In a small orphanage tucked away inside the peaceful walls of Konohagakure — the Village Hidden in the Leaves — a baby let out an unusually loud cry.
His name was Saito Kurogane, Names felt kind of unimportant when your biggest accomplishment so far was not pooping yourself for three straight hours.
Around him, the other babies in the orphanage were wailing for the usual baby reasons — hunger, messy diapers, or just to irritate the poor caretakers who desperately tried to calm them all down.
But Saito's cries weren't quite the same. No, his shriek was one of sheer existential panic.
"WAAAHH WBAFT DA FCK!" he blurted out — or at least tried to. In the ears of adults, it sounded like your usual baby babble. But inside Saito's reincarnated brain, it was crystal clear:
"Huh? What the fuck?!"
Because floating right in front of his chubby little face was something entirely out of place in this world — a semi-transparent, glowing blue screen, hovering like a video game HUD.
[HELLO USER. I AM THE ALCOHOL SYSTEM.]
Saito's jaw went slack, his tiny fingers twitching.
'No. No way. NO WAY. Is this seriously one of those dumb anime systems? The kind you get after you die and get isekai'd?!'
[CORRECT. I AM A SYSTEM. THE ALCOHOL SYSTEM.]
'Alcohol system?! What kind of degenerate developer made you?!'
[WITH EVERY ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE CONSUMED, PERMANENT STATISTICS WILL INCREASE.]
Saito, a sixteen-year-old from his previous life, could only stare at the screen like a broken record player.
'You mean… I get stronger if I drink alcohol? That's it? That's the system? Are you trying to turn me into a booze-fueled superhuman?! I've never even drank before!'
The system paid his moral complaints no mind and continued:
[YOUR STATISTICS WILL INCREASE IN THE FOLLOWING CATEGORIES AFTER CONSUMING ALCHOHOL:]
Vitality – Your body will become more resilient: faster healing, poison resistance, greater stamina.
Strength – Your muscles will grow denser and stronger, enhancing your strikes.
Chakra Capacity – Alcohol stimulates chakra production, increasing reserves and control.
Chakra Quality Refinement – Liquor purifies your chakra pathways, enhancing elemental affinity.
Alcohol-Fueled Reflexes – The drunker you get, the sharper your battle instinct becomes: faster reaction, improved dodging and prediction.
Saito sat in his crib, dumbfounded. This was both the dumbest and possibly the greatest cheat skill ever.
'If this works… I could get insanely strong. I could become the most overpowered ninja in this world!'
Images flashed through his head — shooting giant fireballs, summoning toads, slicing mountains apart, and flexing on gods like he was built different.
But then, reality crashed into his delusion.
'Wait… calm down, idiot. I have no idea how strong people in this world really are yet. Sure, I watched Naruto back home, but I never paid attention to the early lore. I mostly skipped to the cool fights.'
His tiny eyes glanced around. The orphanage room was small but cozy, wooden walls lined with little cribs like his own. The caretakers moved about, calming down the other wailing babies.
'And what's worse… I don't even know when I am. If this is before Naruto's time, I could be even after Naruto's time for all I know!'
Suddenly, something caught his eye. Through the cracked window, towering outside the village, stood the Hokage Rock — the giant mountain with the carved faces of the Hokage.
He counted them.
One. Two. Three.
'Wait a minute… only three? That means this is before Minato becomes Hokage. I'm even earlier than I thought. Damn! My knowledge of future events is practically useless now!'
The more he thought about it, the worse it got.
'I don't know who's alive, who's dead, or who the big bads are at this point. Like those weird cult people who attacked Naruto? I'm totally unprepared!'
But then, like a switch flipping in his baby brain, his survival instincts kicked in.
'Alright, listen up, Saito. Step one: get strong. Step two: don't die.'
The system chimed again, interrupting his inner pep talk.
[SAY "SHOW STATS" TO REVIEW CURRENT ATTRIBUTES.]
'Alright, might as well check.'
"System, show me my stats."
[Saito Kurogane]
Age: 1 year old
Vitality: 1
Strength: 1
Chakra: 1
Drunken State: 0%
He grimaced.
'Pathetic. I'm basically a wet noodle right now. I'd probably lose a fight to a house cat.'
'Wait what's drunken state?'
[DRUNKEN STATE refers to your current level of intoxication. The higher your drunken state, the more enhanced your reflexes become. Reaching 100% allows maximum alcohol-fueled battle instincts.]
Saito blinked.
'Wait… so I need to get hammered before battle to fight at full power? Isn't that… dangerous? Like, incredibly dangerous?!'
[THE STRONGER YOUR BODY BECOMES, THE MORE YOU CAN HANDLE INTOXICATION.]
'…That makes sense. Kind of. Maybe. I think?'
He looked up at the ceiling of the orphanage, lost in thought.
'The big problem now is simple: I'm a baby. I can't even sit up properly. How am I supposed to get my hands on alcohol?!'
Just then, one of the caretakers peeked in and walked over to his crib.
"Aww, little Saito! You're wide awake again," she cooed, lifting him up.
Saito stared at her with big innocent eyes, drooling slightly.
'Lady, you have no idea what kind of monster you're rocking back and forth right now,' he thought with a strange mix of pride and fear.
As the caretaker fed him a warm bottle of milk, a glimmer of ridiculous hope sparked in his mind.
'Milk… Milk has alcohol, right? Like, a little? Tiny bit? Fermentation? No? …No. Crap.'
The caretaker gently rocked him back to sleep, unaware of the internal crisis brewing inside his tiny reincarnated brain.
'Alright, plan B. I'll bide my time. Once I'm old enough to crawl, I'll start my great quest for booze. This world has sake shops, right? Worst case scenario, I'll swipe some from the old drunkards around town.'
His resolve hardened as he yawned and drifted toward sleep.
'No matter how dumb this system is, I will survive. I will thrive. I will become the strongest shinobi this world has ever seen…'
His eyelids closed.
'…and I'll do it completely shitfaced.'
Thus began the journey of Saito Kurogane, the first-ever Alcohol Ninja.