Despite the green meadows and his companions' good mood, Dio couldn't summon a single cheerful thought.
Ray kept appearing before his inner eye, smiling and radiant.
Did I make the right decision? Was it really reasonable to let her go so she could… do what, exactly? Illuminate the world? Bring hope? Learn to walk in the Light? Find herself?
In the end, it had only been that last reason that truly convinced him to suggest she walk her path alone.
Eri and Elga had surely dealt with newcomers like her before... or at least heard of them. Letting Ray go with them gave her the best possible chance at a future without dangerous outbursts. He'd seen how much the guilt weighed on her. He didn't want that for her again.
And yet, despite all these very reasonable justifications, Dio had felt a lump in his throat ever since he'd joined one of the riders, alongside a gray-haired man named Oli and a thin, surprisingly forceful woman named Ha.
It was of little importance to him where he ended up, as long as he found a place where he could wait.
As long as it takes.
So he joined the young rider named Wes, whose fur clothing was a bit too small for him and fit tightly, especially around the belly, and who kept glancing longingly in the direction they were heading.
The ground was uneven in places. Stones hidden beneath the overgrown bushes slowed them down. It would have been faster if they had all used one of the strange mounts, but they only had the one Wes was riding.
Dio had never seen an animal like the Muldi before, but he immediately began to study the creature closely. The muscles in its four legs clearly indicated it could reach high speeds when chasing or fleeing. Its hooves made it easier for the creature to traverse uneven terrain. It probably liked to feed on leaves and other things it could tear from trees, given its arm-length trunk and long neck, perfectly suited for such purposes.
Dio plucked a few large, smooth leaves from a plant growing near their path among the bushes and held them out to the Muldi as a test. The animal trumpeted contentedly and stuffed the leaves into its mouth.
"Hey, don't distract him, we've still got a ways to go!" Wes grumbled.
However, when the Muldi stroked Dio's hand with its trunk, the rider couldn't help but crack a smile.
"Seriously, we have to keep moving. I'm hungry…"
"So that means your… our settlement isn't far?" Dio asked, relieved.
"It's still a bit of a walk, but yeah. It's not as far as Mar or Deli. You can spend more time with Snicker when we take a break. Then you both can rest a little. But for now, please, let's move on!"
"But how are we supposed to regain our strength without eating something? Somehow I feel like we have to eat, right?" Oli doubted.
"No, you don't have to eat, but you should from time to time. Hunger can drive you mad, or so I've heard. I never tried it myself. Near Daw, there are excellent fruits. We've got fields full of grain! I hope Reab made some bread..." Wes mused as he guided his Muldi across a brook.
Dio, Oli, and Ha had to make a strong jump to get over the flowing water, and Ha started cursing the terrain.
"Why didn't we take a path through the meadows?"
"Would have been a detour," Wes replied.
He was now staring ahead again, his eyes hazy and his voice uncaring. Soon they reached a meadow with tall grain, which Dio recognized as rye. Wes steered Snicker straight through it, and again Dio had to push himself to keep up with the others. The sight of the rye made him swallow hard. If it had been a little lighter, the heads of grain might have had the same golden color as Ray's hair...
Dio had to laugh out loud at these oddly awkward thoughts.
"What's so funny, Dio?" Oli asked while trampling down some particularly tall stalks.
"Nothing... Nothing really. So, what do you think about Ray? She's the one who..."
"We know who you mean!" Ha interrupted him and pressed her lips together as if wanting to say more.
Her long black curls were now full of husks and other green foliage.
"So?" Dio asked.
"She's... different," Oli said.
"Yeah, very different. I don't know if that's going to turn out good or bad. She has two deaths on her soul, but now that the tension has faded, I have to say that we all behaved pretty stupidly. It was probably an accident," Ha considered.
"Yeah, and even if it wasn't - those two had tried to, well..." Oli trailed off, making himself small.
They continued walking through the field for a while, not looking at each other.
"I regret more that I didn't help you. Maybe none of this would've happened then. But I just stood there, completely overwhelmed. And when those two were gone and only scorched earth remained... I was afraid, Dio," Oli finally admitted.
He lowered his gaze and pretended to pay very close attention to which rye stalks he pushed aside with his feet and where he stepped.
"Me too. Do you think that's why we don't have the Light in us? At least not enough to make a difference? Because we were too cowardly?" Ha whispered, her eyes now wet.
Dio thought for a moment, then shook his head as he finally broke through the tall grass and they left the field behind.
"No, I think... No. I don't know why, but that circle the woman drew in the sky... the circle Ray saw... I think there's more behind it than just the Light. When I looked at it, it felt somehow familiar. And I apparently have no special affinity for Lucidity. There's more meaning behind it, I can feel it! More meanings! Well, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I just want to believe that I have a role to play? Like Ray? And so I'm making up foolish fantasies..."
Suddenly Wes brought the Muldi to a halt. The animal looked around confusedly and started nibbling on a nearby bush. But the rider paid it no attention and instead stared expressionlessly into the dusky sky.
Then his face relaxed… and he suddenly burst out laughing.
"Yeah, maybe you're right about the meanings. You know what the symbol reminds me of? A pot full of soup. Crazy! I had completely forgotten that pots even exist. How could that be? I mean real pots, hanging over a fire, filled with the scent of vegetables and meat... Ah, I can almost smell it... That would be something: a big pot! Not just a wooden bowl carved from a tree, eating cold porridge out of it. But metal. Do you remember metal?"
Dio was confused. Now he remembered too, but he had to admit that he had completely forgotten that pots existed... or could exist.
