I Accidentally Became the Guild's Therapist
Chapter 7: Love Problems of an Elf and… a Slime?
Livia Marcelline Quinn, Mental Supporter Lv. 2 and reluctant server mascot, was starting to think her Therapist's Log was cursed. Its pages were a warzone of scribbles: Bron: Plushie mania. Nyx: Dark phobia, awkward crush. Alaric: Betting addiction. Phina: Slime obsession—help. The Bloodbath & Beyond guild's base camp was a circus of chaos—glowing runes flickered erratically, enchanted swords lay scattered like forgotten toys, and a sentient slime was now attempting cartwheels near a tent. Livia perched on her crate, her marginally-less-itchy robe a small comfort, muttering, "If one more person calls me 'Empath Eternal,' I'm feeding this notepad to that slime."
The camp roared with its usual madness—players screamed about "bugged raids," NPCs droned glitchy lines like "Error: Romance Module Unstable," and a rogue tripped over a mana orb, blaming "dev incompetence." Livia's introverted soul craved a logout button, but her HUD flickered with notifications, and the guild's lunatics kept her on a leash. I'm their shrink, their mascot, and a subreddit star, she thought, her dry humor kicking in. Failed psych, memed across worlds, and now I'm stuck with a guild of emotional trainwrecks.
A notification pinged:[Achievement Unlocked: Chronic Therapist Fatigue. +10 Endurance Points (Barely Enough)]"Tell me about it," Livia muttered, swatting the air. Her progress bar read Mental Supporter Lv. 2: 1400/2000 EXP. She'd racked up EXP soothing Bron's existential dread, Nyx's fear of the dark, Alaric's gambling, and her own viral fame, which had spawned a subreddit, ASMR videos, and a Livia plushie that haunted her nightmares. Her Phobia Breaker Lv. 1 and Charisma +1 made her sessions slightly more effective, but they didn't prepare her for what came next.
Seraphina "Phina" Duskveil, the Eldritch Archmage, glided toward her, her robes shimmering with arcane runes and her slime—Glimmer, apparently—jiggling in tow. Phina's violet eyes sparkled with poetic intensity, her voice a velvet symphony. "O Empath Eternal," she began, clasping her hands, "I seek your counsel in matters of the heart. My soul is entwined with Glimmer, a being of luminous fluidity. How does one court such a… transcendent entity?" Livia's jaw dropped, her notepad nearly slipping. "You're in love with the slime?" She caught herself, forcing a neutral tone. "I mean, tell me about… Glimmer." Her sarcasm screamed—A slime? Really?—but her psych training kicked in, urging professionalism. She scribbled: Patient: Phina. Issue: Interspecies slime romance. Approach: Don't lose it.
A notification flashed:[Achievement Unlocked: Keeper of Weird Secrets. +5 Composure Points (Shaky)] Phina launched into a monologue, her hands gesturing like a conductor. "Glimmer is no mere creature! Its quivering essence speaks to my soul, its gelatinous grace a dance of cosmic harmony. Yet, I fear my affections are… unreciprocated." She glanced at Glimmer, who jiggled obliviously, leaving a trail of sparkly goo. "How do I confess my ardor without shattering this delicate bond?" Livia blinked, her brain short-circuiting. She's writing sonnets for a blob. She tried a textbook approach, her voice strained. "Have you, uh, tried talking to Glimmer? Like, directly? Maybe it… feels something back?" She cringed internally. I'm enabling this. I'm enabling a slime romance.
Phina gasped, her eyes gleaming. "A confession! A bold overture to the cosmos! But what if Glimmer rejects my heart's verse?" Her voice wavered, and Livia's empathy stirred despite her disbelief. Phina wasn't just quirky—she was vulnerable.
"Okay," Livia said, softening. "Let's practice. Pretend I'm Glimmer. What would you say?" Her introversion screamed at the role-play, but she powered through, channeling her Verbal Hug Lv. 1.
Phina clasped her hands, addressing Livia-as-Glimmer with fervor. "O radiant one, thy viscous beauty captivates my soul! Wilt thou join me in an eternal dance of starlight and goo?" Glimmer jiggled, possibly in confusion, and Livia bit her lip to avoid laughing.
"That's… poetic," Livia managed, scribbling: Phina: Confessed to slime (me). Approach: Barely kept a straight face. "Maybe tone it down a bit? Something simple, like, 'I like you, Glimmer. Want to… hang out?'" She gestured at the slime, which rolled into a tent, causing a crash.
Phina nodded, inspired. "Simplicity! A minimalist ode!" She knelt beside Glimmer, whispering, "Beloved, I cherish thy fluid grace. Shall we journey together?" Glimmer jiggled, glowing faintly, and Phina squealed, hugging it. The slime didn't flee, which Livia took as a win.
A notification pinged:[You guided an archmage through a slime confession. +1000 EXP. Skill Upgraded: Emotional Resonance Lv. 2] Her progress bar surged: Mental Supporter Lv. 2: 2400/2000 EXP. Her HUD chimed: Level Up! Mental Supporter Lv. 3. New Passive: Empathic Insight Lv. 1—Detects subtle patient emotions. Her robe shimmered, now with faint silver trim. Fancy, she thought, still itching.
Livia scribbled: Phina: Confessed to slime. Result: Slime didn't run. Success? She muttered, "I'm either a genius or the worst therapist in two worlds."
The camp erupted, as usual. Bron stomped over, waving his Livia plushie. "Buffer! Saw Phina's slime thing. You fixing everyone now?" Nyx peeked from a crate, his flashlight glowing, mumbling, "That was… brave." Alaric, reeking of ale, shouted, "I bet 200 gold the slime says yes! Don't jinx it!" Miles Vexley appeared, his smirk sharp. "Nice work, rookie. You got Phina to confess to a blob without breaking her. Impressive." He leaned closer, voice teasing. "What's next, Buffer? Fixing my trust issues?" Livia's sarcasm flared. "Fix yourself, Smirk. I'm busy with sentient goo." But her new Empathic Insight pinged, catching a flicker of genuine worry in Miles' eyes. He's not just joking? She shook it off, her introversion begging for a break.
The guild's chaos escalated—Bron tried to "guard" Glimmer, accidentally squashing a tent; Nyx hid from the slime's glow; and Alaric bet his flask on Phina's "wedding date." Phina, oblivious, composed an ode to her "gelatinous beloved," which Glimmer jiggled to, possibly in approval.
A final notification flashed: [You navigated interspecies romance with questionable sanity. Achievement Unlocked: Slime Whisperer] Livia closed her notepad, muttering, "I'm counseling a slime's love life. This is my legacy." But as Phina beamed, cradling Glimmer, and the guild's chaos swirled, Livia felt a spark of pride. She was helping—sort of. And as Miles watched her, his smirk hiding that fleeting worry, she realized this guild's madness was pulling her deeper into their world, whether she liked it or not.