Chapter 4: "Rise of the Saucebringer"
So, turns out eating a bottle of forbidden magical condiment in front of an ancient poultry cult has consequences.
Big ones.
Like the entire Duck Kingdom bowing to Grubnuk.
Like Grubnuk being crowned King of Sauce by the Inquisitor, given a scepter made of a pretzel stick, and declared the fulfillment of a prophecy written in mustard on the back of a napkin.
> "This is a nightmare," I whisper.
> "Correction," Arcanos hums, "This is your nightmare. I'm strangely impressed."
Grubnuk now sits on a makeshift throne of overturned soup pots. A golden bib is tied around his neck. Two duck nobles are fanning him with celery stalks.
> "As Saucebringer," Grubnuk proclaims, "I declare the First Goblin Culinary Republic open for business!"
> "That sounds like treason," I mutter.
> "Tastes like leadership," Grubnuk replies, spooning gravy into his crown.
The Duck High Inquisitor falls to one knee.
> "My Saucebringer, what are your first orders?"
> "Public snack time. Mandatory. Also: outlaw salad."
There's a round of dramatic gasps.
> "I warned you he was chaotic," I say. "Now he's got executive authority and a ladle army."
Within hours, the kingdom begins to shift.
Roads are renamed after side dishes.
The official duck anthem is replaced with a remix of Grubnuk humming while eating.
Posters of Grubnuk with the words "Sauce is Freedom" start popping up everywhere.
By sunset, there are goblins showing up by the dozens. Word's spread. Somehow. Apparently Grubnuk put out a message using "magic mayonnaise birds" or something.
> "We need to fix this," I tell Arcanos.
> "We?" Arcanos says. "I say let the goblin rule. At least he's entertaining."
I stare at the chaos unfolding. Goblins forming a union. Ducks in aprons. A catapult flinging bread rolls over the horizon.
> "This is going to spiral."
> "This already spiraled," Arcanos corrects.
A duck child walks up and hands me a pamphlet titled: "The Twelve Sacred Sauces and You: A Beginner's Guide to Surviving Goblin Democracy."
I sigh.
> "...Common sense, buddy. I think we're losing this one."
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End of Chapter 4 (coated in glory and gravy).