Kids Tell the Ugly Truth
Chapter Twenty: "What's the Craziest Thing You've Ever Gotten Away With?"
Preface
Every kid has a story—a wild, hilarious, or downright jaw-dropping tale of something they did and somehow, against all odds, never got caught. As we close out Volume 3, we're going big, bold, and a little less PG with the Cards Against Humanity-inspired question: "What's the craziest thing you've ever gotten away with?" Tonight, we're not holding back. From toddlers with sticky fingers to teens with secret lives, we're digging deep for the confessions that make you gasp, laugh, and maybe even shake your head in disbelief. And because epic stories deserve epic choices, every answer comes with a "What Would You Do?" scenario—because sometimes, the only thing crazier than what you did is how you'd handle it if you got caught.
Show Introduction
[The set is transformed into a "Confession Carnival," complete with a spinning "Wheel of Secrets," a "Guts-O-Meter," and spotlights. Tiffany enters in a sparkly blazer, holding a golden microphone and a giant "Top Secret" file.]
Tiffany Haddish:
"Welcome back to the grand finale of Volume 3 of 'Kids Tell the Ugly Truth!' Tonight, we're going out with a bang. The question is: 'What's the craziest thing you've ever gotten away with?' We're talking secrets, schemes, and stories that'll make you wonder how these kids aren't already running the world. And you know we're not stopping there—each confession gets a 'What Would You Do?' scenario, because sometimes the cover-up is just as wild as the crime. Buckle up, y'all—let's get epic!"
Tonight's CAH Question:
"What's the craziest thing you've ever gotten away with?"
Toddler (3-4 years old):
Statement: "I took all the cookies from the jar, hid under the table, and ate them. Mommy thought the dog did it because I put crumbs in his bed."
Government (CAE): "Say sorry and promise to ask for cookies next time."
Humanity (CAH): "Share the cookies with the dog and give Mommy a hug."
Cartel (CAR): "Hide the evidence and keep quiet—never confess."
Karen/Kevin: "Cry and say, 'It's not fair! The dog gets everything!'"
CAR Tell Me: "If Mommy asks, run and hide behind the couch."
What Would You Do?
You're caught with chocolate on your face and crumbs everywhere. What now?
Toddler: "Say, 'I was just making sure the cookies were safe!' and offer Mommy a cookie."
Middle Kid (5-9 years old):
Statement: "I swapped my report card with a fake one I made on the computer so my parents wouldn't see my bad grade. They believed it for a whole week!"
Government (CAE): "Confess and show the real report card."
Humanity (CAH): "Promise to work harder and ask for help."
Cartel (CAR): "Keep making fake report cards until I get caught."
Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'It's not my fault—the teacher is too strict!'"
CAR Tell Me: "Shred the real report card and hope for the best."
What Would You Do?
Your parents get an email from the school about your real grades. What do you do?
Middle Kid: "Admit what I did, apologize, and hope they go easy on me."
Preteen (10-12 years old):
Statement: "I snuck into an R-rated movie with my friends by telling the ticket guy we were seeing a cartoon—and we didn't get caught!"
Government (CAE): "Tell my parents the truth and accept the consequences."
Humanity (CAH): "Explain why I wanted to see the movie and promise not to do it again."
Cartel (CAR): "Brag about it to my friends and make plans for next time."
Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'Everyone else does it!' and roll my eyes."
CAR Tell Me: "Deny everything if questioned and stick to my story."
What Would You Do?
Your parents ask what movie you saw, and your friend almost spills the truth. How do you handle it?
Preteen: "Jump in and say, 'We saw the cartoon, right?' and hope my friend plays along."
Teenager (13-17 years old):
Statement: "I threw a party while my parents were out of town, cleaned up so well they never knew, and even got my little brother to keep quiet by promising him unlimited video game time."
Government (CAE): "Confess if asked directly and accept the punishment."
Humanity (CAH): "Thank my brother for covering for me and promise to have his back."
Cartel (CAR): "Throw another party next time and keep the clean-up crew on speed dial."
Karen/Kevin: "Say, 'You never let me do anything fun anyway!' if caught."
CAR Tell Me: "Act normal, keep my stories straight, and never admit a thing."
What Would You Do?
A neighbor mentions "all the cars" in your driveway to your parents. What do you do?
Teenager: "Say we had a study group—and hope my brother keeps his mouth shut."
Wildcard Round
Tiffany:
"Wildcard! What's the boldest thing you've ever done and actually gotten away with?"
Toddler:
"I colored all over the bathroom wall with lipstick and blamed it on the cat again."
Middle Kid:
"I set up a secret candy shop in my closet and sold snacks to my friends."
Preteen:
"I changed the parental controls on the TV so I could watch late-night shows."
Teenager:
"I snuck out to a concert in another city and made it back before sunrise."
Tiffany's Take (Epic Volume 3 Closing Speech)
Tiffany (center stage, spotlights swirling):
"Y'all, let's give it up for the wildest, bravest, sneakiest, and most creative truth-tellers out there! From cookie capers and fake report cards to secret parties and midnight adventures, you've shown us that the ugly truth is sometimes the funniest, boldest, and most unforgettable part of growing up.
But here's what I love most—no matter how big the secret, how crazy the scheme, or how close you got to getting caught, every story tonight had one thing in common: heart. Whether you confessed, covered up, or just ran for cover, you did it with style, guts, and a little bit of mischief. And let's be real—adults, you know you've got your own stories too!
So as we close out Volume 3 of 'Kids Tell the Ugly Truth,' I want you to remember:
It's okay to mess up.
It's okay to laugh at yourself.
And it's always okay to tell the truth—even if it's ugly, awkward, or a little bit wild.
Because the truth? That's where the best stories come from. That's what brings us together. And that's what makes life so much fun.
To all the kids, teens, and grown-ups who've shared their secrets, their laughs, and their epic fails—thank you. Keep being brave. Keep being honest. And keep telling your story, no matter how crazy it gets.
I'm Tiffany Haddish, and this has been 'Kids Tell the Ugly Truth,' Volume 3. For more laughs, wisdom, and wild confessions, visit tiffanyhaddish.com. Until next time—be good, be bold, and never stop telling the truth. Because, let's face it, the truth is always the best part."
[Confetti cannons fire, the audience cheers, and the set lights up for one last group dance party as the credits roll.]
End-of-Volume Note:
Thank you for joining us on this wild ride! Volume 4 is just around the corner—so get your stories ready, your secrets polished, and your sense of humor on standby. The ugly truth is, we're just getting started.