You know what happens when you use Thread Control to steer an airship?
You crash into a statue of King Pantaloons III holding a sewing needle like Excalibur.
"Welcome to Pantalon!" announced a man with a monocle stitched into his eyelid. "State your pant size and purpose!"
"I… I fell from the sky?"
"Ah. Another Chosen One."
Apparently, this town literally worships pants. Not in a weird way—okay, in a very weird way. Their currency is called Waistbands. Their courtship ritual involves synchronized hemming.
Pantalon's religion revolves around the "Four Great Legwear":
1. Boxers of Benevolence
2. Briefs of Battle
3. Jeans of Judgement
4. Slacks of Solitude
"Blasphemy against the Slacks is a jailable offense," whispered Sarcasmus. "You might want to take off that skirt armor you accidentally weaved."
Too late.
The townsfolk gasped.
"HE MOCKS THE CODE OF CUFFS!" a priest shouted.
To avoid public shearing, I challenged their champion tailor to a Duel of Fabrication.
> Opponent: Sir Stiffsworth
Species: Mannequin. Possibly haunted. Definitely smug.
Title: "The Iron Inseam"
Combat Style: Rapid Stitch, Fabric Spear, Passive Judgemental Aura
I was handed a needle.
Sir Stiffsworth was handed a dual-blade sewing machine on wheels.
Fair.
The mannequin zipped at me, his chestplate embroidered with a screaming eagle.
"YOUR SEAMS ARE CROOKED!" he screeched telepathically.
> Alert: Emotional Stability Falling
Condition: Sewing Anxiety (Minor)
"System, give me a combat technique!"
> You have 1,200 Waistbands.
Suggestion: Purchase Thread Barrage Lv.1
"Done!"
> Skill Acquired: Thread Barrage Lv.1
Effect: Launch needle-thread projectiles at high velocity.
Bonus: 10% chance to tangle the enemy's soul.
"Let's go, you haunted coat rack!"
I hurled threads like I was flossing reality. Sir Stiffsworth twitched violently and collapsed into a heap of pin cushions and dry-clean-only sorrow.
The crowd was silent. Then someone yelled, "HIS CROSS-STITCH IS DIVINE!"
I had won.
I was crowned the Interim Pants Prophet, awarded a golden thimble, and granted access to the sacred Weaveforge.
Sarcasmus whispered, "I think you just got promoted in a fashion cult. Again."
Blobert tried to eat a sock altar.
---
System Notification
> Quest Complete: "Threadbare Kingdom"
New Skill Unlocked: Emotional Embroidery
Description: Stitch abstract feelings into clothing.
Examples: Socks of Bitterness, Hat of Eternal Disappointment
Side Effect: Items may cry when worn.
Also unlocked:
> Crafting Branch: Emotionwear Lv.1
You can now forge gear using feelings like "regret," "sass," and "Monday dread."
While experimenting in the Weaveforge, I stitched "Hope" into a scarf.
Instead, it came out black. Flickering. Wrong.
Sarcasmus stared at it, suddenly serious.
"That's not Hope. That's... Narrative Thread."
"What?"
"A thread that shouldn't exist in this world. Someone's tampering with the plotline itself."
The scarf pulsed once.
> Hidden Quest Unlocked: "The Thread Beyond Fate"
Objective: Follow the black thread.
Reward: Truth