What else had he forgotten? What did he even remember? Every time he saw growing or moving things here in the Dream, he felt like he knew the animals and plants. Their names immediately appeared in his mind. At least for some of them.
It had been the same when he and Ray had heard the bird calls.
But... why did he remember so much of what he encountered here, but not something as simple as a soup pot?
Somehow, he was sure he had often seen such a pot in his former life.
Metallic, shiny, conducting heat, nonflammable...
"Yeah, now that you mention it... I think I know what you mean. It's really strange..." Oli agreed.
"I've never heard of that," Ha admitted, looking down at the ground.
"Hey, don't worry, we have a tinkerer in the settlement. He mostly builds small things, but maybe he can help us! I promise you here and now, we'll soon share a big pot of soup together - on me! Lot will figure it out somehow, he's very creative! I can't wait to cook for you all, it'll be so much fun..." Wes bubbled enthusiastically, patting Snicker lightly on the neck and now letting him trot more slowly.
Dio was relieved that they didn't have to rush as much anymore. Wes was now whistling to himself and seemed more excited about sharing his soup ideas than about actually getting to the food. Dio also liked that Wes had shed his earlier, somewhat indifferent attitude and was now interacting with them much more energetically.
Despite the better mood, the journey continued through rough terrain. Dio kept cursing internally that not all of them had Muldis, but in the end, there was no point in complaining. He wondered whether Ray had already traveled much farther by now.
And at some point, after they had crossed several forests and passed a picturesque lake, he realized that she was moving more and more away from him. The warmth he felt inside him was fading with every breath he took. She had probably finally set out. More and more questions tormented Dio.
Are we really not connected? What exactly is our... relationship?
He just couldn't find the right words for it, but "home" seemed the closest. He also wondered what she could do once she fully embraced the Light within herself. Could she illuminate the lake beside them, sleeping under thin mist, and make it sparkle? Could she make the dew he had seen on the fields shine?
How wonderful that would look...
Feeling dejected, he looked up and stared into the pale sky. Everything up there seemed so desolate...
"The sky is strange," he said after a while.
"Hmm, why?" Oli asked.
"He's right, so pale and bleak..." Ha whispered.
"It's always been like that," Wes said in a neutral tone.
Dio turned abruptly toward him. The rider now seemed more distant again, scanning the sky intently. He seemed to have forgotten that just moments ago he had been musing about recipes and delicacies, and urged his Muldi onward more forcefully.
"What soup would you most like to cook when we arrive? Forgive me, I wasn't really listening, the sparkling lake distracted me for a moment..." Dio asked carefully.
Wes paused and thoughtfully stroked his face.
"Hmm... I like rutabagas. Maybe a rutabaga stew? Porridge just isn't the same, right?"
Then he smiled and patted Snicker's mane.
"Maybe you'll get a rutabaga too, old boy. What do you think?"
Dio cast a furtive glance back at the gray, faintly glowing sky, careful that the others wouldn't notice, ignoring the strange vegetable Wes had just mentioned. If he stared too long into that murky infinity, he was overcome by a distant feeling of indifference, as if something had been lost or smothered by monotony...
He decided not to look upward anymore, because the feeling began to dull his other senses and slow his thoughts. Only the memory of Ray, and how she had smiled at him during their first meeting, could break through the oppressive sense of meaningless dread. So instead, he let his gaze wander over the lake and looked at his blurred reflection.
It felt pleasant, and even though he knew he didn't seem particularly handsome, he was happy with his appearance.
He liked the short, brown curls that covered his head and framed his slightly narrow facial features. His skin was a little rough, but overall, there was nothing to complain about. Compared to Ray, he wasn't particularly attractive, but admittedly, he also didn't know how much their strange connection influenced how he perceived her...
Soon they left the lake behind and passed through another forest, whose dense pines fortunately mostly blocked the view of the sky. They rested near a clearing where large stones lay scattered, shaped like smoothed, upside-down pyramids and partially covered with red moss and thick brown lichen. The mood was still good, and Wes pointed to the stone formations while explaining that they probably dated back to the earliest days of the Dream.
"How do you know that?" Dio asked, leaning forward.
Ha and Oli, who were also attentively studying the stone formations, exchanged a quick glance and then listened just as intently.
"Oh, that's just what people say," Wes replied with a shrug.
"But why? Are there people who've been here since the beginning of the Dream? Does the Dream even have a beginning?" Dio pressed further.
Wes now looked thoughtfully at the ground.
"I... You better ask someone who's been here longer. It's just something that's passed around. I mean, it's obvious that these formations didn't arise naturally, right? Everywhere you find places like this, places that seem somehow planned... Far away from where people are… Some say that the Light itself once created this realm and bathed everything in brightness. Others speak of primal fires that illuminated the lands..."
Dio changed the subject. It was clear that Wes felt uncomfortable thinking about such things, and somehow Dio couldn't blame him.
This world - the Dream - was so familiar to him and yet so alien at the same time...
Still, his gaze kept being drawn back to the rock formation. The longer he stared, the more a cold shiver ran down his spine, and a sense of oppression spread through him.
Even though the air was pleasantly warm, he felt a chill, and a dark foreboding crept into his thoughts.
Slowly, he rose and walked across the root-covered forest floor. His legs felt heavy, and the closer he got to the formations, the stronger the urge to stay away became. Yet the ancient stones seemed to pull him in like a magnet, and a cool, stale breeze blew toward him.
The smell was unpleasant. Spicy and putrid at the same time...