The first thing I felt was pressure.
A deep, grinding pressure from above, and a cold, gritty hardness from below. It wasn't pain, not exactly. It was more like… being a tube of toothpaste and someone was trying to get the last little bit out. My entire existence was being squashed flat.
My thoughts were sludge. Where was I? The last thing I remembered was my bed, the familiar scent of stale pizza, and the soft glow of my monitor. This was not my bed. This was… loud. A deep, rumbling bass note vibrated through me, accompanied by high-pitched shrieks that sounded far away.
I tried to open my eyes. I didn't have any.
I tried to take a breath. I didn't have lungs.
Panic, cold and sharp, finally pierced the fog.
What. The. Fuck.
The thought was a tiny island of clarity in an ocean of wrongness. I focused on it, clung to it. Okay. I'm a thinking being. That's a start. But what am I? I tried to move a limb, an arm, a leg, anything. Nothing. There was no 'up' or 'down' to my body, just a uniform spread of… me. I felt like a puddle. A sentient, terrified puddle.
Then the pressure came again. A heavy weight slammed down, spreading me even thinner against the rough ground. A momentary shadow, and then it was gone. Through the vibrations, I could almost make out the frantic thump-thump-thump of someone running.
AGH! HEY! WATCH IT, ASSHOLE! I tried to scream, to project the thought with all my might. But the only sound that escaped my form was a wet, pathetic gurgle, like a stepped-on squeaky toy. "Diiiiii-!"
Another foot. This one smaller, a sneaker. Then another, a heavy work boot that felt like it was trying to fuse me with the asphalt. And then-oh god, was that a fucking hoof?! A massive, cloven hoof belonging to some kind of Tauros slammed down right next to me, shaking the very ground.
Okay. Okay. Don't panic. Assess the situation. I'm a pink, squishy, boneless splat on the pavement. People and… other things… are running over me. There are screams. Buildings are making very unhappy crunching noises. And above it all…
I managed to sort of… orient my consciousness upward. And I saw them.
Two colossal, impossible monsters were tearing the sky apart. One was a deep, metallic blue with glowing red lines, its form rigid and powerful. The other was a pearlescent pinkish-white, its movements more fluid, almost elegant in its destruction.
Dialga and Palkia.
Oh, hell no.
The realization hit me like a physical blow. I wasn't just in some random nightmare. I was in Sinnoh. Smack in the middle of the Alamos Town apocalypse from the movie. And the pink, squishy, boneless splat I was currently inhabiting…
I'm a fucking Ditto.
The sheer bullshit of it all was staggering. My gelatinous body quivered with an internal, silent rage. I tried to pull myself together, to form some kind of blob that could, you know, move. But it was like trying to command Jell-O. Every mental push just resulted in a pathetic wobble. I was a glorified pink booger with the structural integrity of a half-melted gummy bear, and I was at ground zero of a fight between gods.
Just as I was about to resign myself to being a permanent fixture of the local cobblestone, a powerful gust of wind-the backdraft from Palkia's roar-swept through the street. It kicked up dust, debris, and… a short, pleated schoolgirl skirt on a girl who was stumbling right over me.
Time seemed to slow down.
The world of roaring monsters and crumbling architecture faded into a soft, blurry background. My entire focus, my entire reason for being, narrowed down to a single, glorious point of interest. My mind, what was left of it, could only form a single, reverent phrase: HOLY SHIT, PANTY SHOT!
It was art. It was poetry. A perfect, glorious, sky-blue canvas framed with the most delicate white lace. For a brief, beautiful moment, the sheer, unadulterated power of horny completely overrode my existential terror. This was it. This was the peak. If I died now, I'd die a happy slime. I tried to give a thumbs-up, a sign of my profound appreciation, but all I managed was to form a tiny, quivering pink nub on my surface before she regained her balance and ran on, completely oblivious to the divine vision she had bestowed upon me.
Then a chunk of debris the size of a minivan smashed into the ground not five feet away, showering me with dust and pebbles.
Right. Apocalypse. About to die.
NOPE. NOPE. FUCK THIS!
The sacred vision had given me strength. I flung myself forward in a desperate, wobbly crawl, my body making wet plorp-plorp-plorp noises as I tried to escape the warzone. Every stray shockwave from the legendaries' attacks sent me tumbling, rolling like a dropped pudding cup down the ruined street. I was a pinball, and the gods were playing for keeps.
I swear to Arceus, if I survive this, I'm gonna-
CRASH.
A stray Roar of Time blast, a beam of pure temporal distortion, didn't just hit the building next to me-it erased it from existence. The resulting shockwave was not a push, but a violent shove. I went airborne, a helpless pink projectile, and splattered hard against a broken lamppost like a bug on a cosmic windshield.
I peeled myself off, dripping onto the ground, my patience officially gone. The fear was still there, but now it was buried under a thick, molten layer of pure rage.
GODDAMMIT! I screeched in my mind, my whole body vibrating. THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF BEING YOUR FUCKING DOORMAT! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE GODDAMN TIME AND SPACE ITSELF-I'M KICKING YOUR ASSES!
As if my righteous, silent fury had flipped a switch in the universe, a translucent blue screen flickered to life in front of my non-existent eyes.
[Move Learned: Transform]
A slow, predatory grin spread across my… well, my face-area. Oh, hell yes.
No hesitation. No second thoughts. My gaze locked onto the nearest, biggest target-Palkia, its massive form looming over the ruined city like a pissed-off kaiju with shoulder pads.
Alright, you overgrown gecko, I snarled in my mind. Let's see how you like it when I steal your whole fucking vibe.
I pushed with everything I had, channeling all my rage, my horniness, my sheer frustration into this one, single action. My body surged with a weird, unfamiliar energy, a tingling that started deep within my core and spread outward.
"DITTO-!" (Which, in my head, sounded a lot more like "TRANSFORMMMM, BITCH!")
My slimy pink form rippled, stretching, changing-
And then-
PAIN.
AGHHH! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?!
It wasn't a cut or a burn. It was the pain of creation. It felt like every cell in my body was being simultaneously ripped apart and duplicated at a billion times the speed of light. It was the agony of mass being pulled from nothingness, of bones I didn't have snapping into a shape I couldn't comprehend.
TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH! ABORT! ABORT!
THUD
DARKNESS
...
A/N: This marks the glorious start of yet another slimy journey that will lead up to places you wouldn't go with a guy. Hopefully, this one won't plunge us in the depth of depravity that the previous version of the book had.
Jokes aside, this time I am already building up the backstory, this chapter was the proof. Next chapter might give you a dose of brain rot through.
Thrown in the powerstones and the reviews. And should I put the previous version in the first chapter to fill the 15000 word count till we reach there or should I leave it as it is?