"All systems ready sir!" Gabriel, my lovely and ever so helpful assistant called out from my right as thousands of projections lit up in front of me and my entire team of dedicated lackeys. It wasn't their fault that they sucked up to me so much, I was simply too magnificent to not adore wholeheartedly, and they couldn't resist no matter how much they tried. That thought of them being under my irresistible spell for all of eternity, due to the generous contract binding their souls to my immortal existence, almost brought tears of joy to my face. I wish I could serve someone as magnificent as I, alas, I am stuck being the magnificent one whom they serve, the one who has to deal with the real problems.
Just last night I had to choose whether to wear a dark red or a crimson suit for the big opening ceremony, the wrong choice could have killed me from shame! 'All these fools need to do is occasionally eradicate a universe at my whims, they don't even know what real work is!' I sighed at the thought, they really would be nowhere if not for my active support and encouragement to give their best at all times. I mean, they still wasted half of their time by sleeping before I took them under my wing and taught them how unnecessary such a thing was with the right stimulants, even for mortals like them! Jeremy has been a bit sluggish since I introduced that change, I'll have to get Geraldine to do something about that, maybe help him get rid of those hideous rings under his eyes as well, he'll never get a harem at this rate!
I had better things to worry about then my underlings poor social standing, however, as The Games have officially started up once again, this time hosted by a much more handsome moderator than in its previous iterations of course. I even got to have some fun during the race selection process due to one or two fools asking the wrong kind of questions from my beautiful, custom made System AI!
This kind of grand opening under better leadership of course called for an audience, and regardless of how much I adored my willing subordinates, they simply wouldn't do! With a bit of bribery, a charming smile and a bit more bribery, I easily managed to solve this problem and let my social circle observe the launch from the best seats possible, right here in the control circle! And they were just loving it!
"Cyrus, just how did you manage to convince one of those mortal buffoons to choose a dumb Ogre as their starter Race? And don't even get me started on that Blob!" Alexander, my lovely friend and occasional bedtime companion, inquired as his bright smile that melted more than one mortal got a tad mischievous.
"It really wasn't difficult, my good friend. Geraldine, enlarge the OgreCam!" One of the many screens currently present in front of us floated towards me and my entourage, increasing in size to allow for easy viewing and commenting. The Ogre had just materialized and was looking at a mother and child covering in fear at its might, knowing their eventual fate. Most people are reluctant to choose the Ogre race due to poor evolution options and quite harsh restrictions on their intelligence stat growth, but its early power is nearly unmatched, which is why I expect a good deal of entertainment from this Player.
"The reason people rarely chose Ogre in the past was that the System used previously was a bit too truthful for true and proper entertainment to emerge, so we just adjusted it a tiny bit for this millennia's Games." Alexander, as well as a number of my other guests were stunned at this, prompting the obvious question: "You made the System lie?" What a limited worldview. "No, no, of course not! I just made it a bit less dull, no lies were told to the Players, as law demands. No it was much simpler than such a thing, we just added a bit more grandiose descriptions of the Races. You'd obviously care more about how Ogres can lift trees than something meaningless like a permanently crippled Intelligence stat, right?" My smile, almost as captivating as Alexander's, sold them on the story and allowed them to relax once again. Good, because the show was starting.
The Ogre swung his club left and right, in detail describing how he would spell the doom of the mother in front of her child, providing gruesome details that always intrigued the viewership and got them on the edge of their seats as they waited for the Player's promises to become reality. The same was happening to the live audience I had invited as well as they practically salivated for some good old-fashioned carnage of a mortal village we haven't been allowed to personally enact since that pointless decree hundreds of eons ago. I was much the same.
That's when the unexpected happened, some disgusting, filthy thing that looked like a helmet out for vengeance wounded my beautiful creation just as it was about to slay those heathen non-believers! "What is that?" I demanded an answer whilst crushing the nectar glass in my hand in as many pieces as it had been worth Credits, which was millions. 'What is that thing? He didn't even kill anything with armor yet to seek vengeance! He just materialized for god's sake!' My thoughts were racing about a number of things, time slowing down as my divine mind functioned at speeds that time could not catch up with, leaving only the other gods in attendance moving freely as all else stood still. Crushing the nectar could be attributed to overflowing excitement, I must not look surprised in present company, my usual nature helps in this regard. I have to decide what to do before they catch on. And there was one clear direction to take this, everything was planned, the Ogre was a fake out and this is my actual moneymaker. Decision made, I relaxed and let time catch up to me.
"Finally they showed up! I thought they would never, I can't let all of you think an Ogre is all I could come up with, after all!" My smile enlarged even more, turning to my company and raising a hand at the projection spreading out before us. "Jeff, switch to the perspective of the true surprise for the audience, will you?" As amazingly trained as my underlings were, they showed no surprise at my unplanned ploy and simply switched the projection soundlessly.
The previous, easily understood projection was replaced by a mixture of sounds, smells and images that a mortal would have difficulty interpreting. 'Omni-directional vision? Which Races get access to that, especially this early?' Gordos' tentacles vibrated, passing for a chuckle for his species, followed by a low and scratchy voice being emitted from three different points of his tangled mess of a body. "You really got me this time, Cyrus! And to think I'd get to see someone with such interesting senses this early on, bravo!" I merely chuckled, turning back towards the image again, decoding the mess of a projection in less than a second, and just in time to see the new protagonist of my pilot episode launch themselves at the barreling fist of an Ogre, a race that juggles trees for pleasure. 'What kind of idiot! I already pivoted to it, should I make this a double fake out or~?'
I didn't have to finish that thought, as another surprising thing happened next, the strange, I now notice smokey, helmet elongated at the front, forming a sharp point that seemed to get smaller yet more sturdy as it barreled for the fist of the monster. This paid off, as well, as its arm was permanently crippled by the helmet's effort. 'Well, at least until it levels up.' I hadn't yet been completely sold on the helmet's victory, but my mind immediately changed when that foolish Ogre, instead of finishing off the enemy, started to run around crying for its mother to help it with the wound it sustained. 'Just kill it!'
The helmet's attention was momentarily diverted to the mother and child to the side, and just after it did so, it flattened itself and launched itself towards the eye of the Ogre despite having lost thirty percent of its body mass in the last attack it launched. 'How come a goddamn helmet recovers quicker from major damage then my supposed moneymaker?!' Despite my internal frustration about the way this progressed, none of it made it to even my expression, much less anything else that could be observed by others. I simply looked on as what was supposed to be a viewer magnet was given an overzealous lobotomy by an unknown factor, smiling as if everything was going perfectly. Internally, however, I decided that I would be quite generous to this new variable.
'You want to be a star? Fine,
I'll make you a star.'