I drag my feet down the street, my belly full and my thoughts spiraling like an overused washing machine. That bubbly girl from the restaurant keeps invading my brain like a catchy song I never asked for. Who smiles like that while working? Is she actually enjoying herself? Ridiculous.
I glance down at my archenemy, the rectangular demon gleaming in my hand. The smartphone. My sworn foe. It's practically vibrating with smugness.
"We'll be dealing with that later," I mutter darkly, stuffing it back into my pocket. The vile contraption has caused me enough grief for one day.
But alas, my day is far from over. Just when I think I'm home free, the universe decides to spice things up. Out of nowhere, a furious bark echoes behind me.
A dog.
A beast.
A snarling mass of teeth and fur is bolting toward me, eyes glowing with untamed rage. I don't know what I did to deserve this. Did I offend the dog gods?! Step on some sacred pawprint?! I don't know, and I don't have time to find out!
"Oh, come on! Not again!"
I break into a sprint. My legs scream in protest, but the primal fear of becoming dog chow fuels my escape. People on the street watch as I zigzag through alleys like a lunatic. The dog is relentless. A monstrous beast! The size of a small horse! Okay, maybe a little exaggerated, but it sure feels like it.
"Why me?! What did I do?!" I wail.
After what feels like a lifetime of near-death experience, I finally slam the door of my apartment shut, wheezing and trembling. My back slides down against the door as I clutch my chest.
"That... that was close," I gasp.
The dog. That unholy creature. It is now my second worst enemy, right after this cursed smartphone. Congratulations, dog. You made the list.
Well going back to the main agenda, I glare at it as I fish it from my pocket. "You know everything, right? Then you must know that weird bubbly girl."
My fingers tap away furiously.
Search: Idiot bubbly girl at the restaurant near my apartment.
The results load.
*'Bubbly Girl Trips Over Nothing and Still Smiles. Adorable or Deranged?'
*'5 Signs Your Co-Worker Is Too Happy (And Might Be a Cult Leader).'
*'How to Deal with Irritatingly Cheerful People.'
I squint at the screen. "What the hell is this? Are you mocking me, you little shit?"
The phone remains silent, smugly glowing.
"Fine. You want me to be specific?"
Search: Suspiciously happy girl working in restaurant with possible loose screws.
More nonsense. More unrelated articles. One even suggests that I may have a crush on her! Such blasphemy!
"You vile contraption! I should've thrown you to that dog! It would've been doing humanity a favor!"
Still, the phone offers no apologies. What a scum!
After several more failed attempts, I slam it down on the couch. "That's it. Useless. Absolutely useless!"
For a moment, I consider hurling the smartphone across the room. The dog would probably enjoy chewing on it. Maybe it'd choke on its evil digital remains. But no... I must restrain myself.
Instead, I slam it down on the table, pacing back and forth. "Fine! You win, stupid little demon! I'll find her myself!"
With newfound resolve, I point a finger at the device. "Tomorrow, I'm going back to that restaurant. And when I find her, I will demand answers."
My dramatic proclamation echoes through the empty room. No one witnesses my declaration of vengeance, except maybe the cockroach crawling by the corner. But that's fine.
Tomorrow. It's war.
And this time... I will emerge victorious!
***
I wake up to the blinding morning light, a cruel reminder that I'm still stuck on this strange, chaotic world called Earth. I groan, turning over to avoid the sun, but then my hand brushes against the dreaded object.
The smartphone.
That vile, rectangular demon.
"Ugh, you again," I mutter, glaring at the glowing screen as if it personally insulted my existence. I don't trust it, I despise it, and yet... I need it.
"Fine. I'll tolerate you for now. But one wrong move and I swear, you're going to meet the bottom of the toilet."
With that declared, I shuffle out of bed and into the bathroom. After a quick shower that involved me aggressively trying to figure out human shampoo mechanics for the fifth time, I change into a fresh outfit. Something nice. Something that says, I'm a man of sophistication and not someone who fought a garden hose to the death.
Just as I'm heading out, I spot the familiar figure of Mrs. Henderson! My glorious source of income! She's tending to her plants with the same level of care I would give to time itself.
"Good morning, Lady of the Garden!" I call out, giving her an overly enthusiastic wave. I don't know why I said it like that, but hey, it felt right.
Mrs. Henderson squints at me. "Shiwei, dear, you really don't have to yell."
"Apologies! It's just—" I gesture vaguely. "Morning joy."
She blinks, clearly questioning my sanity, but then smiles warmly. "Since you're here, would you mind tending to the garden again? I must say, despite the... incidents, you did quite well yesterday."
The incidents. Yes. Let's not relive the trauma of the hose's betrayal.
But money is money. And besides, a bit of manual labor never hurt anyone. Probably.
"Absolutely! A little more gold— I mean, cash— won't hurt."
"Wonderful."
With determination in my heart, I sprint back to my apartment, swap into my designated battle-worn gardening clothes, and march right back to the battlefield.
***
"You vile serpent!" I hiss, wrestling the garden hose once again. It writhes in my hands like some beast possessed. "You won't get me this time!"
