The world is often unjust and unfair. Nothing on this rotten planet is ever really fair! Kou knew taht the reality of this adult world is just that everyone is just using eachother to get ahead, stepping on other people's heads to get more money, more influence, to go up the social ladder. That's expected of people, isn't it? People need to use others to survive in this world, isn't it right? Adults chit-chat each other, not really caring about what the other is saying, only caring about how to use the others to get more money! Kou hated how money is everything in this rotten world! How a piece of paper that only is meangful because humans made it meangful. It's truly horrific, how humans kill fellow humans for peices of paper and metal!
But Kou wanted no part in this mind games, he just wants to be genuine and real! To help people from the goodness of his heart, to help other people who are in unfortunate circumstances!
"Kou!" Kou heard someone yelling his name and snapped his gaze up to see Horu staring at him in concern.
"What happened to you? Who did this to you?" Horu's voice was laced with anger at the person who hurt Kou. He should find this man and hurt him the same, no even worse than he hurt his dearest younger cousin! No, not now. He can do this later. Right now, Kou needs him. Right, he has to be responsible now. He's an adult now. Ha, he wanted to laugh at the absurdity of his life, becoming the solo caretaker of his cousin at just 18 years old.
"A-a big scary man! He chased me down, and he's still after me!" Kou let out quite silent sobs, choking on them all the way, as if the man from before was going to appear at any time. His hands shook from the cold and fear in an uncontrollable manner. He couldn't even stop if he wanted to. He could only feel the panic inside himself, how his heart threatened to burst from terror every second, he pulled hsi scarf up and let the warm, soft, and precious fabric of the delicately self-made scarf comfort him. His feet felt weightless, and all the running exhausted his already tired body.
"I won't let him hurt you, Kou. Here, take my hand, If the man comes at us, I'll deal with him myself!" Horu procalimed with fierce determination in his eyes as he hastly took Kou's shivering hands and led him back to their house. The warmth of Horu's big hands made Kou feel better. The familiarity of him made him cling onto his arm tightly, squeezing his arm for comfort.
No matter what, Horu wouldn't forgive anybody who did this to Kou. He wouldn't! No matter the reason or justification anyone says, Horu can't let anybody hurt Kou. Ha, like he hasn't already hurt his cousin enough with his fake pretend, with his theatrical acts, it all was hastly disorienting his mind. What was even he? A monster? A bad influence? He couldn't even control his emotions. What was to say about his actions?
Should he even be around Kou? Right now, he was seconds away from becoming a violent monster and breaking every bone in the body of the man who hurt Kou. Horu stumbled, his hands shoke with pure despair, everything blurred together, and he stared at his hands. Nothing felt real around him, and Horu took a deep breath in and out until he was sure he was calm. He is truly a messed-up monster, isn't he? What's to say he won't act on those urges, that he won't hurt anybody again, like he did back then? What if he hurts Kou? Horu didn't know the answer to his questions himself.
What can a broken person who can't even save themselves teach to others? What can he do? Is he even the right person to care for someone so precious and sweet? What can he do?
Kou giggled at what Horu said, finding it funny, clutched the bread with less force, and he felt a smile tig on his face, full of adoration and child-like innocence. Then he felt a sharp pain in his gut. The overwhelming feelings were threatening to spill over. Why now? Everything was going great! Good, even! Why is he so weird? Why can't he just be happy and grateful?
The two boys arrived home after the sunset.
The sunset was a beautiful shade of blue hies and red hues mixed together, creating a masterpiece worthy scenario. It had a white cloud that reflected the shades of those colors in near perfection, creating a big halo in the sky. The trees covered in snow only made the sight prettier.
It was even colder inside than the outside because of the big cracks in the doors, that were big enough for a stray cat to enter, and heat never stayed for long, the tap water was filthy coveted in bacteria, so the two boys pften had to go to the nearest manual water station with empty litter bottles in this frosty winter.
Their home was an old breaking down Khrushevka, insects swarmed the cracks of the flats, people threw trash right out of the windows like it was 19th century. Never once bothering to even take out their trash to the nearest bin. Truly, it was a very disgusting and poor part of Omsk.
But even in those conditions, Kou didn't completely given up his hopes, no, in fact his hope and dreams of better life only grown everyday, even despite the despair threatening to drown him, he still was kind and forgiving to everyone. Even the harshest of winters and ice shards couldn't break this young boy's heart. They only hurt for a moment, and the next, they melted. That's was just hoe Kou is.
