes made him ask things: "What if I was a girl?" "Maybe I could change his mind?" Thise happy memories become more than a happy pill. It gave Felix a new low. Rock bottom, he laid there wondering—praying someting about Gray would change. Anything, really. Just make something happen—
And something did happen, just not what Felix had in mind.
Gray graduated far too soon than what Felix wanted. They took a few picures, just two before his family could pull him away—little did he know it was a pull that seemed like an attempt on his life above anything else. Gray left. He was quiet for days, then weeks, before months until it was a year. Those were the times Felix got too desperate—shamefully desperate. As if asking for Gray's titas and titos, his cousins, and his relatives where he went was embarrassing enough, he spent a few weeks ferrying pretend chores just to see if he could miraculously meet him in the wild.
But there was none lf that, he was gone—and he should just move on.
His best friend seemed to agree. They'd been sitting in the coffee shop for a while, and Felix did nothing but wail about how his journey of reuniting with his alleged love of his life.
"I miss him," he moaned, dropping himself on the table, while Amor, his friend, rolled her eyes, taking in the Spanish latte Felix had bought for her. It was bad enough to see Felix in love... but to see him like this? God, it was even worse.
"Ha... why don't we talk about something else?" She sighed, and Felix slowly straightened up from his seat, frowning.
"So, have you picked out a school yet? Graduation is just around the corner," she inquired.
"Uhmm... no, but I am thinking of Northerners. It's the closest one to home, so... and dad—"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Damn, Felix, you really gotta learn how to defend yourself. I mean, you can't let your dad push you around forever, and plus, isn't Baguio your dream city?" Easier said than done. As if his dad would ever want to lose control of him like that.
"Yeah, well... change of plans, and yeah, I know..." Felix sighed, looking down at his coffee with droopy eyes, spinning it side to side, contemplating. "... they're the ones paying for my education, and we'll, things are going to be a whole lot harder for me if I didn't follow him, who knows maybe he'll cut off my allowance."
"Really... dude, what did your mother even see in that guy?"
"I don't know, but hey, at least he allowed me to live in the city." Felix smiled, and so did Amor.
Amor had always been there for Felix, especially times where his mind and body hung to a single thin thread that clung to sanity. She was the kind of friend who mocks your first before bending down and helping you—a hallmark of a true friend, at least in Filipino standards. Eitherway, Felix enjoyed their banter and while she was grinning, a small idea popped into her head.
"Why don't we try~" Felix rolled his eyes, knowing where this was going.
"Online dat—"
"No."
"Oh, come on! You didn't even let me finish!" she complained. flashing her phone screen where Felix saw a foreign dating app already downloaded at fifty percent, and he could only manage an amused smirk followed a dismissive hand wave, putting Amor's hand to the side.
"I am not going to try my luck with foreigners again," he replied, chuckling. "Besides, I think I'll have a dry ban on love for a while, even if Vigan has a lot to offer." Amor rolled her eyes. Moving on from years of unanswered love? That has to be tall order—for anyone who tries forget... But maybe his dry season will work wonders for him.
But other than that, he wasn't wrong when he implied that Vigan was a melting pot of beauties and allure—that is if you know where to look. Vigan itself is a very darling city, and Felix had visited multiple times in his long eighteen years, and while he has grown tired of the redundant travels, the scenery at the night of it were always breathtaking, and it didn't hurt to look at the stunning tourists and locals while at it.
"Oh yeah! That reminds me..." What was she up to now? Look at her, with that smug look on her face. It's probably something she bought online. "... Mom told me that Tita and her son are gonna come home!" Again, with much more excitement, she screeched and lunged forward flashing her phone barely a few inches from Felix's nose.
"The one from England? When?" Felix clarified, taking her the device before she sat back, crossing her arms.
"They said they've already packed, and flight's gonna be next week. They're gonna stay in Vigan though, but isn't that great?" she added. Balik-bayans are ubiquitously the center of attraction in the province—not in a good way though. There are always those skeptic gossipmonger aunties at every corner...it feels as though they're vultures...scary...
Amor was waiting joyfully, as Felix skimmed through her phone, looking at her tita's vacation photos, and selfies when he stumbled onto a picture of a dashing young man, built like a corinthian statue.
"Who's this?" he asked, and Amor's face turned devilish for a minute. Felix shrugged with a laugh.
"Amor, I am not interested, just asking," he said, before putting down her phone, bit frustrated truly. "Really? Do you need someone to help you move on~?" She teased, chuckling impishly, sliding her phone.
"Amor, I'm not like you," Felix snarked.
"Yeah whatever anyway..."
"...his name is Mathew, my cousin," Felix nodded with the "oohhh" he usually makes when he felt annoyed. He listened as he scrolled through his phone, checking his socials for any updates about Northerners' schedules.
"My Tita said, Mathew failed every entrance exam he took in England," Felix stopped scrolling as his eyes slowly met Amor's sorry gaze.
"You didn't hear this from me, but when tito died—"
"Your tito died?"
"Yeah...Now pay attention, she planned to move back here and apply as a nurse because it was easier, she was just a cleaning lady there anyway," Felix dropped his phone and just listened intently on Amor's story. "Anyway, she got accepted, and convinced Mathew to study here, hence why they're coming," She added before sipping the last bit of liquid from her cup.
"Doesn't your tito have relatives there?" Felix asked crossing his arms, his brows raised before sipping his tea.
"Well...they weren't friendly with tita nor did they like Mathew, so basically tita and him were on their own," She answered. Poor them, maybe it's because she was difficult or something, maybe her job, or maybe its beca—
"Ouch, spill. So what happened, was their a feud or anything?" Felix asked inching his chair closer.
"I actually don't know, tita rarely opened up much about her family when she calls mom," Pity...
"That's unfortunate. So where will he study?" Felix asked. His hands gently holding his tilted face on the table.
"I think he'll go to Northerners like you. Tita's so overprotective, she literally wants Mat monitored twenty-four seven." Guessing this Matthew guy might have been a troubled child or someone in between the lines of delinquency, however that didn't stop Amor's sanguine ideas from swirling around her odd head.
"You know what?" asked Amor. "What?" Felix inquired, checking the time on his watch. "I feel like you'd totally get along~" Amor smiled innocently while Felix groaned, shooting Amor a look that meant "Stop" .
"Amor—"
"No! I only meant to say that since you're my friend..."
"Your bestfriend," Felix clarified.
"Right, best friend, I just want you guys to meet! That's all!" She said.
"I already said—"
"Look I am not trying anything, I just want you guys to meet, that's it, and plus, you would really help me up my image on my tita," she chuckled. She just had to be his best friend, she was fun though, but times like this, Felix felt like she could use a little bit of humility.
"Alright, but half the chocolates you'll get belongs to me," Felix replied. "Hmmm...you drive a hard bargain," Amor contemplated pinching her chin as she looked to the side.
"What about a third?" She inquired.
"A third with a souvenir," Felix answered.
"Done,"