I always thought of myself as an average guy with normal dreams you know, like getting enough money to live comfortably or getting pegged by a goth muscle mommy… normal stuff. If you told me I'd die today and get reincarnated I would've laughed in your face and said you were crazy.
Turns out, that's exactly what happened and I've gotta say I'm pretty pissed off. I didn't even die in a cool way. A fucking tree killed me. Well, maybe it was more the internal bleeding from hitting said tree at 80 MPH that killed me but you get the point. That's so not cool, dude.
Okay, okay I get it no complaining fine. I'll tell you my story. So, now after dying I found myself floating in this weird space. It was kinda boring. I always thought death would be pretty nice like going to bed forever and dreaming your favorite dream but nope. Not at all like that.
It was just as I was complaining about how boring this all was that an entity appeared in front of me. Now I call it an entity and not a person. Because whenever I looked at it, it was kinda blurry and distorted like my eyes couldn't quite accept the fact that it was really in front of me and then, it spoke to me.
"Welcome to the Afterlife Processing Center. That's APC for short now please take a numb- oh wait, you're the only one here. Quite the lucky one." It said it with a fake Cheery voice the kind I'd always use when dealing with customers at work
"So..are you God?" I asked with a tremor in my voice
Whatever it was seemed to think about what I said for a moment before bursting into a hearty laugh that seemed to echo throughout the space forever "HA that's a good one you're quite the funny little monkey aren't you but no I'm more like, say, Divine HR. You can call me Rob."
It took me a bit to understand what it said between its bouts of giggles but from what I understood I for some reason was not being sent straight to the Afterlife so I asked "So I guess like I'm being sent to hell or whatever?"
"No, no, no actually my friend you're getting a SECOND CHANCE TA-DA" Rob announced while doing Jazz hands while expectantly waiting for me to show a reaction.
"I don't get a choice, Do i?"
Rob laughed at that and shook his head "NOPE but you get three wishes and can whine about it all you want after all, that seems to be your specialty."
"Wait, wait I get three wishes?! Hell yeah!" I grinned "Alright, can you at least tell me what world I'm going to?" I asked, practically shaking with excitement.
Rob made a show of flipping through invisible papers. "Let me check my paperwork first... ah, looks like I can tell you. You're being reincarnated into a world you'd know as Marvel. Or the MCU, if that floats your little monkey boat."
I pump my fist into the air "Alright! In that case, my first wish will be immortality."
Rob stared at me, tilting his head like he was trying to figure out if I was actually serious. Then he sighed.
What a boring wish... but fine, I'll allow it. If only so you don't die within the first five minutes of being in that world. Now, your second wish?
I grinned wider. "For my second wish, I l want the powers of the Mythical Zoan: Phoenix Fruit without the weakness to the sea!"
Rob's eyebrows (or the vague space where eyebrows should be) lifted, and a slight grin tugged at the edges of its blurry face.
"Now you're talking. That's a better wish. All right then, hit me with your final wish."
I smile and say with certainty,
"For my third and final wish, I want an infinite inventory, something I can use to store things… or hide out in."
The moment the words left my mouth, everything went black.
No goodbye. No countdown. No "Good luck, monkey boy."
Just darkness.