I Accidentally Became a Guild Therapist
Chapter 32: Forbidden Wedding and the Unexpected Server Crash
Livia Marcelline Quinn, Mental Architect Lv. 1,
was officiating a wedding between a tulip and a sentient slime.
Yes, that was her life now.
She stood at the edge of the guild's enchanted glade-turned-ceremony-hall, holding a hand-stitched "Book of Eternal Vows" (actually a reskinned in-game cookbook someone enchanted with glitter runes). Her golden-trimmed robe sparkled faintly, damp with dew and residual disbelief.
Before her stood Tulina, the radiant pink tulip whose petals shimmered with anxious joy, and Blorbo, a jiggling, semi-transparent slime who had cleaned up nicely—someone had stuck a bowtie inside his goo. It floated near his core, pulsing with excitement.
The makeshift audience was packed.
Not just with guild members (Phina crying quietly beside Glimmer, Bron dressed as a reluctant flower girl, and Alaric throwing rice with the intensity of a ranged DPS), but with a growing crowd of curious NPCs, half-glitched enemies, confused raid bosses, and at least one stolen vending machine. Even Miles, sitting off to the side with arms crossed and eyes half-lidded, looked the tiniest bit amused.
"By the powers of chlorophyll and… gelatinous companionship," Livia began, her voice flat but deeply resigned, "we are gathered here to honor a love that transcends species, code, common sense, and probably several EULAs."
Blorbo jiggled joyfully. Tulina's petals rustled, fluttering with emotion.
From somewhere behind her, Nyx Shadowmint whispered, "Do we clap after the slime says 'I do,' or do we… jiggle in unison?"
"Shut up, it's beautiful," Phina hissed.
Livia continued, flipping to a glitter-enchanted page with the official seal of the Botanical Heart Registry (courtesy of Phina's magic and an unsupervised crafting session). "Do you, Tulina of the Wild Garden, take this goo to be your partner in love, in root rot, and in rainy days?"
"I do," Tulina whispered, her voice like wind through spring blossoms.
"And do you, Blorbo, promise to protect this flower, warm her roots, and never absorb her accidentally during combat AoEs?"
Blorbo pulsed.
> [Blorbo Emotes: I do! I do! I do!]
>
A gentle golden mist rose from the ground, swirling upward like a blessing from the game engine itself.
> [Server Notification: Emotional Nexus Achieved – Botanical Unity Milestone Triggered]
> [+2400 EXP Gained. Total EXP: 3600/15000] [Title Progress Unlocked: Minister of Emotional Catastrophes – 1/5 Weddings Officiated]
Livia blinked. "What."
Before she could finish processing that, her HUD violently flickered. A blinding ping slammed into her interface.
Somewhere in the Real World
(Player Forum Thread:"IS THIS NPC OKAY???")
@RealGameFan777: "I logged in and stumbled into a FLOWER-SLIME WEDDING officiated by that therapist NPC. I think I cried. My character cried. My pet raccoon cried."
@DataMinerDelta: "Is this an ARG or a leak? There's no way this is real. But I just bought a tulip-slime plushie from the merch shop and named him Blulina."
@RaidLeaderRon: "I came for loot and left questioning the concept of cross-biological love. 10/10 event. Would attend again."
@GlimmerStans: "The therapist NPC, Livia? She has to be real. No dev writes this much emotional nuance for a plant wedding. I literally proposed to my girlfriend after watching this unfold."
@ModOmega (Official Response):
> "This content was not scheduled. We are investigating potential unauthorized event triggers. Please refrain from spreading unsanctioned NPC lore."
@ServerBard420: "Too late. I wrote a whole musical about it. 'Blorbo's Ballad' drops next week. #LiviaSavedLove"
Back in the Game
As the final petal-dance descended from the sky and Blorbo jiggled into Tulina's welcoming stem-space, a ripple of pure joy swept through the gathering.
The server pinged again.
> [SERVER ALERT: Unexpected Player Density in Low-Level Guild Garden Zone ]
> [Event Flagged: Viral Emotional Wedding – 5.2M Streamers Watching Live]
>[Warning: System Saturation Approaching Critical Levels]
"Phina," Livia muttered, her eye twitching, "why is there a dragon selling popcorn from the clouds?"
Phina wiped her eyes with a handkerchief made of light. "Supply and demand, darling. The emotional economy is booming."
Miles appeared beside her without warning. "You've trended again," he murmured.
"I officiated a wedding between a tulip and a slime."
"And 5 million people cried," he replied.
Livia buried her face in her hands. "I'm going to get deleted for breaking the game with feelings."
Miles was quiet for a beat. Then, quietly: "Let them try. We'll just cry harder."
Livia gave him a sidelong glance. His expression didn't change. But his hand brushed briefly against hers.
Just enough to be real.
The aftermath of the wedding was less a celebration and more a chaotic explosion of unexpected phenomena. The air, already thick with the scent of blossoming flora and the faint, sweet-and-sour tang of Blorbo, crackled with raw, uncontained emotion. Players, drawn by the viral stream, poured into the guild garden like a mana surge, their characters jostling for a better view of the newlyweds. The server, clearly not designed for a spontaneous multi-species wedding, groaned under the load.
