You're late," Cherry snapped, adjusting her rhinestone visor. "Today is educational. Today, we train."
Noa and Ren exchanged a glance.
"Like… acting class?" Noa asked.
Cherry laughed. "No, darling. Like **porn bootcamp**."
---
The studio had turned a side room into a "Practice Den."
Inside: yoga mats, soft lighting, bananas, pillows shaped like butts, a squeaky rubber chicken (???), and a whiteboard titled:
> **REAL PORN FACTS**
> Please Read or Die Embarrassed
Ren read it aloud.
"'Fact #1: Most male actors are chosen for their ability to stay hard between takes, not size.' …Cool."
Noa pointed at another.
"'Fact #3: 90% of visible orgasms are fake. So are 100% of the candles on set.'"
"Explains why nothing smells sexy," Ren muttered.
---
**Cherry clapped her hands.**
"Okay, today's lesson: Learn to *look* sexy while feeling like your back's broken."
A trainer named Cliff (ex-male star, now intimacy coach) demonstrated "neutral pelvic presentation."
Noa whispered, "Why does he move like a perverted ballet dancer?"
Cliff spun and declared:
"In porn, your hip angle sells emotion. Up means passion. Down means prison."
Ren tried the pose.
He looked constipated.
Cliff nodded solemnly. "You'll get there."
---
They were handed props: lube bottles, feather whips, and a cucumber.
Noa blinked. "What's this for?"
Cherry: "Scene rehearsal. Ren, you seduce her. Noa, you try not to laugh."
Ren raised an eyebrow. "This is not how I imagined my twenties."
Noa grinned. "Shut up and hold the cucumber seductively."
He did. It slipped. Twice.
---
During break, they sat with Cliff and another coach, Jessa, who once shot 12 scenes in 3 days and lived to tell the tale.
Jessa shared:
- **"There's such thing as 'anal training schedules.'"**
- **"Sometimes we use prosthetic penises made of tofu."**
- **"I once dislocated a rib during a reverse cowgirl scene. Nobody paused."**
Noa was horrified and fascinated.
Ren said, "This is like war. With glitter."
---
Later, they tried **moan calibration**.
Jessa had a tablet that analyzed soundwaves.
"Fake orgasm too nasal. Try again," she told Ren.
He groaned like a wounded wolf.
"Too animal."
Noa tried. It came out like a karaoke yawn.
"Better," Jessa said. "More innocent confusion."
They both fell over laughing.
---
**By the end of the day**, their abs hurt from practice and too much laughter.
Cherry declared, "You're progressing. Not good yet. But at least now your crotches don't look scared."
Noa raised a hand. "Is there like… therapy included with this job?"
Cliff offered a high-five. "That's what the group chat's for."
---
That night, back in their hotel, Noa curled up with her notebook.
She whispered, "This is the least sexy sexy job on earth."
Ren, brushing his teeth, replied, "And yet, somehow... weirdly honest."
Noa nodded.
"And I think... I'm starting to respect it."
He smiled.
"Even if my moans still sound like dying cats?"
She grinned. "Especially because of that."
---
**The truth had hit them:**
Porn wasn't fantasy.
It was lighting, posing, pelvic math, and stamina mixed with social awkwardness.
And somewhere in the middle…
They were finding something oddly **real**.