Despite the hose's relentless attempts to soak me, I manage to water the plants without turning myself into a drenched disaster. The earthworms? Mercifully absent. Perhaps they feared me this time. Good. As they should.
When Mrs. Henderson hands me my well-earned pay, I stand tall, victorious. "Another battle won."
She smiles politely, though I can see the faint concern in her eyes. "Well, uh, enjoy your day, Shiwei."
"I will, Lady of the Garden. I will."
Back in my apartment, I shower away the evidence of my struggle, then throw on my finest outfit once more. The restaurant awaits.
And surprisingly — miraculously — no dog chases me. It's as if the heavens decided to give me a break.
"Luck is finally on my side," I declare proudly, striding into the restaurant.
Naturally, I order the same masterpiece as before — the majestic Gyudon. As I savor the rich flavors of the beef and rice, I can't help but glance outside. And there she is.
The bubbly girl.
She's practically radiating sunshine as she takes out the trash, humming a little tune. Who hums while doing chores? Is she some sort of mystical being that thrives on mundane tasks?
"She's so weird," I mumble, shoveling another bite into my mouth. "What's she so happy about?"
But then I see it.
A flower pot, teetering dangerously on the edge of a balcony above her. My eyes widen as time seems to slow — and not because of me. No, this is just the horrifying inevitability of human misfortune.
"Oh, for the love of time—"
Without thinking, I summon a sliver of my power. The pot's descent crawls to a near halt, as if it's now gliding gently through molasses. The bubbly girl, blissfully unaware of her almost-certain doom, skips away unscathed.
I slump back in my seat, exhaling sharply. "That girl is a disaster magnet! And apparently, I'm her unpaid guardian angel." I sighed...
Grabbing my smartphone, I glare at the screen. "At least you were useful for once. But don't get cocky."
It gleams back at me, smugly. I can feel it.
And with that, I'm down to the last bite of my Gyudon, already questioning what I've gotten myself into...
After savoring the last bite of my majestic Gyudon, I lean back with a satisfied sigh. My stomach is full, but my curiosity is not. My gaze flickers back to the bubbly girl. She's still smiling, wiping down tables with a level of enthusiasm that I can only describe as disturbing. Who smiles like that while working? Definitely suspicious.
I peer over the edge of my bowl like some sort of undercover agent. Every now and then, she hums while stacking chairs, practically radiating sunshine. It's infuriating. No human should be this cheerful. What kind of twisted logic drives her?
"Alright, girl, what's your secret?" I mutter under my breath, stabbing the remains of my rice with my chopsticks.
Then, I spot it. A puddle of water glistening on the floor like a treacherous mirror. And her? Completely oblivious. She's skipping around, humming like she's in some musical. I can already predict the disaster looming.
"Oh, for the love of time," I groan, rubbing my temples.
Sure enough, her foot grazes dangerously close to the puddle. My muscles tense. She wobbles, flailing slightly before regaining balance.
"You absolute menace," I hiss.
And just like that, she moves on, blissfully unaware that fate nearly claimed her. But I know it's not over. No, this puddle is a patient assassin, and that girl? A prime target.
Determined, I keep my eyes locked on her. Every time she even breathes near the puddle, I discreetly manipulate the flow of time around it, drying it up or redirecting it to safety. It's like I'm babysitting a grown woman who's one clumsy misstep away from hospitalization.
Minutes pass. She's still intact, but my nerves are fried. The tension is unbearable. The logical thing to do would be to leave. But no. Apparently, fate decided that I'm the designated guardian of an idiot today.
"Another Gyudon, please," I say, slapping some cash on the counter.
The cashier blinks. "Again?"
"Yes," I grumble. "For research purposes."
While waiting, I glance over at the girl once more. Just as I feared, she's at it again. This time she's balancing a stack of trays like some unstable circus act. If physics had a face, it would be glaring at her.
My second Gyudon arrives, but I barely acknowledge it. My full-time job as an uncredited life-saver continues. The worst part? The smartphone in my pocket. I can practically feel its smug presence.
"You think this is funny, don't you?" I glare at the phone, biting into my rice with unnecessary force. "You vile rectangular parasite. Enjoying my suffering, huh? Pathetic."
Hours pass. My wallet's considerably lighter, my stomach twice as full, and the bubbly girl still hasn't perished from her endless parade of self-endangerment. I guess I deserve some applause for that.
With a sigh, I stagger out of the restaurant. The evening breeze welcomes me, but all I feel is regret.
"I'm Broke... Again..." I grimace, patting my empty pockets. "Unbelievable."
As I trudge back to my apartment, my mind swirls with thoughts of my questionable life choices. I could've saved that money. I could've been responsible. But no. Guardian of Idiots, that's my title now.
And as if to add insult to injury, I pull out my phone. Its screen glows mockingly, as if relishing in my downfall.
"This is your fault," I snarl. "Every last bit of it."
The phone remains silent, but I know it's laughing on the inside. Next time, I swear... it's going in the toilet.
Tomorrow's a new day. And this time, I'll make wiser decisions.
Probably...
Maybe...
"Damn you, smartphone."