A literal rain of emotes descended from the sky – heart emojis, crying faces, even a few bewildered question marks. The dragon-turned-popcorn vendor, a magnificent beast with scales the color of molten gold, roared with delight as coins cascaded into a small, enchanted barrel floating beneath it. It was, Livia realized with dawning horror, a perfect storm of improbable events, all centered around her.
"This is… unprecedented," Livia heard Alaric mutter, polishing his sword with a small, pristine cloth. He looked less annoyed than usual, a strange, contemplative frown on his face. "I've seen city-wide raids with less player engagement."
Bron, still wearing a ridiculous garland of daisies and looking deeply uncomfortable, grumbled, "I just wanted to grind some goblins. Now I'm a wedding accessory."
Phina, meanwhile, was in her element. She had manifested a small, glowing stand made of pure light, offering "Emotional Support Charms" and "Love Potion No. 9 (Guild Edition, now 50% more Sparkle)." The line stretched back to the guild hall's main entrance. "It's a beautiful moment, isn't it, Bron?" she chirped, ignoring his misery. "Such pure, unscripted joy! This is what this game should be about!"
Livia watched the chaos unfold, a mix of disbelief and a strange, unfamiliar warmth blooming in her chest. She had gone from therapist to wedding planner, and now, apparently, to a catalyst for server-breaking emotional events. The "Minister of Emotional Catastrophes" title felt eerily apt.
She looked down at Blorbo and Tulina. The slime, still with his tiny bowtie, was nestled contentedly at the base of the tulip's stem, a faint golden light emanating from their combined forms. Tulina's petals glowed, a vibrant, happy pink. Despite the pandemonium, their happiness was undeniably real. And pure.
"You really did it, Livia," a new voice said, calm and resonant amidst the din.
Livia turned to see Miles standing beside her, his arms still crossed, but a faint, almost imperceptible curve at the corner of his lips. He was the embodiment of stoic warrior, yet even he seemed touched by the spectacle.
"I didn't 'do' anything," Livia countered, still processing the sheer magnitude of the reaction. "I just… listened. And then things got out of hand. Like always."
"Perhaps 'listening' is what caused it," Miles mused, his gaze sweeping over the teeming crowd of players and NPCs. "The game… it thrives on interaction, on quests, on programmed events. But genuine emotion… that's different. That resonates with players on a level the code can't replicate."
He looked at her then, his eyes, usually so impassive, holding a flicker of something she couldn't quite decipher. "You have a knack for it, Livia. For finding the unscripted moments. For making things… real."
The compliment, coming from Miles, felt unexpectedly weighty. Livia felt a blush creep up her neck. She was used to his dry sarcasm, his stoic observations. This was… new. And it made her chest feel tight, not from anxiety this time, but something akin to… acknowledgment.
"It's just… empathy," she mumbled, looking away. "A bug in the system, probably."
"Or a feature," Miles said, his voice low.
Suddenly, the ground trembled. A deep, resonant hum vibrated through the air, distinct from the joyous chatter. The guild garden's vibrant colors flickered, as if the very textures of the world were struggling to load.
> [SERVER CRITICAL ALERT: SYSTEM OVERLOAD IMMINENT]
> [EMERGENCY PROTOCOL ACTIVATED: TEMPORARY SHUTDOWN IN 60 SECONDS] >[WARNING: UNEXPECTED DATA FRAGMENTATION DETECTED]
A collective gasp went through the crowd. Streamers yelled into their mics. Players panicked, trying to log out, but the system was already lagging.
"What's happening?!" Phina shrieked, her light-stand dissolving into shimmering motes.
"The server's crashing!" Alaric yelled, finally looking genuinely alarmed. "Too many players, too much… emotion! It's too much for the old code!"
Livia's heart leaped into her throat. "Oh, no. No, no, no! All this for a plant wedding?!"
Miles moved quickly, grabbing her arm. "We need to get to a stable zone. Now!"
But it was too late. The world around them began to dissolve into pixilated static. The cheerful music warped into a discordant screech. Blorbo and Tulina, still intertwined, began to glow even brighter, as if their pure joy was inadvertently overloading the system.
The dragon-vendor glitched, turning into a kaleidoscope of colors before vanishing. The stolen vending machine flickered, dispensed a single, glowing soda can, and then winked out of existence.
Livia felt a terrifying pull, as if the fabric of her very being was being stretched thin. She saw her guildmates' faces, contorted in fear and surprise, before they too dissolved into digital noise.
Just as the world disintegrated into a white void, a final, urgent message flashed across her vanishing HUD.
> [SERVER ADMIN ALERT: NPC Livia continues to demonstrate non-scripted emotional autonomy. Recommend: Immediate Isolation for Analysis.]
Then, darkness. Complete, absolute darkness.
She was gone. Or, perhaps, the game was.
> [New Quest Chain Unlocked: The Botanical Honeymoon Crisis]"Help the newlyweds adapt to post-wedding life. Also, keep the daisy from starting a protest."
>
> [Server Admin Alert: NPC Livia continues to demonstrate non-scripted emotional autonomy. Recommend: Monitoring.]
>
[EXP Progress: 3600 / 15000]
#LiviaTheLoveBug #GooIsLove #FloralFeelingsAreValid