The next day. And everyday after that. Morning, day, and night—Renji and his mother often ate in silence. From time to time, though, she'd ask him in tired voice.
"Renji… you wouldn't leave Mom alone, right?"
"No… I'm not going anywhere..."
"Renji… you're a good boy..." She smiled and Renji felt happy seeing that smile. But back then, he didn't understand the way her eyes looked—empty, like a bottomless pit.
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Days repeated, turns into weeks, then to months. Then years passed.
He was well-fed, and he had far more free time than other kids his age—too much, in fact.
One day, while watching a movie where kids his age were laughing and walking to school together, he asked.
"Mom… Should I not go to school?"
"...Renji… school's not a safe place." His mother answered with her teeth clenched.
"Why?"
"There's… bad people out there. They hate each other..."
"...But… It seems so fun here..." He pointed at the screen.
"IT'S FICTION!! Real world's not like that!!"
"..." Renji just stared at the screen with dejected expression. Seeing that, his mother softened her tone.
"The kids are bad… the adults are evil too... Renji, you're safe here. The only place that's safe in this world is this house..."
But… what about friends...?
Renji wanted to ask. But he swallowed the question.
After that day, every time he brought up school, his mother would start spending more time at his side—watching over him as he read books, manga, or watched movies. As if she was shadowing him.
And she would interrupt every time there's a scene of 'Beautiful world outside.'
"They're lying!! It's not real, Renji. Trust me."
"...Okay, Mom..."
Thus, Renji didn't go to school. Instead, his mother taught him the basic knowledge herself—like a private school, just the two of them.
Renji had so much free time, but he didn't realize it was not a freedom.
At some point though, his mother about to throw away all the book, novel, manga, and movies—leftover from the man who abandoned her, but the way Renji cried and begged her not to throw it away, made her stop. Instead, she bought him a game console, hoping that Renji could move on to a new hobby.
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His life came and went just like the sun, moon, rain and snow passing through his window like an infinite loop.
Renji thought He lived a normal life, manga, novel, movies, and outdated console shooting game were his daily live. Sometimes, Renji felt unease about his mother sudden outburst, her sudden emotional dip. But unease was all he could feel—because he didn't know any better.
"Renji... Never step out of this house... Just stay in your room..." His mother always repeated that phrase like an incantation every time she goes out somewhere.
Until finally, on one fortunate or unfortunate day. Renji notices she forgot to lock the door properly. At first, he tried to ignored it, but his curiosity won over him. He opened the door and stepped into the yard, walking slowly, feeling the breeze. It might've been the first time he ever felt real air on his skin. He lost track of time, just staring at the sky.
When his mother came home and found him sitting outside the house, she exploded in rage. She dragged him back inside and locked him in his room.
next day, Renji could see that the front door added with several more bolts and locks. All the windows and doors that led outside were now nailed shut with wooden planks.
Now, Renji could only see His life come and goes just like the sun, moon, rain and snow like an infinite loop, through the gap of the wooden plank barring his window.
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Years later, as if time just skipped for him, he sits crouched in the same position staring through the bolted window, the top of the cabinet that he could barely see before, now, it leveled with his eyes. His body grew even taller as his childish feature turned into more of a teenager.
Scenery of a night city far away in the horizon burned in his eyes.
"What's out there...?"
City...? is there a vending machine and 24-hour arcade...?
He recalled several lines, picture, or movie scenes depicting those moment.
"No... mom... I have to do what she says..."
Why...?
"Because... she's my mother..."
Why?
Yet, it was like a piece of bone stuck in his throat—nagging, choking, but never fully gone for quite a while.
He turned back to the screen, already in the middle of playing some anime.
Same rules. Same air. Same place.
The TV, game console, and bookshelf had all been moved into his room now. Whether it was a reward for his obedience, or just his mother's way to keep him in one place, he wasn't sure. But she had become more lax—letting him read and watch movies by himself again.
Renji stared at the screen when the movie credits rolled. The dark screen reflected his face. Despite being young and fairly healthy, he looked older than he should have—at least compared to other kids his age.
But once more, he thought it was normal. He tried his best to think this was normal.
"I'm bored..."
At this point he could already memorize all the words inside the book, every picture, every trick and timing to win at the shooter game in his console.
"Tokyo huh..." He rewind the movie to the scene where it shows the wide-angle scene of the city.
So bright... is it really looks like that? Mom said... it was just a movie though...
"Mom..."
As if some ritual, Renji closed his eyes, recalling his mother face. Oftentimes, she looked happiest when she was teaching him basic lessons, or when he complimented her cooking, or when they cleaning the house, moved furniture together to change the mood.
And equally sometimes, the complete 180. That one time he let the wrong sentence slip.
"Oh, I remember that one time we ate outside with dad before!"
The hysteric screams, desperate tears, hoarse, tired, and pained voice soon comes to silence him.
"DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME ALONE TOO!??"
Renji never pushed beyond that point. So, he could only explore in his imagination, about the scenery of glamorous city, bright at day, and colorful at night, full of people walking at the sidewalks and crossroads.
"I wonder what's so dangerous about that...?"
The scene playing in front of him is anything but dangerous.
"... It is from comedy though... no...."
Even that one thriller, and that one horror and that one action movie… they still showed similar images…
He let his eyes wander at the scattered books and DVD covers on the floor. Then closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep, trying to silence the curiosity that already took root inside him years ago.