The two boys carelessly put their coats on racks and sloppily took off their boots, Kou's hands shoke with feverish shivering from the always present frost in the flat. Ironic of the warm-hearted and soft person like Kou to be constantly cold and starving. Shouldn't the world reward people for that instead? Some people would have said that over how kindness and warmth aren't rewarded, but only met with cruelty and hate. Frankly, the world doesn't owe anyone anything. It is an unforgiving and cruel place to live in, truly hell on earth itself. People shouldn't expect their kind acts to be met with the same kindness, but they also shouldn't stop being kind to others. Even if others don't appreciate the goodness inside you, the world would still be a little kinder if people were kinder to each other. No matter what, Kou held onto the goodness and kindness inside his heart, forgiving people and giving them a second chance. It was his psychology to be kind to people even if they were evil and cruel to him.
"Here, Horu! Have this loaf of bread, a kind stranger give it to me!" Lied Kou without breaking eye contact with Horu. Kou felt jaded and disgusting for lying to his cousin? Older Brother? Parent? The disgust was threatening to swallow him whole for uttering those lies out of his mouth. It was a crashing type of feelings that made Kou's heartbeat, and the truth was burning his heart alive, threatening to bobble out of his throat at any moment. He pushed down another traitorous thought of just revaling it to his cousin, to say the truth for once.
"Do you want some kurt? Olzhas, my friend, has given us some." Asked Horu, his mother was Kazakh, and his father was Russian, and he had grown up with both of the countries' traditions and cultures. Never truly belonging with his people, he didn't fully look like either nation to the other people.
Kou's eyes lit up as he imagined the taste of the salty treat on his tongue. The salty flavor of the fermented chess that was dried under the sun for several days and made into simple circles. It was a Kazakh's traditional food that originated from in yearly years countries of the nomadic lifestyle.
"Yes! You're the best brother, Horu!" Shouted Kou with exitiment, he didn't even realize that he was yelling, until he felt his throat hurt from the sudden strain on his voice. It was truly a tasty food, the best treat in the world in Kou's opinion. Despite the unbreable frost, Kpu felt warm and comfortable in his home because of the people inside it, and not the temperature and materialistic things inside. What truly mattered to him was what was on the inside. A home that was cold but has a loving family in it was always a home. A home without family and love was just a house, with no warmth inside it. What truly differed house from home? Home is a place where you belong, where you feel safe and loved, while the house is the opposite. House is a place you live in, either permanently or not.
Right now, Kou's house felt like home because of Horu. Kou fet comfortable, he could just stay here and relax, and the bad thoughts always went away when Horu was near. He felt safe around Horu. He trusted Horu, ironic, isn't it? A liar trusting someone truthfully, can he even call himself a good person anymore? He lied too much and pretended for so long that he lost tarck of his lies and can't differ lie from truth. What's the truth? What's the lie? But one thing he knows for sure is that a person you can call home is truly the best feeling in the whole world.
What is he even saying? Like he deserves home after countless times, he stole the bread and rubles of others, pf hardworking people for his selfish desire to survive. Does he evn deserve to be called human, after what he did it? After how Horu is secretly fishing scraps of metal and leftovers of good in restaurant's trash bins, wishing to find anything to feed Kou. And here Kou is, lying to his hardworking and honest cousin. Kou's smile dropped and tinged with deep melancholy before it was replaced again with another fake one. In his opinion, the least he could do for Horu is to be happy.
Hah, Happy? Happiness felt like a faraway concept to him, one that he wasn't allowed to experience. Kou only wished to be haopy and have a full stomach, like all the other kids. To be carefree and be able to be a child, never having to worry about money or if he will even have a next meal. Every night, Kou begged life to be kinder to them. Every day, he fell asleep, envying the happy kids outside, wishing it was him. Why couldn't he be like them? Why does he have to suffer, but they don't? Why? Why god, why?
Life is truly unfair and unjust, and it will only get worse as it goes. Nothing will ever change in a meaningful way. Nothing will ever get better. But still, Kou held onto life, desperate to stay alive, to see another day, to one day be truly happy! Even if life is cruel, and everybody is cruel, there's still those moments of kindness between people that make life more bearable to live in. Kindness doesn't necessarily save the world, but the world will slowly treat you with kindness if you are kind back to it. Some people will still be cruel, some will use you, but hope for a greater future, for change is still there. Nobody is born evil. Evilness is a learned trait. Everybody is a byproduct of their upbringing and circumstances in life. That's the harsh truth of life, isn't it? That's the meaning of life?
Kou finally understood what it means, at least for him. The meaning of life is just to live and enjoy it to the fullest. To not shy away from new opportunities and to embrace change, even if it's scary, Kou will always push forward with determination.