Internal Memo – For Bureau Staff Eyes OnlySubject: Taro Kuronuma (Soul ID #T-K666)Department: Unscheduled Reincarnations & Narrative NightmaresFiled By: ÉclairStress Rating: 100Snack Emergency Level: 3 Ginger Snaps, 2 Emergency Macarons, 1 bottle of Cookie Bourbon
Summary:
Taro Kuronuma was intended to be a tutorial NPC in a low-tier grimdark RPG realm.
Instead:
Survived a scripted death by punching a goblin with a chair.
Rewrote his dialogue tree into a motivational speech generator.
Turned his training tent into a player attraction.
Has been fan-tagged on LimboNet as "Tent Daddy."
Observation Log:
Day 1: Accepted NPC role with dramatic sigh.Day 2: Gave player lecture on "existential swordplay."Day 3: Survived death. Declared himself "reincarnated but not silenced."Day 4: Posted wooden sign outside tent:
"NPC = Not a Passive Character"
Letters of Complaint:
From the RPG Dev God:
"Your NPC told players their quests lacked emotional depth. Please recall him or at least teach him to respect cutscenes."
From a Confused Player:
"Your sword tutorial guy made me cry and said I have unresolved father issues."
From Taro Himself:
"Hi, Bureau. Just wanted to say thank you for the narrative oppression. I'm thriving. Also: new episode of Death Talks – The Tent Arc drops tomorrow. My guest is a reincarnated sword."
Proposed Action Items:
Reboot the tutorial system with stricter death lock
Assign Snicker Dude to manage "charisma-corrupted souls"
Temporarily mute Taro on the Reincarnation Network
Review current anti-podcast wards
Stop letting Riku handle "emotional brooding types"
I have personally reviewed over 87 inter-soul complaints, 3 cursed scarves, and one surprise musical number. If Taro becomes a bard next, I will walk into the Forget-Me Fog willingly.
Please. I'm begging you. No more tents.
Signed,
Éclair