Chapter 7: Playbook Revisions & Bar Brawl
"Barney Stinson. The man, the myth, the legend. And my current project. How do you take a guy who thinks a 'playbook' is the epitome of romance and subtly nudge him towards genuine human connection? It's like trying to teach a dog to do calculus. Challenging, but potentially rewarding. Especially if the reward is a less annoying Barney."
Adam Stiels, now a master of social dexterity, found himself spending more time at MacLaren's Pub. Not just as the owner, but as a silent observer and occasional, subtle manipulator of Barney Stinson's romantic endeavors. He knew Barney's heart was in the right place, buried deep beneath layers of suits, laser tag, and elaborate schemes. His goal was to help Barney find genuine connection, without completely stripping him of his "legen—wait for it—dary" charm.
[PLOT DETECTED: "The Playbook" (How I Met Your Mother, Season 5, Episode 8). PARTICIPATION REWARD: Master Negotiator Skill. HIDDEN REWARD (IF OUTCOME SIGNIFICANTLY IMPROVED): Ownership of a Major Publishing House.]
Adam's eyes widened. A major publishing house? That was a serious reward. He could use it to publish groundbreaking scientific papers, or even, dare he dream, a series of satirical novels about the absurdities of the Sitcomverse. But first, he had to tackle "The Playbook."
He found Barney at their usual booth, meticulously updating his infamous "Playbook," a leather-bound tome filled with elaborate, often morally questionable, schemes to pick up women.
"Barney, my man," Adam said, sliding into the booth opposite him. "Still working on the sacred texts, I see. Any new plays that involve, say, less deception and more… genuine human connection?"
Barney looked up, his brow furrowed. "Genuine human connection? Adam, that's what the 'He's Not Coming' play is for. You wait until a woman is at her lowest, then swoop in with a perfectly timed, emotionally manipulative line. It's foolproof!"
"Or," Adam countered, leaning back, a thoughtful expression on his face, "you could try a 'play' that involves actually listening to what she has to say. Or finding common ground beyond the superficial. Imagine the challenge, Barney. It's like a high-stakes poker game, but instead of chips, you're playing for… well, for genuine human connection."
Barney scoffed. "Genuine human connection is for Ted. I'm about the thrill of the chase, the art of the conquest! It's legendary!"
"And what if you could make it more legendary?" Adam pressed. "What if you could create plays that not only got you the girl, but also left her thinking, 'Wow, that Barney Stinson, he's actually a pretty decent guy, beneath all the suits and the laser tag'?"
He then proceeded to subtly "critique" some of Barney's existing plays, pointing out their logical flaws, their potential for emotional damage, and suggesting "revisions" that would make them more effective, yet less manipulative. He even helped Barney brainstorm a few new "plays" that focused on genuine compliments, shared interests, and active listening. It was like a master class in ethical seduction, and Barney, surprisingly, was receptive. He still wanted to be legendary, but Adam had planted the seed of a new kind of legend.
"It's like trying to teach a shark to be a vegetarian. Slow progress, but every small victory counts. If I can get Barney to use his powers for good, or at least for slightly less evil, then my work here is done. And a publishing house wouldn't hurt either."
Later that week, MacLaren's was unusually crowded. The HIMYM gang was there, as usual, but so were Leonard, Penny, and Raj from the TBBT crew. Sheldon was, predictably, absent, probably dissecting a dust bunny for scientific purposes.
The atmosphere was lively, but then, a debate erupted. It started innocently enough, a discussion about the merits of various sci-fi franchises. But then, it escalated. Leonard and Ted found themselves in a heated argument about the scientific accuracy of Star Wars versus Star Trek. Raj, surprisingly, chimed in with obscure facts about Doctor Who.
The debate quickly devolved into a full-blown "bar brawl" – not with fists, but with increasingly complex scientific theories, obscure pop culture references, and rapid-fire insults disguised as intellectual critiques.
"The warp drive in Star Trek is theoretically plausible, unlike the fantastical 'hyperdrive' in Star Wars!" Leonard declared, his voice rising.
"Plausible?" Ted scoffed. "You're telling me a ship that can travel faster than light without ripping the fabric of spacetime is 'plausible'? And don't even get me started on the midichlorians!"
Adam, watching from the bar, a smirk on his face, knew this was his moment.
[PLOT DETECTED: "The Nerdy Bar Brawl" (General plot type, focusing on intellectual conflict between fandoms). PARTICIPATION REWARD: Enhanced Debate Skills. HIDDEN REWARD (IF OUTCOME SIGNIFICANTLY IMPROVED): Ownership of a Major Media Conglomerate.]
A major media conglomerate? This was getting ridiculous. He could literally control the narrative of the Sitcomverse. But first, he had to defuse this intellectual powder keg.
He walked over to the warring factions, a casual confidence in his stride. "Gentlemen, gentlemen! Please! There's no need for such… uncivilized discourse. Especially when the answer is so clearly obvious."
Everyone turned to him, surprised.
"The true measure of a sci-fi franchise," Adam continued, his voice calm and authoritative, "isn't its scientific accuracy, but its ability to inspire wonder, to push the boundaries of imagination, and to create a universe that resonates with the human spirit. And frankly, both Star Wars and Star Trek achieve that in their own unique ways."
He then proceeded to effortlessly dissect the arguments of both sides, citing obscure scientific principles, philosophical concepts, and even a few lines of dialogue from forgotten episodes. He pointed out the strengths and weaknesses of each franchise, not in a condescending way, but in a way that made everyone feel understood, yet also slightly humbled by his encyclopedic knowledge.
He even managed to weave in a few references to Doctor Who, much to Raj's delight. He concluded by suggesting a compromise: a weekly "Sci-Fi Debate Night" at MacLaren's, where they could discuss the merits of various franchises in a more structured, less aggressive manner.
The group, initially stunned into silence, slowly began to nod. Ted and Leonard, still slightly red-faced, grudgingly agreed.
"He's right," Penny said, looking at Adam with admiration. "You just… solved the unsolvable argument."
"It's a gift," Adam said with a shrug, a playful wink in Penny's direction. "Now, who wants a round of my famous 'Quantum Leap' cocktails? They're guaranteed to make you feel like you've traveled through time… or at least, forgotten your previous arguments."
[PLOT INFLUENCED: "The Nerdy Bar Brawl" (General plot type) successfully influenced. HIDDEN REWARD GRANTED: Ownership of a Major Media Conglomerate.]
Adam felt a surge of exhilaration. He was now a media mogul. He could create his own sitcoms, produce his own movies, and generally control the flow of information in the Sitcomverse. This was going to be fun.
"A media conglomerate. I'm basically Rupert Murdoch, but with better hair and a much more ethical approach to journalism. Now, what to do with it? Maybe I'll greenlight a show about a sarcastic genius who gets transmigrated into a sitcom universe. Too meta? Nah, probably not."
He knew his next step was to continue his work at the 99th Precinct. Jake was probably already cooking up another elaborate prank, or, more likely, had lost a crucial piece of evidence. Either way, Adam was ready.